Author Topic: Compromising Positions  (Read 131990 times)

Offline doc_antonio

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #640 on: December 14, 2011, 01:24:15 pm »
At what point has he told you what patient it was?

he didn't, it was a joke....
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Offline Chakan

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #641 on: December 14, 2011, 01:27:52 pm »
Another couple came in stuck together and the wife also had a saucepan stuck on her head. They were in the kitchen and she had been giving him a blow job and had an epileptic fit and clamped down on his old boy. He tried everything to get her to let go, including hitting on the head with the saucepan which ended up getting stuck on her head. They had to give her muscle relaxant to release her lock jaw and free the penis....and tablets and stitches for the head wounds....

I've heard this story many many times, it's something of an urban legend.

Offline stevedo

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #642 on: December 14, 2011, 01:41:00 pm »
I've heard this story many many times, it's something of an urban legend.
Maybe they just never learn their lesson?  :)

Offline Chakan

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #643 on: December 14, 2011, 01:43:31 pm »
Maybe they just never learn their lesson?  :)

Possibly, but having heard it a good few years ago, I have my doubts ;)

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #644 on: December 14, 2011, 01:48:19 pm »
Here is a couple of stories from Deb's work.....


Another couple came in stuck together and the wife also had a saucepan stuck on her head. They were in the kitchen and she had been giving him a blow job and had an epileptic fit and clamped down on his old boy. He tried everything to get her to let go, including hitting on the head with the saucepan which ended up getting stuck on her head. They had to give her muscle relaxant to release her lock jaw and free the penis....and tablets and stitches for the head wounds....

this happens in whitest kids you know - miss march film.

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #645 on: December 14, 2011, 01:49:41 pm »
I've heard this story many many times, it's something of an urban legend.
It could well be mate. It is an old story.
These urban legends get repeated so often that people really do believe them. Years ago, Debs and I were at a party and got talking to this girl. Her best friend had had serious food poisoning from a McDonald's and was suing the store in question. As I asked more questions, she was adamant that this was a true story until she found out that the McDs that her friend had had the food poisoning from was in fact the very same McDs that I was General Manager of and knew absolutely nothing about...;D
Quote from: macca888 link=topic=276522
Came to this thread a bit late, but from what I've read, the real relationship trouble is not between you and your girl, but between you and a small box of Tampax. You obviously need something more substantial in your life like a huge Costco sized box of jam rags, seeing as you're such a massive fucking quim

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #646 on: December 14, 2011, 01:51:43 pm »
I remember my last wife had a dildo with a suction cup on the bottom of it, and i was bored in bed and stuck it to my forehead and proceeded to head fuck her. It was well funny.

Dickhead!

Offline Chakan

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #647 on: December 14, 2011, 01:51:58 pm »
It could well be mate. It is an old story.
These urban legends get repeated so often that people really do believe them. Years ago, Debs and I were at a party and got talking to this girl. Her best friend had had serious food poisoning from a McDonald's and was suing the store in question. As I asked more questions, she was adamant that this was a true story until she found out that the McDs that her friend had had the food poisoning from was in fact the very same McDs that I was General Manager of and knew absolutely nothing about...;D
:lmao that's class!
Yeah it's easier to pesonalize a story , becomes much more believable if it happened to a "friend"


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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #648 on: December 14, 2011, 04:19:40 pm »
yer ma should have called you Paolo Zico Gerry Socrates HELLRAZOR

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #649 on: December 14, 2011, 05:57:39 pm »
:lmao that's class!
Yeah it's easier to pesonalize a story , becomes much more believable if it happened to a "friend"


Even after telling her, she still tried to convince me that I was wrong and that somehow one of the things that terrified all store managers (a food poisoning case) had somehow been dealt with by the store without my knowledge...
Quote from: macca888 link=topic=276522
Came to this thread a bit late, but from what I've read, the real relationship trouble is not between you and your girl, but between you and a small box of Tampax. You obviously need something more substantial in your life like a huge Costco sized box of jam rags, seeing as you're such a massive fucking quim

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #650 on: December 14, 2011, 06:12:07 pm »
When I was in business college years back I was at my then girlfriend. We were sat in the living room watching telly and just relaxing. Her younger brother was in his room with his girlfriend. We couldn't hear anything but all of a sudden we hear him yell out in pain and seconds later he comes running/limping out of his room with his cock in his hands and blood all over his hands. Turns out they've been going at it and at one point he slipped out and wanted back in. Only problem was he wanted back in too bad and didn't hit the right place so the string under his helmet burst. OUCH! To this day I can still laugh at it but I also get an aching feeling in my groin when I think of how much pain he was in...
« Last Edit: December 14, 2011, 07:09:00 pm by Bennekov »

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #651 on: December 14, 2011, 06:16:44 pm »
I have that feeling now.
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline aggerdid

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #652 on: December 14, 2011, 06:53:52 pm »
i'd had a curry before i went out one night. drank around 20 bottles of that kopparberg cider then started the walk home at about 6am. was on the phone to someone. everything was cool till "SHIT GOT TO GO" i hung up and immediately shit myself. so i scurried into this field next to a holiday inn and a dual carriageway to assess the damage. wasn't good news at all. ended up looking round for options. option 1) walk home stinking of shit. NO. 2) get naked in the field and wipe my arse on a bush/socks. NO due to the dual carriageway. 3) go in the holiday inn toilets and try and salvage the situation. went in giggling away. man behind the desks got a ponytail. bit fruity. and he showed me to the toilets. i went in and basically "did a number" on the toilets. was in there about 50 minutes. poo everywhere. even on the sink taps. ditched me undies and walked home. as it turns out kopparberg contains "sulphites" which happen to be a natural laxative.
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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #653 on: December 14, 2011, 07:11:00 pm »
i'd had a curry before i went out one night. drank around 20 bottles of that kopparberg cider then started the walk home at about 6am. was on the phone to someone. everything was cool till "SHIT GOT TO GO" i hung up and immediately shit myself. so i scurried into this field next to a holiday inn and a dual carriageway to assess the damage. wasn't good news at all. ended up looking round for options. option 1) walk home stinking of shit. NO. 2) get naked in the field and wipe my arse on a bush/socks. NO due to the dual carriageway. 3) go in the holiday inn toilets and try and salvage the situation. went in giggling away. man behind the desks got a ponytail. bit fruity. and he showed me to the toilets. i went in and basically "did a number" on the toilets. was in there about 50 minutes. poo everywhere. even on the sink taps. ditched me undies and walked home. as it turns out kopparberg contains "sulphites" which happen to be a natural laxative.
:lmao
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Offline And Could He Play

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #654 on: December 14, 2011, 10:53:29 pm »
When I was in business college years back I was at my then girlfriend. We were sat in the living room watching telly and just relaxing. Her younger brother was in his room with his girlfriend. We couldn't hear anything but all of a sudden we hear him yell out in pain and seconds later he comes running/limping out of his room with his cock in his hands and blood all over his hands. Turns out they've been going at it and at one point he slipped out and wanted back in. Only problem was he wanted back in too bad and didn't hit the right place so the string under his helmet burst. OUCH! To this day I can still laugh at it but I also get an aching feeling in my groin when I think of how much pain he was in...

The pain doesnt last that long when you snap your banjo, its just the obscene amount of blood fromn a pin prick hole that scared me.
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Offline El Denzel Pepito

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #655 on: December 14, 2011, 10:56:45 pm »
When I was in business college years back I was at my then girlfriend. We were sat in the living room watching telly and just relaxing. Her younger brother was in his room with his girlfriend. We couldn't hear anything but all of a sudden we hear him yell out in pain and seconds later he comes running/limping out of his room with his cock in his hands and blood all over his hands. Turns out they've been going at it and at one point he slipped out and wanted back in. Only problem was he wanted back in too bad and didn't hit the right place so the string under his helmet burst. OUCH! To this day I can still laugh at it but I also get an aching feeling in my groin when I think of how much pain he was in...

Scarred for life.

i'd had a curry before i went out one night. drank around 20 bottles of that kopparberg cider then started the walk home at about 6am. was on the phone to someone. everything was cool till "SHIT GOT TO GO" i hung up and immediately shit myself. so i scurried into this field next to a holiday inn and a dual carriageway to assess the damage. wasn't good news at all. ended up looking round for options. option 1) walk home stinking of shit. NO. 2) get naked in the field and wipe my arse on a bush/socks. NO due to the dual carriageway. 3) go in the holiday inn toilets and try and salvage the situation. went in giggling away. man behind the desks got a ponytail. bit fruity. and he showed me to the toilets. i went in and basically "did a number" on the toilets. was in there about 50 minutes. poo everywhere. even on the sink taps. ditched me undies and walked home. as it turns out kopparberg contains "sulphites" which happen to be a natural laxative.

:lmao

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #656 on: December 14, 2011, 11:27:04 pm »
The pain doesnt last that long when you snap your banjo, its just the obscene amount of blood fromn a pin prick hole that scared me.

I can't tell mate. Never tried it. Fortunately. All I know is he was scared as fuck and yelling/crying like there was no tomorrow. Could very well have been all the blood that made it worse...

Offline And Could He Play

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #657 on: December 14, 2011, 11:28:23 pm »
I can't tell mate. Never tried it. Fortunately. All I know is he was scared as fuck and yelling/crying like there was no tomorrow. Culd very well have been all the blood that made it worse...

i remember it happening to me, shit myself like, pulled out and was going to her, "are you on or something, theres blood all over me knob and the bed". then it hit me, the sting, the blood, not nice.
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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #658 on: December 14, 2011, 11:29:37 pm »
i remember it happening to me, shit myself like, pulled out and was going to her, "are you on or something, theres blood all over me knob and the bed". then it hit me, the sting, the blood, not nice.

I don't envy you or him... ;)

Offline macca007

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #659 on: December 14, 2011, 11:30:30 pm »
i'd had a curry before i went out one night. drank around 20 bottles of that kopparberg cider then started the walk home at about 6am. was on the phone to someone. everything was cool till "SHIT GOT TO GO" i hung up and immediately shit myself. so i scurried into this field next to a holiday inn and a dual carriageway to assess the damage. wasn't good news at all. ended up looking round for options. option 1) walk home stinking of shit. NO. 2) get naked in the field and wipe my arse on a bush/socks. NO due to the dual carriageway. 3) go in the holiday inn toilets and try and salvage the situation. went in giggling away. man behind the desks got a ponytail. bit fruity. and he showed me to the toilets. i went in and basically "did a number" on the toilets. was in there about 50 minutes. poo everywhere. even on the sink taps. ditched me undies and walked home. as it turns out kopparberg contains "sulphites" which happen to be a natural laxative.

Theres too many stories coming back to me on here.  When I was at uni a few years ago I was out with the lads one of which was my mate lets call him jeff in case anyone reads this.  Now jeff used to get too fucked for his own good.  To the point where he pissed himself or his bed regularly.  Anyway this night he went a bit further and followed through after lettin rip at the bar.  So as you w ould he went to the toilet to investigate the damage which it turned out looked like someone had got a chocolate wedding cake and stuffed it in there.  So he took them off an looked around for the bog roll.  Now these werent exactly the best tiolets around, imaging gettin on for train spotting and as you'd expect from such establishment had no roll.  Now if it was me in this situation I'd chuck the fuckers down the toilet after wiping my arse with them then fuck off home, but jeff is built of different stuff and apparently didnt have many pairs of boxers an had an attachment to these ones.  So he put them back on and spent the rest of the night in them which was a good few hours and even worse slept in the fucking things.  Just for proof we took this after he'd washed off the cake in a sink the next morning before putting them in the wash.  Blanked out for annonimity

Edit:
« Last Edit: December 14, 2011, 11:42:24 pm by macca007 »

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #660 on: December 14, 2011, 11:32:57 pm »
Theres too many stories coming back to me on here.  When I was at uni a few years ago I was out with the lads one of which was my mate lets call him jeff in case anyone reads this.  Now jeff used to get too fucked for his own good.  To the point where he pissed himself or his bed regularly.  Anyway this night he went a bit further and followed through after lettin rip at the bar.  So as you w ould he went to the toilet to investigate the damage which it turned out looked like someone had got a chocolate wedding cake and stuffed it in there.  So he took them off an looked around for the bog roll.  Now these werent exactly the best tiolets around, imaging gettin on for train spotting and as you'd expect from such establishment had no roll.  Now if it was me in this situation I'd chuck the fuckers down the toilet after wiping my arse with them then fuck off home, but jeff is built of different stuff and apparently didnt have many pairs of boxers an had an attachment to these ones.  So he put them back on and spent the rest of the night in them which was a good few hours and even worse slept in the fucking things.  Just for proof we took this after he'd washed off the cake in a sink the next morning before putting them in the wash.  Blanked out for annonimity





No pic...?

Story:  :puke2

Offline macca007

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #661 on: December 14, 2011, 11:41:46 pm »

Offline paulrazor

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #662 on: December 14, 2011, 11:43:54 pm »
Other than death few things can scare you more than when you really badly need to have a shit and it refuses to wait when your not within a ten minute radius of a bog.


yer ma should have called you Paolo Zico Gerry Socrates HELLRAZOR

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #663 on: December 14, 2011, 11:46:11 pm »

Offline And Could He Play

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #664 on: December 14, 2011, 11:47:41 pm »
some sick shit in this thread.
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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #665 on: December 14, 2011, 11:48:19 pm »
So we have established jeffs name is really nick
yer ma should have called you Paolo Zico Gerry Socrates HELLRAZOR

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #666 on: December 14, 2011, 11:48:31 pm »
Not sure where else to share this story so guess this is as appropriate as it gets.

Mate of mine was with his girl for a few months. He'd given her a key but I guess that skipped his mind when he called this other bird back to his. His girlfriend walked in on him in bed with this other bird and didn't say a word. Just walked out the house and didn't do a thing. My mate thought he was let of the hook. I went around his later that night only to find a pile of shit on the door mat. Turns out she took a dump on his door step.

Oh, and I just happened to take a picture of it too (bit late at night so can't see much but anyways, enjoy):


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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #667 on: December 14, 2011, 11:50:14 pm »
Theres too many stories coming back to me on here.  When I was at uni a few years ago I was out with the lads one of which was my mate lets call him jeff in case anyone reads this.  Now jeff used to get too fucked for his own good.  To the point where he pissed himself or his bed regularly.  Anyway this night he went a bit further and followed through after lettin rip at the bar.  So as you w ould he went to the toilet to investigate the damage which it turned out looked like someone had got a chocolate wedding cake and stuffed it in there.  So he took them off an looked around for the bog roll.  Now these werent exactly the best tiolets around, imaging gettin on for train spotting and as you'd expect from such establishment had no roll.  Now if it was me in this situation I'd chuck the fuckers down the toilet after wiping my arse with them then fuck off home, but jeff is built of different stuff and apparently didnt have many pairs of boxers an had an attachment to these ones.  So he put them back on and spent the rest of the night in them which was a good few hours and even worse slept in the fucking things.  Just for proof we took this after he'd washed off the cake in a sink the next morning before putting them in the wash.  Blanked out for annonimity

Or at least I would if someone lets me know how to.  Just got a mac an havent figured it out yet.

I had a mate John we'll call him (primarily because it was his name), however he was better known as flip top for his ability to consume vast amounts of alcohol.

Sadly he used to have crazy golfing evenings..... Now to him crazy golf meant shitting himself in bed and finding the "golf" balls of shit on the floor in the morning.

Anyway, his sister came to stay one night and slept on his floor.....needless to say it was another crazy night and in the morning he woke to find her on the floor with a" crazy golf ball" only a couple of centimetres from her nose.... He crept across the floor and as silently as he could, he managed to flip the golf ball through the open window and avoid discovery......

Sadly for him there was more than one golf ball and the other was stuck in his sisters hair which she found when she woke up.  I seem to remember that he spun her some story about it getting there the night before....you wouldn't be impressed if you were her would you?
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Offline macca007

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #668 on: December 14, 2011, 11:50:15 pm »
So we have established jeffs name is really nick

Fuck just noticed that.  Mate if you see this sorry but it had to be done.  And you've done worse so fuck it

Offline bonzer red

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #669 on: December 14, 2011, 11:55:52 pm »
soon to my brother in law and his mate were at their friends birthday party a few years ago and as a joke, the friends wife decided to play a joke on him by recording the lotto from the previous week and then bought him a lotto ticket with the winning numbers from the same draw, everyone knew what was happening, obviously apart from the guy himself, so anyhow they are all drinking having a laugh and they decide that the time has come to play the trick, so hand him the ticket and proceed to to show him the video, of course him thinking that he has won the lotto starts going crazy, and the wife playing along says oh my god we have won, we've won, we've got all the money, to which the husband stands up saying we've won, we've won, we've won nothing, I've won the lotto, I f**king hate your guts, then points to the wife's sister, who is sitting with her husband, and says I've been banging her for the last 3 years and now we're leaving together, you can go f**k yourself, as expected then all hell breaks loose and the party is swiftly brought to an end as well as 2 marriages, talk about a joke massively backfiring lol
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Offline And Could He Play

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #670 on: December 14, 2011, 11:57:53 pm »
soon to my brother in law and his mate were at their friends birthday party a few years ago and as a joke, the friends wife decided to play a joke on him by recording the lotto from the previous week and then bought him a lotto ticket with the winning numbers from the same draw, everyone knew what was happening, obviously apart from the guy himself, so anyhow they are all drinking having a laugh and they decide that the time has come to play the trick, so hand him the ticket and proceed to to show him the video, of course him thinking that he has won the lotto starts going crazy, and the wife playing along says oh my god we have won, we've won, we've got all the money, to which the husband stands up saying we've won, we've won, we've won nothing, I've won the lotto, I f**king hate your guts, then points to the wife's sister, who is sitting with her husband, and says I've been banging her for the last 3 years and now we're leaving together, you can go f**k yourself, as expected then all hell breaks loose and the party is swiftly brought to an end as well as 2 marriages, talk about a joke massively backfiring lol

tell me thats a lie, please tell me, what a cuntish thing to do to the lad, the lottery part i mean. What happened afterwards is his own fault.
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Offline And Could He Play

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #671 on: December 14, 2011, 11:58:55 pm »
So we have established jeffs name is really nick

hahahaha, i got on that straight away.
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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #672 on: December 15, 2011, 12:00:21 am »
tell me thats a lie, please tell me, what a cuntish thing to do to the lad, the lottery part i mean. What happened afterwards is his own fault.
sounds like a rehashed urban myth
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Offline bonzer red

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #673 on: December 15, 2011, 12:00:50 am »
tell me thats a lie, please tell me, what a cuntish thing to do to the lad, the lottery part i mean. What happened afterwards is his own fault.
  na mate true story, was a horrible thing to do to him, but as i say it backfired on her big time
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 12:03:38 am by bonzer red »
“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.”

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #674 on: December 15, 2011, 12:01:02 am »
Not sure where else to share this story so guess this is as appropriate as it gets.

Mate of mine was with his girl for a few months. He'd given her a key but I guess that skipped his mind when he called this other bird back to his. His girlfriend walked in on him in bed with this other bird and didn't say a word. Just walked out the house and didn't do a thing. My mate thought he was let of the hook. I went around his later that night only to find a pile of shit on the door mat. Turns out she took a dump on his door step.

Oh, and I just happened to take a picture of it too (bit late at night so can't see much but anyways, enjoy):



i know something similar, a mate of a mate was on holiday with his wife, they was going through a bad time, arguing all the time, then with like 3/4 days to go, had a massive fight, he went home and left her there, she said fuck you i'm finishing the holiday. Anyway he goes home, she does the next day little to his knowledge, she walks in the house the next day, her fella is on all four in front of the fire getting bum fucked by some other lad.

Gospel truth.

(hope to god its no-one on here).
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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #675 on: December 15, 2011, 12:02:14 am »
:o

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #676 on: December 15, 2011, 12:02:49 am »

i know something similar, a mate of a mate was on holiday with his wife, they was going through a bad time, arguing all the time, then with like 3/4 days to go, had a massive fight, he went home and left her there, she said fuck you i'm finishing the holiday. Anyway he goes home, she does the next day little to his knowledge, she walks in the house the next day, her fella is on all four in front of the fire getting bum fucked by some other lad.

Gospel truth.

(hope to god its no-one on here).

 :o
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Offline bonzer red

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #677 on: December 15, 2011, 12:02:57 am »

(hope to god its no-one on here).
too late if it is haha
“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.”

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #678 on: December 15, 2011, 12:03:34 am »
crazy shit. True, very true.
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Offline El Denzel Pepito

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Re: Compromising Positions
« Reply #679 on: December 15, 2011, 12:04:20 am »
I told her not to tell anyone.