Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[Barneylfc∗]

Wasn't this the same bird who kept you agonising about whether she would fuck you off for another lad not that long back?

It wasn't a case of fucking me off for another lad. It was a case of she didn't see the relationship going anywhere and wasn't happy. I managed to convince her then that I can make her happy. And on Saturday night, I threw it all away. This is our 10th year together. We've had our ups and downs, both fucked up and done things, maybe this is just 1 fuck up too far 

[TheKid.]

Fair enough, just trying  to point out that she isn't exactly holier than thou

[Rusty]

oh wow, just came in and saw all this Barney.

Sounds like a good decision to get off the booze, good luck sorting things out with your missus and kid. Hopefully once she's had chance to calm down and see that you genuinely realise what a fuck up it was and how you want to sort things out then she'll give you a chance to make it up to her. I think that going off the booze should hopefully at least convince her that you are serious about making a change and making amends for this incident.

NB pissing the sofa reminds me of a mate of mine, a few years ago him and his bird went out and bought a new bed and mattress, all lush memory foam, nice sheets etc. The same day he went out on the razz, came home at stupid o clock absolutely battered, got into the new bed and pissed all over everything, sheets, mattress, bed frame etc. The first night they had it. Horror show.

[Barneylfc∗]

Fair enough, just trying  to point out that she isn't exactly holier than thou

Whilst this is very very true, its not the road I want to take just yet. I'd rather she gives me a another chance because she wants to instead of me blackmailing her because I forgave her indescretions. It's a fucking mess all of my own doing because I couldn't control myself while I was pissed.

[TepidT2O]

Barney


Read and he could play' posts in the history of this thread.

It will make very interesting reading I reckon, the parallels are startling.

Whilst this is very very true, its not the road I want to take just yet. I'd rather she gives me a another chance because she wants to instead of me blackmailing her because I forgave her indescretions. It's a fucking mess all of my own doing because I couldn't control myself while I was pissed.

Of course you want another chance, but if you get it don't abuse her trust.

[Red Genius]

It wasn't a case of fucking me off for another lad. It was a case of she didn't see the relationship going anywhere and wasn't happy. I managed to convince her then that I can make her happy. And on Saturday night, I threw it all away. This is our 10th year together. We've had our ups and downs, both fucked up and done things, maybe this is just 1 fuck up too far 

Allow me to enlighten you as to what happened with me (no secret on this thread).... i was with my ex for 9 years, of which most were cracking years. I let other circumstances influence how that relationship ended, one of those was booze.

Now in the clearer light of day, i'd have done things much differently. One thing holds true, either you take control of the situation or the situation takes control of you.

[jason42]

"Do what you want" was the eventual reply. Brought the kid home, fucked around with him for a bit while she was in the bath. Brought him to bed, she went to bed, I'm now sitting here mulling over the consequences of my actions. Her not telling me to leave is a start. Her not speaking a word to me is justified and understandable. I just need to convince her that my actions were due to drink at that it won't happen again. I can't understand how I remember texting her at just after 11, then between that and half 12, I've got so binned that I can't remember a thing.

Is it possible that someone spiked your drink or maybe dropped a Rufie in it?

[Barneylfc∗]

Is it possible that someone spiked your drink or maybe dropped a Rufie in it?

I have genuinely no idea mate. That's possible but extremely unlikely I think. From what I remember of being in the bar, there was only about 10 people there. So unless the guy I was with did it, then I can rule that out.

[Crosby Nick]

Good luck getting things sorted Barney. The fact she knows about this other girl may help in a weird way. It’s all out in the open and you can show her how sorry you are. Hopefully she can see the difference between some drunken kiss you don’t even have any memory of compared to something a lot more premeditated.

Good luck keeping off the booze – sounds like the right thing to be doing for now.

[Barneylfc∗]

Hope so Nick. Thing is, if my bird didn't find out about it, I wouldn't have known either. I'd have seen the calls and texts from this girl, put 2 and 2 together, and assumed something happened, but wouldn't have known for certain this kiss happened.

Had a look online last night about drinking and not remembering anything. She doesn't believe that I don't remember anything because she can put a lot of drink away and remember things. It's called an en bloc blackout. I sent her a link to read and to be honest, I think she will have just deleted it because it doesn't suit her to believe it.

[Corkboy]

[Barneylfc∗]

I'll give serious consideration to using that as my defence corkboy 

[Sammy5IsAlive]

Hope so Nick. Thing is, if my bird didn't find out about it, I wouldn't have known either. I'd have seen the calls and texts from this girl, put 2 and 2 together, and assumed something happened, but wouldn't have known for certain this kiss happened.

Had a look online last night about drinking and not remembering anything. She doesn't believe that I don't remember anything because she can put a lot of drink away and remember things. It's called an en bloc blackout. I sent her a link to read and to be honest, I think she will have just deleted it because it doesn't suit her to believe it.

As was said above, read through ACHP's posts in this thread. It's like peas in a pod. The bit in bold is just ridiculous - your partner is pissed off because you kissed another woman, not because she doesn't believe in blackouts. If you look at ACHP's posts you'll see the same pattern of blaming others for not 'understanding' his behaviour whilst under the influence.

Blackouts on their own can just be a warning sign in a kid in their early 20s at university. But for somebody who is 30 years old, in a stable relationship and the father of a child it should be a massive wake up call.

Somebody in your situation should not be blacking out and kissing random women - that's the bottom line. If you can't handle your drink then you need to stop drinking and if you can't stop drinking you need to get yourself down to your GP or AA to get professional input for your alcoholism.

[Barneylfc∗]

It's not ridiculous at all though. I know her. If it doesn't suit her, she doesn't want to know. I'm not blaming her for 'not understanding my behaviour'. My behaviour while I'm drunk is my problem, not hers. I'm not hiding from what I done. I'm not trying to shift the blame in any way at all. I've told her that. It's my fault. My point is, she doesn't believe I don't remember any of it. She doesn't believe someone can only remember up to a certain point then nothing the rest of the night. In my case, I remember nothing after 11.06 when she text me.
Everything in your third paragraph is bang on though. Hopefully I'll have her to help me. Even though I'm lying beside her now, I'm only here for the kid. She's drugged up to the eyeballs because of wisdom tooth pain. Come tomorrow, I'll be back on.my mums sofa.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

I dont think its about being able to ' handle ' his drink . It runs a lot deeper than that.

[AndyInVA]

81 days

updates lads ??

[Billy The Kid]

I'm doing good. I'm in a tight spot with my visa though. I need to get on to a H1B visa so I can stay here in the states. My immigration attorney is costing me an arm and a leg.

I'm seriously thinking about just getting married and getting my green card that way

[AndyInVA]

I'm doing good. I'm in a tight spot with my visa though. I need to get on to a H1B visa so I can stay here in the states. My immigration attorney is costing me an arm and a leg.

I'm seriously thinking about just getting married and getting my green card that way

you may not need at attorney

my local congressman's office did everything

they were fantastic

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Updates? Im doing ok, working hard drinking less. No major fuck ups in my life, just need a good woman to be with...................

[TepidT2O]

Updates? Im doing ok, working hard drinking less. No major fuck ups in my life, just need a good woman to be with...................

Well done Sr!

How's your health now?  Hope that it's picking up.

Good to see you still reducing the booze mate, even better to see you busy.

[AndyInVA]

Updates? Im doing ok, working hard drinking less. No major fuck ups in my life, just need a good woman to be with...................

you and me both brother

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Health wise isnt all roses , but it was to be expected after years of abuse. Two years tomorrow since my mum passed away and im actually thinking of not drinking for some reason. Weird but i thought id go the other way.

[TepidT2O]

Health wise isnt all roses , but it was to be expected after years of abuse. Two years tomorrow since my mum passed away and im actually thinking of not drinking for some reason. Weird but i thought id go the other way.

What's the prognosis on your health?

Will it get better with time?

There will be a few guys thinking of you tomorrow on here mate.  Difficult day for you and you really seem to have made big steps with dealing with the relationship you and your mum had. 

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Just keeping an eye on my bits and bobs and my alcohol intake has reduced massively. Its not perfect , its not like some of the lads on here but im in a better place as i am right now. a few beers, home, dvd and pizza after work. Aprreciate that mate. ive tried to keep away from tomorrow as much as i can but its forcing its way in. I liked to think i have it sorted but im not so sure lol.

[TepidT2O]

Just keeping an eye on my bits and bobs and my alcohol intake has reduced massively. Its not perfect , its not like some of the lads on here but im in a better place as i am right now. a few beers, home, dvd and pizza after work. Aprreciate that mate. ive tried to keep away from tomorrow as much as i can but its forcing its way in. I liked to think i have it sorted but im not so sure lol.

I guess it will never be "sorted", just more under control.

Great news that it is.

Work like a bastard tomorrow, throw your self into stuff and just keep busy.  It's worked wonders for you so far it seems.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Yea im out delivering today as we are a man down, not sure if driving is the best option as my mind tends to wander and as much as i hate to do it, i have to ' forget ' about things like my Mum until im back home. Feel a twat for trying to blot it out but id rather try that and go see her after work than think about her all day and not make it to her if you get me. Head down is the best way i reckon, and i cant drink even if i wanted and i cant drink tonight as im out at 6am tomorrow so this work lark is helping me no end it seems.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Stay strong today mate and go see her when you've finished work later today.

That work thing is a great thing, innit?

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Well im still here, thats a good start. Im just going to bawl my eyes out sober style, and remember the good times. Dunno what to write to be honest.

[TepidT2O]

Well im still here, thats a good start. Im just going to bawl my eyes out sober style, and remember the good times. Dunno what to write to be honest.

To be honest, you're here, your sober and you're remembering the good times.

It's like night and day with the last year or two mate, night and day

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Well im still here, thats a good start. Im just going to bawl my eyes out sober style, and remember the good times. Dunno what to write to be honest.

Sometimes is just fine to not know what to say/write and just be in the situation you're in. You don't need to say something all the time. How are you today mate?

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Sorry i didnt reply i didnt get any notifications.


Yesterday i did a 6am -8.30pm run and it was weird not to be hankering after a beer or shaking etc. I was focussed on my job and a beer was a distant afterthought. I had 3 beers and went to bed. As ive said, its not perfect but im slowly getting there in my own happy way. I dont wake up and get out on the bike before the dts kick in as i dont get them anymore.I am able to run a day without basing it around a beer. Yes, its just a day but small steps and all that. As for how im feeling today, not good but dunno why.Dads anniversary is coming up in 4 weeks but i think ill be fine

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

It'll be good mate. You know where to find me though...

[Red Genius]

Carl - where you are now is just frankly an inspiration. All anyone need do is read back these pages and learn the journey you've made mate. You've come from literally rock bottom, where you are now is simply fantastic.

You got the support here Carl because it was evident you were at heart a good guy with a twisted sense of humour.

I'll speak for myself, but it's been magnificent to see you rise after the last couple years. Congrats dude.

[AndyInVA]

ill second that
i dont know you how you did it
you had EVERYTHING against you

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Its been a tough few years i must admit. I know i was a mess and i remember sod all about 'that' incident and to be honest id rather not know. All i know is the past is the past and as bad as it may have been, i learnt a lot in that time. Ive seen/done things i wouldnt wish upon anyone but its helped me no end. Not just physically but mentally and socially. Ill admit im still a twat at times and some people view my more relaxed mindset as a ' dont give a fuck ' attitude but its far from that. Its just i see a bigger picture and some things are more important. Yea ill chat shit in the cat/dog threads and overstep the mark in another and get a warning but thats not me doing it to get a rise out of anyone, its just me. Mouth ( fingers ) before brain a lot of the time. Its hard to get across what i mean sometimes on the internet as there is no tone of voice or sarcastic tone but ive not done too badly in this thread bar the odd ramble lol.

Its nice to have words of encouragement from people ive never met ( most of you ) but id not be here today were it not for you all. Ive not forgotten that and never will.


As for how i did it, i guess i had to hit the bottom to start to come back up again. Its far from over but at least ive four wheels on my wagon at the moment. Weird thing is, all its really taken is a job to force me into reality and sort myself out. Shame i had to lose everything on the way but i can start again........................


Cheers guys,


Carl.

[Billy The Kid]

Shame i had to lose everything on the way but i can start again

Those last 5 words are the truth Carl lad. No matter how badly we fuck up in life, it can be fixed with a positive attitude and a desire to dust yourself down and start again. You know me, I like to use analogies to describe things. When I talk about where I was in Belfast less than 2 years ago, to where I am now, I akin it to being in a boxing ring. When I was in Belfast my addiction was battering me. I was on the ropes, knees wobbling, eyes swollen, face split open, totally defenseless, utterly fucked, one blow short of hitting the mat. My addiction had me right by my bollox. I thought about throwing in the towel. I really did. I came perilously close to it. I was just about to throw it but in the end I didn't. I said fuck it, I'll go one more round with this c*nt.

I didn't go down. I mustered every ounce of energy I had to pick myself up. It took me a while, but up I got. Slowly but surely I turned the fight around. Now the fight is 51% in my favor. And thats all I need. 51% is enough to keep me in control of the fight. You see, there's no getting out of this ring. I'm stuck in it for the rest of my life. This is a fight that I'll be fighting until the day I die. When I read your posts about your past, and recall how close you came to throwing in the towel, I commend you for getting to where you are. Because I know exactly how hard your journey was. You were like me mate, you were about to hit the mat. But you didn't go down. As long as you don't go down, they can't start the ten count.

Start again you say? Of course you fucking can lad. Not only can you start again, you can live whatever life you want. Next time you're feeling down in yourself, remember this quote: "Go confidentally in the direction of your dreams, live the life you always imagined". Remember I passed this quote onto you. And if you put your mind to it, you'll get what you always wanted. Trust me on that one. And if you ever find yourself dwelling on the passed and all the fuck ups you made, just tell yourself "yeah I was on the ropes back then, but I didn't go down, I'm still here"

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Yes Billy mate, thats spot on. I was on the ropes and one punch away from oblivion but im still here.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I love this thread....

[Sir Harvest Fields]

I dont

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I dont

Its nice to have words of encouragement from people ive never met ( most of you ) but id not be here today were it not for you all. Ive not forgotten that and never will.

Cheers guys,

Carl.

This must be the closest you come to saying what I said then without actually saying it... It's alright though. We all know you're a big girls blouse anyways...