Topic: I don't want to be a parent.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

You people worry too much about the state of the world as if you influence it by having one kid. While you are worrying about overpopulation by bringing one kid into the world, there so many women giving birth. Overpopulation isn't something you're going to help or make worse with your decision not to have kids. That's like if there was a massive fire and you decided to spit on it to help put it out. If you want a kid, have one. Raise it to be a good person (well you can only do little to ensure that really) and hopefully they'll contribute to the world in a good way. I do agree with what Gob was saying about not everyone just being allowed to have kids though.

I don't 'worry' about 'overpopulation'.

It just gives me a good excuse and an opportunity to tell up their own arse conservationist type people to fuck off if they've got kids as their offspring will be contributing to global problems while mine will be swimming about cheerfully in a pre-kiddy state enjoying second hand curry and beer

[Eileen]

While I agree with your sentiment, I wouldn't liken it to spitting in a fire. The only real effect that us not having kids now will make will be hundreds of years in the future, perhaps thousands. Spitting in a fire will have no effect at all. So I'd say that it's more akin to setting erosion in motion to try to divert a river to put the fire out instead

yeah, you're right, that's a better way of putting it.

[Matt8Pie]

I don't 'worry' about 'overpopulation'.

It just gives me a good excuse and an opportunity to tell up their own arse conservationist type people to fuck off if they've got kids as their offspring will be contributing to global problems while mine will be swimming about cheerfully in a pre-kiddy state enjoying second hand curry and beer

[Johnnyboy1973]

It seems to be OK for men not to want children.

It's like looking in the mirror.

Dont know about this though. I would definitely say it is more ok for men than women to not want chlidren, but the attitude, irrespective of sex is still viewed as weird imo.

I've been categorised as selfish, a coward and just not right by others including members of my family.

It is interesting to see many equating it with the right woman. This is an argument my mother uses on me. But, I dont agree. I say this, currently married and expecting my divorce to be finalised in January (something I can categorically state that I wont be doing again but that's another thread) with no ill will towards my soon to be ex wife who at one point I did envisage spending the rest of my life with but whilst togrether and financially sound on the few occassions she missed her period did it come home to roost how much I didn't want kids.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

It's like looking in the mirror.

Dont know about this though. I would definitely say it is more ok for men than women to not want chlidren, but the attitude, irrespective of sex is still viewed as weird imo.

I've been categorised as selfish, a coward and just not right by others including members of my family.

It is interesting to see many equating it with the right woman. This is an argument my mother uses on me. But, I dont agree. I say this, currently married and expecting my divorce to be finalised in January (something I can categorically state that I wont be doing again but that's another thread) with no ill will towards my soon to be ex wife who at one point I did envisage spending the rest of my life with but whilst togrether and financially sound on the few occassions she missed her period did it come home to roost how much I didn't want kids.

My missus doesn't want kids either. Which is a bonus.

If she had then maybe I would have had them, but not sure that is the right way to have kids - because someone else wants them and you just 'go along'. I'm positive there are plenty of people that fit that category.

[FlashingBlade]

We are all here to procreate, it's that simple.

Actually Im just here for the drinks...but then thought , why not!

Thinking about being a parent and then being one are just so worlds apart, Im not being disrespectiful to peoples views and I speak as someone who became a dad late , but discussing how you feel about being a parent is a bit like a virgin making a decision whether to have intercourse, based on a lot on wanks....not to say that is a bad thing mind!!

[jaffod]

I never had any ambition to be a parent at all. Even after I got married I wasn't bothered although my Mrs was desparate for kids.
 When my lad came along and I became a dad at 34 it made me realise just what I'd been missing, I'm pretty sure my life would be totally different today if we hadn't had him.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I never had any ambition to be a parent at all. Even after I got married I wasn't bothered although my Mrs was desparate for kids.
 When my lad came along and I became a dad at 34 it made me realise just what I'd been missing, I'm pretty sure my life would be totally different today if we hadn't had him.

Aye. You'd have more money.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

Right now, I'm focused on certain things involving my work more than anything else, but the right girl, having a child, raising a family aren't things that I'm going to arrange / plan around a career. They matter a lot more to me...sure you could plan and with strength of will get exactly what you want when it comes to having a kid say, but I find it a lot more rewarding to leave some room and see how things develop rather than plan human matters the way I plan things at work.

In terms of wanting a kid...currently, I don't really know, I don't go into 'awwww' mode when I see a kid, but neither do I find the cries, shit etc annoying. It just is. Happy enough around them.

Get those who are saying they don't want any. Many of those who are parents now shouldn't have been allowed to breed. Clearly, it's not something many can be 100 percent sure about before it happens, but if you do feel strongly against it, don't do it. There is the chance you could swing the other way once the kid's there, but the risk to the kid is simply not worth it.

Definitely easier for a guy, you don't get questioned much.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

Aye. You'd have more money.

And less soul

[gazzathered]

Got two girls and love them to bits, they are my world. That said its a massive responsibility and it does change your life. For me it was for the better. I think if your honest with yourselves and don't want the responsibility then there is nothing wrong with that.

[the good half]

I started a job in a school in Kent this year and straight away I got the impression that the fact that I am not married (I'm 37 next birthday) and have never married, never even close to be honest, is somehow NOT what they are looking for.

In terms of being a parent - I have so often gone back n' forth. In a serious relationship now, and if ever there was a time to slip one past the goalie it's now. But I'm just not the type I think. From a big Irish Catholic family too - so there is always that wee bit o' pressure.

But I'm not that keen.

[stoa]

I have to say, I can see myself having children in the future. My cousin has three kids and they are great. And I imagine it is a great feeling having kids of your own, who look up to you, whom you see develop into boys/girls, teens and adults and for whom you care. On the other hand, I see all the stuff like being strict, setting boundaries, cleaning up after them,... So, I quite enjoy being one of the kids' godfather: I can visit them whenever I want, but I can also leave, whenever I want. I can be the "nice" guy who's also setting boundaries, but doesn't have to be as strict as the parents (not that I'm letting the kids do everything they want, but I'm not the bad one as I can say "You heard what your mom has said, so quit it." and stuff like that).

I like kids, but I'm also happy that I don't have to look after kids of my own at the moment. Thank God, it's not really an issue right now, as I'm not even in a relationship...

[Andy @ Allerton!]

And less soul

But more Curry, Guinness and happy memories

[Samee]

Gonna be a honest, I've always thought those that don't ever want kids are a little weird. It's just a natural instinct isn't it, wanting to survive and replicate. It's just kinda weird to me. After you're dead, that's it. That's the end of you and no one is there to carry on the family name.

Each to their own though.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Gonna be a honest, I've always thought those that don't ever want kids are a little weird. It's just a natural instinct isn't it, wanting to survive and replicate. It's just kinda weird to me. After you're dead, that's it. That's the end of you and no one is there to carry on the family name.

Each to their own though.

Not if you have siblings and they have kids.

[Samee]

Not if you have siblings and they have kids.

True but I was talking more about someone to carry on your own... I dunno, can't put it into words.

[brussels sprout]

I've been married 12 years, kids are not and never will be on the agenda. I'm 38, the mrs 32, when it comes up in conversation with others people treat my mrs like shes ill, or socially inadequate. Fact is we don't like them, don't want them and certainly won't succumb to any external pressure to conform.

[Lady_brandybuck]

I love to be Super Auntie Kat, sometimes I even feel tempted to have my own kids, but then I realize all the hardwork and how messed up is my own life to bring someone else to this world, plus also there must be a dad too... anyway I'm not good with relationships either. This all leads up to no kids thanks, at least not in the forseable future.

[evie]

I'm not sure if I want kids. I've got a niece who's 9,5 months who's adorable and I love her to bits but....do I want kids myself? I don't know.

I'm quite happy only being aunt Eva 

[Crosby Nick]

becoming a father is the single most rewarding thing i have ever done. 

i'm instinctively selfish and lazy but suddenly there's a wee man around who's the new star of the film and i don't mind running after him or cleaning up his mess.

maybe its a case of waiting until you're ready and indeed in prime time i wanted nothing to hold me back or down but really everything else has paled into insignificance.

being a dad is boss.

I don't think I could put it any better than this.

Rowan, I think that's a fair view but when the time comes you'll be delighted either way. Secretly I was quite chuffed that my first was a boy, mainly for selfish reasons like the thought of taking him to Anfield (not that I couldn't with a girl either). Just had a second which was a girl and am delighted we have one of each. That's me declaring now!

[jooneyisdagod]

Would definitely have kids when the time is right.  And like someone said earlier in the topic for some reason I want a son and not a daughter not that I won't love my daughter any less if I have one.  But somehow I would like a son. 

[AriGold]

Gonna be a honest, I've always thought those that don't ever want kids are a little weird. It's just a natural instinct isn't it, wanting to survive and replicate. It's just kinda weird to me. After you're dead, that's it. That's the end of you and no one is there to carry on the family name.

Each to their own though.

How on earth is it weird?

Maybe some people don't want the pressure of bringing another child up, the money, the time, the sacrifices. Some people just want to enjoy their life by travelling, clubbing etc. Nothing wrong with it at all.

[Barneylfc∗]

Can't wait to be a Dad personally. Is it wrong to really hope to have a son rather than a daughter though?

Nothing wrong with that at all. I really wasn't fussed on the idea before I knew my bird got pregnant. But as soon as she told me, I instantly said it better be a boy. Really really did not want it to be a girl. Out pops Steven Gerrard John Barnes.

Even if I had another one, I'd want a boy. No interest in having a daughter.

Having a son is the best feeling I've ever had. Waking up every day and him hugging me is fucking awesome.

[Samee]

How on earth is it weird?

Maybe some people don't want the pressure of bringing another child up, the money, the time, the sacrifices. Some people just want to enjoy their life by travelling, clubbing etc. Nothing wrong with it at all.

I did say each to their own though didn't it. It's just a find it a little weird is all. Like I said, it's like a natural urge to have kids and I couldn't imagine not having that.

On a side note, I dunno if it's just me, but I feel like you've got something against me. Whenever I say something slightly out of turn, there you are. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. 

[Garstonite]

I've got an eleven year old and might as well not be a parent. It's one of the worst things in the world.

[Crosby Nick]

How on earth is it weird?

Maybe some people don't want the pressure of bringing another child up, the money, the time, the sacrifices. Some people just want to enjoy their life by travelling, clubbing etc. Nothing wrong with it at all.

No, that's a fair enough viewpoint mate. Better that than be like a couple of people I know of who have had a baby (and in one case, two) and then decided that it wasn't for them and left their wives which is massively selfish at best and pretty gutless at worst without knowing all the circumstances.

[INABITSKI]

Be interested to hear how many guys have not got into a relationship with a certain woman, due to her having a child from a previous relationship.

Even going out and meeting someone now, the amount that already have and single is very high. Comes down once more to whether we wish to be a little selfish, you want to start the relationship on a one on one basis, then you have to consider the child will always come first and maybe there is an ex who is rather annoying and on the scene more often than you would like.

[Gobias Industries]

I've got an eleven year old and might as well not be a parent. It's one of the worst things in the world.

[Surprise me.]

I only want kids for one reason, basically carrying on the family name. Old fashion way of looking at it but whatever. Its not really the name thing but more wanting to carry on a legacy if i create one. I'm only 20 so god knows where my life will take me. If i end up doing very well and making something of myself then i want to provide for someone and pass on whatever i have started. Be it a house/business or whatever. Better with a family then anyone else, part of the whole carrying the name on adds to that.

Of course if i end up living on the side of the road then im pretty sure i will not want to have kids to share that part of the road with them!

[And Could He Play]

Be interested to hear how many guys have not got into a relationship with a certain woman, due to her having a child from a previous relationship.

Even going out and meeting someone now, the amount that already have and single is very high. Comes down once more to whether we wish to be a little selfish, you want to start the relationship on a one on one basis, then you have to consider the child will always come first and maybe there is an ex who is rather annoying and on the scene more often than you would like.

think about that myself, current girlfriend (just about), has no kids, but i think i got lucky so to put it.  Its the baggage factor, highley likely women over 28 will have that baggage.

Does that even make sense?

[INABITSKI]

think about that myself, current girlfriend (just about), has no kids, but i think i got lucky so to put it.  Its the baggage factor, highley likely women over 28 will have that baggage.

Does that even make sense?

It makes sense. I would even lower that age to 25, seriously.

32 in a few weeks, to find a mentally stable woman my age, never married, no kids and a job would be impossible. Not arsed about the marriage bit, but if last one fell apart maybe she ain't that mentally stable. 

I've been someones step son, wouldn't say I always made life easy.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

How on earth is it weird?

Maybe some people don't want the pressure of bringing another child up, the money, the time, the sacrifices. Some people just want to enjoy their life by travelling, clubbing etc. Nothing wrong with it at all.

Aye. I have been to tons of places in the World that I could never have ever dreamed of visiting. Me and the missus have a passion for travelling, seeing new cultures, seeing the world and living life.

Maybe if kids were around we could have done something - but certainly nothing like we get to do now. There would be just no way we could ever have afforded it - nor could we still do so.

There is a downside as well - I have many friends that no longer see their kids and yet still pay. I have some friends that have had their kids poisoned against them by their Ex's and I don't think I could have stood that. So they had the choice, had kids and now they have kids that hate them.

Nothing is ever as easy as it might first appears.


I'm dead happy now. Getting a chance to live and travel and see the world. Love it. Kids would ruin that for me.

[And Could He Play]

It makes sense. I would even lower that age to 25, seriously.

32 in a few weeks, to find a mentally stable woman my age, never married, no kids and a job would be impossible. Not arsed about the marriage bit, but if last one fell apart maybe she ain't that mentally stable. 

I've been someones step son, wouldn't say I always made life easy.

i worried about it for a while, as i said i got lucky. I agree on lowering the age and the fact it would be almost impossible to find a 32 year old woman that doesn't have either of the following.

1. kids
2. an ex fella who could be a problem

Kids to an ex fella is a whole different kettle of fish. Told my ex, strict rules with her new bf around the baby. If broken i will become a problem.

went on a bit there.

[AriGold]

I did say each to their own though didn't it. It's just a find it a little weird is all. Like I said, it's like a natural urge to have kids and I couldn't imagine not having that.

On a side note, I dunno if it's just me, but I feel like you've got something against me. Whenever I say something slightly out of turn, there you are. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. 

Eh? I don't have anything against anyone on here mate, it's only a forum. Can't remember any other times I've said anything else to you though?

[Samee]

Eh? I don't have anything against anyone on here mate, it's only a forum. Can't remember any other times I've said anything else to you though?

Aye just being paranoid then. Might have got you confused with someone else and all.

[rowan_d]

The only slightly weird thing about it is that you consciously override the evolutionary desire to propogate your species. But that's not all that weird when you consider our ability to rationalise

[stevedo]

Aye. I have been to tons of places in the World that I could never have ever dreamed of visiting. Me and the missus have a passion for travelling, seeing new cultures, seeing the world and living life.

Maybe if kids were around we could have done something - but certainly nothing like we get to do now. There would be just no way we could ever have afforded it - nor could we still do so.

There is a downside as well - I have many friends that no longer see their kids and yet still pay. I have some friends that have had their kids poisoned against them by their Ex's and I don't think I could have stood that. So they had the choice, had kids and now they have kids that hate them.

Nothing is ever as easy as it might first appears.


I'm dead happy now. Getting a chance to live and travel and see the world. Love it. Kids would ruin that for me.

Yes kids cost an absolute fortune and as a consequence you don't have much of a disposable income to do 'fun' things. The flipside is they do bring you a lot of joy and that bond you have is so strong, its hard to explain. Having just had my 6yr old in hospital for a week its reinforced how much I love them, and how much of parenting is spent worrying.

[Alex Raisbeck]

Sometimes I think 'I wish I had kids' then I think of the nappy changing,crying,expense,loss of freedom,expense,teenager moods,loss of freedom,expense,sick on the carpet,six week school holidays,expense,loss of freedom and the fact that I don't actually like kids that much-then I wake up and thank the lord.

[rushyman]

Is it just me?

I don't. I never have.

For many of my friends, when we were younger and we looked into our future, theirs included children, mine never did. For many of them now life without kids would be particularly empty. My father, tells me from a young age, he wanted to be a father. One of my closest friends, who at my age now is on a constant downer as he is not in a serious relationship and thus the likelihood of being a father dwindles by the day. I am completely without feeling to kids. I dont get that, they are so cute and adorable feeling. I dont get a face akin to a dog tilting its head to one side when confronted with the wonderment of a baby or childhood.

I wont even attempt to go into the reasons why which thus far have touted from without feeling to cowardly.

So, is it just me or does that lack of maternal/paternal instinct reach further?

With you every word mate. Wont go into reasons why as Ive been there before and it tends to offend people.

My mrs feels the same and that in itself is a very lucky thing to find