Author Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread  (Read 1028879 times)

Offline Rysoph76

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11520 on: November 7, 2017, 10:21:34 am »
All the best SHF. Very sorry to hear that. Keep fighting  :wave
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11521 on: November 7, 2017, 10:55:38 am »
So sad to hear.
Hopefully things can turn around for you Carl & you can get on the road to recovery.
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11522 on: November 7, 2017, 12:05:32 pm »
Man, that was a tough read. Hang in there Carl.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11523 on: November 7, 2017, 12:07:34 pm »
Come on Carl, we're all rooting for you. Hope you pull through mate, you're a valued member of this site and the world would be a duller place without you. All the best.
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11524 on: November 7, 2017, 12:43:34 pm »
I'm not sure the matter is within his control now, if it ever was.

So hard to read that about someone so young. My Mum went into palliative care so I know all too well what that means. Awful for him and his family.
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Offline spen71

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11525 on: November 7, 2017, 01:05:28 pm »
Just caught up with this thread!  Shit Carl!!!!  I’m hoping his body gives him one last chance but it doesn’t look good.

Being a regular at AA I’ve seen this a few times.   It’s not nice !!

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11526 on: November 7, 2017, 01:47:31 pm »
I have never talked to Carl on here,but I have been reading this thread for years and his and everyone elses stories and experiences. God bless you nate, I hope you pull through this nightmare, YNWA.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11527 on: November 7, 2017, 03:10:45 pm »
Ok this is not looking good at all. Latest update on Carl - again it’s copy/paste from his other sister:

“They explained that because of how bad he is, he could at any time “bleed out “ from his back passage/stomach fluid will leak into his body etc. If this happens he would end up in itu with a tube where he could be there for months, have brain damage and may not survive anyway. Basically what they’re asking us is “should this happen do we resuscitate and he goes to itu or not.” If he doesn’t go into shock, they are talking about palliative care , in a special unit. I asked if all the tests they run every day are showing improvement or not. He said no, worse. He has something called hepatic encephalopathy which is worsening. He has a build up of ammonia which is a major cause for concern too.”


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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11528 on: November 7, 2017, 03:26:24 pm »
Fucking hell. I don't really have the words. Thinking of you Carl mate. Hang on in there.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11529 on: November 7, 2017, 04:20:19 pm »
Thoughts with you SHF and your family, if given one more chance, just bloody take it, mate.
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11530 on: November 7, 2017, 05:47:23 pm »
Carl started to this thread on October 6, 1999 and has been a huge help to a great many people as we used ourselves as sounding boards we could trust in a great forum with the people of RAWK as we all have tried to quit booze.

Carl has indeed had a complicated life and I know for a while he was not on speaking terms with his sister. It is great that someone is at least looking out for him now.

I hope he can pull through or at least find some peace.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11531 on: November 7, 2017, 06:02:44 pm »
Carl started to this thread on October 6, 1999

2009.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11532 on: November 7, 2017, 06:25:23 pm »
Just to make one thing clear: I’m posting these updates in full agreement with Carl’s sisters and I’m not posting anything they haven’t given their blessing.

Offline AndyInVA

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11533 on: November 7, 2017, 07:08:27 pm »
Just to make one thing clear: I’m posting these updates in full agreement with Carl’s sisters and I’m not posting anything they haven’t given their blessing.
Understood.

Thank you.

Its pretty sad. I feel pretty close to several people in here and he was one. I don't always understand Carl but I don't walk in his shoes either.

It's an odd feeling to have someone from here in such dire straights.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11534 on: November 7, 2017, 07:15:31 pm »
Poor fucker.....hang on in there

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11535 on: November 7, 2017, 07:18:02 pm »
Just to make one thing clear: I’m posting these updates in full agreement with Carl’s sisters and I’m not posting anything they haven’t given their blessing.
Cheers mate...

Terribly sad stuff.. Carl is an amazing guy... just hope he gets some more time to realise that..
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11536 on: November 8, 2017, 08:42:56 am »
Thanks Tom for updating us and please pass my personal thoughts and wishes on. I have no other words right now, it's most definitely not the news ay of us had hoped to hear :(

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11537 on: November 8, 2017, 08:48:37 am »
Man reading that first page and then the last few is absolutely heartbreaking. Poor guy.
If he's being asked to head the ball too frequently - which isn't exactly his specialty - it could affect his ear and cause an infection. Especially if the ball hits him on the ear directly.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11538 on: November 8, 2017, 09:16:56 am »
Man reading that first page and then the last few is absolutely heartbreaking. Poor guy.

Done that myself when I first read the recent news, so sad.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11539 on: November 8, 2017, 11:57:11 am »
Hard enough to read. I can't imagine what it's like to live through it.

All the best the Carl and those nearest to him.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11540 on: November 8, 2017, 02:40:04 pm »
All the best to Carl and his family, what a horrible disease this is.
I haven't read through the thread from the start but when I hear of another good soul being pulled back in to old ways I feel nothing but sorrow and best wishes for them as I know that guys like ourselves are the only ones who truly understand the constant day by day battle we suffer and how easy it is to slip back.
I came to AA at the end of last year and without the support of the fellow sufferers at my local group I would of continued getting deeper and deeper in to the chaos drinking was bringing me.
It sounds like Carl is a top bloke and I really hope that with the strength of support he's got he maybe gets the transplant he needs but either way my prayers are with him
« Last Edit: November 8, 2017, 02:42:03 pm by pezzzer »
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11541 on: November 8, 2017, 03:06:01 pm »
All the best Carl. Hope you can pull through mate.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11542 on: November 8, 2017, 09:54:29 pm »
No news today. Hopefully more to share on Friday. Carl's still in the hospital and he's in really bad shape but he's in the best hands so we'll have to find comfort in that for the time being.

Offline AndyInVA

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11543 on: November 9, 2017, 01:14:47 am »
No news today. Hopefully more to share on Friday. Carl's still in the hospital and he's in really bad shape but he's in the best hands so we'll have to find comfort in that for the time being.

Thanks for the update. Its hard to think about.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11544 on: November 9, 2017, 10:49:30 pm »
There's a thread in the main forum if you want to wish Carl well and share funny stories, pictures with cats etc.

Link: https://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=337297.0

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11545 on: November 9, 2017, 10:51:16 pm »
There's a thread in the main forum if you want to wish Carl well and share funny stories, pictures with cats etc.

Link: https://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=337297.0
Yup - maybe quote yourselves from this thread in that one. Give it some traffic. We have some hilarious pictures on the way by the way..... ;D

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11546 on: November 13, 2017, 05:42:13 am »
Lads, I have a friend who I think has a drink problem. He works from home and doesn't go out much in general. He has always been like this so it's nothing strange. However, the last few times I've called up to him, I've gotten a strong smell of drink off him. I've asked if he's alright and all that and he insists he is. I'm a bit worried though.

It's not as if I call up daily to him, so it's not as if he's just having a good week or whatever. The missus actually mentioned it to me, she said she'd met him a couple of times in the supermarket and he seemed drunk.

Is there any more I could be doing?

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11547 on: November 13, 2017, 09:44:46 am »
Lads, I have a friend who I think has a drink problem. He works from home and doesn't go out much in general. He has always been like this so it's nothing strange. However, the last few times I've called up to him, I've gotten a strong smell of drink off him. I've asked if he's alright and all that and he insists he is. I'm a bit worried though.

It's not as if I call up daily to him, so it's not as if he's just having a good week or whatever. The missus actually mentioned it to me, she said she'd met him a couple of times in the supermarket and he seemed drunk.

Is there any more I could be doing?

Do you know any of his family? If you do perhaps mention your concern to them and see what happens...

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11548 on: November 13, 2017, 12:45:53 pm »
Do you know any of his family? If you do perhaps mention your concern to them and see what happens...
Yeah, probably the best step.

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do as I didn't want them panicking and then making things worse for him by getting on to him. I'll mention it to his brother and see what he says.

Thanks :)

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11549 on: November 13, 2017, 01:41:30 pm »
I think it depends how much you want to be involved.

Reading between the lines I would suggest something has happened for his behavior to change. Either he has lost a contract and has more time at home or something in his personal life

I think there is no harm in just asking 'are you alright mate, you seem to be drinking a little earlier than I am use to'. I think sometimes, people just want someone to take an interest in them and if it just a question of their well being it is not seen as prying. Even just a little question that may lead to him reaching out to you in a few days after you open the door of 'care'. If he spends so much time alone then he just may not have any interaction.

I do think also telling his brother is a great idea as well.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11550 on: November 13, 2017, 02:01:45 pm »
I think it depends how much you want to be involved.

Reading between the lines I would suggest something has happened for his behavior to change. Either he has lost a contract and has more time at home or something in his personal life

I think there is no harm in just asking 'are you alright mate, you seem to be drinking a little earlier than I am use to'. I think sometimes, people just want someone to take an interest in them and if it just a question of their well being it is not seen as prying. Even just a little question that may lead to him reaching out to you in a few days after you open the door of 'care'. If he spends so much time alone then he just may not have any interaction.

I do think also telling his brother is a great idea as well.

It's a tough one. I've asked him to do a few things lately but he doesn't seem up for it. That's not very strange as he has always been like that. If I, or our friends, were doing something he'd often say he wasn't up for it.

I saw nothing out of the ordinary until my missus actually said it to me about bumping into a couple of times and him seeming drunk. Him staying home was always just natural, but when she said it I took more notice. When I asked him was he OK and if he was drinking a lot he insisted he wasn't. I didn't want to probe too much in case it forced him away from me. I've made a more conscious effort to keep in contact with him.

He definitely hasn't been at it all those years though, so I think you're right, something has changed.

He's a lovely fella and I'd hate for him to be going through something alone.

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11551 on: November 13, 2017, 02:10:07 pm »
For all my ills and problems, for which I have many, I am grateful that I was never born with a taste for drink or drugs (although this is the human condition after all - so I have my own problems that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). My heart goes out to those suffering from this addiction and illness. I hope  those suffering find the inspiration and strength for a better way, peace and contentment.

And lastly to the man that created this thread, wish you all the best Carl.
Pour yourself a drink and enjoy watching a genius in red - John Barnes || https://youtu.be/XEJfzUSH4e4

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11552 on: November 14, 2017, 01:22:02 pm »
Yeah, probably the best step.

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do as I didn't want them panicking and then making things worse for him by getting on to him. I'll mention it to his brother and see what he says.

Thanks :)

You're most welcome my good man!

Nothing bad ever happened because of showing concern for a good friend. Ask the question plain and simple and stress that it may not be a very big deal. Then the brother will pay a bit more attention when he's with his brother and who knows - maybe you were right all along...? :)

Good luck mate!! :thumbup

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11553 on: November 14, 2017, 06:00:02 pm »
For all my ills and problems, for which I have many, I am grateful that I was never born with a taste for drink or drugs (although this is the human condition after all - so I have my own problems that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). My heart goes out to those suffering from this addiction and illness. I hope  those suffering find the inspiration and strength for a better way, peace and contentment.

And lastly to the man that created this thread, wish you all the best Carl.

No-one is born with a taste for drink or drugs. 
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11554 on: November 14, 2017, 06:11:06 pm »
No-one is born with a taste for drink or drugs.
Would you say though that people can be born with an addictive personality?


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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11555 on: November 14, 2017, 06:19:32 pm »
Would you say though that people can be born with an addictive personality?

No, I don’t think there’s a single personality trait that predicts addictive behaviour.  An “addictive personality”, in my opinion from my own experience (opiates for ten years), is just the behaviour of an addict, which is then attributed as inherent. Personality isn’t completely fixed and I think it can happen to anyone.  I didn’t display any traits of an addictive personality until I was addicted. 
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11556 on: November 14, 2017, 06:34:13 pm »
Would you say though that people can be born with an addictive personality?


I think it’s far more complex than that...
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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11557 on: November 14, 2017, 06:40:54 pm »
No, I don’t think there’s a single personality trait that predicts addictive behaviour.  An “addictive personality”, in my opinion from my own experience (opiates for ten years), is just the behaviour of an addict, which is then attributed as inherent. Personality isn’t completely fixed and I think it can happen to anyone.  I didn’t display any traits of an addictive personality until I was addicted.
I`m certainly no expert mate but from reading about and my understanding, addictive personalities are more likely to be become addicted to vices than others. That`s not say every person who is addicted to something has an addictive personality and that`s the only reason why someone may have an addiction.

The part I don`t understand is how an addictive personality becomes. Are we born with our personalities or do our experiences in life (especially the early years) shape our personality?

"An addictive personality disorder can be defined as a mental impediment that makes a person more predisposed to addictions."

https://www.addiction.org.uk/addictive-personalities/

I`ve always felt I`ve got an addictive personality, struggled on and off from teens with different things at different stages of life.

Offline AndyInVA

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11558 on: November 14, 2017, 07:10:46 pm »
I've made a more conscious effort to keep in contact with him.

well done for doing way more than most

in many was you have almost done as much as you can do. just showing care and opening the door of friendship when he is ready is great

i always feel an alkie has to want it themselves to be able to help them

maybe he will open up to you sooner rather than later

I really like your idea of just keep asking the guy to do stuff. hopefully he will take you up before too long and just get him out of the house

Offline AndyInVA

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Re: Alcohol Issues
« Reply #11559 on: November 14, 2017, 07:12:36 pm »
For all my ills and problems, for which I have many, I am grateful that I was never born with a taste for drink or drugs (although this is the human condition after all - so I have my own problems that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). My heart goes out to those suffering from this addiction and illness. I hope  those suffering find the inspiration and strength for a better way, peace and contentment.

And lastly to the man that created this thread, wish you all the best Carl.

I always felt lucky to be an alkie. at least I enjoyed that

I read the stories of addictive gamblers who have ruined their own life, their now ex partners lives and their childrens lives by losing houses and putting themselves into enormous debt