Are you hanging up your skiddies on your wall?
It's the time when even Konchesky has the ball
Do you ride his right leg hard, dear?
Does a ton-up on the left wing?
Do the fairies tell you that you're worth your pay?
So here it is, Merry Christmas
On the Kop they're having fun
Look to the future now
Your career's just begun
Are you waiting for Gillet & Hicks to thrive?
Are you sure the bastards really are alive?
Did your agent always tell yer
That the old cons are the best?
Did he promise you a Kop-proof kevlar vest?
So here it is, Merry Christmas
Even Motty's poking fun
Look to the table now
Relegation's almost done
(What will Konchesky do when he sees you dressed up like his mama kissing Santa Claus?)
A-ha
Are you hanging up your trophies on your wall?
Are you hoping that Norway's Division 1 will call?
Do you ride the Champions League gravy train
In a fantasy you've made?
When you land upon your arse
And singing Slade?
So here it is, Merry Christmas
Everybody's got a gun
Look to the contract now
The crowd say you're already done!
So here it is, Merry Christmas
Even JohnC can write a pun...
Look to retirement now
You're failure's just begun
IT'S SHIIIIIIIIITMAAAAAAAAAAAS