Author Topic: Life as a Single Dad - stories of Meerkats, peedo's and wet sticky things  (Read 12613 times)

Offline Lord Roger Hunt

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I'm a single parent with two girls, aged 11'teen' and 13.   We're at Kos, Mark Warner resort. Brilliant place, full of stuff for the girls to do, clubs where they can learn to sail, sub-aqua and kayaking and so on. My two love it ...  and there's the rub..... I'm on my tod, my lonesome, nobody to talk to, for hours....and hours....

Yes, there are others here in a similar boat, I see blokes at breakfast on their own with their children - but blokes don't go up to each other and start a conversation, do they?  God forbid, they might think you're gay!  And there's women on their own with children but, if you strike up a conversation with them, well, that's fraught with problems and potentially another story.....
 
So, yesterday, I was sitting on the sun lounger on my own around a crowded swimming pool.

A single bloke, on his own....reading his book, and occasionally, people watching....

I like little girls.  When I see little girls and they remind me of my own, I can't help smiling and, if they come close enough, I might even say something like' having a nice time ?' or something similarly innocous.

I think you might be able to see where I'm going with this now....?

So, back to the sun-lounger, I'm sitting up, just generally enjoying the scene when two little girls (aged about 5/6) in swimsuits come past, holding hands, chatting away to each other.

I say 'be careful you don't slip - someone split suntan lotion there'....and smile.  They say 'oh, thank you' and smile back.....I continue smiling as they walk off....

It's then that I notice that I've caused a bit of a 'stir' around the pool...

All I can liken it to is a tribe of Meerkats  who've discovered a predator on their patch.

First one head pops up, then another, then another, with a lot of whispering and nodding and pointing in my direction going on. 

I fear trouble. Do I stand up and make a speech 'hey, sorry, I can see what that looks like but. don't worry, I'm a Dad....of little girls....' Big smile. Settle back down, everybody happy.

No, probably not, well, not without evidence that would support my claim of being a member of the 'parent club'. I look around for proof. There's nothing, absolutely nothing. No water wings, or buckets and spades. Nothing....

Then I see her. Daughter No 2.  Off on the other side of the pool.  I spring into action but in languid style e.g. I walk slowly towards here, calling her name 'katie'...she ignores me..so ....'Katie'.....again, no response.....'KATIE!!' 

The Meerkats are all now looking in the same direction as me...My languid walk now becomes a run but strangulated at the knees e.g. top half of the legs are moving slow,...but going ten to the dozen below the knees, e.g. I'm legging it but secretly.....

She, being 11teen, does what any 11teen would do when she sees her dad coming and fears that she's going to be publically humilated (you know, like having to talk to me or even worse, having sun tan lotion applied - how cruel! how embarrassing!). She starts walking fast, in the other direction...

So, picture the scene being played out in front of the Meerkats. Sole male, first observed smiling and engaging in conversation with little girls, is now chasing one around the pool...who is trying to escape.

Undeterred - this is now a matter of life or death, I feel - with a fixed grin/grimace, I start to run (languidly but with purpose) past all the Meerkats, sights firmly fixed on the target, my daughter. 

She now legs it.

All pretence of languidity has now been forgotten, I'm now also legging it and, as I catch up with her, its with every fibre of my willpower that I stop myself slide-tackling my daughter into hedge.  I grab her arm instead. Gently. She's laughing.....laughing!!   

I drag....no, walk her back to my sun-lounger, on full display. My trophy daughter, held firmly in a fatherly embrace e.g. half-Nelson. 

The Meerkats are reassured and settle down to resume their grooming.   I have morphed from a potential predator back to being just another harrassed parent - nothing to see here!

Today, I'm buying water-wings from the shop....

(And taking the time to stitch the 'S' back on my Speedo cosi ;))

Cheers!
« Last Edit: August 26, 2011, 12:39:36 PM by Lord Roger Hunt »
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Offline Enemy

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2011, 09:39:35 AM »
:lmao

Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline Enemy

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2011, 09:40:26 AM »
It's a sad world we live in where dads feel guilty for parenting their kids. I know some dads who won't even take their young daughters to the toilet with them for fear of being labelled.
Enemy, at that time, and now, I cant think of anything good to say about her. She's still being a c*nt

Offline CheshireDave

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2011, 09:49:16 AM »
Brilliant.

I was kind of hoping after you wrote you grabbed your daughter’s arm you then realised it wasn’t actually your daughter!
« Last Edit: August 25, 2011, 11:14:47 AM by CheshireDave »
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2011, 09:54:07 AM »
 ;D Wasn't it worse chasing your daughter?
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2011, 09:55:04 AM »
Brilliant.

I was kind of hoping after you wrote your grabbed your daughter’s arm you then realised it wasn’t actually your daughter!
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Offline Lord Roger Hunt

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2011, 09:56:30 AM »
It's a sad world we live in where dads feel guilty for parenting their kids. I know some dads who won't even take their young daughters to the toilet with them for fear of being labelled.

Yep, you're right. It's really humiliating....but we don't help ourselves sometimes e.g....

I'm just back from buying the water wings.  Cinderalla ones....the smallest/cheapest in the shop.

To make sure that I had the right size, the guy in the shop asked who they were for.

I told him that they were for me.....

 :duh


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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2011, 09:58:15 AM »
Yep, you're right. It's really humiliating....but we don't help ourselves sometimes e.g....

I'm just back from buying the water wings.  Cinderalla ones....the smallest/cheapest in the shop.

To make sure that I had the right size, the guy in the shop asked who they were for.

I told him that they were for me.....

 :duh

:lmao

If you'd have gone for Toy Story he'd have found it easier to believe.
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Offline Lord Roger Hunt

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2011, 09:58:30 AM »
Brilliant.

I was kind of hoping after you wrote your grabbed your daughter’s arm you then realised it wasn’t actually your daughter!


I doubt that I'd be in a position to type the post...would be difficult when swinging from a lamp post on the end of a rope.....  :(
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2011, 10:32:01 AM »
;D

Made me laugh at work, thanks for sharing your pain with us all! Enjoy the rest of your holiday - if you haven't been banished to your hotel room of course. :P
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2011, 10:36:28 AM »
good read! a lot of men feel uncomfortable talking to children at all, lot of paranoia about being called one of those predators
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2011, 10:37:03 AM »
It's then that I notice that I've caused a bit of a 'stir' around the pool...

All I can liken it to is a tribe of Meerkats  who've discovered a predator on their patch.

First one head pops up, then another, then another, with a lot of whispering and nodding and pointing in my direction going on. 

You read that totally wrong, Lord RH. The ladies around the pool are all warm for your form. Enjoy your hols...

Offline Lord Roger Hunt

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #12 on: August 25, 2011, 10:40:44 AM »
You read that totally wrong, Lord RH. The ladies around the pool are all warm for your form. Enjoy your hols...

I wish!  But thanks!! :)
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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2011, 10:41:33 AM »
Were you actually wearing speedos? That wouldn't help at all, everyone knows Fritzl wore speedos in the basement

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #14 on: August 25, 2011, 10:44:21 AM »
It's a sad world we live in where dads feel guilty for parenting their kids. I know some dads who won't even take their young daughters to the toilet with them for fear of being labelled.

How's true is that !

Nice story Lord.
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Offline nicholasanthony

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #15 on: August 25, 2011, 10:46:03 AM »
I'm assuming you are Louie C.K.

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Re: The trials and tribulations of being a male, single parent on holiday.
« Reply #16 on: August 25, 2011, 10:49:15 AM »
good read! a lot of men feel uncomfortable talking to children at all, lot of paranoia about being called one of those predators
Sad but true.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #17 on: August 25, 2011, 11:15:35 AM »
Great Post  ;D

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #18 on: August 25, 2011, 11:21:07 AM »
Great Post  ;D

Yeah, very amusing read. I have similar situations (not in a young child kind of way!) when you're torn between shouting something from the rooftops and being accused of protesting too much or just keeping quiet

Offline AriGold

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2011, 11:23:01 AM »
Quality ;D
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2011, 11:42:15 AM »
Hope you didn't type this up on your SmartPhone from your sun lounger by the way. The others probably thought tyou were filming something inappropriate!

I'm assuming you are Louie C.K.

More like Louis Walsh by the sounds of it.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2011, 01:49:46 PM by Crosby Nick »

Offline Chivasino

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2011, 01:52:20 PM »
good read! a lot of men feel uncomfortable talking to children at all, lot of paranoia about being called one of those predators

Spot on.

A few years back I was at Bluewater and saw a young girl by herself looking confused. I looked around for a parent couldn't see one. It must have crossed my mind a dozen times if I should or shouldn’t before walking over to her and asking her if she was lost. As I did, her mother came running from nowhere and grabbed her daughter. I said all I was doing was asking if she was lost. She tentatively thanked me and rushed off. I’m certain the mother went away thinking I was one of these predators.

Still glad I did ask her though.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2011, 02:09:55 PM »
Enjoyed reading that :)
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #23 on: August 25, 2011, 02:33:51 PM »
 :lmao

Maybe it is best that you have your girls check in with you periodically throughout the day (preferably when you are around other Adults) to avoid this situation again.
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Offline sidneyroughdiamond

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #24 on: August 25, 2011, 03:28:01 PM »
It's a sad world we live in where dads feel guilty for parenting their kids. I know some dads who won't even take their young daughters to the toilet with them for fear of being labelled.

I was at an indoor play centre some time ago with my two boys (2 and 6) when they managed to give me the slip. I was looking around the multi levelled play area when a little girl who was playing there smiled at me I instinctively smiled back. I then looked around to see her mother give me the skunk eye and then hurridely scoop the girl up in her arms, leaving me feeling like some deviant.
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #25 on: August 25, 2011, 03:46:55 PM »
Brilliant story!

Perhaps you shouldn't have worn the long rain-jacket and had your long-lens camera out? ;)
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #26 on: August 25, 2011, 04:21:10 PM »
Good read that.
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #27 on: August 25, 2011, 04:26:24 PM »
i can really sympathise with the op as a single dad of a 13yo girl myself. had some weird looks while standing around girls clothes while shopping, taking her into the toilets with me when she was little and the very worst thing- buying bras. try being a bloke standing looking at bras and girl's pants without feeling EXTREMELY awkward. it is a two-sided coin though, as if someone was genuinely in trouble i'd like to think people would step in.

Offline jaffod

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #28 on: August 25, 2011, 11:28:28 PM »
I imagine your embarrassment was similar to mine a few years ago when I went to my best mate's barbecue in Warrington.
 He has 2 daughters who would have been about 12 and 15 at the time. He invited us to stay overnight so I could have a good drink rather than drive home.
 Anyway, in the space of a few short hours I managed to walk in on both daughters using the bathroom. Couldn't fucking wait to get away I can tell you.
 Mad thing was I couldn't even bring myself to tell the wife what had happened in case she thought I was some sort of fucking sex case. :(
 
 

Offline Gifted Right Foot

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #29 on: August 25, 2011, 11:37:03 PM »
haha brilliant story.  enjoy the hols

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #30 on: August 25, 2011, 11:39:11 PM »
Ace story mate, had something similar happen to a work colleague at a bus stop waiting for his kids one time. Said it was the worst ten minutes of his life.

I remember nearly getting killed on that island too actually. Was on holiday with the then mrs scary enjoying the beach as you do. Hadn't realised this is where all the scandinavians went on holiday to party. Sex bombs to the left of me would be playboy bunnies to the right and here I am stuck in the middle with my pasty white bird.

This groupd of chicks drunk as shit by lunch time all solid 12 out of 10's start making sandcastles and play fighting with sun cream squriting each other and wrestling right in front of me lounger. Couldn't make this shit up if I tried. I think we all know what the male's natural reaction to this would be. Had to stand waist deep in the sea for a good twenty minutes at least which hid my monstrously tumescent bulge but still looked wierd as it was packed so i couldn't really do anything but stand there. More worried about the white shark girlfriend on land eating me than anything in the ocaen. I felt like I was 12 years old again.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2011, 11:43:43 PM by Scaryscouse »
I remember years ago doing the fart with your fingers pointed like a gun.

I did it to my brother, I had a dressing gown on.

Instead of farting I shat on the floor - my brother thought I was demented.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #31 on: August 25, 2011, 11:40:32 PM »
Another single dad here :wave

Reading the above, Im glad im not alone!
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #32 on: August 25, 2011, 11:41:41 PM »
Great post made me laugh.

It's a sad state of affairs we find ourselves in these days because of a few weirdos. I'm a teacher, I remember when my form class was in Year 7. I saw a female member of my form waiting for the bus on her way to school. It was absolutely lashing it down and she was soaking wet. Everything was telling me to give her a lift - but I couldn't. I had to pretend like I didn't see her when it was obvious I did!

Terrible.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #33 on: August 25, 2011, 11:48:45 PM »
One of the best posts I've read on here  ;D

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #34 on: August 25, 2011, 11:49:46 PM »
Great post made me laugh.

It's a sad state of affairs we find ourselves in these days because of a few weirdos. I'm a teacher, I remember when my form class was in Year 7. I saw a female member of my form waiting for the bus on her way to school. It was absolutely lashing it down and she was soaking wet. Everything was telling me to give her a lift - but I couldn't. I had to pretend like I didn't see her when it was obvious I did!

Terrible.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #35 on: August 25, 2011, 11:57:22 PM »
It's a sad world we live in where dads feel guilty for parenting their kids. I know some dads who won't even take their young daughters to the toilet with them for fear of being labelled.
Speaking of daughters to the loo, I've always found it ridiculous that the convention is for Dads to take their little girls to the male toilets.

- the person doing their business are females
- men's loos are dirtier
- men's loos are full of men

Surely it makes more sense for little girls to be in a women's loo and the adult females there deal with the presence of a man, rather than making little girls deal with the presence of a bunch of pissing male adults.

Offline Scaryscouse

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #36 on: August 26, 2011, 12:01:18 AM »
- men's loos are dirtier


No way, any of the ladies jaxx I've ever been in are a fucking disgrace compared to ours. ;D

 All though I fully agree with the rest of your post.
I remember years ago doing the fart with your fingers pointed like a gun.

I did it to my brother, I had a dressing gown on.

Instead of farting I shat on the floor - my brother thought I was demented.

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #37 on: August 26, 2011, 12:19:25 AM »
Speaking of daughters to the loo, I've always found it ridiculous that the convention is for Dads to take their little girls to the male toilets.

- the person doing their business are females
- men's loos are dirtier
- men's loos are full of men

Surely it makes more sense for little girls to be in a women's loo and the adult females there deal with the presence of a man, rather than making little girls deal with the presence of a bunch of pissing male adults.

What I was thinking too, women's toilets all have private cubicles. Probably afraid of letting their secret out that women actually do take dumps.

Perhaps the best thing to do is the use the disabled toilets when available.

Offline Lord Roger Hunt

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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #38 on: August 26, 2011, 09:55:25 AM »
Remind's me of a time when my eldest was about 4 and I was still married. To be fair to the ex, she'd had taken Emily to the loo loads of times so it was my turn. And there was a queue for the ladies as well so, it was the Gents or nothing....

My ex gave me the 'kit bag' which contained everything from spare knickers through to half eaten Toblerone. And, supposedly, a pack of tissues, just in case there was no loo roll.

The problem was Emily hated going to the Gents loo - she said it was 'pooey' (translation: 'stank') - but there was no other option.  However, the Gents was busy also and there was a little queue for the cubicles.   It was whilst waiting for a cubicle to become free that I discovered that there were no tissues in the bag to wipe Em's bum - only wet wipes. It transpired that Em didn't like the idea of her bum being cleaned with Wet wipes (understandable I suppose - but it was an emergency).

So, picture the scene.

Man enters Gents toilet, dragging little girl who's shouting 'No No No!!' - and crying uncontrollably.

Cubicle becomes free and man drags little girl into cubicle who's now shouting 'I don't want to! I don't want to! Stop it! I want my Mummy!'....

Then, after a few minutes.. little girl starts to shout 'Don't touch me with that!' Please don't touch me with that!'

Then 'Please don't touch my bum with that....please!'  ....'oh, nooooooooo......it's all wet and sticky.......'

Flush toilet.

Man leaves cubicle with little girl, and walks through gathered throng of concerned men, holding wet wipes in the air, like some sort of trophy.....

:(
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Re: The Day I Nearly Died - The trials of single father on holiday.
« Reply #39 on: August 26, 2011, 10:26:54 AM »
haha that made me laugh more than your initial story!
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