Thanks Chakan and Jason for your replies.
Chakan - I know what you're saying...that I'm in a rut and I'm the only one that can get myself out of it. I have people at work that I know and play football with on Tuesday nights which is one of the only highlights of my week. I know a few people from sixth form dotted around London but I was never close enough to them to warrant me messaging them to meet up. I'm not particularly bothered, either.
I've got a few things in the next couple of weeks to keep me occupied enough, but even doing these things most of the time aren't enough and even add to the frustration. I'm going to see a play tomorrow night with Matthew Fox in it from Lost, seeing my dad at the weekend and then going home to my mum's next Thursday-Sunday as I have a dentist appointment and will spend some time there too. I'm also planning with a mate to go up to Anfield for the Spurs match in May which will be the first time I've been since I was like 10 years old. That's one plus of my job - that I've actually got a bit of money.
I struggle to sleep at night most nights because my mind is so unsettled. It's got quite bad this week because work has been pretty rubbish and I find myself taking a long time to be able to fall asleep and waking up at least 6 or 7 times in the night and struggling to fall back asleep each time I do. I believe strongly that I'm made for something else in life and when trivial things like getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night and having to wake myself up at half 6 to go to a place I despise only adds fuel to my frustration. I'm the kind of person who when I want something, I will go and get it without thinking, and on the flipside, if I don't want something then I just avoid it. Going to work at this place is something I don't want and if I was at home and didn't have the responsibility of my own apartment, then I probably would've walked out by now. That sounds childish and ungrateful to the fact that I have a job in this present climate, but that's just the kind of person I am. I reside in the fact that I know it's all temporary anyway. As you said, it's just a rut which I know I'll get out of eventually, it's just playing that patience game.
I really appreciate your message mate so thanks for the encouragement.
Jason - It's good to see that you manage to find positives out of a potentially discouraging situation and I wish you all the best.
They're all questions I've asked myself and I hope I didn't come across as naive in what I said before. I understand that there's a risk factor involved in anything you choose to do and that it may not pay off but I've gotten to the point now where I can't enjoy a lot of things because I'm so focussed on what I need to do for myself. It really is a need and not a want. I walk around London sometimes amongst some great, famous places which people travel down to see, things that I should be in awe of, but I just shrug it off and think to myself "so what?" when I see so many people taking pictures or getting excited about something.
I can't picture myself in a situation where I can settle down with someone because the frustrations I have are just too much and having a girlfriend or a relationship would only slow me down. I know people will say that you can change your whole outlook on life with someone you love but I'd nearly got to that point and things ended sour because we clashed on so many things life related.
Thanks for your message. It has given me something to think about, 100%.