Just back from a short break in Yorkshire where I managed to get breathalyzed by 2 fucking doughnuts sitting in an unmarked police car outside a fucking country pub.
I'd literally travelled 50 yards before the old flashing lights were going off in my rearview mirror. Apparently they had seen me come out of the pub and I was then observed to veer from one side of the carriageway to the other.
Or in other words the 2 fucking quims had seen me come out of the pub and thought "Let's pull this one on the off-chance he's over the limit".
The driver couldn't ask me enough questions as I sat there, what was I doing in Yorkshire, what was the weather like in Liverpool FFS, where were we staying? He didn't say another fucking word after the test proved negative, reckon he was gutted the fucking biff.
And while I'm on the subject of our little break, the fucking wankstain in the village pub. We'd put our stuff in our lodge and went straight to the nearest pub for a drink. Sat down and within 5 minutes some fucking beaut sitting by the bar was saying "I would never, ever go to Liverpool". Now I don't know if he had heard our accents or if it was pure co-incidence. To be fair one of the women with the gobshite said she'd recently visited Liverpool One and it was very nice but he was having none of it. Looked like a local because he had work gear on and seemed to know the other few people in there.
The thing is the pub fucking stunk, not just country smells but more like mold and decay, it looked like every fly in Yorkshire had taken up residence in there, the local chippy was rank and there was fuck all to do in the village apart from stroll round the newsagents.
So you carry on sitting in your poxy little pub, swatting flies away and waiting to die, while spouting ignorant bullshit you've read in your tabloid (if you can actually read at all that is) you massive fucking cockgobbler.
