Topic: That awkward moment when...

[Red Beret]

... you find an open box of ginger snaps in your dorm kitchen, think to yourself 'Oh, how nice of someone to share! That's so unlike my neighbours.' and stick one in your mouth only for the crazy bitch of the dorm to come in, go 'That's not yours!' and give you the most intense death stare.

show her your dongle and say "This isn't yours either but you're welcome to play with it."

[theredguy03]

I'm not even sure how you do that

Oh it can happen! 

[mbroon]

show her your dongle and say "This isn't yours either but you're welcome to play with it."

On that note, that awkward moment when you're on the shitter at Uni and because you've forgotten to lock the door some girl in the year below opens the door, screams and runs away.

[EstonianRed]

i once had a sales man come to my office trying to flog some crap i didnt want

i accepted his business card and wished him well as he went out the door

he came back a minute later wanting to write his email address on the card

I had to fish it out of the bin in his plain view for him to do this

he took it in his stride and pretended like it never happened, wrote his email and left

Me and my mate pissed ourselves at themoment

[soxfan]

I once met this hot girl at a club (GIRL #1), and got her to write down her number on a business card of mine (this was pre cell phones)...

Later that same night, I was at a coffee shop. We were sitting with two girls we met there. My buddy was horny for one of them, and I was heroically playing wingman pretending to like her friend (GIRL #2) so as to keep her occupied and help my buddy get laid. No one had a pen , so I gave GIRL #2 my business card. I lied and told her to call me and we'd hook up.

The card I gave her was the one I wrote GIRL #1's phone number on. 

 I had to call GIRL #2 the next day and confess, and begged her to give me GIRL #1's number. She actually did! 

[Elzar]

I once met this hot girl at a club (GIRL #1), and got her to write down her number on a business card of mine (this was pre cell phones)...

Later that same night, I was at a coffee shop. We were sitting with two girls we met there. My buddy was horny for one of them, and I was heroically playing wingman pretending to like her friend (GIRL #2) so as to keep her occupied and help my buddy get laid. No one had a pen , so I gave GIRL #2 my business card. I lied and told her to call me and we'd hook up.

The card I gave her was the one I wrote GIRL #1's phone number on. 

 I had to call GIRL #2 the next day and confess, and begged her to give me GIRL #1's number. She actually did! 

That is awkward. Why did you go to a coffee shop after a night out?

[Welshred]

Was on a train home from Birmingham in October and was eyeing up this really attractive woman sitting on the table opposite mine. Sitting opposite her was an older fella and a young child. We shared a few glancing looks and smiles but nothing else occurred at that time. Anyway, needed to go to the toilet after about half an hour so trotted off to the train toilet cubicle and started having a shit. The door didn't lock when I pressed the button and mid-shit it starts opening. Cue me panicking, pressing the button to close the door when the woman walks into the toilet with her kid to see me sat there keckless. Got back to my seat when all this was over, turned my ipod up loud and then tried to ignore them the best I could for the rest of the journey. Though there were a few awkward smiles after this...

[soxfan]

That is awkward. Why did you go to a coffee shop after a night out?

The clubs closed at 2am in Boston. The North End (Italian section) and Chinatown have places that stay open much later, so it's common to have coffee/"breakfast" afterward with your friends, relive the night's stories, and see if you can hook up with different honeys.   

[Elzar]

The clubs closed at 2am in Boston. The North End (Italian section) and Chinatown have places that stay open much later, so it's common to have coffee/"breakfast" afterward with your friends, relive the night's stories, and see if you can hook up with different honeys.   

Ah so it's like going to get a Kebab at 4am.

[Brian Blessed]

You should have told her it was a business contact. Less awkward

[soxfan]

You should have told her it was a business contact. Less awkward

Business contacts don't dot the "i" in "Lisa" with a little heart.   

[Brian Blessed]

Business contacts don't dot the "i" in "Lisa" with a little heart.   

haha, fair enough!

[rob1966]

Putting my 5 year old to bed tonight, he's been doing my head in messing about, even sending a video from Santa with him not on the nice list isn't working, he goes for a pee, I'm in our bedroom muttering to myself, next thing he walks down the stairs then tells his Mum, "Daddy just said he's sick of the fucking kids messing about". He's then walked back upstairs, Mum in tow saying "you shouldn't say fucking Dad its naughty" about 5 times.

[themightybeard]

Putting my 5 year old to bed tonight, he's been doing my head in messing about, even sending a video from Santa with him not on the nice list isn't working, he goes for a pee, I'm in our bedroom muttering to myself, next thing he walks down the stairs then tells his Mum, "Daddy just said he's sick of the fucking kids messing about". He's then walked back upstairs, Mum in tow saying "you shouldn't say fucking Dad its naughty" about 5 times.

Somewhat related - when I was young, I was playing with my Thomas the Tank Engine toys in the living room in front of my parents. Suddenly, out of nowhere my little self puts on a gruff voice as the Fat Controller and bellows "Thomas, you're a fucking useless engine".

Both of my parents tend to be pretty foul-mouthed when driving, so I probably picked it up from them during that. Nevertheless, my Mum decided to pass it off as me having learnt it from my Dad's football mates!

[Sir Harvest Fields]

Wasnt awkward back when i was a kid but i remember playing with the toy rocket that was in the kitchen drawers when i was a little twat. Now i know what it was i cringe.

[TomMorganLittle]

Wasnt awkward back when i was a kid but i remember playing with the toy rocket that was in the kitchen drawers when i was a little twat. Now i know what it was i cringe.

If this is true......

[Upinsmoke]

Coming back on the train to lime street from sheffield station and i'm in desperate need of a pee, so i go and its those electronic doors that light up when engaged and anyway the door wasn't lit up so i pressed it to open and, well it opened...

this middle aged bird is sat there, pissing away with her knickers round her ankles, proceeded to flip on me, calling me everyname under the sun i was just stood there gorking at her, then i came round and let her get on with it and closed the door for her. Thing is though, there were people stood outside the bog who must of known there was someone in there, could of warned me first. Plus it wasn't even my fault the stupid bint doesnt know how to lock a door.

Was a bit awkward i guess

[Crosby Nick]

Coming back on the train to lime street from sheffield station and i'm in desperate need of a pee, so i go and its those electronic doors that light up when engaged and anyway the door wasn't lit up so i pressed it to open and, well it opened...

this middle aged bird is sat there, pissing away with her knickers round her ankles, proceeded to flip on me, calling me everyname under the sun i was just stood there gorking at her, then i came round and let her get on with it and closed the door for her. Thing is though, there were people stood outside the bog who must of known there was someone in there, could of warned me first. Plus it wasn't even my fault the stupid bint doesnt know how to lock a door.

Was a bit awkward i guess

That was actually Welshred I think.

[bruffell06]

You fart and then realise it wasn't safe...

[Wigan Red]

............the window cleaner catches you mid wank.


Worst moment of my life.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

If this is true......

Trust me mate its true. Fist in mouth reaction when i think about.

[Crosby Nick]

............the window cleaner catches you mid wank.


Worst moment of my life.

Mrs Wigan Red: Has the Window Cleaner been?

Wigan Red - yep

Mrs Wigan Red: How much did he charge?

Wigan Red: erm, it was 50 quid

Mrs Wigan Red: 50 quid! That's ridiculous. Why so much?

Wigan Red: erm, dunno, erm, that's what he said it would be so I felt I should pay it.

Mrs Wigan Red: You silly fool. He must have seen you coming!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got there in the end.

[Welshred]

That was actually Welshred I think.

Gav's tits weren't as impressive as I thought they were!

[Elzar]

Coming back on the train to lime street from sheffield station and i'm in desperate need of a pee, so i go and its those electronic doors that light up when engaged and anyway the door wasn't lit up so i pressed it to open and, well it opened...

this middle aged bird is sat there, pissing away with her knickers round her ankles, proceeded to flip on me, calling me everyname under the sun i was just stood there gorking at her, then i came round and let her get on with it and closed the door for her. Thing is though, there were people stood outside the bog who must of known there was someone in there, could of warned me first. Plus it wasn't even my fault the stupid bint doesnt know how to lock a door.

Was a bit awkward i guess

I was stood on a train once, next to the bogs, a guy comes over to use them, and was about to open the door so I tell him "I think someones in there mate". He goes "Oh right sound" then opens the door anyway and walks off, leaving me staring at this middle aged Indian chap having a shit.

Another train toilet story wasn't really awkward for me, but I might as well share it. Was sat on a Virgin train coming back from Chester to Preston. Sat near the front of a carriage, near the toilets, a guy walks in, and about 10 minutes late he is yet to come out. All of a sudden, a very embarrassed, small voice shouts "Can anyone hear me? I'm stuck in the toilet, it won't open" Then silent laughter ensues from all around that could hear. Took another 10 minutes to find someone to get him out, he was bright red and walked in the opposite direction.

[Buck Pete]

When you scream abuse at Joe Allen for a misplaced pass and realize it was actually Mamadou Sakho

[loozy]

... you just forbig a pupil to go to the toilet but really need to go yourself, too... 

[Chakan]

... you just forbig a pupil to go to the toilet but really need to go yourself, too... 

Why would you forbid a pupil to go to the toilet?

[AB LFC]

When you go into the disabled toilet at work to have the stinkiest shit ever and as you leave, you reaslied to forget to spray air freshener and you look back to see the absolutely fittest girl at work walk into that very toilet 

[Upinsmoke]

Why would you forbid a pupil to go to the toilet?

Fucking women teachers for you that. I once had a french teacher who forbid me going the bog. She sent me outside the classroom, brought a table and chair out and told me to do my work out there in the corridor. I had a wart on each thumb and i bit them off and said can i go the bog now i'm bleeding, she still said no, so i bled all over the floor. Bollocked me again at the end of the lesson and said i should be in a mental institution.

Women.

[Elzar]

Why would you forbid a pupil to go to the toilet?

He was a Dortmund fan

[EstonianRed]

............the window cleaner catches you mid wank.


Worst moment of my life.

Hahahaha

[loozy]

Why would you forbid a pupil to go to the toilet?

We were writing a test and he always does that Never has to whizz, always want to either have a smoke or cheat 

[Chakan]

We were writing a test and he always does that Never has to whizz, always want to either have a smoke or cheat 

Ah ok writing a test is ok then. Yeah we weren't allowed breaks when writing a test either.

[loozy]

Ah ok writing a test is ok then. Yeah we weren't allowed breaks when writing a test either.

During an exam that is a couple of hours long (German final exam is 4hrs) the pupils are allowed to go to the toilet when accompanied by a teacher but not during a normal class test.

I was just rather firm with him and then realized that I had to go rather badly... Oopsie 

[Bird Bird Bird The Bird Is The Word]

Fucking women teachers for you that. I once had a french teacher who forbid me going the bog. She sent me outside the classroom, brought a table and chair out and told me to do my work out there in the corridor. I had a wart on each thumb and i bit them off and said can i go the bog now i'm bleeding, she still said no, so i bled all over the floor. Bollocked me again at the end of the lesson and said i should be in a mental institution.

Women.

She wasn't wrong, ya wart munching nutter.

[Drinks Sangria]

Fucking women teachers for you that. I once had a french teacher who forbid me going the bog. She sent me outside the classroom, brought a table and chair out and told me to do my work out there in the corridor. I had a wart on each thumb and i bit them off and said can i go the bog now i'm bleeding, she still said no, so i bled all over the floor. Bollocked me again at the end of the lesson and said i should be in a mental institution.

Women.

I think this deserves a custom title of some sort. How did your warts taste?

[loozy]

Fucking women teachers for you that.

[snip]

Women.

Oi! 

[Barneylfc∗]

I pissed myself once because the teacher wouldn't let me go to the toilet. Must have been in Primary 5, as the teacher had a green blackboard. Asked the witch about 10 times in the space of half an hour. Eventually stood up and said of she doesn't let me go, I'm going to do it there and then because I can't hold it in any longer. Fucking c*nt still said no. So I pissed there and then.

[Red Beret]

I remember teachers like that in my old school.  Remembered thinking what was the effing point of having loos in the school if the teacher's didn't let you use them?  I couldn't even use one during breaktime!

[Malaysian Kopite]

I pissed myself once because the teacher wouldn't let me go to the toilet. Must have been in Primary 5, as the teacher had a green blackboard. Asked the witch about 10 times in the space of half an hour. Eventually stood up and said of she doesn't let me go, I'm going to do it there and then because I can't hold it in any longer. Fucking c*nt still said no. So I pissed there and then.

One of my friends was in a similar situation so he pissed in his bottle.