Author Topic: Compromising Positions (Read 132205 times)

macca007 · « **Reply #320 on:** December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm »

Quote from: WEST HAM PAUL on November 27, 2011, 11:34:58 am

About 2 years ago a mate of mine was out met this bird she's only about 23 & looked like a poor mans Harry Potter. He takes her back to his place at this point he's pissed & he's lifted her skirt up bent her over shagging away & then decides to have a munch on her arsehole & keeps trying to stick his tongue in & can't work out why it's just not happening then attempts a cheeky finger in her arse & realises it's stitched up. He flips her over & gets a nice surprise of a poo tash off her stinky colostomy bag , start to retch & nearly vomits.

He composed himself & finished the job off & still shagged her again just tying to avoid bursting the bag on his nice new bedding .

We've never let him forget it especially as we fooled him into thinking he'd got her pregnant about a month later by pretending to be her texting him. For a couple of hours his world had collapsed.

Had a mate tell me something that happened to him along similar lines. He picked up this bird who was nice looking an pretty quickly asked him to go back to hers. She then asked him to stick it up her arse, to which he thought he was on to a winner. Only problem was is it got to the point where she asked him to pull out an as he did she layed a turd right on the bed. He then said he felt sick an ran to the toilet an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

Austin Powers · « **Reply #321 on:** December 3, 2011, 04:35:28 pm »

Did he stay?

macca007 · « **Reply #322 on:** December 3, 2011, 04:41:34 pm »

Quote from: Austin Powers on December 3, 2011, 04:35:28 pm

Did he stay?

What do you think? Im sure his words where I didnt even look for my boxers or socks i got what was needed and ran.

Oh Sami Sami · « **Reply #323 on:** December 3, 2011, 04:43:51 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

Fuckin hell hahah

SMD · « **Reply #324 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:13:38 pm »

Quote from: soxfan on December 3, 2011, 03:46:32 pm

With my next gf, I'm going to be bold and ask for my long-desired threesome on the first night. If the girl is horrified, I'm going to drag her to this thread and show her all of the depraved things you sick bastards come up with. I'll look like an angel by comparison. Hell, out of thanks for my normalcy, she might allow two other girls with us instead of just one!

"hey, look, I'm better than these people on the internet...where are you going?"

Snail · « **Reply #325 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:14:59 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

Genuinely in stitches here.

SMD · « **Reply #326 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:15:42 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on December 3, 2011, 05:14:59 pm

Genuinely in stitches here.

Colostomy bags more common than I thought.

Snail · « **Reply #327 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:19:15 pm »

Quote from: SMD on December 3, 2011, 05:15:42 pm

Colostomy bags more common than I thought.

Fucksake

soxfan · « **Reply #328 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:22:36 pm »

Quote from: SMD on December 3, 2011, 05:13:38 pm

"hey, look, I'm better than these people on the internet...where are you going?"

Corkboy · « **Reply #329 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:25:18 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

Had a mate tell me something that happened to him along similar lines. He picked up this bird who was nice looking an pretty quickly asked him to go back to hers. She then asked him to stick it up her arse, to which he thought he was on to a winner. Only problem was is it got to the point where she asked him to pull out an as he did she layed a turd right on the bed. He then said he felt sick an ran to the toilet an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

That's going in Rawk's Funniest.

GoldenGloves25 · « **Reply #330 on:** December 3, 2011, 05:45:37 pm »

Cant this thread be renamed " The RAWK Scat Thread" or something. Fucking minty in here..

shockwave_dave · « **Reply #331 on:** December 3, 2011, 06:48:44 pm »

Quote from: SMD on December 3, 2011, 05:15:42 pm

Colostomy bags more common than I thought.

CarraAgger · « **Reply #332 on:** December 3, 2011, 07:14:52 pm »

All this scat talk has reminded me of my compromising situation...here goes.

Downloaded Batman Begins off Limewire absolutely years ago, waited yonks for it to complete. Sat down with a brew ready to watch it in all it's glory, and bam... It was a fuckin horrendous scat porn film with these birds spewing into mouths and getting shat on in baths etc, all that caper! At first I was gutted that I didn't have Batman Begins after waiting ages for it to download, then I thought all's not lost...i'll keep it and show me mates when they pop round at the weekend, just for (no pun intended) shits and giggles. Aaaaaanyway... next day at work got a call off my missus. She'd gone on the PC to do whatever, saw Batman Begins and pressed play... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?!?!!

Was a hard one to explain...

Suppose i'm glad I didn't come home to find her shitting all over the shop and wanting goosed!!

tinner777 · « **Reply #333 on:** December 3, 2011, 07:33:44 pm »

mate of mine occasionally raids his lads porn stash for a bit of self love. picks up a dvd and starts watching, kinds of recognizes the place, turns out its a home movie of his lad and his girlfriend up to all kinds of mischief in his kitchen. He can't look the girlfriend in the face now and he can't say anything to his lad as dvd was stashed behind his bed.

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #334 on:** December 3, 2011, 07:35:19 pm »

Quote from: tinner777 on December 3, 2011, 07:33:44 pm

mate of mine occasionally raids his lads porn stash for a bit of self love. picks up a dvd and starts watching, kinds of recognizes the place, turns out its a home movie of his lad and his girlfriend up to all kinds of mischief in his kitchen. He can't look the girlfriend in the face now and he can't say anything to his lad as dvd was stashed behind his bed.

Has he got a copy i can have?

Chakan · « **Reply #335 on:** December 3, 2011, 07:36:09 pm »

Quote from: tinner777 on December 3, 2011, 07:33:44 pm

mate of mine occasionally raids his lads porn stash for a bit of self love. picks up a dvd and starts watching, kinds of recognizes the place, turns out its a home movie of his lad and his girlfriend up to all kinds of mischief in his kitchen. He can't look the girlfriend in the face now and he can't say anything to his lad as dvd was stashed behind his bed.

Did he knock one out?

tinner777 · « **Reply #336 on:** December 3, 2011, 07:40:00 pm »

next time i'm in bristol, i'll be checking behind his bed, his girlfriends a stunner
chakan the fucker won't admit it, he must have....

dnkw · « **Reply #337 on:** December 3, 2011, 08:23:24 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

Rolling in it.

This girl, was she about 2 foot tall, cold wet nose and a glossy coat ?

tinner777 · « **Reply #338 on:** December 3, 2011, 08:56:32 pm »

when i moved in my wife years ago, had a box of old pics that i'd forgot about, teenage holidays and stuff, wife laughing at haircuts, friends etc.. bottom of box pictures of ex topless.....

TepidT2O · « **Reply #339 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:25:11 pm »

Quote from: Sir Harvest Fields on December 3, 2011, 09:15:50 am

I really shouldnt post this but one of the minor incidents i had was a bit bad.

I was only 16-17 and mt bird lived in a hostel thing as she was at college and lived some way away etc. Anyway, young, curious and all that crap i wanted to try something different. I dont know why i wanted to as this was years before the internet etc so i dont know where i got the idea from. Anyway, i had also forgotten that the hostel was cleaned daily, all the rooms done and all that and imagine the look on all our faces when a cleaner walked in to see my bird squatting over me and taking a piss on my chest. That was awkward. I dont think she had any tissue the dirty cow.

Have you ever wished you hadn't read something?

Snail · « **Reply #340 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:34:45 pm »

Oh fucking hell.

El Denzel Pepito · « **Reply #341 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:39:37 pm »

Quote from: Sir Harvest Fields on December 3, 2011, 09:15:50 am

I really shouldnt post this but one of the minor incidents i had was a bit bad.

I was only 16-17 and mt bird lived in a hostel thing as she was at college and lived some way away etc. Anyway, young, curious and all that crap i wanted to try something different. I dont know why i wanted to as this was years before the internet etc so i dont know where i got the idea from. Anyway, i had also forgotten that the hostel was cleaned daily, all the rooms done and all that and imagine the look on all our faces when a cleaner walked in to see my bird squatting over me and taking a piss on my chest. That was awkward. I dont think she had any tissue the dirty cow.

What the fuck.

andymanlfc · « **Reply #342 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:52:45 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

came back to find her rolling in it.

Was she rolling around like this -->

If so that would be even more funnier.

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #343 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:55:35 pm »

I'm wondering if the bird was Adele.

DangerScouse · « **Reply #344 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:56:13 pm »

Haha . . . brilliant SHF. Sig worthy.

TepidT2O · « **Reply #345 on:** December 3, 2011, 10:56:45 pm »

Quote from: El Pistolero on December 3, 2011, 10:39:37 pm

What the fuck.

Now if SHF had synchronised the pissing with being on fire, that would have been a work of profound genius..... (secretly we all know SHF is a genius anyway, but this would have been conclusive proof

)

And Could He Play · « **Reply #346 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:09:25 pm »

carl hahahahahahaaha

jason42 · « **Reply #347 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:11:04 pm »

Not gonna post my story now after what Carl said....

And Could He Play · « **Reply #348 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:11:26 pm »

Quote from: macca007 on December 3, 2011, 04:22:54 pm

Had a mate tell me something that happened to him along similar lines. He picked up this bird who was nice looking an pretty quickly asked him to go back to hers. She then asked him to stick it up her arse, to which he thought he was on to a winner. Only problem was is it got to the point where she asked him to pull out an as he did she layed a turd right on the bed. He then said he felt sick an ran to the toilet an if that wasn't bad enough came back to find her rolling in it.

please tell me thats not true?

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #349 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:26:14 pm »

Quote from: And Could He Play on December 3, 2011, 11:11:26 pm

please tell me thats not true?

did you shag the same woman?

And Could He Play · « **Reply #350 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:27:06 pm »

Quote from: King Brian Blessed IX on December 3, 2011, 11:26:14 pm

did you shag the same woman?

wouldnt touch her with a shitty stick.

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #351 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:30:57 pm »

Quote from: And Could He Play on December 3, 2011, 11:27:06 pm

wouldnt touch her with a shitty stick.

not her type anyway.

fowlermagic · « **Reply #352 on:** December 3, 2011, 11:34:02 pm »

I did not realise I was going to let the shit out of the bag when I started this thread. I should have known better with you lot as we all apparently want to dip the stick into shyte now & then I guess