Perspective:
I took a step away from this thread last night but was reading each reply. The insight some of you have is brilliant and has really helped me to hold up a mirror to myself. I always knew RAWK was full of smart, insightful people, but I didn't realise until 2600+ posts just how impressive this forum is. Posting this thread was really helpful on my multiple levels.
Of course it's impossible for me to share every single piece of information about my particular situation, so some of you are going to reach conclusions that are perfectly valid based on the information I provided, but which I know in my heart are just wrong.
I have realised from the responses that one's reponse to the questions I pose are all down to a matter of perspective. If you have experienced career success, have zero problem finding the next gig, or don't have people in your life who are dependent on you (from kids to elderly parents who have given everything for you but have no pension, etc), then you will obviously tilt towards saying "screw it, go to New York, you can always get a new job but love doesn't come round every day". Maybe if you have always yearned for love but enjoyed career and work success, you will again say go to New York.
On the flip side, if you are lucky enough to enjoy or know what it's like to enjoy a secure and loving relationship, then you will probably say "if your relationship is strong enough, then she will support you and it will survive the tough times ahead".
We all come from a different perspective, and I think that shapes our fundamental viewpoint and perspective on life.
Further Information:
My other half gave up her job in the USA to move over and be with me in the UK for a year. I always felt she was being hasty and for personal reasons, didn't feel the time was right. She bulldozed her way over here a bit as she is emotional in that sense and I was not strong enough to stand up to it at the time. She came into a fraught situation for me personally and career wise, and things didn't go so smoothly on the family front. In many senses, I felt stripped of my pride as I was forced to confront a few issues in my life. I find it difficult to go into further detail and it's probably not necessary, but suffice to say there is complexity here.
The one thing I am in no doubt over is I love her dearly. She does honestly drive me a bit crazy at times and stifles my space a bit. But maybe a combination of this being a female trait and a typical male trait being to retreat into their cave, this is not so unusual. She also tolerates my distant side at times, and has shown me a different way of thinking that has warmed my heart. I go about my day with the absolute security that there is a woman in my life that loves me almost unconditionally, and I would like to think that I give that to her too. I am careful in my speech with her and have always held her hand in the many difficult situations she has encountered in our relationship, from dealing with my frosty family, a difficult move, emotional issues (we all have them!) and other personal stuff. I visit the States as often as I can and have stretched myself financially in this relationship. But it's worth it as I know we give eachother something that is difficult to find in life, and probably something that other could never understand. We fell in love before we had even met, and I can truly say that she is a blessing in my life.
I think I have established that we both love eachother and so any decision I make would not be through any lack of love for her, or vice versa. This is a relationship where both of us have made huge sacrifice to get to where we are now. So you can see why this is a huge 50/50 decision for me.
Conclusion / Good Intention:
As some of you have correctly alluded to, if our relationship is strong enough, then it will survive the rigours and pressures that will come from having to make the tough, honest, well intentioned choices that we all face in life.
I think it's important to always be honest with oneself and have the strength and conviction to make the tough choices for long term benefit.
I aspire to be the type of person who will always try to filter my personal choices through good intention. Look through my posts and you may also see some evidence of personal growth. I was more sweary, offensive and stupid when I first came onto these forums. I have learnt to appreciate that the mods on here have a tough job to do, and don't need idiots ruining the experience. Sometimes it takes time and a few tough lessons to let the penny drop. I think we call this growing up. Mature, intelligent, well intentioned, humorous discussion is what these forums should be about, and I see a lot of good on here.
I am going to speak my other half tonight and be honest with her. Let's see where this takes us. Either way, I will let you guys know. This is the first time I have shared a slice of my life on here with everyone, and I hope it helps someone else who might encounter a situation of a similar nature. Thanks again - this forum is brilliant. Mario Balotelli is our messiah. Peace out.
