Topic: Struggling with depression

[jason42]

I'll be fine mate. If we cant get together the arguing and bitterness finally needs to stop, its gone on for two years. Think this trip will do both us of the world of good, cant wait to get back over but its looking like monday now, i was only there Sunday till yesterday morning, done me head in.

See my post above....

[PeterJM]

I'll be fine mate. If we cant get together the arguing and bitterness finally needs to stop, its gone on for two years. Think this trip will do both us of the world of good, cant wait to get back over but its looking like monday now, i was only there Sunday till yesterday morning, done me head in.

Glad to hear it.Just as one persons problems are getting sorted mine are about to unfold.These things are sent to try us i suppose.

[And Could He Play]

Glad to hear it.Just as one persons problems are getting sorted mine are about to unfold.These things are sent to try us i suppose.

Anything you wish to share mate?

[PeterJM]

Anything you wish to share mate?

In a pm tomorrow mate.It's too late and too long a post for me to even bother tonight.

[And Could He Play]

In a pm tomorrow mate.It's too late and too long a post for me to even bother tonight.

no problem mate

[jason42]

In a pm tomorrow mate.It's too late and too long a post for me to even bother tonight.

Anything I can do to help....

[gerrardspetal]

Went to see a CPN today. He will be referring me to CBT but it will be as a group ( not enough funding and waiting lists far too long) not as a one to one He has given me some stuff to read and has recommended the website MOODJUICE  http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/

[ClaireW]

If you don't fancy a group thing, you can get computerised CBT.  We run it where I work and it has a great success rate.

May be worth checking out,

http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/

[gerrardspetal]

If you don't fancy a group thing, you can get computerised CBT.  We run it where I work and it has a great success rate.

May be worth checking out,

http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/

Thanks, will check it out.

[Lucas21]

I hate Sundays. Boredom, loneliness and depression just gets to me. Miss going for a drive or out for dinner. Get through the rest of the week fine just Sunday gets to me. I'm bogged down with this course still. Our soccer league finished today so that's another outlet I used to have gone for the summer. I just booked a flight to Liverpool next weekend to meet up with my brother. Just for a change of scenery.

[24/7]

If you don't fancy a group thing, you can get computerised CBT.  We run it where I work and it has a great success rate.

May be worth checking out,

http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/

Woah, wait, er, what?? Computer-based CBT??  Excellent concept!

Tell me more about its success rate - or is any and all information required in that link? I don't wanna get into it and get my missus' hopes up if it proves not to be effective, see.....tell me more! PM or here.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I hate Sundays. Boredom, loneliness and depression just gets to me. Miss going for a drive or out for dinner. Get through the rest of the week fine just Sunday gets to me. I'm bogged down with this course still. Our soccer league finished today so that's another outlet I used to have gone for the summer. I just booked a flight to Liverpool next weekend to meet up with my brother. Just for a change of scenery.

Why not make some plans with some of the lads from your team on sundays so you have something to look forward to? You could go out and grap something to eat, do some other sports together or perhaps play some chess? Be inventive mate - sundays are actually good!

[...]

I can't sleep at night, I don't go out of the house etc and it's getting too much. If anyone on here is a medical professional that knows anything to do with the 'facial' area incl. acne let me know and I'll PM you. Thanks

[Effes]

I've been on medication for years now.

How it manifests itself in me is that I get very anxious when meeting people.
Even people I've known for years, or all my life.

I find it very hard to "be all jolly" and it gets me anxious.

As I was driving to my sister's yesterday I could feel the tension rise.
As I pulled up in the car outside I could feel the panic in me - I started getting shakey.
As I walked into the house I was a nervous mess, and you could see the concern in their eyes.
I calmed down after a can of Stella - but I'd rather not put myself through it to be honest.

Slep in till midday today - can't be arsed doing anything.

[ClaireW]

Woah, wait, er, what?? Computer-based CBT??  Excellent concept!

Tell me more about its success rate - or is any and all information required in that link? I don't wanna get into it and get my missus' hopes up if it proves not to be effective, see.....tell me more! PM or here.

I have sent you a PM, but for anyone else who wants more info, here is what I have said...

I am not involved in the delivery of the computerised CBT at work, but I know it has an excellent success rate. We run it with volunteers helping people, but I gather it works just as well with people accessing it without the support.

I am off work at the mo, so can't get the actual statistics, but I do know it has been really well subscibed where we run it and has had wonderful results for people -  described as life changing in many cases.

CBT is a great treatment and it seems that the computerised version is equally good as it lends itself really well to a computerised therapy.

If anyone does want any more info drop me a PM and I will see what I can do.  I can email the person who manages the service at work with any questions I cannot answer.

[Chakan]

Just letting everyone know I am going to try gym today. I have packed my gym bag , bought my powerade and hopefully won't just go meh and drive home when the time comes. Trying to commit to this as much as I can. Although I usually find excuses not to go. Need to stay focused.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

That's great news mate!

Stay strong mate!!

[Corkboy]

Just letting everyone know I am going to try gym today. I have packed my gym bag , bought my powerade and hopefully won't just go meh and drive home when the time comes. Trying to commit to this as much as I can. Although I usually find excuses not to go. Need to stay focused.

Just do it. You will feel better after, I guarantee it.

[Sean_93]

I can't sleep at night, I don't go out of the house etc and it's getting too much. If anyone on here is a medical professional that knows anything to do with the 'facial' area incl. acne let me know and I'll PM you. Thanks

Alright mate, i'm not a medical professional but i've suffered with acne a bit in the past and what i found got rid of it was getting older and drinking lots of water each day. I've had similar problems in not being able to sleep at night, its horrible. Stay positive mate and trust me it will get better.

[Chakan]

right first day of gym in the bag, my gym apparently has a movie theater in it, go figure. 25mins on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches thingies, and then worked on arms. Feeling pretty good. Hopefully it continues. Wednesday will be next.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

right first day of gym in the bag, my gym apparently has a movie theater in it, go figure. 25mins on the exercise bike, 60 tummy crunches thingies, and then worked on arms. Feeling pretty good. Hopefully it continues. Wednesday will be next.

That's great!! Sore muscles tomorrow for you but the great feeling of having done it as well. As corkboy as says: Just do it. You'll feel so much better very fast!

[Chakan]

Gonna try to keep this up, muscles aren't as sore as I thought they would be ... legs are kinda stiff though. It's weird I feel by writing about it here, I am committing to it.

[24/7]

So how do you deal with a situation where your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night crying her eyes out and saying she can't go on any more? "Call the out of hours HTT" - "They won't be able to help." "Call the Samaritans." - "They won't be able to help either. "Talk to me then." "You can't take the pain away for me."
 
Fuck me, I wish I could take the pain away from here.
 
I'd take it into a locked room with no windows and kick the fucking living shit out of her pain until it begged for mercy then I'd start over. I'm so angry and confused and helpless.
How the hell can you deal with an abstract that is literally killing your soul mate and it feels like there's fuck all you can do?It literally breaks my heart to see her like this.
 
I've tried everything I can think of, all the interventionalist techniques I know, I've consulted her psych and cpn who just say to be patient yet I can see her descending further into hell, I've tried confronting it, placating it, ignoring it and trying to instill a sense of normality, we've moved house and are in our own space again, we have a new kitten to replace Matilda who died 2 months back - I had hoped it would help her settle - nothing is working - I'm shit out of ideas.
 
Advice needed.

[Chakan]

Sorry to hear mate

Do you know what the root cause of her pain is? Or won't she tell you?

[24/7]

Sorry to hear mate

Do you know what the root cause of her pain is? Or won't she tell you?

Not even she knows - which is why she's desperate for the right treatment - she's been crying out for it for years but no-one will listen. I'm getting seriously scared that she'll, well, you know.....

[Chakan]

Has she tried hypnotherapy? Heard some good things about it?

I guess if she doesn't know what is causing it and she is trying to deal with it , the only thing you can do is reassure her constantly that you are there for her, and always will be. Even if you have to remind her everyday anytime of the day. Provide her with hope.

It's one of the hardest things though not being able to physically help someone, feeling a bit helpless, but if you are just there for her , it will help.

[Enemy]

The only thing that my boyfriend does when I literally tell him I can't take it any more is let me cry while he hugs me and then once he can tell I'm close to ending my tears he'll be a bit motivational and be optimistic. It's not much on the helpful advice front but it's all I know.

[timiano]

Advice needed.

First stop is getting things under control to enable the healing. Is she taking medication? Anti-depressants etc...? Then comes the therapy.

And for you, this might not be what you want to hear, but your greatest asset is patience (as you've been told), which also means keeping a lid on frustration. To do that, you're going to have to put a pair of red underpants on over the top of your jeans.

Communication and reassurance will also take some of the pressure off the top of her illness, but won't help the core illness. As will an attentive ear and empathy. It really is a slog though, no two ways about it. We're still trying to piece ourselves together after losing one of our baby twin girls 6 months ago. There's good and bad days, some explicable, some not. The medication helps us to almost get through daily life while we're both receiving counselling and letting time heal.

Everyone is different though. I just hope you get into a stable position, and you can take it from there.

[Enemy]

Putting a pair of red pants over your jeans might also cheer her up on occasion.

Primani do an excellent range of Iron Man/He Man/Superman boxers. Get into it.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

24/7:

 I've been in a similar situation years back when my wife was going through more or less the same as you describe. She could wake up in the middle of the night scared shitless over things she could not put a finger on or things that hadn't happened but it did in her dreams. They were so vivid she'd sometimes think she was still in the dream even when she was awake and sat in my arms shaking and crying. We went to all kinds of therapists (psychologists, hypnotherapists, healers, psychotherapists, TFT etc.) She even went to a rebirthing seminar where they were supposed to heal people through breathing the right way. Nothing really helped her long term though.

It wasn't until she tried going to a privately owned phobia school in Copenhagen that she found what she needed. From day one she felt understood, she felt there was all of a sudden a light at the end of the tunnel. Over a 6 weeks period she went from a shy little girl type to a happy and somewhat confident person who wanted to live again. Of course there were ups and downs but the downs became fewer and far between. It's been 7 years now since she went through this hell and she has just finished her exams as a personal coach and a dietician and have started taking clients in her newly started business. She has really blossomed and is still the same woman I fell in love with 16 years ago but just in a much more intense way.

As for the school in Copenhagen their teachings are based on Cognitive therapy as well as Mindfulness Training. A quick google search for "cognitive therapy Liverpool" showed this guy's site among others:  http://www.steveflatt.co.uk/ Have a read and give him a ring if she feels like a person she could confide in.

I truely hope you can find the right help soon and please feel free to PM if you need to.

Best of luck!

[And Could He Play]

Not even she knows - which is why she's desperate for the right treatment - she's been crying out for it for years but no-one will listen. I'm getting seriously scared that she'll, well, you know.....

Heavy that one mate, feel for both of you, hope it gets sorted. Havent got the answers you need sorry, just lending my support.

[And Could He Play]

didnt go back over as some may have noticed, she is back on saturday, was never going to work. Feeling sound though.

[ClaireW]

Not even she knows - which is why she's desperate for the right treatment - she's been crying out for it for years but no-one will listen. I'm getting seriously scared that she'll, well, you know.....

I don't know if you have accessed any support for yourself, but I have just had a quick look at there is an organisation which covers where you live, with six carer support workers for people living with/supporting someone with mental health problems.

I'll PM you the info.

Lots of organisations offer carer support and it is an invaluable service, so if you haven't already you might be as well getting in touch with them. 

Anyone else (in the UK) in similar situation will have services in their area (until if/when the cuts hit them) as the labour government introduced them nationally following the National Service Framework, so have a quick google for carer support workers in your area.

[Mouth]

So how do you deal with a situation where your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night crying her eyes out and saying she can't go on any more? "Call the out of hours HTT" - "They won't be able to help." "Call the Samaritans." - "They won't be able to help either. "Talk to me then." "You can't take the pain away for me."
 
Fuck me, I wish I could take the pain away from here.
 
I'd take it into a locked room with no windows and kick the fucking living shit out of her pain until it begged for mercy then I'd start over. I'm so angry and confused and helpless.
How the hell can you deal with an abstract that is literally killing your soul mate and it feels like there's fuck all you can do?It literally breaks my heart to see her like this.
 
I've tried everything I can think of, all the interventionalist techniques I know, I've consulted her psych and cpn who just say to be patient yet I can see her descending further into hell, I've tried confronting it, placating it, ignoring it and trying to instill a sense of normality, we've moved house and are in our own space again, we have a new kitten to replace Matilda who died 2 months back - I had hoped it would help her settle - nothing is working - I'm shit out of ideas.
 
Advice needed.

Possibly neurochemical, presumably she is on meds, do they have any effect? What about the hormonal aspect, has that been considered? I'm pretty sure there are studies about this sort of thing regarding before and after a hysterectomy. Oh and what about MRI's or head CT's, had any of them?

[jason42]

didnt go back over as some may have noticed, she is back on saturday, was never going to work. Feeling sound though.

Glad to see you are feeling better and seemingly dealing with things better. Have you spoken to your mate yet? Is that sorted or is there too much water under the bridge?
You and your ex can be the best of friends and you should be for Eden's sake. You have the most wonderful thing in common and need to be civil to each other for her sake!!!

[And Could He Play]

Glad to see you are feeling better and seemingly dealing with things better. Have you spoken to your mate yet? Is that sorted or is there too much water under the bridge?
You and your ex can be the best of friends and you should be for Eden's sake. You have the most wonderful thing in common and need to be civil to each other for her sake!!!

no have not spoke to him, and to tell the truth although she and he says it never happened, i will never know for sure, i just blank it out now, sometimes like before i sat there thinking about it, the thought lasted seconds. I spoke to her before and told her i would not be coming back over , i'm too busy. She got a bit of a cob on, said she thought it was about us spending time with the baby together, i just didnt see the point as she told me clearly two night ago on the phone that she would never get back with me. I'm perfectly fine about it for some strange reason, normally i'd go off the rails, not even arsed.

[jason42]

no have not spoke to him, and to tell the truth although she and he says it never happened, i will never know for sure, i just blank it out now, sometimes like before i sat there thinking about it, the thought lasted seconds. I spoke to her before and told her i would not be coming back over , i'm too busy. She got a bit of a cob on, said she thought it was about us spending time with the baby together, i just didnt see the point as she told me clearly two night ago on the phone that she would never get back with me. I'm perfectly fine about it for some strange reason, normally i'd go off the rails, not even arsed.

You seem to have finally accepted that it can never work out between you two but that doesn't mean you have to be at each other's throat either. You will meet someone else soon enough and then you can build for the future and stop looking to the past...

[24/7]

You seem to have finally accepted that it can never work out between you two but that doesn't mean you have to be at each other's throat either. You will meet someone else soon enough and then you can build for the future and stop looking to the past...

Good comment that, j.

Also thanks to those who've replied (here and in PM) to the situation mentioned yesterday. I spoke with her psych and got her to realise that the situation has changed, that whatever end goal she has in mind for Jo she needs to pedal faster cos the risk is very real. Jo had plenty of sleep last night, which is good, but it remains to be seen how this evening and tonight go. Thanks again - esp to the person in the profession who sent very, very useful info (which wouldn't be right to share here, for the sake of mutual integrity).

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I love RAWK...

[PeterJM]

My nerves have gone.Something happened last night in my job that's really rattled me.