The Liverpool v City game is enlivened by Top Red KDB who won’t stop hugging Virgil in the middle of the game, some say they can hear him saying “take me to see Calvin again bro”, he handcuffs himself to the goal in front of the Kop at the end of the game begging for a contract to sign for his one true footballing love. The game itself is a tight one, settled in injury time by a debut goal for Haaland. The Norwegian had an unexpected goal drought for his new club but breaks his duck at Anfield. Unfortunately for Son of Alf, it’s an own goal which bounces off his arse to hand the Reds three big points. Pep is so incensed he bursts into flames on the touchline.
Eric Ten Haag resigns in November after failing to drag Manchester United out of the relegation zone. Even dropping Ronaldo, who failed to get his move and spends every game sat cross legged in the centre circle while the game plays around him, doesn’t do any good. In a surprising move, the United board react by bringing back legendary goalkeeper Massimo Taibi as manager. “I’m back for Sir Alex” roars the Italian at his unveiling, only to be sacked three games later after a 12-0 defeat at Anfield. Wayne Rooney returns from the States to take over. “Once you’re a Blue, you’re always a Blue, except if you’re a Red like” Wazza squeaks at his first press conference. United fans are overjoyed, packing away the green and gold and wearing Hated Adored Never Ignored T-shirts for their favourite scouser.
Everton are forced to recall Sam Allardyce as manager after new Prime Minister Penny Mordaunt appoints Frank Lampard her new Culture Secretary. “It’s tough to leave Goodison, but I was born not manufactured a Tory, so I can’t turn down this”. Evertonians burn down Bramley Moor before it’s been built.
And on a more serious note, Liverpool to win the League, City to eventually win the CL, Spurs will win a cup, and Harvey Elliott to become a regular starter and get a senior England cap. Mo to score over 30 goals in all competitions
