Topic: Struggling with depression

[Kenny's Jacket]

Just a quick 'un to say if I make it to January the 5th, that's six months with no alcohol

And this is a heavy season, but I'm thinking of it in terms of my "streak". I'm proud of myself, it's the CBT and discipline, and yeah I've been bored off my nut at times, and I still have dark thoughts - usually at night - but things are calmer.

It's no comparison for me really. No bevvy, but I've lost half a stone, I am usually sleeping really well, and I'm flying at work And the lass, she has been great, just sees the change in me and keeps me going

And I go out with mates, I've ordered 0% German beer as an Xmas treat for meself. I can go to a pub and drink anything but alcohol and still have fun. So it's really like all the stuff I might have feared is just, like the depression thoughts, not reality.

I don't think knocking the ale on the head was a silver bullet, but it has made a big difference.

I care more about the six months milestone than I do about, like.. this is why I'm not drinking: Say I had one. And it was just a drink. And it wouldn't affect me, I wouldn't be merry off that. So why bother?

So I'm building a streak. August 5th - ?

I do have to vouch for CBT. I'm in control. And that's the thing that keeps it all going really - once you're doing well, you learn to trust yourself; I'm unhappy sometimes, who isn't? There's nothing wrong with being unhappy.

Unless another factor is in the way, you can often control your reaction to things. And out there, in the world, in your reality, that's what matters the most. I can't stop things occuring to me, though I can control what I do next.

Seeing me dad boxing day. It might still be tough. He probably won't remember me. But that's just par for the course with alzheimers. Really, it's just another duty. Stick it on the bill!

Well in Tone,   Thats ace maste 

[spen71]

Well done Tone.    Alcohol and depression don’t mix

[ToneLa]

Aw, yous are all lovely - thanks

And anyone suffering - it is possible to beat depression back a bit (don't obsess about "getting rid of it", but I was born with it I reckon - it's not in charge now)

Will try to look in here over xmas, return the favour   

[Red Beret]

In what can only be irony, a friend of mine on FB liked a post I made way back in 2015 about receiving benefit. I will share it here with you all, in light of recent events I experienced that I told you about:

I am lucky.  I've never needed to use a foodbank.  I can pay my electricity bill and shave with hot water.  I can afford to heat my home.

I have used the money I have received from the Government in the form of benefits to invest in myself.  I have had Reiki treatment.  I have taken train rides to get out of the city, get some fresh air, and perhaps still the chatter in my head, if only for a few hours.

I've paid for a gym membership and bought myself exercise equipment.  I also invested in a new laptop, as my other was nine years old.  I've even given money away - to help my brother and mother pay bills; and to pay back my dear friend Rita who bought me a washing machine.  And then I got myself an expensive new coat to replace the one I had had for seven years that was full of holes and a broken zip, because I wanted to feel good about myself and knew I may not have many chances to buy such a good quality coat.

And guess what?  I will also be using my benefits to travel; perhaps even to see some of my long standing friends in America.  Because a person needs new experiences in life and I hope it will inspire and encourage my healing.  I'm even looking into private therapy if I can stretch my budget.

I was a taxpayer for over 10 years.  And I have had to fight long and hard to get these benefits and persuade the Department of Work and Pensions that I have a medical condition that prevents me from looking for and performing paid work.

So if you are one of those people who are so inclined to believe that a person who receives benefit is not entitled to spend money on a few little luxuries, like the occasional night out or overnight stay to London; if you feel that benefit is purely for the necessity of survival in a world where we are bombarded by manipulative advertising, where we are made to feel we are less of a person for not doing this or owning that; if you feel that if a person can buy a four pack of Fosters then they don't need a foodbank; in short, if you think you should have a say or have a right to look down at me for how I choose to spend the money I am LEGALLY ENTITLED TO AND HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL FOR, then do us both a favour and get the fuck off my facebook.  Because you are the lowest, most inhumane, most selfish and unempathic creatures on God's Earth and I want nothing to do with you.

[Red Beret]

Interesting video here. Might help with self awareness of negativity and promote positive lifestyle changes.

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/g6zXBHdbQJI&amp;ab_channel=TherapyinaNutshell" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/g6zXBHdbQJI&amp;ab_channel=TherapyinaNutshell</a>

[AndyMuller]

I can’t wait for this year to be over. 2 break ups in one year with different people is heavy going.

[spen71]

I can’t wait for this year to be over. 2 break ups in one year with different people is heavy going.

Might be a good time to stay single for a bit ?   Discover how you tick?

[Red Beret]

Might be a good time to stay single for a bit ?   Discover how you tick?

Agree with this. Break ups don't point to an inherent issue in either yourself or your partner; but they are an opportunity for introspection and decide what it is you truly want and what actually clicks with you in another person.

[rob1966]

Might be a good time to stay single for a bit ?   Discover how you tick?

Split with 3 in 12 months, 9yr relationship July 05, 2nd and 3rd in 06 short lived, I ended one, she ended the other met the now wife 15 months after the 1st break up, so you never know whats around the corner.

I still don't know how I tick at 57

[spen71]

Split with 3 in 12 months, 9yr relationship July 05, 2nd and 3rd in 06 short lived, I ended one, she ended the other met the now wife 15 months after the 1st break up, so you never know whats around the corner.

I still don't know how I tick at 57

Bloody hell that’s more relationships I’ve had in my life. Ha ha.   I just prefer being on my own.   Find that most people bore me.   Nothing wrong with them,  just find it all tedious

[JP!]

Found the last year very hard, finding the last few days difficult too.It's all very complicated and boring, but I'm still here. Must crack on.

[damomad]

Found the last year very hard, finding the last few days difficult too.It's all very complicated and boring, but I'm still here. Must crack on.

I think I need to get away over Christmas in future years. Find myself lapsing into old toxic dynamics, always counting down the days until it’s over.

As time goes on, people I know are becoming a bit more unhinged or loved ones behavior I just have no tolerance for anymore. Like the cloud of depression that hangs over our house with my da. Love him to bits but it’s fucking eggshells every time we are under one roof. Found myself tidying the room I’m staying in for a few days so he doesn’t crack up. Can’t believe I haven’t got over this shit decades later.

[rob1966]

Bloody hell that’s more relationships I’ve had in my life. Ha ha.   I just prefer being on my own.   Find that most people bore me.   Nothing wrong with them,  just find it all tedious

Horses for courses isn't it. I was single for a long time in my 20's, couldn't be arsed with anyone, can't be on my own now

2007 was nuts for me - got engaged New Years Day, drove to Southport and told me Ma I was finally getting married, moved from Burscough back to me Ma's to save up, Ma then died 1st April from cancer, moved to Manc in May, married in Sept, got her pregnant on honeymoon.

I think I need to get away over Christmas in future years. Find myself lapsing into old toxic dynamics, always counting down the days until it’s over.

As time goes on, people I know are becoming a bit more unhinged or loved ones behavior I just have no tolerance for anymore. Like the cloud of depression that hangs over our house with my da. Love him to bits but it’s fucking eggshells every time we are under one roof. Found myself tidying the room I’m staying in for a few days so he doesn’t crack up. Can’t believe I haven’t got over this shit decades later.

Get yourself to Gran Canaria, know someone who goes there every Crimbo and he loves it.

[spen71]

Of course,  each to their own Rob.  Wasn’t having a go,  much prefer my own company, it’s just the way I’m made.

[Black Bull Nova]

Found the last year very hard, finding the last few days difficult too.It's all very complicated and boring, but I'm still here. Must crack on.

Remember you are not alone, you are not as rare as you might think, look after yourself

[rob1966]

Of course,  each to their own Rob.  Wasn’t having a go,  much prefer my own company, it’s just the way I’m made.

Sorry if I came across as being funny, wasn't intended.

[slotmachine]

Its a horrific time the christmas holiday season for Depression sufferers. As someone who has struggled with a lifetime of depression, anxiety and loneliness its a twat of a time. Even my only sanctuary, the gym is closed on christmas day and boxing day and then again on new years day. There is no escape when your suffering and pain is at its worst at this time.

I feel such relief every year when we get to the 2nd of january. I tell you one thing i am fucking off to Thailand for a month next Chrimbo cant be dealing with the extra pressure that christmas has on my mental health. Its such a vulnerable time for me.

[Son of Spion]

^
It's definitely a very difficult time for so many. I count myself thankful these days. I still have my Mum. I have a great partner and a good family. Despite that, on Christmas Day I was sat on a bench in Blundellsands with the dog and I felt awful and wanted to cry my eyes out. I felt so low, apprehensive and stuck. That's despite having many blessings to count these days.

I almost put the dog in the car and headed off to the Lake District just to get away from it all. In the end I decided not to make it about me, so went to my mum's for dinner with the family. It was nice. I'm glad I did. I'm also glad I had that kind of choice to make, because I know many do not.

I find myself dreading Christmas from July onwards, when they start banging on about the "run-up to Christmas".    It depresses the hell out of me.

[Red Beret]

Glad I'm not the only one who has been thinking of doing a runner. Between the miserable weather and the long dark nights I'm desperate for a change of scene.

[spen71]

Its a horrific time the christmas holiday season for Depression sufferers. As someone who has struggled with a lifetime of depression, anxiety and loneliness its a twat of a time. Even my only sanctuary, the gym is closed on christmas day and boxing day and then again on new years day. There is no escape when your suffering and pain is at its worst at this time.

I feel such relief every year when we get to the 2nd of january. I tell you one thing i am fucking off to Thailand for a month next Chrimbo cant be dealing with the extra pressure that christmas has on my mental health. Its such a vulnerable time for me.

Seriously thinking of going myself for a couple of weeks

[Black Bull Nova]

^
It's definitely a very difficult time for so many. I count myself thankful these days. I still have my Mum. I have a great partner and a good family. Despite that, on Christmas Day I was sat on a bench in Blundellsands with the dog and I felt awful and wanted to cry my eyes out. I felt so low, apprehensive and stuck. That's despite having many blessings to count these days.

I almost put the dog in the car and headed off to the Lake District just to get away from it all. In the end I decided not to make it about me, so went to my mum's for dinner with the family. It was nice. I'm glad I did. I'm also glad I had that kind of choice to make, because I know many do not.

I find myself dreading Christmas from July onwards, when they start banging on about the "run-up to Christmas".    It depresses the hell out of me.

There is so much pressure to feel 'good' at christmas but it is really like any other time of year, except for the opportunities it 'can' give you (see post above). Not everyone has those opportunities so it can be hard as a result. Getting through for some is about survival but then you have the rest of winter without much to look forward to, the weather does not help either. I sort of see christmas as a time which is supposed to promise something but for those on their own, that promise is not there, just a threat.

[Kenny's Jacket]

Ive come to really resent Christmas.

When I was married we had the whole are we going to my Families or hers, when all we wanted to do was spend it at our house or with our friends, The weird thing is I like my in-laws and she liked hers. Ita just its not what any of us wanted. After we split I moved abroad and it was expected I would fly "home" for Christmas. 
So I was paying £8-900 to spend 17 hours on a plane go to a place I didnt want to be in.

Now I like with my Mum and Sister, or rather, they live with me in my house and I have to bend to how they want to spend Christmas
We have 3 (three) Christmas Trees, the house isd big but that ridiculous,

It means I cant have access to certain parts of the house (like the room my clothes are in) as my chair wont get passed the tree,
I warned my sister not to get too big as tree in that area as this happened last year too.

I realise this isnt causing depression so sorry to use this thread but its a making me resent her and she doesn't get it.

Most of my mates have wives and kids and spend their time with their families, the others go abroad, I saw my other non Welsh mates before the Arsenal game, thats been the only good day (until the result)

It will be over soon.

Hope everyone has a great 2024 .

[rob1966]

I can't post in this thread anymore as my bloody kids read RAWK to see what I'm ranting about ...............

[reddebs]

It's weird how the pressure of Christmas ruins it for so many people.

I had amazing family Christmases as a child which evolved as we all got older that were equally as fun just grown up versions.

When I had my kids I wanted to replicate the types of Christmas I'd enjoyed but my prick of a husband preferred to be in the pub getting pissed with his mates and my parents were quite hostile that I didn't want to spend it with them.

Whenever my depression, insecurities and anxiety has reared it's head, it's always been in the run up to or just after Christmas. 

That feeling of never being able to live up to others expectations but also the guilt of deciding to stay at home or only visiting for one day rather than spend 4 or 5 days with the family always got to me.

Since my dad died in 2015 Christmas has been a joyful experience again.  I no longer have to stress over where I'll be, who I'll spend it with or if I need to get dressed up.  We're at home, just the two of us and we do it our way.

Nobody in my family would understand any of that nor agree with how I feel and would probably say I'm being silly if that's how I felt which is why I've never said anything.

[Kenny's Jacket]

I can't post in this thread anymore as my bloody kids read RAWK to see what I'm ranting about ...............

The Irony here is Id like my lot to read my last post in this thread. 

[rob1966]

The Irony here is Id like my lot to read my last post in this thread. 

Sad isn't it, your situation can easily lead to depression when you feel like you're bing ignored

Mine are too young to read what their Dad is dealing with

[Kenny's Jacket]

Sad isn't it, your situation can easily lead to depression when you feel like you're bing ignored

Mine are too young to read what their Dad is dealing with

Take care yourself Rob   

[JP!]

Love Christmas, as I get to go home to my family, but it wears me down after a few days, so I come back for NYE.  Nowhere to go, and no one to go with even if I had, as most of my mates have their own families or traditions.  Always feel crap this time of year, between Christmas and New Year.  Ho hum.

[So… Howard Philips]

I can't post in this thread anymore as my bloody kids read RAWK to see what I'm ranting about ...............

Open another account and don’t mention your flatulent wife, Kirkby, HGVs and middle lane hoggers and they won’t recognise you,

[Kenny's Jacket]

Open another account and don’t mention your flatulent wife, Kirkby, HGVs and middle lane hoggers and they won’t recognise you,

Or Heave metal, or coding or the tool hire company or Southport.

 

[Kenny's Jacket]

Oh and birth year

[rob1966]

Open another account and don’t mention your flatulent wife, Kirkby, HGVs and middle lane hoggers and they won’t recognise you,

Or Heave metal, or coding or the tool hire company or Southport.

They read my stuff and say "why do you claim all that Dad, none of that is true?"

[Crosby Nick]

Open another account and don’t mention your flatulent wife, Kirkby, HGVs and middle lane hoggers and they won’t recognise you,

And do constantly mention that you’re wearing trousers.

[Peabee]

I have therapy in 10 mins. Not sure it's for me. My anxiety has been low for the last few weeks except for the lead up to my appointments... Hoping there's something I can work on by myself. That worked for me when getting over my 'substance misuse' (hate that phrase).

[Son of Spion]

^
It's always worth giving it a go and seeing how it pans out for you. All the best with it.

[Peabee]

^
It's always worth giving it a go and seeing how it pans out for you. All the best with it.

Yeah, at least I'm engaged with the Psychology dept now. I tried the medical route using antidepressants, but it wasn't for me. They say it's understandable to be averse to using medication after my struggles with addiction. I'd rather try to retrain my brain to cope with depression, anxiety, etc, so I'm sticking with it after the chat I just had with one of their team.

[Kenny's Jacket]

Yeah, at least I'm engaged with the Psychology dept now. I tried the medical route using antidepressants, but it wasn't for me. They say it's understandable to be averse to using medication after my struggles with addiction. I'd rather try to retrain my brain to cope with depression, anxiety, etc, so I'm sticking with it after the chat I just had with one of their team.

Did you feel better afterwards

[Peabee]

Did you feel better afterwards

Yeah, there's a plan in place now. I've got some goals to work on before my next treatment starts. I've slowly been working on a few things myself these last few months, e.g. cutting down/out drinking, quitting smoking and eating better and healthy food.

I let my emotions control me too much. I nearly cancelled that appointment, and I think I just typed about it in here as a way of committing to it... Whatever works eh.

[Kenny's Jacket]

Yeah, there's a plan in place now. I've got some goals to work on before my next treatment starts. I've slowly been working on a few things myself these last few months, e.g. cutting down/out drinking, quitting smoking and eating better and healthy food.

I let my emotions control me too much. I nearly cancelled that appointment, and I think I just typed about it in here as a way of committing to it... Whatever works eh.

Absolutely Its a useful  tactic. If tell people about a commitment or even arrange to meet someone at the place of commitment example the Gym, you are more likely to fulfil the commitment

Good luck

[Peabee]

Absolutely Its a useful  tactic. If tell people about a commitment or even arrange to meet someone at the place of commitment example the Gym, you are more likely to fulfil the commitment

Good luck

Exactly. Cheers mate, appreciated.