A few years ago i was meeting up with a mate of mine who worked in a secure area of the mental hospital up the road. Said i would meet him at work, and he would get changed there so we could head out on the piss.
Called in, and he let me through all the doors, then made me a coffee in the Kitchen, and said to wait for him in the TV room while he finished up, and got ready. He also said whatever i do, dont let you coffee mug out of your sight, as there were a few patients who tended to nick off with them.
So went into the TV room, in which there were approx 20 patients, some wearing Crash helmets, others calmly chewing their jumpers, and a few just fixated on whatever crap was on the TV.
Rather than going back and telling anyone i was rather uncomfortable with the situation, i decided to sit in the only spare armchair and hope for the best.
As soon as i plonked myself down, the focus of the room turned firmly to me - a few of them were getting excited, and started making bizarre noise and stuff, and then one patient, a women about 15 stone, came over and sat on my knee. Trying to talk her out of her new seat and in my haste to get up, i let go of the mug, and tried to lift this women off - seeing the opportunity, one of the other patients made a grab for the coffee and proceeded off down the corridor.
Finally managed to get up, and tried to get the mug back, but the whole room got up with me and as i got through the door, every single one of the patients grabbed onto us and kind of formed a conga, about 6 people long and 3 wide, all going nuts and yelping and grunting etc.
The rest of the staff came rushing out to see what the commotion was, and saw me - now almost in tears - with a full on red face stood in the corridor, with what looked like a mosh pit at a fancy dress shop. They thought it was hilarious.
Just made arrangements to meet him in the pub after that.