Topic: Things that wind you up irrationally...

[Anywhichwayicant]

Sarah Millican. Ooh I'm fat and me fanny stinks of stale butter like, ha ha ha. Fuck off.

She'd sound much better if she was telling her jokes from the bottom of a bottomless pit.

I've two garden gnomes out front that tell better jokes than this unfunny wretch.

[And Could He Play]

Fuck it, I'm on a roll now, and I haven't even been drinking.

Football Managers. Especially those ones who are obviously SHIT, and keep getting employed to do an even shitter job at the next club. You become a manager, you're shit at it, you get sacked because you're so shit at it, you walk away with ten million quid for the privilege of being shit at it, then you sit on a few MOTD sofas, pontificating about what the still-employed-because-they're-not-shit-like-you-were managers are doing wrong with their teams, before eventually being asked to take over another ailing club, who have just sacked their manager for being impossibly shitter than you ever were, where you only agree to take over if the club agrees to add a clause giving you twenty million quid this time, if they have to sack you because you're shit. 6 months later, they sack you because, to everyone's utter amazement, you're SHIT, but don't worry, because incredibly enough, there are loads of other completely clueless, blinkered clubs just QUEUEING UP for your particular brand of shitness.

And. if your name's Alan Shearer, you get to take five million a game while leading your club into relegation, and then LAUGH about it with Knobbo Lawrenson on the same MOTD sofa just days later, as you playfully jest that it's "business as usual" back on Planet Punditry from now on.

Football Management - surely the only profession where, the shitter you are, the more successful you become.

best post i have read in ages.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Amen...

[rushyman]

'Pint of Guinness, please'

'Thats £3.40 please'

I get halfway down the pint before I can relax about that. Fucking theft

[AriGold]

Being sick. Caught a bug of my little sister, was up until 6 with the runs and also brought my tea back up. Lost 5 pounds though so I suppose that's a positive

[BIGdavalad]

Twats who mither celebrities on Twitter for a retweet. Hi Lucas, can I have a RT because I'm having my hair cut today?

No you can't, throw yourself in front of the next express train that happens to pass you, you utter utter sheep's c*nt.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Twats who mither celebrities on Twitter for a retweet. Hi Lucas, can I have a RT because I'm having my hair cut today?

No you can't, throw yourself in front of the next express train that happens to pass you, you utter utter sheep's c*nt.

"Like"

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Pneumonia.

Missus has had it for almost 3 weeks and even spent 5 days in the hospital. This morning..... I frigging have it too! Fuck off Will you?

[Fiasco]

Pneumonia.

Missus has had it for almost 3 weeks and even spent 5 days in the hospital. This morning..... I frigging have it too! Fuck off Will you?

Fuckinghell, get well soon mate, your Mrs too.

[jaffod]

Pneumonia.

Missus has had it for almost 3 weeks and even spent 5 days in the hospital. This morning..... I frigging have it too! Fuck off Will you?

Told you you'd be lucky to get it before Chrimbo (sex that is, not pneumonia). 

Get well soon mate.

[Bob Loblaw]

Peas.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Fuckinghell, get well soon mate, your Mrs too.

Thanks...

Told you you'd be lucky to get it before Chrimbo (sex that is, not pneumonia). 

Get well soon mate.

I know but why did you have to be right?

Thanks though. Already on antibiotics so things should improve slowly now...

[And Could He Play]

hope your well mate.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

hope your well mate.

I will be. Eventually.

 I hate having pneumonia. Takes ages before your lungs are back to normal. I mean a small walk from one to the other of our house has me panting right now.

[Lady_brandybuck]

Pneumonia.

Missus has had it for almost 3 weeks and even spent 5 days in the hospital. This morning..... I frigging have it too! Fuck off Will you?

Wow! get well soon, rest a lot and take good care.

[INABITSKI]

Go shopping out of your own area, about 40 miles away to be precise. Buy yourself some new gear, rather happy and all that and you come home.

Take everything out of the bags and go to hang them up then realise the stupid dickhead from behind the counter somehow manages to leave the security tag in the back of my new top. How the fuck did I get through the detectors on the door without it going off if that is what it is there for and if by somehow they did switch it off or whatever the fuck they do, did they not remove the bastard thing?

Phone them up, "just come in and we can remove it or send it in the post and we will get it mailed back to you in a few days". Yeah thanks!

[J-Mc-]

Go shopping out of your own area, about 40 miles away to be precise. Buy yourself some new gear, rather happy and all that and you come home.

Take everything out of the bags and go to hang them up then realise the stupid dickhead from behind the counter somehow manages to leave the security tag in the back of my new top. How the fuck did I get through the detectors on the door without it going off if that is what it is there for and if by somehow they did switch it off or whatever the fuck they do, did they not remove the bastard thing?

Phone them up, "just come in and we can remove it or send it in the post and we will get it mailed back to you in a few days". Yeah thanks!

You can get it off with a pair of scissors mate, just cut the plastic dwn and get the nail out of the end, done it before, just be careful.

[And Could He Play]

You can get it off with a pair of scissors mate, just cut the plastic dwn and get the nail out of the end, done it before, just be careful.

always knew you was a shoplifter.

[Anywhichwayicant]

Housemate has a few of her friends over for a few drinks.

One of them is walking around the house making elephant noises with a peice of corned beef hanging out her snout in a tube shape acting as her trunk.

I found it funny at first, about 40 minutes ago, but she is still fucking doing it.

[And Could He Play]

Housemate has a few of her friends over for a few drinks.

One of them is walking around the house making elephant noises with a peice of corned beef hanging out her snout in a tube shape acting as her trunk.

I found it funny at first, about 40 minutes ago, but she is still fucking doing it.

shag her and bag her.

[AriGold]

Housemate has a few of her friends over for a few drinks.

One of them is walking around the house making elephant noises with a peice of corned beef hanging out her snout in a tube shape acting as her trunk.

I found it funny at first, about 40 minutes ago, but she is still fucking doing it.

So she loves a bit of beef in her face but you're sitting on here?!

[INABITSKI]

You can get it off with a pair of scissors mate, just cut the plastic dwn and get the nail out of the end, done it before, just be careful.

Might give it a go tomorrow. Had too many now to do it without ripping the top/slicing my fingers off. 

[BRdispatch05]

Might give it a go tomorrow. Had too many now to do it without ripping the top/slicing my fingers off. 

found this video if it helps


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/KRIqwSOeVXU&amp;feature=player_embedded" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/KRIqwSOeVXU&amp;feature=player_embedded</a>

this one explains it a little better

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/fOKxmBos9ZM&amp;feature=related" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/fOKxmBos9ZM&amp;feature=related</a>

[INABITSKI]

found this video if it helps

Was the dome shaped one. Had to burn the end off it and slice through. No damage, no house fire, all is well. Thanks.

[Gobias Industries]

Wikipedia Programmer Brandon Harris.

Look, mate. I get that Wikipedia is a good thing. I fucking love it. If I had the money I would donate. But when I open a page and I start reading and suddenly your fucking mug is there, it makes me want to close the page. You look like a fucking paedo. If you're going to be one of the three faces of the company along with Jimmy Wales' oddly intense stare and the crazy cat lady, can you at least tidy yourself up a bit? Get a hair cut, do something about the paedo stache. I can see how long your hair is you fucking oddball. There's no need for that. You sit in front of a computer all day, you're not a rock god. And stop looking at me like that. I get it, you were born a decade too late and you missed out on being in a band back when Rock music was cool and it was about the music. But fuck me mate get a smile on your face or something. But not before you've had a trim and a shave cos that would just look creepy. Really fucking creepy.

Wikipedia author Susan Hewitt

Am I supposed to be fucking impressed that you've authored a bajillion pages? Maybe if you'd only authored a trillion pages you'd have had time for a haircut. If I give my money to you will you spend it on tins of felix? Will you buy more fabric to sew your own clothes? Who knows. Weirdo.

Jimmy Wales...

Stop trying to stare-fuck my money out of my wallet you creep.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Thanks for making my day Gobias. Stare-fuck, thats got me chuckling away here.

[shockwave_dave]

Wikipedia Programmer Brandon Harris.

Look, mate. I get that Wikipedia is a good thing. I fucking love it. If I had the money I would donate. But when I open a page and I start reading and suddenly your fucking mug is there, it makes me want to close the page. You look like a fucking paedo. If you're going to be one of the three faces of the company along with Jimmy Wales' oddly intense stare and the crazy cat lady, can you at least tidy yourself up a bit? Get a hair cut, do something about the paedo stache. I can see how long your hair is you fucking oddball. There's no need for that. You sit in front of a computer all day, you're not a rock god. And stop looking at me like that. I get it, you were born a decade too late and you missed out on being in a band back when Rock music was cool and it was about the music. But fuck me mate get a smile on your face or something. But not before you've had a trim and a shave cos that would just look creepy. Really fucking creepy.

Wikipedia author Susan Hewitt

Am I supposed to be fucking impressed that you've authored a bajillion pages? Maybe if you'd only authored a trillion pages you'd have had time for a haircut. If I give my money to you will you spend it on tins of felix? Will you buy more fabric to sew your own clothes? Who knows. Weirdo.

Jimmy Wales...

Stop trying to stare-fuck my money out of my wallet you creep.

[And Could He Play]

have to agree with gobias, its fucking annoying.

[stevedo]

 
Nice one Gobias, that's cheered me up!

[And Could He Play]

Holiday Showdown.


Fucks sake what do these people expect, they always end up arguing, you know what your getting yourself in for. Fucks sake.

[Matt8Pie]

That fucking quim in the Ladbrokes ad.

[Crosby Nick]

Isofix bases for kids car seats and their picture instructions. I spent half an hour on step 1, trying to attach the plastic brackets into the metal hooks. Brought on a severe case of Playstation thumb as well and I couldn't even get it done. Sister in law turns up and does the whole thing in two minutes.

Fuck me I am useless (and I suspect what really winds me up!).

[AlphaDelta]

Overseas call centres, I really, really, really hate them!

It just seems that every single company nowadays had outsourced to Addis Ababa or Kathmandu. Last week I had the misfortune to ring Virgin Media and Vodafone, low and behold Virgin Media kept me waiting for 25 minutes before I spoke to a nice man who could hardly speak the Queens English!
Then, Vodafone I telephoned to ask why I had been charged an extra £10 on my bill, and ended up getting shouted at by the guy on the phone!!! 

[And Could He Play]

Overseas call centres, I really, really, really hate them!

It just seems that every single company nowadays had outsourced to Addis Ababa or Kathmandu. Last week I had the misfortune to ring Virgin Media and Vodafone, low and behold Virgin Media kept me waiting for 25 minutes before I spoke to a nice man who could hardly speak the Queens English!
Then, Vodafone I telephoned to ask why I had been charged an extra £10 on my bill, and ended up getting shouted at by the guy on the phone!!! 

Vodephone rang me the other day, i tried to be polite as i could with the sales guy and i'm in sales myself and understand how it works but fucks sake, he then said "so you don't want a free mobile from us today", i said no, he seemed shocked and got a bit moody with me

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Vodephone rang me the other day, i tried to be polite as i could with the sales guy and i'm in sales myself and understand how it works but fucks sake, he then said "so you don't want a free mobile from us today", i said no, he seemed shocked and got a bit moody with me

Running our own business we (missus and myself) get alot of calls from various types of companies trying to sell us their products. Not too long ago this fella from a teleprovider called up and my missus answered the call. After he'd introduced himself my missus wanted to cut the conversation short because she knew what was coming and we are not interested because we have a really good deal on our mobile phones. So she politely tells him that she's not interested to which he replies that she doesn't even know what his call is about. She tells him that she thinks he wants to sell some Mobile phone deal. His reply was: "No I am calling to sell you a whore and three hand grenades!"

Amazing innit?

[Red Genius]

Running our own business we (missus and myself) get alot of calls from various types of companies trying to sell us their products. Not too long ago this fella from a teleprovider called up and my missus answered the call. After he'd introduced himself my missus wanted to cut the conversation short because she knew what was coming and we are not interested because we have a really good deal on our mobile phones. So she politely tells him that she's not interested to which he replies that she doesn't even know what his call is about. She tells him that she thinks he wants to sell some Mobile phone deal. His reply was: "No I am calling to sell you a whore and three hand grenades!"

Amazing innit?

Always sound interested to begin with, take the persons name and company they are representing. Once you have this information tell them to do one. If they respond in such a manner as above, call their office, report the call and kick up an almighty fuss. Said c*nt could then well be disciplined and you're likely to be removed from all telemarketing future calls.

If you're an existing customer of said company you're likely to be given some sort of freebie.

Don't hate the players.... just play the game, and win.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Always sound interested to begin with, take the persons name and company they are representing. Once you have this information tell them to do one. If they respond in such a manner as above, call their office, report the call and kick up an almighty fuss. Said c*nt could then well be disciplined and you're likely to be removed from all telemarketing future calls.

If you're an existing customer of said company you're likely to be given some sort of freebie.

Don't hate the players.... just play the game, and win.

That's exactly what I did. My wife remembered his first name and the company name so I wrote them a mail complaining about the persons behaviour. Next morning there was a reply from a team leader that unfortunately they hadn't been able to locate the person because our company nor phone number showed up on their lists. I told her the time of the call and our phone number again and that I expected them to look further into it and that I expected an apology.

At 3 in the afternoon their Managing director called me and offered me an apology. He kept apologising over and over to the extend that I asked him to stop. He explained that the person in question had in fact just taken a course in handling conflicts on the phone(!) but admitter that he obviously hadn't understood the meaning of it. He then offered mé an apology in writing as well but I thanked no to it.

[jaffod]

Overseas call centres, I really, really, really hate them!

It just seems that every single company nowadays had outsourced to Addis Ababa or Kathmandu. Last week I had the misfortune to ring Virgin Media and Vodafone, low and behold Virgin Media kept me waiting for 25 minutes before I spoke to a nice man who could hardly speak the Queens English!
Then, Vodafone I telephoned to ask why I had been charged an extra £10 on my bill, and ended up getting shouted at by the guy on the phone!!! 

I phoned Virgin last week to ask them why they were charging me 15 quid a month for broadband when their website quite clearly states it is £13.50.
 The woman told me she would put me on hold 'for a minute' (no idea why, it was a simple enough question). Anyway, I then endured 10 minutes of loud, shite rap music until my anger got the better of me and I hung up.
 I then phoned Sky who told me I could get broadband, home phone and HD for 10 quid a month less. I'm going to phone them back tomorrow and order it.
 The next time Virgin hear from me is when I phone them up to cancel my services with them.

[paddysour]

Cheaters. I've just read the compromising positions thread and the posts where people talked about the cheating that goes on at Christmas parties has seriously wound me up. I dunno what it is, just the thought of it seriously fucks me off. How is it possible to be so angry about someone you've never met being cheated on? I haven't even been cheated on myself so it's not that. Weird.

And people who don't read a thread before they post. No you're not fucking special, you aren't the only one to see that tweet or read that article that was posted 12 fucking hours before you thought you'd enlighten us, dick.

[archie87]

Wikipedia Programmer Brandon Harris.

Look, mate. I get that Wikipedia is a good thing. I fucking love it. If I had the money I would donate. But when I open a page and I start reading and suddenly your fucking mug is there, it makes me want to close the page. You look like a fucking paedo. If you're going to be one of the three faces of the company along with Jimmy Wales' oddly intense stare and the crazy cat lady, can you at least tidy yourself up a bit? Get a hair cut, do something about the paedo stache. I can see how long your hair is you fucking oddball. There's no need for that. You sit in front of a computer all day, you're not a rock god. And stop looking at me like that. I get it, you were born a decade too late and you missed out on being in a band back when Rock music was cool and it was about the music. But fuck me mate get a smile on your face or something. But not before you've had a trim and a shave cos that would just look creepy. Really fucking creepy.

Wikipedia author Susan Hewitt

Am I supposed to be fucking impressed that you've authored a bajillion pages? Maybe if you'd only authored a trillion pages you'd have had time for a haircut. If I give my money to you will you spend it on tins of felix? Will you buy more fabric to sew your own clothes? Who knows. Weirdo.

Jimmy Wales...

Stop trying to stare-fuck my money out of my wallet you creep.

Hahahahahh spot on. I don't like the side on angle on Jimmy's photo. There's something sinister about it. Fuckoff Jimmy ay!!