Author Topic: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom  (Read 2476 times)

Offline soxfan

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The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« on: July 25, 2018, 05:38:08 PM »
My fellow RAWKite gentlemen,

This morning I ventured into a local eating establishment's public bathroom. I unzipped my trousers and positioned my nether regions in front of a urination station, and proceeded to expel the pungent fluids that had been burdening my kidneys and bladder for the prior hour.

As I felt the joys of sweet relief, my ears noted that another fellow had entered the bathroom and was washing his hands at the sink apparatus. "Ah" I said "What a clean human he is, soaping his hands before enjoying his meal." But then said citizen made me raise an eyebrow as he curiously walked over to a second urination station and proceeded to relieve himself as I had just done.

There were two sink apparati in front of a large mirror. I washed my own hands, and shuffled over a few feet in expectation that this fine man would join me at the mirror and proceed to soap his hands once more.  Alas, it was not to be...

Instead...





THE MOTHERFUCKING CHIMPANZEE, WHO OBVIOUSLY ATE FROM A PIG TROUGH AND BATHED IN A CESSPOOL, WALKED OVER TO THE HOT-AIR HAND DRYER AND PROCEEDED TO RUB HIS HANDS UNDER IT, COOKING HIS PISS ONTO HIS HANDS. HE THEN GRABBED THE BATHROOM EXIT DOOR HANDLE WITH HIS PISS-STAINED FINGERS AND WALKED OUT, LEAVING ME TO GET THE REMNANTS OF HIS DISGUSTING PISS ALL OVER MY OWN HAND!!!

Gentlemen, might I suggest the we all scrub our hands with this amazing invention called soap after a pee or poo session in a public bathroom? We are not blue shite. We are respectable humanoids.

Thank you for your consideration. I bid you all a good day.

Regards,

Soxfan
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2018, 05:47:28 PM »
I thought it was you. Was going to say hello but you were too busy washing your hands.

Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2018, 05:49:08 PM »
You filthy son of a bitch swine! :wanker
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline stoa

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2018, 05:55:27 PM »
What that bloke did was certainly very naughty. However, getting angry over it is more likely to kill you than that guy not washing his hands after taking a piss...

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2018, 05:58:16 PM »
Did you eat the complimentary peanuts?

Offline WhereAngelsPlay

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2018, 06:05:05 PM »
I've just has a piss and this weird fella was watching my every move,I would usually was and dry my hands but it looked liked he was knocking one out so I bolted for the door and washed my hands at the drinks fountain.
My cup, it runneth over, I'll never get my fill

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2018, 06:06:24 PM »
I've just has a piss and this weird fella was watching my every move,I would usually was and dry my hands but it looked liked he was knocking one out so I bolted for the door and washed my hands at the drinks fountain.
;D

I was actually knocking one out in the cubicle

Offline Alan_X

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2018, 06:13:54 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?
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Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2018, 06:14:06 PM »
I feel like Cary Grant fighting off an invasion of cro magnons!

“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2018, 06:16:04 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?


Middle it and see how many go to the 1D

Offline stoa

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2018, 06:17:30 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?


Stand 3 metres behind the middle one and use all of them including some spillage...

Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2018, 06:17:41 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?
Whichever one is furthest from Ziltoid's cublicle! :o
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2018, 06:19:09 PM »
While his behavior is certainly odd, I find it more disturbing that when you take a piss you get it all over your hands, apparently.

Offline Just Elmo?

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2018, 06:22:07 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?

http://www.urinalman.com/

Offline BIG DICK NICK

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2018, 06:25:30 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?


D) Opt for the cubicle and have a browse of RAWK

Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2018, 06:26:40 PM »
While his behavior is certainly odd, I find it more disturbing that when you take a piss you get it all over your hands, apparently.
It was because he had wee small Trump hands, and a huge schwanstugel than bent to the left and had two small freckles on it. Not that I was interested. I just happened to glance over for 12 or 14 seconds. :-X
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline Chakan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #16 on: July 25, 2018, 06:29:11 PM »
It was because he had wee small Trump hands, and a huge schwanstugel than bent to the left and had two small freckles on it. Not that I was interested. I just happened to glance over for 12 or 14 seconds. :-X

So not only did you scrutinize every move this person made once they opened the door to the time they closed it, you casually looked over for 12-14 to inspect his johnson? No wonder he ran out there as fast as he could! You were probably gonna start tapping his foot soon.

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #17 on: July 25, 2018, 06:57:54 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?

There's 3 in work so I would use the closest one to the door. If someone is using it the furthest one. If both are in use then the middle one.

One of my best mates in work is gay and he won't use the urinals at all. I asked him why and he said he doesn't want to piss beside people in case they think he is looking at their dick. Quite annoying that he feels that way. People are c*nts I suppose and I know a few scumbags in work would make a 'joke' out of it if he was standing beside them.

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2018, 07:07:08 PM »
I really don't blame him. People are c*nts as you say.

Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2018, 07:07:32 PM »
So not only did you scrutinize every move this person made once they opened the door to the time they closed it, you casually looked over for 12-14 to inspect his johnson? No wonder he ran out there as fast as he could! You were probably gonna start tapping his foot soon.
Only if his foot was clean. :-X
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Offline Alan_X

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2018, 07:12:38 PM »
http://www.urinalman.com/

That’s good. Question 4 is wrong. There’s clearly a reason why the other three are keeping clear of the lad on the left. He either stinks or is a bit of a weirdo.
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Offline rob1966

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2018, 07:29:35 PM »
At least he washed his hands at some point, loads of dirty fuckers don't wash their hands after a piss or a shit. At work the toilet door has a long vertical handle, so I always grab it at the very top to avoid where the dirty Mancs have touched it.

One dirty bastard at work came out of the cubicle eating a butty. My Ma always said I ate that much bread I'd eat shit if you put it on a butty. First time I've seen someone having a shit butty.

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #22 on: July 25, 2018, 07:37:25 PM »
The true question of bog conduct is not what hand you shake your tallywhacker with, but what hand you wipe your arse with, so which is it?
« Last Edit: July 25, 2018, 07:39:15 PM by CHOPPER »
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Offline robgomm

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #23 on: July 25, 2018, 07:38:55 PM »
His penis must be filthy.

Offline Alan_X

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2018, 07:47:25 PM »
The true question of bog conduct is not what hand you shake your tallywhacker with, but what hand you wipe your arse with, so which is it?

I use bog paper.
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Offline BIG DICK NICK

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2018, 07:48:37 PM »
The true question of bog conduct is not what hand you shake your tallywhacker with, but what hand you wipe your arse with, so which is it?

Ziltoid’s.

Offline Just Elmo?

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2018, 08:06:27 PM »
Ziltoid’s.

Is that similar to Hemorrhoids?

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2018, 08:18:36 PM »
Ziltoid’s.

Indeed. Although when a sly finger emerges Nick pretends to read RAWK some more.

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #28 on: July 25, 2018, 08:18:59 PM »
Is that similar to Hemorrhoids?

On this site, yes.

Offline Medellin

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2018, 08:28:35 PM »
I hear Ziltoid done a right wet fart & had a massive rake of his arse before opening that door.

Always piss in the toilet by the way..lid up where applicable & take some bog roll to open the door exiting the place.
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Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #30 on: July 25, 2018, 08:35:31 PM »
That’s good. Question 4 is wrong. There’s clearly a reason why the other three are keeping clear of the lad on the left. He either stinks or is a bit of a weirdo.

I got a Grade D, f. Ck knows what that means

Offline Chakan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #31 on: July 25, 2018, 08:37:02 PM »
I got a Grade D, f. Ck knows what that means

probably need to wash your hands...

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #32 on: July 25, 2018, 08:57:15 PM »
probably need to wash your hands...

I do...


.... Before I have a piss.

Offline The Gulleysucker

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #33 on: July 25, 2018, 09:09:53 PM »
I worry about some of you lot, I really do.

Quite how you would manage if the balloon ever went up is questionable.



I don't do polite so fuck yoursalf with your stupid accusations...

Right you fuckwit I will show you why you are talking out of your fat arse...

Mutton Geoff (Obviously a real nice guy)

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #34 on: July 25, 2018, 09:15:23 PM »
Similar toilets at the national cross country champs in Nottingham late 80s early 90s. Was a trough.

Offline soxfan

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #35 on: July 25, 2018, 09:22:32 PM »
What I'm wearing if I ever visit the RAWK bog. I bought it at www.YouAreAClassyBlokeWhoWashesHisHandsAfterPissing.com

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Offline rob1966

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #36 on: July 25, 2018, 10:36:03 PM »
I worry about some of you lot, I really do.

Quite how you would manage if the balloon ever went up is questionable.





I hate people who don't wash their hands, but to be honest I'll shit anywhere. You want to see some of the drivers toilets HGV drivers are expected to use, a lot on here would have a heart attack.

Offline The Gulleysucker

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #37 on: July 25, 2018, 11:12:29 PM »
I hate people who don't wash their hands,...

Oh I agree completely, it's pretty grim and depressing when you see people just walk out of the bog having not washed their hands.

There's really little excuse, it's just lowlife inconsiderate behaviour.

Mind you, I really hate it when I see people licking their fingers having just clumsily ate something and then going on to handle stuff that you have to handle, it's equally disgusting, but they seem to rarely realise. I mean if I yocked on my fingers and the picked up a pen and handed it to them what would they think?...
I don't do polite so fuck yoursalf with your stupid accusations...

Right you fuckwit I will show you why you are talking out of your fat arse...

Mutton Geoff (Obviously a real nice guy)

Offline Peabee

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #38 on: July 25, 2018, 11:15:46 PM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?

All three, leaving a trail of piss along the way.
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Offline Geppvindh's

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Re: The Etiquette Of The Gentlemens' Public Bathroom
« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2018, 12:33:22 AM »
The important question:

If there are three vacant urinals do you take the centre, the one furthest from the door or the one closest to the door?


There's an XKCD for everything:

https://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/