Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 680950 times)

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4440 on: April 3, 2020, 01:59:03 pm »
Went to the zoo and there was a baguette in a cage. They said it was bread in captivity.

Sometimes you've just got to roll with it.
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4441 on: April 3, 2020, 02:34:38 pm »
There's no knead for that.
That's pretty half-baked mate - you're getting crusty laaaaa

Online Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4442 on: April 3, 2020, 03:35:55 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4443 on: April 3, 2020, 03:46:57 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.
Yeah, a big Red And White Kob on laaaaaaaa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4444 on: April 3, 2020, 03:51:08 pm »
Yeah, a big Red And White Kob on laaaaaaaa

When’s the transfer forum opening?

#MmmmBap2020

Offline afc tukrish

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4445 on: April 3, 2020, 04:24:42 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.

Exceptions being made to prevent too much loafing about...
Since haste quite Schorsch, but Liverpool are genuine fight pigs...

Offline FiSh77

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4446 on: April 3, 2020, 04:41:36 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.

They're not in the yeast bit funny

Offline Peabee

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4447 on: April 3, 2020, 04:42:58 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.

I’m not gonna rise to this.
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Online BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4448 on: April 3, 2020, 04:44:17 pm »
Are we allowed bread puns? Some mods get a cob on when we start doing that.
Huh, you don't know?

Use your loaf   :P

Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4449 on: April 3, 2020, 04:48:35 pm »
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage...
when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he is rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He would come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He would come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4450 on: April 3, 2020, 05:11:44 pm »
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Offline FiSh77

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4451 on: April 3, 2020, 05:24:34 pm »
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage...
when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he is rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He would come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He would come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

:lmao

Offline Big Red Richie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4452 on: April 3, 2020, 05:39:58 pm »
If we're throwing bread puns around, we'd better baton down the hatches!
Before we get another round.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4453 on: April 3, 2020, 05:43:39 pm »
You've all scone too far with these bread puns.

Offline FiSh77

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4454 on: April 3, 2020, 05:45:40 pm »
Before we get another round.

Keep it up with the bread puns and this thread will be toast

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4455 on: April 3, 2020, 06:49:52 pm »
Just bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4456 on: April 3, 2020, 07:15:59 pm »
I’m not gonna rise to this.

That’s a real pita.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4457 on: April 3, 2020, 07:26:27 pm »
You're all barmy. Unless you're fresh out of the oven in which case your balmy.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4458 on: April 3, 2020, 07:58:15 pm »
Someone has just told me Bill Withers has passed away..

I said I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know..
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Phil M

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4459 on: April 3, 2020, 08:03:27 pm »
A clown got fired on his first day in the job, he's now suing the circus for funfair dismissal.




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Online BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4460 on: April 3, 2020, 08:06:49 pm »
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.    :P

Online Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4461 on: April 3, 2020, 08:15:06 pm »
Someone has just told me Bill Withers has passed away..

I said I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know..

I hate myself for giggling at that. :D

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4462 on: April 3, 2020, 08:29:19 pm »
Someone has just told me Bill Withers has passed away..

I said I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know..
Bill Notwithers any more  :(
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4463 on: April 3, 2020, 09:10:26 pm »
Bill Notwithers any more  :(

Ain't no sunshine now he's gone, Bills wilted.
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline Sangria

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4464 on: April 3, 2020, 11:19:29 pm »
Just bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.

I like this one.
"i just dont think (Lucas is) that type of player that Kenny wants"
Vidocq, 20 January 2011

http://www.redandwhitekop.com/forum/index.php?topic=267148.msg8032258#msg8032258

Offline The Gulleysucker

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4465 on: April 4, 2020, 12:08:37 am »
In the 1970's Sister Sledge used to drive British cars.

Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap...
I don't do polite so fuck yoursalf with your stupid accusations...

Right you fuckwit I will show you why you are talking out of your fat arse...

Mutton Geoff (Obviously a real nice guy)

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4466 on: April 4, 2020, 12:11:28 am »
Not sure if you've have heard it before.

A Manc and a Brummie are arguing in a pub about which is England's second city. They are both arguing the toss and start listing their reasons as to why. Hours later they're still not getting anywhere and then.... A Liverpudlian walks into the pub and orders a pint. The Manc and Brummie then both decide to ask the Liverpudlian which is England's second city and that'll be the truth and the argument is completed.

So they both shout over to him and ask the question.

Hey mate. Which is England's second city. Manchester or Birmingham ?

The Liverpudlian then takes a sip of his pint and goes....

London.
« Last Edit: April 4, 2020, 12:13:22 am by kesey »
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Offline McrRed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4467 on: April 4, 2020, 07:50:05 am »
It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our Town. The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot and finally the laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!
Anyone else read this in Ronnie Barker's voice?

Offline The Bournemouth Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4468 on: April 4, 2020, 09:31:37 am »
In the 1970's Sister Sledge used to drive British cars.

Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap...

Laughed more than this joke possibly deserves. Good work!
Falling down, getting up, always Red.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4469 on: April 4, 2020, 10:00:37 am »
A guy is doing his ventriloquist act in a local club.

As part of his act his dummy begins telling Blonde joke after Blonde joke and getting a lot of laughs.

But half-way through the act a blonde woman suddenly stands up and shouts "That's enough of the blonde jokes mate - they're sexist and they're not bloody funny!"

The ventriloquist says "Oh, sorry about that madam, I didn't meant to offend you"

And the blonde says "Shut up you - I'm talking to the friggin little fella!"

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Offline McrRed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4470 on: April 4, 2020, 11:09:01 am »
It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our Town. The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot and finally the laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!
Anyone else read this in Ronnie Barker's voice?

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4471 on: April 4, 2020, 11:10:47 am »
In the 1970's Sister Sledge used to drive British cars.

Their favourites were the Austin Music and Cortina Trap...

 ;D

..and also He's the Morris Dancer.
Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Gaz123456

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4472 on: April 4, 2020, 12:11:11 pm »
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?...………………………………………… put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers.


RIP

Offline Redwhiteandnotblue

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4473 on: April 4, 2020, 08:14:34 pm »
Why don't they play cricket in China?

People keep eating the bats.

Offline M(oaning) B(ecomes) E(mbarrassing)

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4474 on: April 5, 2020, 11:50:38 am »
"It's important we remember the real meaning of Easter." - The Archbishop of Cadbury. 
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4475 on: April 5, 2020, 12:21:37 pm »
"It's important we remember the real meaning of Easter." - The Archbishop of Cadbury.
Fudge off!  ;D
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline M(oaning) B(ecomes) E(mbarrassing)

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4476 on: April 5, 2020, 01:13:25 pm »
Fudge off!  ;D

Don't get your Snickers in a Twix. 
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.

Offline Lfc19ynwa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4477 on: April 5, 2020, 01:54:25 pm »
Don't get your Snickers in a Twix.
[someone was bounty come up with that ]

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4478 on: April 5, 2020, 03:19:55 pm »
Hope these puns don't turn into a Marathon.
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline FiSh77

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4479 on: April 5, 2020, 03:27:41 pm »
Don't get your Snickers in a Twix. 

 :wanker

Hope these puns don't turn into a Marathon.

This fella knows his chocolate, fuck the snickers shite off ;D