I've been suffering from depression for a very very long time (and i'm only 23), but it all came to a big blow out last juni-september. I suffer from a burn-out combined with panic attacks and depression. All things that intense the others; a burn-out is a inefficiancy in energy while depression is an inefficiency in mood.
In september I was feeling on my lowest point I've ever felt, though I'm sure I could've actually gone lower if I hadn't fought it. I had panic attacks every evening, so bad I almost fainted, threw up and was more scared than I've ever been before.
That was the time that I actually started talking to my mum about my problems. I tried to explain to her what I was feeling. That I didn't want to get out of bed, that I was afraid to go out of the house and scared about everything and nothing.
Even now a year later, she still doesn't really understand everything I feel but she respects it and knows how to handle it. She's really been my life saver.
In about November/December I felt a bit better (no panic attacks every day) and got my mind set on getting better. I forced myself to go with my mum to the shops to get dinner, seems like a small thing, but to me it was HUGE. We started walking around the block every day and once a week we walked further, to the lake or the park, somewhere relaxing. We planned days out; just to the city centre or to the zoo. But these were things I was looking forward to and made me proud when I made it through that day.
The first big thing I did on my own was a few months ago when I went to the bird park in my town. I took my camera because I love to make pictures, and just walked around there for a few hours. It was a quiet day in the park which helped me a lot.
Like you, I was extremly scared that people would find out. I graduated last july and to the day, am still not at work. The main "excuse" I use is that I have a shoulder injury (which I do, but that is in my opinion not the main reason of not working). But now a year later I feel I want to tell people what is really going on, especially because I get very positive and good feedback from the people that do know.
Anyway, long story short. I have a very very long way to go, but I've also have a huge part behind me. It is very true what you say about one step forward, three steps back. You'll keep getting that for a long time. But over time, the steps forward become bigger and the steps back because smaller.
I did it without professional help and without medicine, but I've had wonderfull support from my mum and my neighbour who kept saying the right things at the right time. But not everyone has those people around them and some are far deeper in the depression. Everyone is different and there are many different types of depression. Reading this topic, filter out the things that might work for you. Try some things out (walking/running/any of the other tips) and see if it's something that's doing you good.
Some points that were helpfull for me;
- Learn to understand what makes you feel the way you do. When are you more depressed than other days? Write down what you've done that day, what you eaten and drank. Especially with panic attacks it is a major help understanding what causes the attacks. Don't get into alcohol and drugs, they are only a there for a short time, and it does NOTHING to fight this, it only makes it worse.
- Do what feels right. Chose a path (prof. help or not) and stick by it. Tell yourself you've chosen that path and at that point it was the right decision. As long as you believe in that path, others will to and will help you walk it.
- Begin with small steps. Don't do major things, but things that are an almost garantee that will go right. Start with lunch with two friends instead of a whole family dinner. Start with a walk around the block instead of a marathon. These small steps will give you confidence and will give you motivation for the next step.
- Find someone who will be your "therapist". This can be a professional one, or a family member or friend. If it is a non-prof, make a deal with them; you will tell everything that's going on, and they will stick by you. You have to be selfish/egoistic at times to get yourself through it, and that can hurt the ones you love badly, but as long as they know why you do it they will stick by you!
- Do things that make you feel good. If you like sitting in the park, going to the zoo or watch a match, DO IT! Those are the moments that your "mood" needs to reload the battery. It motivates you, it makes you feel good and it makes you feel proud of yourself. Don't be ashamed to go to these places often, it's what makes YOU feel better, so do it. (I've been going to the petting zoo almost every other week, and I don't give a fck, I actually call it "goat therapy" haha)
- Know that people are here to help you and that there are loads of people that understand you. For me this forum was a major help in feeling better (Topic: Anxiety, anyone else suffers from it?"). I got tips and I learned that I'm not the only one. I actually read somethings to my mum, what others said, to try and explain how I feel. It really helped her as well.
Anyway, I hope that in a year time you will look back at this thread and realise how far you've come. How much better you feel and how happy you are that you fought this!
You have the power in you to take on the battle!
Gon