Supermarkets are bad in general, but the people in Tesco seem to be among the dullest fucking morons to have ever walked the face of the Earth.
If I'm walking past an aisle and my trolley is halfway across, fucking wait for me to pass before coming out. Don't fucking force your way past me forcing me to stop abruptly so as not to hit you, you ignorant c*nt. One of these times one of you will be unlucky enough to catch me feeling like Harry Callaghan and you'll suffer the full force of my trolley pushing wrath, punk. Until then, I'll flash you a dirty look and say something like "Aye, just go through then, never mind waiting two seconds" just loudly enough that you can hear it but quiet enough that you can't be sure. Cos that's how I fucking roll.
Hey check-out monkey, if I'm packing my shit and I'm running out of bags, give me more fucking bags you twat. Don't make me ask and certainly don't sit watching me have nowhere to put the shit your scanning and doing nothing. I'll stand here all fucking night if you want to have ourselves a stand-off. Otherwise give me the fucking bags like a good little retail-slave.
And to that fucking bitch that followed me down the frozen food aisle literally less than two feet from my heels, why are you in such a fucking rush? I was walking at a regular pace, I didn't even stop for a look. You'll get there in like ten seconds, give it a fucking break and get out of my personal space before I turn around and accidentally rape you, mistaking your physical closeness for unrepentant sexual desire. I don't want to go to jail! If you want to fuck, tell me. If not why are you so close to my dick right now?
And see you Tesco fucking Wireless. See every time I try to access Twitter, stop popping up asking me to join the fucking network. I can't join the network I don't have a shitty clubcard. And even if I did you'd probably charge me points for access you shitcoat. When I tell you once that I don't want to join, stop asking me every other fucking time. You're a shit, pointless wifi service. There are pubs, not even chain pubs, that offer FREE wireless access to everybody that comes in. And yet I can't have it? Fuck you. I'll use the shitty 3G signal I can get about 1/4 of the time I'm in your hollow metal carcass.
And see you, you fucking prick. You in front of me in the queue. Yeah that's right. See when you've finished putting your shopping up on the conveyor belt, and what a glorious shop you've managed to do for yourself this week. Is there anything in there that you wont fry? How about a piece of fruit or a vegetable you fat useless lump of shit. I bet if I cut you open Quality Streets would pour out, still in the wrappers, you greedy c*nt. And can someone check his folds? I think he's smuggling another week's shopping in there. But back to the matter at hand. When you've finished putting all your bacon and eggs and crisps and biscuits and cakes and chips and all the rest, grab a fucking "next customer" separator thingy (what the fuck's it called? I dunno, who gives a shit) and sit it at the end of your food. Otherwise you'll end up getting my shopping too. I know that wouldn't be a problem for you you fucking elephant, but I've not spent the last hour trudging around this place to have you take all the food I got. You wouldn't like a lot of it anyway. Some of it has colours in it other than brown and yellow. Ewwwww. It'll take you three seconds, less probably. Just do it. It's your place to do it. I shouldn't fucking have to.
