Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny

[Andy @ Allerton!]

A barman looked up to see a mobius strip walk in, sobbing bitterly

"Hey mate," said the bartender, "what's up?"

"Where do I even begin...?"

[24/7]

A barman looked up to see a mobius strip walk in, sobbing bitterly

"Hey mate," said the bartender, "what's up?"

"Where do I even begin...?"

More to the point, where will it ever end......?

[farawayred]

More to the point, where will it ever end......?

That's twisted...

[24/7]

That's twisted...

And that's humour - stripped right back

[24/7]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

[SamLad]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

I saw that on the news - happened outside Heartbreak Hotel apparently.  how ironic.

[Son of Spion]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

His siblings will be Crying in the Chapel over his loss. I'm All Shook Up over the news myself. My partner and I weren't sure whether or not to believe you at first, but we've got Suspicious Minds.

[24/7]

Okay, I knew this would happen. Seriously, youse, we can't go on like this.......

[SamLad]

what - you want a little less conversation on here?

don't be cruel, man.

[androulla]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

😁

[jambutty]

A little less conversation, a little more action.  Please.

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/GN8a8pRpVRk&amp;t=3s" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/GN8a8pRpVRk&amp;t=3s</a>

[Lfc19ynwa]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

That’s terrible news, are you lonesome tonight ??

[Lfc19ynwa]

I saw that on the news - happened outside Heartbreak Hotel apparently.  how ironic.

No surprise it happened there , it’s in the ghetto that hotel

[Spanish Al]

I can’t help falling in love with all these puns.

[Crosby Nick]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

Better that than on the shitter I guess.

[Son of Spion]

What was that song he wrote when bingeing on a large dessert?

Ah yes, In The Gateau.

[liverbloke]

What was that song he wrote when bingeing on a large dessert?

Ah yes, In The Gateau.

he also had a penchant for candy when he was in prison

he liked a bit of jailhouse rock

[Andy @ Allerton!]

he also had a penchant for candy when he was in prison

he liked a bit of jailhouse rock

Poor boy

[BlackandWhitePaul]

I've just been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine!

[Ghost Town]

I've just been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine!

I'm nicking that..

[BlackandWhitePaul]

My mate told me "icy" is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why.

[John C]

I've just been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine!

[liversaint]

Sad news to report today.

My pet mouse, Elvis, has been killed.

He was caught in a trap. 

Hope you’re not feeling Way Down

[tubby]

My mate told me "icy" is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why.

[liverbloke]

last night in bed i put on my superman cape and jumped on the bed and shouted to my other half 'do you fancy super sex?'

she said - tomato for me please

[rob1966]

An Englishman, A Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer doing a juggling act. He notices that the four men have a poor view of him, so he stands on a box and says "Can you all see me clearly now"?

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

[jambutty]

That was really, really, really, painful.

We know you're bursting with pride.

[Saltashscouse]

Have I already told you my Alzheimer's joke ?

[Saltashscouse]

My sister has just married a Chinese millionaire " Ka Ching "

[Saltashscouse]

My wife and I have decided we don't want children , so if anybody wants two boys I can drop them off tomorrow 

[Terry de Niro]

I went to Knowsley Safari Park today and saw a monkey holding a banana and a tin opener.
I shouted. “You don’t need a tin opener for that mate!” And he shouted back.
“I know, it’s for the custard, Dickhead!”

[Crosby Nick]

I went to Knowsley Safari Park today and saw a monkey holding a banana and a tin opener.
I shouted. “You don’t need a tin opener for that mate!” And he shouted back.
“I know, it’s for the custard, Dickhead!”

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

I went to Knowsley Safari Park today and saw a monkey holding a banana and a tin opener.
I shouted. “You don’t need a tin opener for that mate!” And he shouted back.
“I know, it’s for the custard, Dickhead!”

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Philip Schofield, Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile walk into a bar in Dublin….the barman says “not yew tree again!”

[Statto Red]

Phillip Schofield is reported to have had an affair with his 'Runner'

Don't they mean his 'Gopher'

[liverbloke]

i met a woman last night and we went back to her place

as we lay on the bed she said to me 'listen babe, there's nothing wrong with having a small penis'

i quickly got up and got dressed and said 'i know but i wish you would've told me about it earlier'

[Terry de Niro]

The Missus said to me, "Our neighbours are so in love.
He kisses her, strokes her hair, and hugs her.
Why don't you do that?"

I said, "Because I don't know her that well yet."

[liversaint]

I went to Knowsley Safari Park today and saw a monkey holding a banana and a tin opener.
I shouted. “You don’t need a tin opener for that mate!” And he shouted back.
“I know, it’s for the custard, Dickhead!”

😂😂

[bradders1011]

Saw a tribute act in Grimsby last night, Tuna Turner.

Simply John West.

[liverbloke]

apparently a lot of transvestites that live in the north west have a wigan address