Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 680628 times)

Offline farawayred

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7480 on: October 24, 2023, 08:11:21 pm »
How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb?

None.
They would all just sit in the dark and blame the "Red Shite"
Don't be so harsh on them. It's hard to understand how a sinusoidal AC flows through a straight wire...
Cruyff: "Victory is not enough, there also needs to be beautiful football."

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7481 on: October 27, 2023, 07:54:40 pm »
Jonathan Ross was caught shoplifting kitchen utensils.

When asked if he regretted it, he said it was a whisk worth taking.

Offline Sir Capon of Debaser

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7482 on: October 30, 2023, 03:54:50 pm »
Cs-Rz-Zc-WEAAe-JJt" border="0

Offline SamLad

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7483 on: October 30, 2023, 04:11:11 pm »
Cs-Rz-Zc-WEAAe-JJt" border="0

 :lmao :lmao :lmao


that reminds me of a Canadian newspaper, reporting on a land dispute between 2 countries concerning a "tiny island", showed a photo of the island, with the caption "Not actual size".

Offline Elmo!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7484 on: October 30, 2023, 04:45:20 pm »
Cs-Rz-Zc-WEAAe-JJt" border="0

Someone needed to pad their word count....

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7485 on: October 30, 2023, 04:53:17 pm »
CNN are always Lion.

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7486 on: October 31, 2023, 11:09:59 am »
A fella just asked me in the pub
'Are those thick Lens glasses that you are wearing?"
"No, they're my own" I replied.

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7487 on: October 31, 2023, 09:42:48 pm »
Robbie Williams is opening a bird sanctuary.

He'll take any breed but one: no egrets.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline Fitzy.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7488 on: November 1, 2023, 03:18:41 pm »
Met my wife on Tinder.

That was awkward

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7489 on: November 4, 2023, 08:48:04 am »
The inventor of yodelling has died. Sadly, so did his little old lady too.

Offline Ghost Town

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7490 on: November 4, 2023, 05:28:43 pm »
The inventor of yodelling has died. Sadly, so did his little old lady too.
Shame about the grandma
"Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it."
Samuel (not Glen) Johnson, as reported by James (not Joey) Boswell. They must have foreseen RAWK ;D

Offline capt k

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7491 on: November 6, 2023, 10:16:50 am »
Viagra.. it wont turn you into Sean Connery, but it will make you Roger Moore
JFT 96

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7492 on: November 6, 2023, 09:12:07 pm »
Viagra.. it wont turn you into Sean Connery, but it will make you Roger Moore
;D

A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex. The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get back from work.

An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours.

In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home."

 "I see," said the doctor. "It is a pity to waste it. Do you have a maid?" "Yes." "Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?"

The man was silent for a few seconds, then said "But I never need Viagra with the maid!"

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7493 on: November 7, 2023, 08:30:27 pm »
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
 'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession... I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
 The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'
 Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
 This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
 'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;
 At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,
 Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
 The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
 The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'
 The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7494 on: November 7, 2023, 08:31:43 pm »
There was once a king who was
only 12 inches tall.

Terrible king, but a great ruler.

Offline Saltashscouse

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7495 on: November 8, 2023, 12:10:11 pm »
I've got a 12 inch knob
but I don't use it as a rule
Jan Molby once bought me a pint 🍺

Offline Only Me

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7496 on: November 8, 2023, 11:32:42 pm »
I went into the local pet shop to buy a goldfish.

“Do you want an aquarium?” he said.

I don’t care what star sign it is mate.

I also asked if I could buy a fly. He said they don’t sell flies.

I pointed out there were loads in the window.

Offline Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7497 on: November 9, 2023, 07:48:43 am »
One Petah Beardsley

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7498 on: November 9, 2023, 03:02:24 pm »
One Petah Beardsley

A coupla jurks from me jurrrk book.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline rob1966

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7499 on: November 10, 2023, 08:12:22 pm »
Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man
picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife
'They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans', he says
'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the
wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face
cream and sticks it into the trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies... 'so does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fuckin price'
Jurgen YNWA

Offline jambutty

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7500 on: November 11, 2023, 10:09:16 pm »

"When I wake up, Madam, I will be sober.  Whereas you will still be ugly!"
Kill the humourless

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7501 on: November 14, 2023, 10:04:03 am »
What do you call a vampire who can lift cars?

Jackula.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline Saltashscouse

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7502 on: November 14, 2023, 01:09:40 pm »
Back to the 90s for this one

A Scouser walks into a shop in Wigan and asks " Have you got any Turps love ? "

The woman replies " Do you want video turps or cassette turps "
Jan Molby once bought me a pint 🍺

Offline Statto Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7503 on: November 17, 2023, 04:30:10 pm »
Wrap up if you're goin out as it's going to be -10 in parts of Liverpool.
#Sausages

Offline jambutty

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7504 on: November 17, 2023, 10:01:20 pm »
Kill the humourless

Offline The G in Gerrard

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7505 on: November 18, 2023, 09:50:31 am »
Wrap up if you're goin out as it's going to be -10 in parts of Liverpool.
;D

Offline Son of Spion

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7506 on: November 18, 2023, 10:10:46 am »
Wrap up if you're goin out as it's going to be -10 in parts of Liverpool.
Yep. It's going to be bitter.
The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, and you've burned so very, very brightly, Jürgen.

Offline afc tukrish

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7507 on: November 18, 2023, 11:36:42 am »
Yep. It's going to be bitter.

So cold fingers and toes will turn blue...
Since haste quite Schorsch, but Liverpool are genuine fight pigs...

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7508 on: November 18, 2023, 12:21:27 pm »
ENTER NEW PASSWORD:

Me: "chicken"

PASSWORD MUST CONTAIN A CAPITAL:

Me: "chickenkiev"

Offline Statto Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7509 on: November 19, 2023, 01:39:50 am »
Mate got done for speeding yesterday morning, punishment included points on his licence & a fine, Everton FC have appealed to have the points awarded to them instead.
#Sausages

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7510 on: November 19, 2023, 06:16:56 am »
ENTER NEW PASSWORD:

Me: "chicken"

PASSWORD MUST CONTAIN A CAPITAL:

Me: "chickenkiev"

It's Kyiv now, all of a sudden, or do you want Putin to win?
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline Keith Lard

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7511 on: November 25, 2023, 02:31:15 pm »
Which Liverpool player meows at everyone?

Kostas Tsimikats
Pour yourself a drink and enjoy watching a genius in red - John Barnes || https://youtu.be/XEJfzUSH4e4

Offline Elmo!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7512 on: November 25, 2023, 06:06:16 pm »
Which Liverpool player meows at everyone?

Kostas Tsimikats

Which Liverpool player barks at everyone?

Doggo Jota

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7513 on: November 25, 2023, 06:40:06 pm »
Which Liverpool player lives in a little cage with sawdust and tunnels?

Gerbil van Dijk.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline Keith Lard

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7514 on: November 26, 2023, 12:17:08 am »
Outstandingly shit, fellas … I’m so proud 🥹
Pour yourself a drink and enjoy watching a genius in red - John Barnes || https://youtu.be/XEJfzUSH4e4

Online BarryCrocker

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7515 on: November 26, 2023, 07:10:47 am »
Which Liverpool player...

Kosta Tmesis
And all the world is football shaped, It's just for me to kick in space. And I can see, hear, smell, touch, taste.

Offline Keith Lard

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7516 on: November 26, 2023, 10:52:58 am »
Which Liverpool player only drives Japanese cars?

Alexus Mazdallister
Pour yourself a drink and enjoy watching a genius in red - John Barnes || https://youtu.be/XEJfzUSH4e4

Offline Son of Spion

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7517 on: November 26, 2023, 11:36:12 am »
Which Liverpool player only reads very old books?

Codex Gakpo.
The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, and you've burned so very, very brightly, Jürgen.

Offline Keith Lard

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7518 on: November 26, 2023, 08:11:26 pm »
Which Liverpool player hops around everywhere?

Joey Matip
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Offline Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #7519 on: November 26, 2023, 09:36:21 pm »
Which Liverpool player only drives Japanese cars?

Alexus Mazdallister

Which Liverpool player only drives Swedish cars?

Saabio erm Volvo