Author Topic: I don't want to be a parent. (Read 7984 times)

Really don't want to turn this into that, but from what you said there about raising kids to be responsible, I really think people should be vetted before they are allowed to have kids. There's no way of doing it now and it wouldn't be allowed to happen, but I think our civilisation would benefit if certain types of people just weren't allowed to have kids.

Straight from Mein Kampf...

Sinead7 · « **Reply #127 on:** December 19, 2011, 12:36:50 pm »

I've been in a relationship for 5 years, I want to get married but not for another 3/4 at least (I'll be about 27 then) and I do want children God willing. I just think the idea of creating a life with the person you love the most in the world is just quite amazing. I do think about having my own child and just doing all the tings I enjopy in life with my child such as sports etc.

Sudden Death Draft Loser · « **Reply #128 on:** December 19, 2011, 12:39:42 pm »

Wanted children for years (since my early 20's), feel something is missing from my life. Am too old now though.

richiedouglas · « **Reply #129 on:** December 19, 2011, 12:46:58 pm »

My first was born on 23rd Oct this year (pretty much 40 weeks after Kenny came back

) and I have to agree it's a mixture of brilliance and fatigue.

I work 9-5 so he's pretty much asleep when I'm around which means I don't really have the bond my wife does. Saying that, I'm not sure how she can keep going as it must be so tiring.

I think you can't go into being a parent half-hearted. They need someone to be there who puts in the effort with baths / reading etc and I think you'd know when you are ready for that.

Branno · « **Reply #130 on:** December 19, 2011, 01:20:50 pm »

Never was really interested until I was into my mid 30's. Did most of everything I wanted to do up until then. Was 40 by the time the missus gave birth to our beautiful daughter Nicola. Single most amazing thing that has ever happened...wouldnt change a thing

Matt S · « **Reply #131 on:** December 19, 2011, 01:29:30 pm »

Not interested in having kids. I can't stand them in all honesty. I'm sure if I had one I'd learn to feel ok about it, and if it did happen I'd have to deal with it obviously, but it just doesn't appeal to me. Don't know if that will change any time, but right now I can't contemplate having something depending on me to that degree.

Roger Federer · « **Reply #132 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:03:14 pm »

Quote from: Andy@Allerton on December 17, 2011, 02:26:15 pm

If I have a kid and they have 2 kids and they have 2 kids and they have 2 kids...

Then that's a fucking shitload of extra people mate.

It really isn't, as there 2 people involved in making a kid. 2 parents that have 2 kids doesn't add to the population. As your grandchildren are old enough to have kids, you are most likely about to die, keeping the number of people more or less constant (2 grandparents, 2 parents, 2 children at any given point). If every women had 2 children, and no more, the population would increase for a while (as we're living in a time where the average is over 2 children/women, and has been for some generations), but in a generation or two, we'd stay at a given number. I recently read an article that guessed that number will be about 9 billion as most countries are rapidly approaching the rate of 2 children/women, or already below it.

I realise overpopulation wasn't the main reason you don't want kids, but atleast there no real need to worry about it.

gregor · « **Reply #133 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:26:11 pm »

No interest in them myself. I can barely wipe my own arse never mind someone elses.

I also don't get why people fuss over kids and think they're so cute etc. I get that when it's someone's own kid they think it's amazing, but I don't get the fuss people (seems to be women in particular) make over kids in general. I just find them annoying and noisy. I also love kipping and spending my money on what I want to spend it on - I don't think having kids would combine too well with that.

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #134 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:34:37 pm »

Really want kids, but, tragically the Mrs. doesn't.

She told me that when we got together, and at that time I agreed. Sadly, I've changed my mind.

Now we've been together over ten years and it's getting to the 'don't want to be really old parents' thing, and I'm torn as to what to do.

I don't want to pressure her, but I think she will change her mind (mainly as soon as her mates do, who all also claim they don't want kids but I don't believe them - seen them gushing over baby pics etc.), and I'm trying to get her to see it's better to do so earlier rather than later.

Or, I could hang on and cope with not having kids, but then maybe later spend the rest of my life regretting not doing so?

WHAT TO DO? TELL ME RAWK, PLEASE!

Branno · « **Reply #135 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:38:30 pm »

How old are you and the Mrs mate?

markcd · « **Reply #136 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:43:36 pm »

I think as long as your honest with your partner. then whatever you want to do is fine.

I could never imagine myself having kids - too busy behaving like a kid myself, but then, in my 30's, the idea just didn't seem so scary anymore. I now have 2 daughters, and it's, without doubt, the most amazing thing in my life. We could win the league, with me scoring at Old Trafford, and it wouldn't come close to the joy they've given me.

TomDcs · « **Reply #137 on:** December 19, 2011, 02:49:26 pm »

I'm 28 and she is 24, we are trying at the moment, which is kind of scary but I've always wanted kids 'at some point' and in reality once we have them I know I'll step up and be a good parent, just need the reality of of it actually happening to calm down a bit more

Mumm-Ra · « **Reply #138 on:** December 19, 2011, 03:06:59 pm »

Quote from: FlashingBlade on December 18, 2011, 11:25:07 pm

what makes you think it was affordable?....having putting in years of hard work exams etc..the choice we had was one of us pack in our job or live on tight means for 5 years...I know lots of couples where the wife gave up cos the cost of childcare was not doeable.......so a decent hard working person becomes some one living off state benefit...doesnt make sense...btw we didnt complain it was our choice but there is so much hypocorsy spouted about family values, hard working family's etc in this country yet the cost of child care is amongst the highest Europe....but then we should all go back to the 1950's family unit according to Cameron

It's even worse in the States mate. I'm in the same boat as you, two kids in daycare at the moment. LOL at it being 'affordable'

Just have to stick it out for a couple more years and they'll be school

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #139 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:17:08 pm »

Quote from: Branno on December 19, 2011, 02:38:30 pm

How old are you and the Mrs mate?

29 and 32.

FlashingBlade · « **Reply #140 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:59:55 pm »

Quote from: SamAteTheRedAcid on December 19, 2011, 09:17:08 pm

29 and 32.

you've got time, dont worry...leave it till her biological clock kicks in around 35

rob1966 · « **Reply #141 on:** December 20, 2011, 07:55:56 am »

Quote from: SamAteTheRedAcid on December 19, 2011, 09:17:08 pm

29 and 32.

Up until I was 38 I was with someone who didn't want kids (she was 6 years younger than me). We split in July 2005 as the relationship just wasn't working any more. Just over 2 years later I was married and the wife got pregnant on honeymoon. I was 41 and the missus was a month from her 38th when Adam was born and 43 and 41 when Ben was born.

If you current one doesn't change her mind and you really want kids, you've plenty of time to meet someone else and have kids. Dont gamble on her changing her mind though, I thought my ex would but she never did.

Xabinator · « **Reply #142 on:** December 20, 2011, 08:10:01 am »

Well, I'm 32 and 6 months away from having our first kid. The only thing that annoys me is that I wish I'd done this 5-6 years ago!!

My unborn was not even the size of a smartie before he/she already had his/her first Reds kit!!

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #143 on:** December 20, 2011, 09:08:18 am »

Quote from: FlashingBlade on December 19, 2011, 09:59:55 pm

you've got time, dont worry...leave it till her biological clock kicks in around 35

I hope so!

Quote from: rob1966 on December 20, 2011, 07:55:56 am

If you current one doesn't change her mind and you really want kids, you've plenty of time to meet someone else and have kids. Dont gamble on her changing her mind though, I thought my ex would but she never did.

I think the world of her, and I don't know if I could leave her just to satisfy the urge to have children - if we were having any other problems then I could understand, but we're rock solid apart from the kids issue. We don't argue about it or anything, and have managed to discuss it rationally without it getting heated. She seems to think she might change her mind, but I can't be sure. And that's what's driving me nuts.

sharkeyb · « **Reply #144 on:** December 20, 2011, 11:21:09 am »

i was in a relationship for about 5 year, and igetting married and kids could have been on the agenda, but the last few single years have made me realise that I'm selfish - its my life, my time, my money so i want to dedicate my life to me, my family and friends.

ive got a little neice that i look after from time to time, but i dont get that enjoyment out of it like i see others do.

jambutty · « **Reply #145 on:** December 20, 2011, 01:05:53 pm »

Quote from: SamAteTheRedAcid on December 20, 2011, 09:08:18 am

I hope so!

I think the world of her, and I don't know if I could leave her just to satisfy the urge to have children - if we were having any other problems then I could understand, but we're rock solid apart from the kids issue. We don't argue about it or anything, and have managed to discuss it rationally without it getting heated. She seems to think she might change her mind, but I can't be sure. And that's what's driving me nuts.

I'd ease up on the pressure, but occasionally tell her what a hands-on Dad you'd be if she's think about reconsidering.

Good luck.

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #146 on:** December 20, 2011, 02:17:44 pm »

Quote from: jambutty on December 20, 2011, 01:05:53 pm

I'd ease up on the pressure, but occasionally tell her what a hands-on Dad you'd be if she's think about reconsidering.

Good luck.

Yeah, trying not to mention it at all at the moment really, although I can't say it doesn't sting when she makes the occasional comment about how annoying people's kids are, as it feels like she's getting at me (even though she's not!)

I've just got a job in a school and the kids really like and respond to me, and she's seen how I am with her niece since birth, who absolutely adores me and is now 8. I feel she knows I'd be a good Dad, and to be fair I've done things she always said we would need to do before we could have children - like get professionally qualified and get a full time job, buy a house, the only thing I haven't done is learn to drive which I've got to admit would be useful as a parent rather than giving the kids a takey on my bike everywhere

I don't really want to jump through that hoop though, it's not something I'm bothered about, but I suppose I might as well and it'll benefit me long term I suppose.

mulfella · « **Reply #147 on:** December 20, 2011, 02:21:29 pm »

Quote from: Matt S on December 19, 2011, 01:29:30 pm

Not interested in having kids. I can't stand them in all honesty. I'm sure if I had one I'd learn to feel ok about it, and if it did happen I'd have to deal with it obviously, but it just doesn't appeal to me. Don't know if that will change any time, but right now I can't contemplate having something depending on me to that degree.

It only changed for me after the birth of my little one, and even then it was a gradual creeping thing rather than the explosive wave of emotion that birth is supposed to bring.

N-Red · « **Reply #148 on:** December 20, 2011, 04:39:28 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on December 17, 2011, 02:41:16 pm

Used to hate the thought of having kids but in the last couple of years I've definitely come round to the idea. In fact now I'm probably more scared of marriage than I am of having kids, which is a bit weird I suppose. Defo not for a good few years yet though

Same here, 21 and definitely want kids in the future, but i'm far more concerned about marrying/being with the right person to have the kids with. Would hate to have a couple of kids but hate the missus after a few years. Relationships are unpredictable i know, but ideally i'd love to be in a stable situation regarding family/kids by the time i'm in my thirties.

TheKid. · « **Reply #149 on:** December 20, 2011, 04:50:36 pm »

Got a mate who is single and is desperate to find a woman, get married and have kids. Never really the thing you think a lad would be like #sexistoldfashionedviewpoint

Roady · « **Reply #150 on:** December 21, 2011, 11:48:23 am »

Im 35 and am torn on this to be perfectly honest.On one hand i want kids on the other i cant be fucked with them.I can understand and i totally get the kid thing.Lots of my mates have settled down and had kids...but they dont have a life beyond their family.Having to organise baby sitters and stuff to go out i really couldnt be bothered,i like to go out when i want at the drop of a hat.Im too selfish at the moment i think.I look at some of my mates and they all just look like theyve aged about 10 years in the space of one or two.I cant underestimate what it does to you.It drains you.One of my mates has one kid whos 18months.His missus is depserate for another and he has just said "no fucking way".I think some people are desperate to have kids far too young these days.having a kid may well happen for me down the line, but i wont feel ive missed out on anything at all if it doesnt.In fact id argue most of my mates havent lived their own life to the full before having a life dependant on them. Im all for family and all that stuff and the joy of having a daughter or son,but right now theres so much i havent achieved without having to think about someone relying on me,which would prevent me from doing what i love.In the future kids is likely to happen, but for the time being im well happy with the missus and the freedom we have without the burden of a kid. I would never have a child until i was totally satisfied in my mind that i could bring them up to the very best of my ability.

skooma · « **Reply #151 on:** December 23, 2011, 06:58:17 am »

22. I can barely look after myself without falling to pieces when things don't go according to plan. I also don't think the future we're heading towards is one I'd want to bring a kid into.

There is also the slight matter of finding a girl to make the kids with.

For now, I really don't want kids. Maybe I'll change my mind once I find a girl that willing to stay around for more than a couple weeks and who doesn't have a personality/mental disorder.

lainey · « **Reply #152 on:** December 23, 2011, 07:59:23 am »

you lot are really good. my ex's life didn't change that much he got up in a morning, went work, came home for tea and out the pub every night - i preferred it that way in the end

so now I'm on my own with 3 it's not much different except less ££ and I'm not controlled ('cept by the kids)

Walshy nMe® · « **Reply #153 on:** December 23, 2011, 06:52:45 pm »

Quote from: rowan_d on December 17, 2011, 03:05:35 pm

Can't wait to be a Dad personally. Is it wrong to really hope to have a son rather than a daughter though?

Nope I wanted a Son before a daughter, so when he grows up he can be the older brother, look out for her, beat up her boyfriends e.t.c

Son came first, now if we have another one I want a daughter.

TheKid. · « **Reply #154 on:** December 23, 2011, 07:24:29 pm »

I would rather have a son, but obviously would love a daughter should I have one

UntouchableLuis · « **Reply #155 on:** December 23, 2011, 07:36:39 pm »

I'm only 20 but having children is something I'm really looking forward to and aiming for in around 8-10 years. I think to have children you need to have the right things in place like a solid job with a decent income, a place to live and the responsiblity that comes with it; you have to be a lot less selfless than you probably have been for the younger part of your life.

Right now I'm coming to the end of Uni and my only focus is to find my feet in the world of work which is tougher than ever at the moment but one day I'd love to have kids and a family of my own.