"Last night, I was visited by the angel Gabriel. Surrounded by Seraphim, he said, 'You keep saying you're a Christian, and so, in the spirit of Easter, I have a message from the Lord Himself.
"Lo, saith the Lord" - and here I quote - "If you don't get your fucking finger out and start caring for the poor like I fucking said, there's going to be trouble and no mistake. Get over the fucking gays and immigrants, which, you dumb bint, you might notice I never said anything about, and start taking from the rich and looking after the poor, the imprisoned, the abandoned and the meek. I fucking laid it all out for you so fucking get on it."
Gabriel noted that the Lord had been drinking over Easter and was unusually forthright in his views. he thought it best to skip the part about Boris and just deliver that in transcription.
'Henceforth, my government will atone for all the sins of its past by actually being a truly Christian government, and as a vicar's daughter, I will finally read the New Testament properly and do kindly acts of redistribution and justice in the name of Love."