Topic: The Marital Sex thread...

[Enemy]

Thanks for this thread guys, you've given me at least another half dozen foolproof excuses.

Keep 'em comin.

[Ed-Zeppelin]

A week or so before I got married a guy a work said that if you put a penny in a tin for every time you have sex before marriage then after marriage you can take a pound out of the tin every time you have sex and you'd never run out!

I lived with my wife for years before marriage and nothing has really changed for us. Her doing shifts and me travelling with work are the biggest issues really. We don't have kids, yet, so that isn't an issue!

[TomDcs]

I'm possibly not as starved as some who've posted in here (i'm not married). I still can't get over the fact that it's always the bloke who has to initiate it, although maybe they just make you feel like you're starting it (so they can still feel in control in future ). Anyway i'm off on holiday on Tuesday so hopefully on for a decent return on investment

[SMD]

Thanks for this thread guys, you've given me at least another half dozen foolproof excuses.

Keep 'em comin.

If they did, there wouldn't be any excuses.

[Billy The Kid]

The thing you have to remember is, the manner in which women become sexually aroused is vastly different to men. Men get turned on by what they see. I.e we rely on visuals. Hence if a bloke sees a woman in a tight short skirt, or a woman in a low cut blouse, his mind goes into sexual over drive. It's also one of the reasons why we tend to watch a lot of porn, and look at porno magazines. Women are different though. They don't rely on visual stimulation as much as men do. Getting your rod out and waving it at her isn't really going to work.

Women are unique creatures. They aren't hard wired in the same way that men are. In order to get a woman really turned on you have to put in the ground work early, and you have to do it subtley. And by early I mean long before you even get her in the bedroom. Drop her little compliments. Stuff like "are those new jeans?" and she'll say "no, why?". Then you say "they suit you, you look good in them". You don't have to blow smoke up her ass, just be subtle. Just enough to make her feel desired. Women love to feel desired by their man.

Also touch. Don't be afraid to touch her. But again be subtle. Even if its just placing the palm of your hand on her lower back for a couple of seconds as you walk passed her. This will stimulate her mind. And that's the key. You have to get her mind orientated towards the thought of having sex with you. Remember, visual stimulation is not as prominent amongst women as it is in men. If I'm on the couch in the evening with my missus I'll put my arm around her, pull her in close, and ever so gently just stroke her arm with my thumb. It may appear like an innocuous show of affection, but subconsciously she will start to feel desired. I'll also smell her hair. This ground work goes in long before bed time.

The reason your missus "feels fat" is probably due to you not making her feel desired. Waving your cock at her and saying "darling I'll do the cooking and cleaning for the next month if I can ram this in you" wont make her feel desired. It will make her feel cheap. Remember, be subtle. Drop little compliments here and there. Also I hate to break this to you mate, but the primary reason women fob their men off with the excuse "not tonight, I'm not in the mood" is because the thought of having sex with you appears boring to them. Which probably stems from the fact that (and I don't mean to sound harsh here) you're just not very good at the art of love making. That is the cold harsh reality of it mate 

[SMD]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/dTF_RJx8g2w" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/dTF_RJx8g2w</a>

[Billy The Kid]

 

Ha ha ha. I've never seen that, but its true

I promise more than 1 orgasm though 

[jaffod]

The thing you have to remember is, the manner in which women become sexually aroused is vastly different to men. Men get turned on by what they see. I.e we rely on visuals. Hence if a bloke sees a woman in a tight short skirt, or a woman in a low cut blouse, his mind goes into sexual over drive. It's also one of the reasons why we tend to watch a lot of porn, and look at porno magazines. Women are different though. They don't rely on visual stimulation as much as men do. Getting your rod out and waving it at her isn't really going to work.

Women are unique creatures. They aren't hard wired in the same way that men are. In order to get a woman really turned on you have to put in the ground work early, and you have to do it subtley. And by early I mean long before you even get her in the bedroom. Drop her little compliments. Stuff like "are those new jeans?" and she'll say "no, why?". Then you say "they suit you, you look good in them". You don't have to blow smoke up her ass, just be subtle. Just enough to make her feel desired. Women love to feel desired by their man.

Also touch. Don't be afraid to touch her. But again be subtle. Even if its just placing the palm of your hand on her lower back for a couple of seconds as you walk passed her. This will stimulate her mind. And that's the key. You have to get her mind orientated towards the thought of having sex with you. Remember, visual stimulation is not as prominent amongst women as it is in men. If I'm on the couch in the evening with my missus I'll put my arm around her, pull her in close, and ever so gently just stroke her arm with my thumb. It may appear like an innocuous show of affection, but subconsciously she will start to feel desired. I'll also smell her hair. This ground work goes in long before bed time.

The reason your missus "feels fat" is probably due to you not making her feel desired. Waving your cock at her and saying "darling I'll do the cooking and cleaning for the next month if I can ram this in you" wont make her feel desired. It will make her feel cheap. Remember, be subtle. Drop little compliments here and there. Also I hate to break this to you mate, but the primary reason women fob their men off with the excuse "not tonight, I'm not in the mood" is because the thought of having sex with you appears boring to them. Which probably stems from the fact that (and I don't mean to sound harsh here) you're just not very good at the art of love making. That is the cold harsh reality of it mate 

Just as a matter of interest mate, are you married with young kids? Both working full-time and trying to run a home?
 If you answer yes to all those questions then I genuinely take my hat off to you.

[JoeH]

The thing you have to remember is, the manner in which women become sexually aroused is vastly different to men. Men get turned on by what they see. I.e we rely on visuals. Hence if a bloke sees a woman in a tight short skirt, or a woman in a low cut blouse, his mind goes into sexual over drive. It's also one of the reasons why we tend to watch a lot of porn, and look at porno magazines. Women are different though. They don't rely on visual stimulation as much as men do. Getting your rod out and waving it at her isn't really going to work.

Women are unique creatures. They aren't hard wired in the same way that men are. In order to get a woman really turned on you have to put in the ground work early, and you have to do it subtley. And by early I mean long before you even get her in the bedroom. Drop her little compliments. Stuff like "are those new jeans?" and she'll say "no, why?". Then you say "they suit you, you look good in them". You don't have to blow smoke up her ass, just be subtle. Just enough to make her feel desired. Women love to feel desired by their man.

Also touch. Don't be afraid to touch her. But again be subtle. Even if its just placing the palm of your hand on her lower back for a couple of seconds as you walk passed her. This will stimulate her mind. And that's the key. You have to get her mind orientated towards the thought of having sex with you. Remember, visual stimulation is not as prominent amongst women as it is in men. If I'm on the couch in the evening with my missus I'll put my arm around her, pull her in close, and ever so gently just stroke her arm with my thumb. It may appear like an innocuous show of affection, but subconsciously she will start to feel desired. I'll also smell her hair. This ground work goes in long before bed time.

The reason your missus "feels fat" is probably due to you not making her feel desired. Waving your cock at her and saying "darling I'll do the cooking and cleaning for the next month if I can ram this in you" wont make her feel desired. It will make her feel cheap. Remember, be subtle. Drop little compliments here and there. Also I hate to break this to you mate, but the primary reason women fob their men off with the excuse "not tonight, I'm not in the mood" is because the thought of having sex with you appears boring to them. Which probably stems from the fact that (and I don't mean to sound harsh here) you're just not very good at the art of love making. That is the cold harsh reality of it mate 

Wish I had read this instead of cleaning the Bathroom, bog and hoovering.  I will stop waving my wang around now too

[rushyman]

hahahahaha

Fucking classic

[jason42]

Just as a matter of interest mate, are you married with young kids? Both working full-time and trying to run a home?
 If you answer yes to all those questions then I genuinely take my hat off to you.

Apart from me not working due to my serious illness, I can answer yes to all that and I am always cuddling and kissing my missus.

[jason42]

Like Billy said, I am sure by now that we all know what puts her in the mood and what turns her off and I wonder how many of us try to put the groundwork in before the event rather than just jumping into bed and saying "Fancy a shag tonight love?"

[Crosby Nick]

Billy the Kid = Dr Phil.

I was getting loads a few months back...my 'mistake' was impregnating her too easily. Won't be doing that again. Literally.

[jaffod]

Apart from me not working due to my serious illness, I can answer yes to all that and I am always cuddling and kissing my missus.

So ultimately the answer to my question would be 'no' then?

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Like Billy said, I am sure by now that we all know what puts her in the mood and what turns her off and I wonder how many of us try to put the groundwork in before the event rather than just jumping into bed and saying "Fancy a shag tonight love?"

I do mate, ive got the hole dug ready for when ive finished with her. In hindsight i should have made her do it. I like the groundwork part


In all fairness i do put in a good shift for a lady, which explains why i not done a  decent days work for a while.

[jaffod]

I do mate, ive got the hole dug ready for when ive finished with her. In hindsight i should have made her do it. I like the groundwork part


In all fairness i do put in a good shift for a lady, which explains why i not done a  decent days work for a while.

That's the thing though HF, I can last a ridiculous amount of time but it doesn't seem to make any difference. The other week I put the kettle on, took the Mrs upstairs to service her and and all that but by the time I'd finished the kettle had already boiled. Fuming she was.

[jed the red]

i don't know what the fuss is all about! I am now into my second marriage, and i have never had a problem. Even when my first marriage was falling apart we still managed quite a bit!

I am not just bragging but seriously, about 5 times a week (when i am not away!). she has never said no i have a headache or any other such excuse. people always say your sex life ends when you get married, but i found the opposite, it has probably improved, so i must be doing something right!

[jason42]

So ultimately the answer to my question would be 'no' then?

Pedantic twat
Before I became ill I was working full time.

[Billy The Kid]

Just as a matter of interest mate, are you married with young kids? Both working full-time and trying to run a home?
 If you answer yes to all those questions then I genuinely take my hat off to you.

No I am not married. And no I don't have children. But I have been in a long term relationship. Almost ten years.

I presume you are married with kids though. So perhaps you could enlighten me. Why should being married with kids stop you from showing affection towards your partner?

[The Sky I Scrape]

No I am not married. And no I don't have children. But I have been in a long term relationship. Almost ten years.

I presume you are married with kids though. So perhaps you could enlighten me. Why should being married with kids stop you from showing affection towards your partner?

It makes things ten times harder...... you can say all you have to do is hug her and all that but it doesnt work that simply when you have been working or you may be ill and your partner works,then you have to come back to two kids who are in my case four and eight,boys also,caning around trashing the gaff everyday,asking yu constant moronic questions like 'why do you sit like that on the sofa'?! and then having to bath them,make sure they dont flood the bathroom,make ure they have pj's to put on,make sure they have had their tea,make sure they have eaten said tea,make sure that the other half is ok and try some kind of lame interaction in the middle of being harrassed by ankle biters..... then get them to bed and make sure they stay there,they wont of course,they wil be up and down til about half ten afraid of missing something.....

then by ten on average its your turn,first thing we do is eat,then stick a film on and usually fall asleep on the sofa and wake about 3am,crawl into bed,occasionally have a half assed fumble and lather rinse repeat for most days til they go to visit the grandparents overnight......... then you try something different.

Im fooked half the time since being quite ill at the moment and the missus works hard as a seamstress in a job and on her own shop so work usually comes home with her.

If you have any suggestions on how to alleviate this ring of death then it is all welcome!!

[jambutty]

Is this thread child friendly?

[jaffod]

No I am not married. And no I don't have children. But I have been in a long term relationship. Almost ten years.

I presume you are married with kids though. So perhaps you could enlighten me. Why should being married with kids stop you from showing affection towards your partner?

You've got an awful lot of learning to do me old mucker.

[Billy The Kid]

You've got an awful lot of learning to do me old mucker.

Perhaps I do squire, perhaps I do.

Just out of curiosity, why would having kids and being married be problematic when it comes to being affectionate towards your missus?

[jaffod]

Perhaps I do squire, perhaps I do.

Just out of curiosity, why would having kids and being married be problematic when it comes to being affectionate towards your missus?

That's not really the point though is it? The thread is about how much sex your average married couple have, and I'd wager 90% of married people (especially blokes) would complain they weren't getting enough.
 I'd also say it is easier to be affectionate when everything in the garden is rosy. Throw in money troubles, unemployment, screaming kids who wont sleep, the house being a constant shithole, vomit, dirty nappies, the numerous other time-consuming chores when bringing up kids and trying to run a home....throw all that into the mix with a lack of sex and you might find things a little different.

[Enemy]

Basically Billy, don't have kids. They ruin everything.

[Enemy]

That's not really the point though is it? The thread is about how much sex your average married couple have, and I'd wager 90% of married people (especially blokes) would complain they weren't getting enough.
 I'd also say it is easier to be affectionate when everything in the garden is rosy. Throw in money troubles, unemployment, screaming kids who wont sleep, the house being a constant shithole, vomit, dirty nappies, the numerous other time-consuming chores when bringing up kids and trying to run a home....throw all that into the mix with a lack of sex and you might find things a little different.

I have to say, and I hate to be feminazi and all, but working with quite a few women the ones who never seem to give it up to their hubbies or make excuses and such tend to be the ones who have lazy husbands. When a woman works full time, gets home and cleans up, baths the kids, runs everyone round, does the laundry, puts the dinner on, and all the while her hubby is sat watching TV because he's had 'such a hard day at work' ( ) and then wants to go to bed and get some action, to be honest it's like a smack in the face to her and whilst I'm shocked sometimes that some women I know laugh and say they only have sex on special occasions I can somewhat sympathise with them not really wanting to do even more than they already do.

Having kids is tiring but if you put in the effort and do an equal share I've no doubt a woman would have more energy to put forth into your sex life.

[TepidT2O]

This threads title is an oxymoron

[Rattleduser]

lick em out

[And Could He Play]

Basically Billy, don't have kids. They ruin everything.

boooooooooooooooo

[And Could He Play]

That's not really the point though is it? The thread is about how much sex your average married couple have, and I'd wager 90% of married people (especially blokes) would complain they weren't getting enough.
 I'd also say it is easier to be affectionate when everything in the garden is rosy. Throw in money troubles, unemployment, screaming kids who wont sleep, the house being a constant shithole, vomit, dirty nappies, the numerous other time-consuming chores when bringing up kids and trying to run a home....throw all that into the mix with a lack of sex and you might find things a little different.

mate, brasses are the future..

[Fairytale of 2005]

If your wife or girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with you on a regular basis, then I'm afraid it's 'cos you are shit.

[Wish Matrix]

Well, I learned new things from that post. Thanks Billy

[kavah]

you're just not very good at the art of love making.

[bleedsred1978]

No I am not married. And no I don't have children. But I have been in a long term relationship. Almost ten years.

I presume you are married with kids though. So perhaps you could enlighten me. Why should being married with kids stop you from showing affection towards your partner?

Because your lover turns into your kids mother and you are no longer top of her list of priorities.

[FiSh77]

not married but we've been together for 15 years, got a daughter who's 13 in a couple of weeks and a 10 year old lad, i work nights on a shite rota where i get 1 full weekend off every 6 weeks, she works 4 on 2 off so gets a full weekend every 6 weeks plus alternates between days & afters on a daily basis, it's very rare that we get 2 days off together although some weeks my first day off might be her last and vice versa

this week for example i'm off today & tomorrow, she's on afters today and won't be home until after 10 then back up for work around 6.30 tomorrow morning, i've been on the ale since our game kicked off so will be all over her when she gets in (if i stay awake) but she'll be fucked so i'll end up having to make do with a wank....................



..................................again

it used to be bang on a few years ago when the kids were younger and we could fuck them off to either of their grand parents for a weekend or a week during school holidays but now they want to stay here so they can hang around with their mates (i know it doesn't sound nice saying that about your kids but we need a bit of time together as well ) during the 6 week school holiday i think we manged it twice

we don't do too bad to be honest and probably manage a couple of time a week on average normally in a morning/early afternoon when the kids are at school but it's still not a patch on what we used to manage when they were younger and would be in bed by 7

[cowtownred]

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning)....   and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

[jason42]

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning)....   and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

Clever girl

[Anywhichwayicant]

Utter gladness pours over me that I aint wed.

[Terry de Niro]

My bloody wife is particularly crafty.

She ignores my (increasingly less so) occasional requests.

Then the arl twat waits for days like today, the ghastly worst possible days that happen three or four times a year (ie we are totally and crushingly gash, and the Mancs are winning)....   and says " I fancy an early night " winkwink.

When I have absolutely no interest in anything except a quiet drunken mope behind the settee.

Laughing my arse off at this mate..   

Billy The Kid got it spot on at the top of the page..
You have both got be ready otherwise it just won't work.

[Doc Evil]

I use the SAS as an inspiration. Wait until cover of darkness, get in, get what you want, get out, if you do it right, they'll be none the wiser in the morning.

Who dares comes.