Overall, it was a stunning performance by the Corkish one. His mere presence 500 yards of the Garden powered the Bruins past Philly for a series sweep, then he snapped the Sox losing streak by his onesey, adding a second win for good measure.
Corkboy's biggest challenge was channeling some luck towards our Celtics. When Rondo snapped his elbow backwards, our season looked to be on the abyss. But he willed Rajon Rondo's dislocated elbow back out of the changing room, presiding over the sickest playoff game the Boston Garden has seen in some time. He calmly observed Rajon Rondo tear LeBron James a new fucking asshole, Rondo's recently dislocated left arm hanging gimpishly at his side, leaned over, and went "You're welcome, America." Class. Godlike, to be honest.
We thank him profusely for the so-called Luck of the Corkish. He singlehandedly set Boston sports teams on the straight and narrow road to victory. Send him back anytime, preferably with a new toilet seat if at all possible.