Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 680925 times)

Offline planet-terror

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4160 on: March 1, 2020, 02:52:05 pm »
I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what gets rid of coronavirus?

She said 'ammonia cleaner'
 I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.
bollocks

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4161 on: March 1, 2020, 03:04:08 pm »
I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what gets rid of coronavirus?

She said 'ammonia cleaner'
 I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.

Top class :lmao
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Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4162 on: March 1, 2020, 03:42:42 pm »
My local KFC has run out of gravy. I blame the stock market.

Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4163 on: March 1, 2020, 06:50:37 pm »
I went to stand where two walls meet. I got the corner virus.

Fuck off, that's no worse than Jim's.
Love Ren & Stimpy

Offline Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4164 on: March 1, 2020, 07:34:07 pm »
Some people used to really hate it when they saw Derek Acorah smiling. What’s wrong with a happy medium?

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4165 on: March 1, 2020, 07:36:50 pm »
The most amazing display of cooperation, when one thousand islands came together and agreed on one dressing.....

Offline ToneLa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4166 on: March 2, 2020, 07:51:42 am »
Me: Doctor, doctor, am I addicted to gambling?

Doctor: You bet.

Offline ToneLa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4167 on: March 2, 2020, 11:55:05 am »
Remember when Puff Daddy's mate got shot?

I didn't care - no Biggie.

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4168 on: March 2, 2020, 12:05:19 pm »
My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?"

I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing."

Offline ToneLa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4169 on: March 2, 2020, 12:16:06 pm »
I might invent a device that lets me read minds. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Offline ToneLa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4170 on: March 2, 2020, 12:20:35 pm »
Aw man, having such a hard time lately - I really know I'm losing the plot when I start talking to myselves

Offline ToneLa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4171 on: March 2, 2020, 12:21:14 pm »
Hosting an orgy tonight.

I hope people come

Offline M(oaning) B(ecomes) E(mbarrassing)

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4172 on: March 2, 2020, 12:50:16 pm »
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Two.

One to actually change the bulb and the other to hold the penis..chair.. I meant chair. 
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4173 on: March 2, 2020, 12:53:49 pm »
I went into Boots yesterday and asked the assistant 'what gets rid of coronavirus?

She said 'ammonia cleaner'
 I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.

 ;D ;D ;D
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4174 on: March 2, 2020, 03:07:16 pm »
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Two.

One to actually change the bulb and the other to hold the penis..chair.. I meant chair. 

Too late mate. ;D
Love Ren & Stimpy

Offline Mark Walters

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4175 on: March 2, 2020, 04:18:27 pm »
Hosting an orgy tonight.

I hope people come

Eeeeww, you sick puppy!
"Maybe in life it's impossible to give 100 per cent to your job. Okay, I'll accept 98 per cent" Rafa Benitez

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4176 on: March 2, 2020, 07:07:38 pm »
I've decided my New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4177 on: March 2, 2020, 07:51:43 pm »
Someone broke into my house last night and stole all the lamps.

I couldn't be more delighted!

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4178 on: March 2, 2020, 08:04:00 pm »
I read a book about World War II that was only four pages long.

It was Abridged Too Far!

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4179 on: March 2, 2020, 09:06:47 pm »
I fell into a sewerage farm tank last night.
I'm really down in the dumps this morning.
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4180 on: March 2, 2020, 09:25:21 pm »
A variation on a theme but:

They should hand out Jordan Pickford shirts to protect against Coronavirus, he's never caught a thing.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4181 on: March 2, 2020, 10:31:07 pm »
Been doing the rounds......




Wife's  Diary:    

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,      
but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I can't explain his behaviour.
I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.  He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.  About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.  He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do.  I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is a disaster.

Husband's  Diary:

Who the fuck loses to Watford?


@ Veinticinco de Mayo The way you talk to other users on this forum is something you should be ashamed of as someone who is suppose to be representing the site.
Martin Kenneth Wild - Part of a family

Offline Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4182 on: March 2, 2020, 10:34:32 pm »
:lmao

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4183 on: March 2, 2020, 11:31:51 pm »
What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4184 on: March 3, 2020, 03:37:54 pm »
I was reading a book about the history of glue last night

I couldn't put it down.

Quote from: Lee1-6Liv
Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4185 on: March 3, 2020, 03:46:37 pm »
I was reading a book about the history of glue last night

I couldn't put it down.


I initially couldn't get past the 1st chapter but I decided to stick with it.....

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4186 on: March 3, 2020, 03:51:10 pm »
Warning: NSFW.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)







« Last Edit: March 3, 2020, 03:54:56 pm by Medellin »
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4187 on: March 3, 2020, 04:14:02 pm »
Nasty.

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4188 on: March 3, 2020, 05:32:56 pm »
The person who invented the knock knock joke has just won the No Bell prize.

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4189 on: March 3, 2020, 06:49:46 pm »
The person who invented the knock knock joke has just won the No Bell prize.
Ha ha, very good   :)

Online Fitzy.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4190 on: March 3, 2020, 09:31:11 pm »
Warning: NSFW.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)








Ban worthy

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4191 on: March 4, 2020, 06:39:51 am »
I was reading a fascinating book about how ships are put together.

It was riveting.

Quote from: Lee1-6Liv
Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4192 on: March 4, 2020, 11:12:52 am »
A little message to the guy on crutches that stole my camouflage jacket.

You can hide but you can't run.

Offline Son of Spion

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4193 on: March 4, 2020, 11:16:51 am »
My mate who works in the mortuary in town just phoned me.

Apparently he's gone down with the Coroner Virus.  :-\
The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, and you've burned so very, very brightly, Jürgen.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4194 on: March 4, 2020, 01:27:01 pm »
My mate who works in the mortuary in town just phoned me.

Apparently he's gone down with the Coroner Virus.  :-\

https://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=327539.msg17070487#msg17070487

 :wave
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Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4195 on: March 4, 2020, 02:29:19 pm »
Just asked an Evertonian how many sheep he has has sex with..

After 2mins 47secs he fell asleep.

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Son of Spion

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4196 on: March 4, 2020, 02:46:52 pm »
The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, and you've burned so very, very brightly, Jürgen.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4197 on: March 4, 2020, 08:14:13 pm »
 :D
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4199 on: March 4, 2020, 08:42:21 pm »
Hahahaha that's fuckin awesome!!!!!! :lmao Too good for this thread, like.