Topic: Spiders....

[Andy @ Allerton!]

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[Andy @ Allerton!]

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[Andy @ Allerton!]

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[soxfan]

Somewhere in this thread I posted how I wasn't afraid of them, except for the time a big fast one ran out of a vent and over to my steering wheel while I was driving on a highway.  I almost caused a massive highway accident with dead bodies everywhere as I tried to avoid it. 

So this week, similar story, I borrowed my mom's car and a quarter-sized spider slowly ambled across the windshield and settled underneath the plastic dividing the windshield and side window. Thankfully it didn't startle me too much. I smashed at the plastic hoping to kill it, but I don't know. The problem is, my mother is scared to death of spiders. I decided not to tell her, otherwise she'd be terrified getting into that car. Hopefully it's dead. If not, mom's in for a hell of a surprise soon.       

[soxfan]

A few months ago I was about to go to sleep when I noticed a BIG fucker (about the size of my palm) in the corner of my room. Now, usually, I would get out of there and get my mum to get rid of it (she's the only one of us that isn't terrified of them, and even she gets wobbly around the big'uns) but she was already asleep, I was knackered and I had to get up early. This was when I made the terrible mistake - the mistake that I will never again repeat, no matter how tired I am, no matter how on-the-opposite-side-of-the-room from me the spider is. I turned off my light and went to sleep.

A few hours later - it was probably about 5am because it was getting light outside - I woke up. For a good few seconds I was lying there trying to work out what had woken me up. Still half-asleep, I felt a sort of tickling feeling on my cheek and assuming it was my hair, I went to brush my cheek. The tickling sensation moved quickly to my chin and then to my other cheek. That's odd, I thought, and then I found myself peering over at the corner where the spider had previously been. It was no longer there.

I cannot explain the feeling of cold dread that consumed my body as I slowly sat up in bed, reached over to turn on the light and looked in my mirror to see the malicious c*nt chilling out on my face.

Found him for you.   

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[felix.]

lived in sydney as a kid, saw a couple of funnelwebs. you'd just tap the edge of the web with a stick and he'd pop out in a flash. they are sinister looking motherfuckers compared to other spiders; black and all glistening, absolutely massive fangs, like a small snake would have, the only spider i've actually seen fangs on. really looks menacing.

[Crosby Nick]

lived in sydney as a kid, saw a couple of funnelwebs. you'd just tap the edge of the web with a stick and he'd pop out in a flash. they are sinister looking motherfuckers compared to other spiders; black and all glistening, absolutely massive fangs, like a small snake would have, the only spider i've actually seen fangs on. really looks menacing.

Menacing is right. They look like riot police with armour plating. They're the Robocop of the arachnid world.

[Marty 85]

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thats amazing! lol

[BRdispatch05]

  This is a bee story, but it's similar to yours.

One of my first jobs was a cart boy working at a golf course, I would drive the golf carts up to the parking lot or down to the garage to charge them. Well one night my buddy and I pulled an all nighter playing Halo or something, and I had to work the next morning. I've done it before, but it's never all that fun.

  Towards the end of the day I was driving the carts down to the garage, which cuts through a small recreation area then the parking lot. While driving through the recreation area, a bee made his way towards my face and started hovering around me. Normally I would have just stopped, or not worried about it, but my judgement was a little off and I decided to jump out of the cart while it was still moving.

  As soon as I realized what I had just done I noticed it heading towards an suv in a parking spot with it's back door open, like this



So my cart is probably going around 5-7 mph heading straight to the open door, and I'm chasing after it. I jump in and hit the brakes, but right as I touched the pedal *BAM*, nails the door shut. Only it didn't shut, it hit something and bounced back open followed by a "ARGGH GOD DAMMIT *#$%$".

I was mortified and speechless, didn't really know what to say other than "I...am...so...sorry" and "I'll grab my boss"

I wasn't fired, but they had a safety meeting about driving carts.


  To keep my post on topic, I have another story, but it's shorter.

I used to ride my bike to college back in the day and wear Chaco's. I was riding on a trail one day and there was this clump of grass stuck between the bottom of my foot and my sandal. I was also on my phone at the time, so I stopped to pick it out with my finger. I kept using my finger to scoop it out, but it must have been stuck or something. So I finally pinch it and throw it on the ground, and to my horror I had been poking a wolf spider about the size of a tennis ball the whole time. I threw my phone down and ran like a little girl for a few seconds. That's about my only good spider story.

 The thing I dislike about this area is the abundance of Brown Recluse's, they..are..everywhere.

[LFCGeezer]

they're here, i know it. i've yet to see one, which is making the suspense of when one finally catches my eye nerve-wracking. fuck you, spiders. fuck you.

[Crosby Nick]

Awaits that brown recluse bite victim to be posted...where abouts are you mate, southern USA?

[Caston]

Why did I read this thread? Shitting myself

[Ziltoid]

Two tonight, one in my eldest bedroom after he watched 5 minutes of Arachnaphobia.  Went back upstairs to settle down to watch the Olympics having a good old chuckle and one runs out from under the chair.  Shat myself.

Fuckers are coming out to play - it's the cold nights.

[Mouth]

Two tonight, one in my eldest bedroom after he watched 5 minutes of Arachnaphobia.  Went back upstairs to settle down to watch the Olympics having a good old chuckle and one runs out from under the chair.  Shat myself.

Fuckers are coming out to play - it's the cold nights.

Its the tiiiiiime of the season for spiiiiders!

Actually it is because its autumn, they are looking to come indoors to hibernate for winter.

Could be worse, this could be in your bedroom.......

[Ziltoid]

Big one i could twat with a large brush, the little fuckers however would be more of a challenge.

[Danny Boys Dad]

My house is full of spiders. And cobwebs, looks like a tunnel in an Indiana Jones film. I don't normally mind them as they trap flies and mozzies and other flying bastards which are much more annoying.

I let them live on the basis that they run when they see me and don't bother me. As long as they live in the mrs's shoes and not mine I'm ok with them.

If they are going to start wandering round the bathroom like they own the place when I'm sitting there having a dump it's not on. Only one king in my house and he doesn't have 8 legs. Going to find an old Echo and sort some spiders out tonight.

[Danny Boys Dad]

Big one i could twat with a large brush, the little fuckers however would be more of a challenge.

Can of hairspray. Lighter. Sorted.

[Marty 85]

Was watering plants round my nans side tonight and I came across the largest, fattest spider I've ever saw. I smashed it with a spade from each side whilst it sat on it's web. It was black and yellow with a real thick, fat body. I tried sprinkling water from the can over it's web to destroy it but it was like elastic and remained intact. So I had that fucker with the spades too.

I put them outside to save them from my cats.

I don't wish them harm - without them we'd be overrun by shitloads of insects. They look after us, we should look after them.

I blame Arachnophobia 

We get them in SA, call them rain spiders. Many a sleepless night at home...

We also get red romans. I hate them, was on a camping trip going up the orange river and encountered a few of them. They hate light so try and run to shady spots, normally your shadow is a shady spot so they tend to run after you.

I believe there is still a pic of me sitting on a drinks cooler trying to avoid it.

FUCK THAT!

[Ziltoid]

Can of hairspray. Lighter. Sorted.

And the insurance company?

[Danny Boys Dad]

And the insurance company

You don't go overboard with it, just a few little squirts. Keep a soda syphon handy if anything non-spider catches fire.

[Mouth]

Can of hairspray. Lighter. Sorted.

Biological warefare is much more effective. Can of Raid thats for doing ants, its super strong, just a little touch of it and they die easy.

Or you can do as I did as a kid and catch them in jars, then put the jar on the hob and watch them dance.

[Kashinoda]

Was getting ready for work a few years ago, just got out the shower and put my shirt and tie on. I raised my head up and before I knew it a spider dropped form the ceiling only my eye. Due to it being on my eye it appeared to take up my entire face like some sort of facehugger from Alien, I shook my head and I could feel it grip my eye socket so it wouldn't fall off. At this point I let out a little yelp, brushed the fucker onto the floor and could do nothing as it scurried under my bed, where it would await my return. The entire day at work I was jittery as hell, kept randomly spazzing out whilst on the phones as I thought it was on me again.

I fucking hate them.

[Mouth]

Welcome to Oz

[Kashinoda]

How much to jump in that? Think 10k would swing it for me, assuming they can't kill you.

[Mouth]

How much to jump in that? Think 10k would swing it for me, assuming they can't kill you.

Considering its Oz, probably Redbacks, so go for it

[Kashinoda]

Considering its Oz, probably Redbacks, so go for it

After some Wikipedia education I'm retracting my statement.

Just been watching Arachnophobia (the movie), freaked me out when I was younger but it's so bad it's laughable.

[The Gulleysucker]

http://www.burkemuseum.org/spidermyth/index.html

[Andy @ Allerton!]

After some Wikipedia education I'm retracting my statement.

Just been watching Arachnophobia (the movie), freaked me out when I was younger but it's so bad it's laughable.

8 legged freaks is similar but more obviously a comedy

[Crosby Nick]

I've got a pic of a redback from my most recent trip to Oz. Was in a farmhouse out in the sticks and I wast staying there so it didn't bother me too much. I think Mouths pic is full of wolf spiders, remember reading how after recent floods they all ended up looking for the same spot of high ground. Horrific!

[Effes]

Motherfucking...
... what even IS that

No other solution, but to burn your house down.

There must be insurance against them fuckers

[Effes]

Think its an Australian Huntsman, they arent dangerous, butthey do cause a few car accidents, because they hide under the visor in cars, and when people flip them down they drop down scaring the driver and causing a crash.

I'd have to have an ejector seat if on eof them popped out

[Ziltoid]

Like these trees in India (I think) after flooding.  All the spiders headed for higher ground!

[Anywhichwayicant]

I'd take a photo, then I'd be straight through the bedroom window.

[Yiannis]

My house is full of spiders. And cobwebs, looks like a tunnel in an Indiana Jones film. I don't normally mind them as they trap flies and mozzies and other flying bastards which are much more annoying.

I let them live on the basis that they run when they see me and don't bother me. As long as they live in the mrs's shoes and not mine I'm ok with them.

If they are going to start wandering round the bathroom like they own the place when I'm sitting there having a dump it's not on. Only one king in my house and he doesn't have 8 legs. Going to find an old Echo and sort some spiders out tonight.

You don't sound to care a lot to be honest.I wish you a long and pleasant life together.

[AB LFC]

I'd saw that bastard tree down and push it into the water

[AB LFC]

Btw is it just me or anyone else who scrolls down the page really quickly so I know who's posted a photo of the dirty bastard things?

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I'd take a photo, then I'd be straight through the bedroom window.

They'd have the camera off you before you could



"More fear!! Make FEAR to the camera my little human!! Nice! Now scream!! SCREAM WHEN THE LITTLE SPIDERS RUN IN YOUR MOUTH!! Muwahahahahaha"

[Yiannis]

Are you okay,Andy?

[Red James]

Surely better up a tree chillin' than in the water illin'?

Leave the bastards up there I say - or attach loads of rockets to it and send it up to space.

Ah but what of the off chance that the rocket sends them to a far away planet and they evolve into giant spider people that our descendents in the far future have to deal with?

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Are you okay,Andy?

Can't talk. Mouth full of baby spiders.