A girl came up to me earlier today and said she recognised me from the vegetarian club. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore
I'd booked a table at a restaurant the other day and got there a bit early.Hiya, is my table ready yet?Sorry, no. Do you mind waiting?No course not.Cool, could you take these over to table 4 then.
Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend
Just heard there was an explosion at the cheese factory in France.There is nothing left but De-Brie.
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.
How many murder victims does it take to change a light bulb?No idea. All I know is it’s more than 15 - that cellar of mine is still pitch black...
It's true to say that if Shankly had told us to invade Poland we'd be queuing up 10 deep all the way from Anfield to the Pier Head.
Love a bit of dark humour.
I've heard you're also fond of some light relief now and then......
Sounds a bit shady to me...
That could change though at the flick of a switch...
Occasionally, when I have been LED astray.
people have been talking behind my back about the fact that i like to wear mittens...but i don't like to point fingers
Oh that one gets a thumbs up from me
Do you have two left hands?!
I'm twice as sinister as the rest of you
BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E.NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth?BUZZ: Nope*5 minutes silence*BUZZ: OK, yep.
And that is why Fitzy is the true GOAT.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
Just awful...Put your foot in it with that one...
Heel try to better next time - rest your sole, brother.
Poking my tongue out at both of you
Thought you'd be too tied up to put the boot in laaaaa
He was just keeping instep with the thread
None of you 'jokers' are fit to tie my shoe laces.
