So there I am, having a relaxing Saturday night with the missus and the kids, curled up on the couch watching Pineapple Express. I heard a loud noise above me, looked up to see what it was, and part of the ceiling fell down and twatted me on the head. Could you believe that the four of them were pissing themselves laughing at me? Well fear not my intrepid fellow RAWKites. Moments later there was another unearthly bang, and the rest of the fucking ceiling came crashing down all over them and the two dogs. Ha fucking ha! There's some fucking Karma for you right there! Unfortunately, none of them were seriously hurt, so I threw a chunk of plaster at one of the kids' heads when he wasn't looking. Take that, laughing boy!
So for the last few hours, I've been hastily trying to revert the living room to a habitable environment, because it looked like a fucking Baghdad Hospital after a bit of good old US friendly fire! If it wasn't bad enough that we looked like a family of earthquake survivors, some of it fell in my fucking mug of tea too. This is something that will need more than a bit of Bonjella to fix.
Anyway, in the best traditions of RAWK, while I'm busy trying to declare a household emergency and thinking about phoning the Red Cross to send provisions, Mrs Macca is busy updating her fucking facebook status and taking photos. There's probably one right now on her profile of me mouthing "put that fucking camera away" at her. So I'm looking like Fred fucking Dibnah post explosion, and she thinks she's the bastard Kate Adie of facebook.
I'm on her laptop now and I can't resize photos on it, so I can't post a pic, but I will do tomorrow. I've sent a search and rescue team out to find my computer. Bono and Geldof better put on a fucking charity relief concert for me, the big fucking turds.