Author Topic: Alan Partridge - including Alpha Papa (Read 559835 times)

Garstonite · « **Reply #280 on:** July 9, 2006, 12:23:46 am »

Quote from: Father Ted on July 9, 2006, 12:18:18 am

When he's talking to guy from the Waterways video.

"what wrong with your voice?"
"oh, it's a voice box, me vocal cords were crushed in a car accident"
"You sound like a Bond villian. Dr No.. vocal cords"

"Can you make my telly get porn?"

Great episode.

Father Ted · « **Reply #281 on:** July 9, 2006, 12:35:20 am »

"Not my words..the words of Top Gear magazine"

Father Ted · « **Reply #282 on:** July 9, 2006, 12:44:17 am »

"There will be no telephone Cluedo this morning due to the threat of a possible court injunction from the makers of Cluedo."

crownpaints · « **Reply #283 on:** July 9, 2006, 04:50:18 am »

Now, we've had several calls during the last few hours concerning a humorous comment I made some time ago. Just to reassure you, the Queen is NOT dead. It was a humorous intro into a song which seems to have been taken a bit too literally by one or two listeners…

...and a newspaper.

gerrardisgod · « **Reply #284 on:** July 9, 2006, 05:50:37 am »

Quote from: Garstonite on July 9, 2006, 12:23:46 am

"Can you make my telly get porn?"

"Can you make pornography come on my telly please? Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you."

Fitzy. · « **Reply #285 on:** July 10, 2006, 02:11:19 pm »

Quote from: crownpaints on July 9, 2006, 04:50:18 am

Now, we've had several calls during the last few hours concerning a humorous comment I made some time ago. Just to reassure you, the Queen is NOT dead. It was a humorous intro into a song which seems to have been taken a bit too literally by one or two listeners…

...and a newspaper.

"She's not dead...er...unless she went in the night and is yet to be discovered by her maid!

paddy-d · « **Reply #286 on:** July 10, 2006, 06:54:43 pm »

"She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out.......chests. Ooooh I'd love to have it off with her."

Rob K · « **Reply #287 on:** July 10, 2006, 10:42:21 pm »

Never Say Alan Again on UK Gold now.

To his girlfriend:

"I love you...in a way"

Fitzy. · « **Reply #288 on:** July 11, 2006, 09:34:41 am »

"You'e got lots of issues..."

"Yeah, of 'What Car?' Magazine"

Ben_JP · « **Reply #289 on:** July 11, 2006, 01:42:32 pm »

"Lyn, you couldn't present a cat"

A whole load of Partridge clips on YouTube: Mug of Beans

Fitzy. · « **Reply #290 on:** July 20, 2006, 02:53:11 pm »

"Where do they get these people?...Who smiles at a Black & Decker Workmate for goodness sake!"

Father Ted · « **Reply #291 on:** July 20, 2006, 03:41:50 pm »

"During his tenure on the Radio 4 chat show Alan managed to hit a child genius, unwittingly take cocaine, lose his wife's car in a bet, be openly homophobic, force the resignation of a Junior Government Minister and in his series finale his guest Lord Morgan of Glossop died of an apparent heart-attack. He was also the cause of much antagonism between those who worked for him."

fudge · « **Reply #292 on:** July 20, 2006, 07:51:16 pm »

Quote from: Father Ted on July 20, 2006, 03:41:50 pm

"During his tenure on the Radio 4 chat show Alan managed to hit a child genius, unwittingly take cocaine, lose his wife's car in a bet, be openly homophobic, force the resignation of a Junior Government Minister and in his series finale his guest Lord Morgan of Glossop died of an apparent heart-attack. He was also the cause of much antagonism between those who worked for him."

Its all starting to appear comparable to Blairs tenure

crownpaints · « **Reply #293 on:** July 20, 2006, 11:33:40 pm »

Scum. Subhuman scum.

This country.

themule · « **Reply #294 on:** July 20, 2006, 11:53:16 pm »

"Really encapsulates the frustration of a sunday. You wake up in the morning, gotta read the sunday papers, the kids are running round, gotta mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think sunday bloody sunday"

medley · « **Reply #295 on:** July 21, 2006, 02:38:20 am »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVxf0YjyjdI&search=Alan%20Partridge

oh man this video is amazing. Listen out towards the end for the amazing "TWAT" and "SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT". Funniest thing ive seen in a few weeks

The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society · « **Reply #296 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:02:11 am »

Quote from: medley on July 21, 2006, 02:38:20 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVxf0YjyjdI&search=Alan%20Partridge

oh man this video is amazing. Listen out towards the end for the amazing "TWAT" and "SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT". Funniest thing ive seen in a few weeks

my favourite: EAT THAT!!! (ball bounces back out get's smacked in on the rebound in celebration by another player) ...and another!!!

quality

Fitzy. · « **Reply #297 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:13:22 am »

"What's up Alan, cone you take a joke?"

"Oh, fuck off" - Live on air!!!!

NasEscobar · « **Reply #298 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:13:48 am »

Quote from: The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society on July 21, 2006, 09:02:11 am

my favourite: EAT THAT!!! (ball bounces back out get's smacked in on the rebound in celebration by another player) ...and another!!!

quality

Had that on my phone for ages, chief tool for converting Non-Partridgites

"Shit, Did you see that!, He must have a foot like a traction engine!"

penfold102 · « **Reply #299 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:14:27 am »

You're a dwad and a dosser!!!

hooded claw · « **Reply #300 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:15:02 am »

Come on Sonia, let's be appalling.

Fitzy. · « **Reply #301 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:15:28 am »

Quote from: NasEscobar on July 21, 2006, 09:13:48 am

Had that on my phone for ages, chief tool for converting Non-Partridgites

"Shit, Did you see that!, He must have a foot like a traction engine!"

The best one is when he's seemingly reaching orgasm as he commentates: "Yes, yes, yes, yes. YES, YES, YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!! That was a goal!!!!!"

penfold102 · « **Reply #302 on:** July 21, 2006, 09:19:59 am »

I love his commentary on the cycling and he kept going on about the guy in the car cheating for having the bikes on the roof!!

themule · « **Reply #303 on:** July 21, 2006, 11:21:52 am »

Quote from: Fitzyboy on July 21, 2006, 09:13:22 am

"What's up Alan, cone you take a joke?"

"Oh, fuck off" - Live on air!!!!

"Unfortunately Dave you are bang wrong. It's one minute past seven, it's your show, you're responsible for the output, I am technically a guest and you failed to control me. Read the small print on your conetract....(Takes a sip of coffee)... Fannies!"

crownpaints · « **Reply #304 on:** July 21, 2006, 11:48:22 pm »

Lynne, the fat envelope!

Bill Oddie gave me a dressing gown as a Christmas present.

Tuesday · « **Reply #305 on:** July 21, 2006, 11:51:06 pm »

I was a BIT bored.......and I dismantled my Corby trouser press.

snez1 · « **Reply #306 on:** July 22, 2006, 12:08:14 am »

"IVE PIERCED MY FOOT ON A SPIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW..........your gunna have a good time!......Sorry just being a bit camp!"

Emlyn18 · « **Reply #307 on:** July 22, 2006, 12:56:22 pm »

I'm driving to Dundee in my bare feet Lyn.

Dickie_Mint · « **Reply #308 on:** July 22, 2006, 06:52:07 pm »

"That was liquid football!"

gerrardisgod · « **Reply #309 on:** July 22, 2006, 07:42:35 pm »

"That goalie has football pie all over his shirt!"

fudge · « **Reply #310 on:** July 23, 2006, 09:36:37 pm »

Quote from: Tuesday on July 21, 2006, 11:51:06 pm

I was a BIT bored.......and I dismantled my Corby trouser press.

will that show up on my bill?

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #311 on:** July 24, 2006, 12:23:57 pm »

I like when he watches 'Bangkok Chick Boys' and queries the bill... '£3.50 miscellaneous, that sounds disconcertingly vague'...

'You watched this pay per view channel Mr Partridge'

Then he gets all sheepish and claims he wanted to watch Driving Miss Daisy!

crownpaints · « **Reply #312 on:** August 5, 2006, 04:03:15 pm »

My wife, she's living with a narccisistic sports pimp.

He drinks that yellow stuff in tins.

He's an idiot.

Father Ted · « **Reply #313 on:** August 6, 2006, 10:55:56 pm »

"...before the chat show begins I've got a bit of a plug i'd like to do for a new book I've just published, it's from Peartree publications, the new publishing wing of my company and it's a collection of amusing sporting anecdotes. It's called 'A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Stadium'...To Alan Partridge...by Alan Partridge. It's a stocking filler y'know, it's not going to win the booker prize...be nice to be nominated. Here's an extract - it's about the time I bumped my car into a well-known celebrity's...George Best'! Should'nt have told you that really - spoilt the surprise. Anyway, I'll read it: 'I'd just finished having lunch with Geoff Capes the shot-putter at the Savoy and I was reversing my Ford Granada out of a parking space when BANG! I bumped into a very flashy Lotus Sportscar. "Who's driving that?" I wondered, you'll never guess...it was none-other than George Best! "Sorry about that, George" I said... "Oh well" he said "I suppose we'll have to swap insurance details..." and I said "Yes".

George Best...marvellous. My next guest isn't George Best - he's a bit too much of a handful.."

The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society · « **Reply #314 on:** August 6, 2006, 11:23:23 pm »

Right, I'll tell you an anecdote. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off!

Father Ted · « **Reply #315 on:** August 7, 2006, 11:42:09 am »

Michael: "I done summat to cheers yers up like, y'knaw - seeing as how your book's being pulped and all that, and Peartree publications in probably gonna go doon the pan like all the other companies what you've started up..."

Fitzy. · « **Reply #316 on:** August 7, 2006, 08:10:31 pm »

It's like a savoury 99!!

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #317 on:** August 8, 2006, 06:31:43 pm »

That South African guy from Dante Fireplaces: "No Alan, you can't"

Alan: "There's no need for that"

Saffa: "You can't"

Alan: "You've said it again"

Looks terrible written down but hilarious with the South African accent!

Fat Tony · « **Reply #318 on:** August 8, 2006, 06:40:22 pm »

"Yes, we can give you Pyrotechnics"

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #319 on:** August 8, 2006, 06:41:38 pm »

Quote from: Fat Tony on August 8, 2006, 06:40:22 pm

"Yes, we can give you Pyrotechnics"

Thanks, "I should have gissed"