Author Topic: Peter Andre "Cheats Death" (Read 7094 times)

ashleyrose-66 · « **on:** October 5, 2005, 01:40:53 pm »

From www.wanadoo.co.uk

Jordan and Peter Andre have been married for nearly a month now – but that hasn’t stopped OK! magazine from squeezing every last drop of coverage they can get from the celebrity wedding of the year. And we have to admit that when this week’s edition dropped on our desks, promising the couple’s “very first interview since their wedding”, we did find it hard to stifle our yawns.

But how wrong could we be? Because thanks to that aforementioned interview, we now have two startling new revelations from the happy couple. The first amazing news? The newlyweds didn’t consummate their marriage on their wedding night. “We ended up in bed at 3am eating crisp sandwiches with my mum and brother,” Jordan reveals. And they say romance is dead, eh?

However, what really had us choking on our cups of tea this morning was the news that Peter cheated death on their Maldives honeymoon – when he got into a fight with a giant stingray. “I managed to catch this really big fish, but the line got caught round my fingers and it started pulling really hard,” Peter recalls. “I was fighting to stay on board the boat. Luckily, the guy who took us out ran over and cut the line while the other guys on the boat held on to me.” Phew!

Apparently, if the stingray had succeeded in pulling Peter overboard, it would have dragged the pint-sized singing sensation down to the bottom of the sea. “I could have lost him, just like that,” says Jordan. “I don’t even want to think about it.” A world without Peter? That would be insania!

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Fuck it! So close!

Roger · « **Reply #1 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:42:25 pm »

Thought he'd nearly been suffocated by them giant jugs reading that headline!

Bluto-clause · « **Reply #2 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:43:13 pm »

It smelt his fingers and let him go!

buzzing · « **Reply #3 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:43:23 pm »

Think he cheats death every time he wakes up alive next to that whore. Prob got more STDs then a council estate health clinic

cork scouser · « **Reply #4 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:43:46 pm »

would have liked to see the OK funeral picture special. wonder what jordan would wear for that?

Forbsie · « **Reply #5 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:45:22 pm »

Quote from: cork scouser on October 5, 2005, 01:43:46 pm

would have liked to see the OK funeral picture special. wonder what jordan would wear for that?

No chance that she would put on some clothes for it?

Terry de Niro · « **Reply #6 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:49:50 pm »

Ben S · « **Reply #7 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:52:45 pm »

Shame

Monkey Red · « **Reply #8 on:** October 5, 2005, 01:59:34 pm »

Giant Stingray my arse, probably a fuckin poxy blue spotted ray, about the size of his gob. Dickhead!

kevindublin · « **Reply #9 on:** October 5, 2005, 02:02:10 pm »

i wonder if Evo has any suggestions for what Peter andre should do to jordan!

Bluto-clause · « **Reply #10 on:** October 5, 2005, 02:03:02 pm »

Quote from: Monkey Red on October 5, 2005, 01:59:34 pm

Giant Stingray my arse, probably a fuckin poxy blue spotted ray, about the size of his ~~gob.~~ knob. Dickhead!

ElSheak · « **Reply #11 on:** October 5, 2005, 02:32:22 pm »

We've been cheated, that muppets still here to be pointless!

Kanonkop · « **Reply #12 on:** October 5, 2005, 02:56:31 pm »

Better luck next time Mr. Giant Stingray. You have our full support

And here is a rather less fortunate giant stingray from Cambodia

Terry de Niro · « **Reply #13 on:** October 5, 2005, 03:13:12 pm »

I wonder if he will write a world wide hit song about it..

Kanonkop · « **Reply #14 on:** October 5, 2005, 03:15:57 pm »

Quote from: Terry DeNiro on October 5, 2005, 03:13:12 pm

I wonder if he will write a world wide hit song about it..

"inraynia"

ashleyrose-66 · « **Reply #15 on:** October 5, 2005, 03:17:41 pm »

Quote from: Kanonkop on October 5, 2005, 03:15:57 pm

"inraynia"

Darren Page1 · « **Reply #16 on:** October 5, 2005, 03:18:04 pm »

Quote from: Bluto on October 5, 2005, 01:43:13 pm

It smelt his fingers and let him go!

Oh fuckme--just spat coke all over me monitor

Stephen King · « **Reply #17 on:** October 5, 2005, 04:11:01 pm »

Try using a flat surface like a mirror.

SMD · « **Reply #18 on:** October 5, 2005, 04:21:20 pm »

What's with the consummating marriage thing? It's hardly as if they'd been waiting till they got married anyway.

Monty. · « **Reply #19 on:** October 5, 2005, 04:45:08 pm »

Possibly the funniest thread I have seen in some time.

Kristian, I don't think she is....but she's no slagbag like Jodie Marsh......

SMD · « **Reply #20 on:** October 5, 2005, 04:45:54 pm »

Quote from: Kri5tian on October 5, 2005, 04:42:00 pm

You mean, Jordan's not a virgin?

Maybe not anally.

...I think I just made myself sick.

Jonno83 · « **Reply #21 on:** October 5, 2005, 06:38:29 pm »

jordons hole is abig ssd the stingray

Cusamano · « **Reply #22 on:** October 5, 2005, 07:08:24 pm »

Quote from: Kanonkop on October 5, 2005, 02:56:31 pm

Better luck next time Mr. Giant Stingray. You have our full support

And here is a rather less fortunate giant stingray from Cambodia

Fucking horrible horrible creatures.

Cusamano · « **Reply #23 on:** October 5, 2005, 07:18:02 pm »

Eli_B (aka Badland Red) · « **Reply #24 on:** October 5, 2005, 07:22:08 pm »

Quote from: Terry DeNiro on October 5, 2005, 03:13:12 pm

I wonder if he will write a world wide hit song about it..

It'll be probably named "Stingray Suprise"

ashleyrose-66 · « **Reply #25 on:** October 5, 2005, 07:29:12 pm »

Nearly killed by a Stingray?

What a fucking wuss!!

blurred · « **Reply #26 on:** October 5, 2005, 07:37:58 pm »

Quote from: Monty. on October 5, 2005, 04:45:08 pm

Possibly the funniest thread I have seen in some time.

Kristian, I don't think she is....but she's no slagbag like Jodie Marsh......

You not a fan of Jodie Marsh then, Dee?

http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=79893.msg1269383#msg1269383

billy-b · « **Reply #27 on:** October 5, 2005, 08:37:41 pm »

maybe your just a bunch of jealous twats?

Litherland_Leon · « **Reply #28 on:** October 5, 2005, 08:43:00 pm »

Quote from: billy-b on October 5, 2005, 08:37:41 pm

maybe your just a bunch of jealous twats?

yeah i wish i'd nearly got killed by a stingray

ricflairandy · « **Reply #29 on:** October 5, 2005, 08:43:41 pm »

I thought hed had issues following his steroid abuse when i read this.

Kanonkop · « **Reply #30 on:** October 5, 2005, 08:43:43 pm »

Quote from: billy-b on October 5, 2005, 08:37:41 pm

maybe your just a bunch of jealous twats?

of whom, The Andre & Jordan freak show, Jodie Marsh or the giant stingray?

Hightown Phil · « **Reply #31 on:** October 5, 2005, 08:49:00 pm »

Quote from: Kri5tian on October 5, 2005, 07:16:00 pm

Enough on Andre and Jordan though, what about the stingrays?

Nah, they don't take it up the arse.

7777 · « **Reply #32 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:06:41 pm »

Quote from: Bluto on October 5, 2005, 01:43:13 pm

It smelt his fingers and let him go!

Brilliant

♠Dirty Harry♠ · « **Reply #33 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:08:50 pm »

Something fishy about that story.....

.....Jordan's C*nt

Hightown Phil · « **Reply #34 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:10:28 pm »

Quote from: Kri5tian on October 5, 2005, 09:05:41 pm

Only for the Neighbours fans, I fear.

Thank me for posting another Neighbours picture. You'll thank me when you've finished, erm, yer know.

Ghazi · « **Reply #35 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:26:36 pm »

Who is this Jordan chica? Actress? She looks like a brit Pam Anderson or something.

Litherland_Leon · « **Reply #36 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:28:24 pm »

Quote from: ♠Dirty Harry♠ on October 5, 2005, 09:08:50 pm

Something fishy about that story.....

.....Jordan's C*nt

Kanonkop · « **Reply #37 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:29:08 pm »

Quote from: Ghazi on October 5, 2005, 09:26:36 pm

Who is this Jordan chica? Actress? She looks like a brit Pam Anderson or something.

Correct, but with less talent! (and I bet you didn't think that was humanly possible)

Litherland_Leon · « **Reply #38 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:29:40 pm »

anyone know if carmella (the irish lads bird) is coming back to ramsey street? i fucking love that girl

Hightown Phil · « **Reply #39 on:** October 5, 2005, 09:33:04 pm »

She best had be.