Topic: Struggling with depression

[Sat1]

I've had the devestating news of a close friend taking his own life. Can't get my head around it. We're a close bunch of friends but no one had a clue he was in that frame of mind. Can't understand why.

[trinityroad]

I've had the devestating news of a close friend taking his own life. Can't get my head around it. We're a close bunch of friends but no one had a clue he was in that frame of mind. Can't understand why.

Don't know what to say but I'm really sorry to hear that. Didn't want to just read that and not post anything.

[Chakan]

I've had the devestating news of a close friend taking his own life. Can't get my head around it. We're a close bunch of friends but no one had a clue he was in that frame of mind. Can't understand why.

Sorry for your loss mate. Condolences.

[deFacto please, you bastards]

the one person that i love and needs me the most, I can't help, I can't do anything to help, and it' fucking driving me insane. Life is fucking cruel to no end.

[Peabee]

I've had the devestating news of a close friend taking his own life. Can't get my head around it. We're a close bunch of friends but no one had a clue he was in that frame of mind. Can't understand why.

Sorry for your loss.  I've been in your situation. My best mate took his own life over 4 years ago.  Talk with your other mates, be there for each other, and whatever you do, don't blame yourself for not spotting something.  We can never really know what's going on. 

Feel free to PM me. 

[Fiasco]

Worst I've been in about 6 months, maybe more. I'm emotional, I'm agitated, I'm a little frustrated and snappy. I need to get through the next couple of days and head towards the weekend in a brighter mood but I'm scared to be alone with my own thoughts. I'm not on the verge of doing anything stupid, but I am struggling emotionally at the moment.


Sat1, I hope you are holding up well mate after some terrible news. And I hope everyone else is doing as well as possible.

[Sat1]

Thanks for your thoughts mate, been hard and still cannot understand it.

I wish you well and Hope you have people around you who are there for you, don't keep it bottled in.

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

Hi People.

I need some help and advice and not quite sure where to go - and as always RAWK always comes up with the best advice.

My wife and I are going through preliminary stages of IVF. We've had all the tests to see what is and isn't working and talk through the next steps. The good news is there's nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with her. The bad news is there's nothing wrong!

As there is no obvious issue we can qualify for the basic IVF treatment and two rounds on the NHS. However, to qualify for NHS, my wife needs to lose around 4 stone.

She is absolutely desperate for kids and having to watch all her friends get pregnant and have kids while she struggles to lose weight is starting to take its toll. She was put on clomid for three months which increases ovulation, but every month she gets her period, it seems to drive her further and further into depression. Coupled with this, she gets absolutely chronic period pains.

She's talked to me about it, but as I don't go through this monthly cycle, it's hard for me to understand what her pain is. I'm coming to the end of my tether - if I try and play down her pain etc she gets mad for not being sympathetic and if I try and be sympathetic she gets mad about other things. I really don't know what I can do and I'm now dreading going home at certain points in the month.

What can I do for her? Would her seeking help at a doctors be worthwhile? Has anyone else had any sort of experience like this, because I have no one to talk to. My parents brush it off, and the only "advice" I get from friends is "It'll happen when you least expect it"

Help. Someone?

[butchersdog]

Hi People.

I need some help and advice and not quite sure where to go - and as always RAWK always comes up with the best advice.

My wife and I are going through preliminary stages of IVF. We've had all the tests to see what is and isn't working and talk through the next steps. The good news is there's nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with her. The bad news is there's nothing wrong!

As there is no obvious issue we can qualify for the basic IVF treatment and two rounds on the NHS. However, to qualify for NHS, my wife needs to lose around 4 stone.

She is absolutely desperate for kids and having to watch all her friends get pregnant and have kids while she struggles to lose weight is starting to take its toll. She was put on clomid for three months which increases ovulation, but every month she gets her period, it seems to drive her further and further into depression. Coupled with this, she gets absolutely chronic period pains.

She's talked to me about it, but as I don't go through this monthly cycle, it's hard for me to understand what her pain is. I'm coming to the end of my tether - if I try and play down her pain etc she gets mad for not being sympathetic and if I try and be sympathetic she gets mad about other things. I really don't know what I can do and I'm now dreading going home at certain points in the month.

What can I do for her? Would her seeking help at a doctors be worthwhile? Has anyone else had any sort of experience like this, because I have no one to talk to. My parents brush it off, and the only "advice" I get from friends is "It'll happen when you least expect it"

Help. Someone?

Hi mate,

Sorry you're both having such a bad time of it. I don't have much advice on maximising the chances of conceiving, but re: weight loss for IVF, has your wife ever tried probiotics? I started taking one a day as part of a lifestyle change a while back, and lost half a stone in two weeks, before I made any changes to my diet. I've been taking them with a bog standard one a day multivitamin for 18 months now and haven't had so much as a cold since, and the weight has stayed off. I know their benefits are largely unproven, and I'm sure there'll be more medically learned people on here than myself who may disagree (feel free to), so I can only speak from my own experience. My body seems to run 'leaner' since I started taking them, a bit like my car does if I run it on Super Unleaded for a bit, and as I said earlier, my immune system is much improved. If she tried them for a month and it helped your wife lose weight, feel healthier and helped her with a lifestyle shift, like it did me, could be worth a go. Getting as fit and healthy as possible certainly can't hurt :-) Your folks are probably just trying to tell you both not to put too much pressure on yourselves, in a round about way. Don't let it all get on top of you both mate.


Andy

[reddebs]

Hi People.

I need some help and advice and not quite sure where to go - and as always RAWK always comes up with the best advice.

My wife and I are going through preliminary stages of IVF. We've had all the tests to see what is and isn't working and talk through the next steps. The good news is there's nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with her. The bad news is there's nothing wrong!

As there is no obvious issue we can qualify for the basic IVF treatment and two rounds on the NHS. However, to qualify for NHS, my wife needs to lose around 4 stone.

She is absolutely desperate for kids and having to watch all her friends get pregnant and have kids while she struggles to lose weight is starting to take its toll. She was put on clomid for three months which increases ovulation, but every month she gets her period, it seems to drive her further and further into depression. Coupled with this, she gets absolutely chronic period pains.

She's talked to me about it, but as I don't go through this monthly cycle, it's hard for me to understand what her pain is. I'm coming to the end of my tether - if I try and play down her pain etc she gets mad for not being sympathetic and if I try and be sympathetic she gets mad about other things. I really don't know what I can do and I'm now dreading going home at certain points in the month.

What can I do for her? Would her seeking help at a doctors be worthwhile? Has anyone else had any sort of experience like this, because I have no one to talk to. My parents brush it off, and the only "advice" I get from friends is "It'll happen when you least expect it"

Help. Someone?

Has to be the worst life situation to deal with, being unable to have children mate, I feel for you both.  Although I've not experienced IVF myself I know plenty who have and the things you're describing are quite common and perfectly normal, which I know doesn't help really.

On the problems with severe period pains and hormone imbalances, I'd advise taking evening primrose oil for the hormone side, it's not perfect but it does help over time.  Highest strength you can find but always from a health food store or pharmacy, never from online.  Too many fakes around.

As for the pain, this is very similar to the pain experienced from being in early stage labour so I'd recommend learning some good old fashioned breathing, relaxation and massage techniques to help relieve/control the pain, just as you would when prepping for the real situation.  Learn and do them together as she needs as much support as possible and you'll find that both your stress levels are reduced.

Combine the above with relaxing, essential oil type baths and early nights if possible.

I'd check with your GP about taking mild analgesics or those specifically for period pain, not sure if this is advised in your situation but I'd speak to them anyway regarding the struggles you're both experiencing.

Good luck to both of you.

[Mr Mingebag Squid]

Thanks for the replies guys - I'll look into what you both said.

[damomad]

Fucking hell you think things are going well, then you have a weekend where every choice you've made in the past year has been the wrong one and you haven't changed at all.

I've made a move back in with the parents after being away for 4 years and I think it's getting to me. I crave the home comfort but I know I have to make it on my own.

I know I shouldn't do it but recently I've lost all enthusiasm for socialising or being with mates. It's like I think I can be alone but I know it has never worked before. Even the likes of playing sports, or going to the pub, I just can't be assed and don't see the point to any of it.

I know I'll get through it but these feelings crop up more as I get older.

[End Product]

Never been diagnosed with something that relates to this topic, until recently, rang up that 111 number with chest pains, then im ordered to go to hospital immediately as they thought it could be a heart attack which wad worrying as I'm in my 20's.

Get all the tests done and thankfully all clear,  they diagnose it as a panic attack,  the next day I'm working and I get another one out of the blue, been stressed with certain things but not more so than other points in my life.

Does anyone have /know about panic attacks? How to deal with them? 

Thanks

[jackh]

Fucking hell you think things are going well, then you have a weekend where every choice you've made in the past year has been the wrong one and you haven't changed at all.

I've made a move back in with the parents after being away for 4 years and I think it's getting to me. I crave the home comfort but I know I have to make it on my own.

I know I shouldn't do it but recently I've lost all enthusiasm for socialising or being with mates. It's like I think I can be alone but I know it has never worked before. Even the likes of playing sports, or going to the pub, I just can't be assed and don't see the point to any of it.

I know I'll get through it but these feelings crop up more as I get older.

Apologies to only pick out one part of your post, but...

I left university after two years and returned to the family home in the countryside - having been studying in Liverpool - for what turned out to be about 18 months.  I found myself getting frustrated, annoyed - even resentful - about all of the simple and mundane things that I should have been grateful for...food, washing cycles, etc.  Couldn't stand the loss/lack of independence.

[stevienash]

How do you shake it? Good days and bad days shrug of the bad days as one offs then it really hits you hard... it's like it creeps up on you and you can feel it but try and dismiss it then here I am.

I resent seeing happy people as how can they be happy?

I try and be strong for my 2 boys but it hard doing it on your own when I only see them every other week not my choice believe my. I have two boys but my youngest is like a stranger to me as see him for!2 nights in 14.

Had a mate come up last weekend which was great first time anyone one has come up in years none of my family have come up in over 3 years. I know it's 200 miles but still 3 years...

[PaintItRed]

Never been diagnosed with something that relates to this topic, until recently, rang up that 111 number with chest pains, then im ordered to go to hospital immediately as they thought it could be a heart attack which wad worrying as I'm in my 20's.

Get all the tests done and thankfully all clear,  they diagnose it as a panic attack,  the next day I'm working and I get another one out of the blue, been stressed with certain things but not more so than other points in my life.

Does anyone have /know about panic attacks? How to deal with them? 

Thanks

What stresses you out?
What makes you worry?
Are you drinking too much coffee?
Panic attacks are a possibility but there is often a definate trigger to them starting. Stressors are often multifactorial rather than one thing. A steady buildup of things that chips away at you.

If there is no stress trigger, nothing upsetting to start off this panic attack and pain is your first symptom, can I suggest an alternative diagnosis.
Something called a supraventricular tachycardia or SVT for short. Sudden onset of chest pain where your heart feels like it is going to burst from your chest. Initial tests would be the straight forward ECG, a couple of blood tests including thyroid function and sometimes an event monitor. This is an ECG that is left on you for 7 to 14 days where you activate the recording of an episode manually when you feel your heart racing. I would approach your GP about this and be very precise about the sequence of events that lead you to having these episodes. He can arrange the rest. He should also teach you how to check your own heart rate. A pulse rate greater than 200 beats per minute would suggest this as the diagnosis. I would also go to A&E whenever you get pain so if SVT is indeed the diagnosis, they will have ECG evidence of it.

Coincidentally, the youngest person to have a heart attack that I have seen was 17 years old but that was related to drug use causing spasms of his coronary arteries. The youngest heart attack/ MI, was 32years in a rather large Scottish bloke.

Good luck. I would do this sooner rather than later.

[zero zero]

Sorry to read this Stevie

How do you shake it? Good days and bad days shrug of the bad days as one offs then it really hits you hard... it's like it creeps up on you and you can feel it but try and dismiss it then here I am.

Talk to your GP, mate. They're not just there for the physical stuff.

I try and be strong for my 2 boys but it hard doing it on your own when I only see them every other week not my choice believe my. I have two boys but my youngest is like a stranger to me as see him for!2 nights in 14.

It's a shitty situation you've all been put in. Just give it time. He's still young and no doubt confused about things. Make sure he knows you love, none of this is his fault and it's not how you want things either. Each and every time you meet him. Nothing and no one can break the bond between a loving dad and his kids.

Had a mate come up last weekend which was great first time anyone one has come up in years none of my family have come up in over 3 years. I know it's 200 miles but still 3 years...

Sometimes you need to be very direct. People are so busy with their own lives that hints just don't work. Maybe you have to be the one to set a specific date as if you don't, things tend to drift.

How are you set for Christmas with your boys?

[Commie Bobbie]

After being on menial duties for the past six weeks at work - my boss emails me towards the back end of last week wanting to draw up a plan to get me going back on the phone and talking to customers - saying that failure to do so, could cause a capability test being carried out on me - which is almost the final kick in the balls for me - as the initial reason to get off the phone is due to getting flashbacks of dealing with a subject which is too close to home for me.

Although I don't blame management for advising me of this - but nevertheless it did do my head in - I haven't done a full week in over six months - and so I'm not exactly doing myself any favours.

Anyway, I decide to take things into my own hands - and without prior encouragement on Friday - decide to go into work and take calls, from all directions - that was a bit intense - come in today, and come lunchtime theres a couple of complaints from some of our customer service managers who advise my manager that I have been a bit rude, sharp - whatever to their agents - so my manager takes me into the side room and tells me that I'm having to go back on menial duties - which is basically doing the same sort of work over and over again for nine hours a fucking day.

I'm dreading going into work tomorrow - I constantly get the impression, that friends, colleagues and family are getting fed up with my constant depression - which is unlike previous - which was a yo-yo form of depression, - this bout which has been ongoing for about six months now.

Doctors have told me that no medication is going to help me, the last doctor I saw, said that they would refer me to the mental health unit, which consisted of someone listening to me for 45 minutes ranting and raving about my abuse, and my battle to deal with it - and then as I wasn't suicidal - they gave me a load of cunting numbers and - that's it.

Just think I do not see myself getting any better, nor getting any help, without having to get even worse.

I resent seeing happy people as how can they be happy?

Every single fucking day, I see people happy - and I just want to fill their cunting faces in.

[kesey]

B12 ... B12 ... B12 ....


Get the oral spray ..


It works !

[kesey]

After being on menial duties for the past six weeks at work - my boss emails me towards the back end of last week wanting to draw up a plan to get me going back on the phone and talking to customers - saying that failure to do so, could cause a capability test being carried out on me - which is almost the final kick in the balls for me - as the initial reason to get off the phone is due to getting flashbacks of dealing with a subject which is too close to home for me.

Although I don't blame management for advising me of this - but nevertheless it did do my head in - I haven't done a full week in over six months - and so I'm not exactly doing myself any favours.

Anyway, I decide to take things into my own hands - and without prior encouragement on Friday - decide to go into work and take calls, from all directions - that was a bit intense - come in today, and come lunchtime theres a couple of complaints from some of our customer service managers who advise my manager that I have been a bit rude, sharp - whatever to their agents - so my manager takes me into the side room and tells me that I'm having to go back on menial duties - which is basically doing the same sort of work over and over again for nine hours a fucking day.

I'm dreading going into work tomorrow - I constantly get the impression, that friends, colleagues and family are getting fed up with my constant depression - which is unlike previous - which was a yo-yo form of depression, - this bout which has been ongoing for about six months now.

Doctors have told me that no medication is going to help me, the last doctor I saw, said that they would refer me to the mental health unit, which consisted of someone listening to me for 45 minutes ranting and raving about my abuse, and my battle to deal with it - and then as I wasn't suicidal - they gave me a load of cunting numbers and - that's it.

Just think I do not see myself getting any better, nor getting any help, without having to get even worse.

Every single fucking day, I see people happy - and I just want to fill their cunting faces in.

Leave your job mate it's killing you.

Your first thought may have been ...   I can't  ?

Do it.. leave.. trust !

[stevienash]

Sorry to read this StevieTalk to your GP, mate. They're not just there for the physical stuff. It's a shitty situation you've all been put in. Just give it time. He's still young and no doubt confused about things. Make sure he knows you love, none of this is his fault and it's not how you want things either. Each and every time you meet him. Nothing and no one can break the bond between a loving dad and his kids.
Sometimes you need to be very direct. People are so busy with their own lives that hints just don't work. Maybe you have to be the one to set a specific date as if you don't, things tend to drift.

How are you set for Christmas with your boys?

I get to see them for 2 hours xmas day.. probably go to the pub after then back to mine.

[zero zero]

I get to see them for 2 hours xmas day.. probably go to the pub after then back to mine.

Not great at all  but at least you won't be on your own

[Fiasco]

I've hit complete rock bottom this evening. Felt gradually more and more depressed for a while.

Supposed to be finishing some uni work due that's tomorrow but instead I've just been sat in my room in tears for hours, I can't even look at my work. Just feeling completely suicidal and don't know where to go. All that's comforting me is that I could just end it all if I need to. I guess that sounds pretty fucked up, but thats just how it is.

Been trying to get hold of friends or family all evening but anyone I talk to just isn't interested in talking about it. Just don't know what to do

So confused, I don't even have any idea where I need to go to get help.

Mate, if you are feeling this way then you need urgent help. I'll drop you a PM now, but I advise you to head down to your local A&E department. Tell them precisely how you feel. You will be safe there, and you will get the help you need.

[Sammy5IsAlive]

I've hit complete rock bottom this evening. Felt gradually more and more depressed for a while.

Supposed to be finishing some uni work due that's tomorrow but instead I've just been sat in my room in tears for hours, I can't even look at my work. Just feeling completely suicidal and don't know where to go. All that's comforting me is that I could just end it all if I need to. I guess that sounds pretty fucked up, but thats just how it is.

Been trying to get hold of friends or family all evening but anyone I talk to just isn't interested in talking about it. Just don't know what to do

So confused, I don't even have any idea where I need to go to get help.

I've working to a deadline tomorrow as well so I'll need to be fairly brief.

Firstly, in terms of the uni work I've been in the same situation. In fact as above I am in that situation alongside you this very evening! I'm actually a mature student who has been through previous undergraduate/MA courses and for me the perspective of looking back at that period with the benefit of hindsight brings home to me how much I worried about things that were in fact very minor. If you think of the worst case scenario - that you miss tomorrow's deadline. What is the actual worst possible consequence of that? Obviously different unis/courses have different regulations. But I would imagine they will all have late submission rules for example where you will be able to get a capped pass (eg score 40) if you submit late. That should be something that you can make up for in other assignments/modules. They should certainly have extenuating circumstances rules if the difficulties you've been having with depression have been going on some time.

Practically, I would put the uni work to one side, maybe do something different you enjoy for an hour (preferably not on a screen) and then try and get some sleep. You'll have a better chance of making your deadline getting up early from a decent-ish sleep than you will staying up late panicking.

In summary, don't worry yourself sick about university. Students have been missing deadlines/messing up assignments/flunking exams for years - it's part of being young, making mistakes and learning from them. Your course administrators will have seen it all before and will do whatever they can to help you sort things out.

In terms of wider/deeper problems. If you are feeling suicidal now then speak to someone now. Do you live in a shared house? If so then at half twelve I'd say it's not too late to drag somebody out of bed to speak to for half an hour. I assume that if you live together you should have some element of looking out for each other - I know if one of my housemates was in this kind of state I'd be happy to stay up for a bit to keep them company/chat things over. If friends/family aren't interested or available then call the Samaritans and just talk through what is bothering you with someone anonymous with no agenda. The nuclear option is to go down to your local A+E and see if they will admit you for the night to keep you safe.

That should hopefully get you through tonight. Tomorrow I would say there are three main potential ports of call. The first is your Uni's student counselling/advice service. The second would be the more specific student welfare staff on your course. The third is your GP. I'd say that if the problem is more uni-based the first two will maybe be more helpful, if you have been having problems that run wider/deeper then the GP is the best bet.

Best of luck with things. If you can try and get some sleep - in my experience things almost always look better or at least more manageable in the morning.

[Red Beret]

Been an absolute shit couple of months for me.  Went on a pilgrimage to Poland and my brain went haywire - did some very self destructive behaviour.  Lost a lot of money, and my passport, and was trapped in the country for an extra four days whilst I sorted an emergency passport.

Last week somebody from group therapy killed themselves.

And on Friday my boiler cracked and flooded my entire flat.  All my floors are ruined.  And I have no insurance.

I'm much calmer than I should be.  Perhaps I am just realising the futility of abstract emotional responses.  Perhaps it's just a stage in my emotional growth.  But yeah, I'll be as glad as most to see the back of 20fucking16

[AndyMuller]

Started a new job back in October and initially it seemed fine but now it has put me under massive stress. My mind is all over the place and feel stressed about even going back in (I'm off until Saturday, had to take a few days holiday to chill).

Honestly feel like packing it in but it's too close to Christmas and worry it will look bad on my CV. Also with bills to pay for I feel trapped.

There is definitely people in this thread with heavier problems and I apologize but this isn't half getting me down.

[Red Beret]

Started a new job back in October and initially it seemed fine but now it has put me under massive stress. My mind is all over the place and feel stressed about even going back in (I'm off until Saturday, had to take a few days holiday to chill).

Honestly feel like packing it in but it's too close to Christmas and worry it will look bad on my CV. Also with bills to pay for I feel trapped.

There is definitely people in this thread with heavier problems and I apologize but this isn't half getting me down.

Your problems are important to you.  And they matter because they're yours.  Don't ever play them down, mate. 

I sympathise with your situation as it's one I faced back in 2003/04 and again in 09/10.  There are more important things in life than money, or your CV; one being your mental and emotional well being.  If you run yourself into the ground then you are no good to anybody.

Talk to your GP; if you feel able, approach somebody in work.  Find out what kind of support might be available in your job to help you through this difficult time. 

Try to analyse exactly why you have started feeling like this; ask yourself what has changed.  See if there's some cause you can identify that you might be able to address or fix. 

I agree that now is probably not the best moment to leave your job, but don't dismiss it as an option.  Promise yourself that you will consider your position in the New Year.

I hope this helps in some small way.

[AndyMuller]

Your problems are important to you.  And they matter because they're yours.  Don't ever play them down, mate. 

I sympathise with your situation as it's one I faced back in 2003/04 and again in 09/10.  There are more important things in life than money, or your CV; one being your mental and emotional well being.  If you run yourself into the ground then you are no good to anybody.

Talk to your GP; if you feel able, approach somebody in work.  Find out what kind of support might be available in your job to help you through this difficult time. 

Try to analyse exactly why you have started feeling like this; ask yourself what has changed.  See if there's some cause you can identify that you might be able to address or fix. 

I agree that now is probably not the best moment to leave your job, but don't dismiss it as an option.  Promise yourself that you will consider your position in the New Year.

I hope this helps in some small way.

Cheers mate appreciate the reply 

Definitely not dismissing leaving my job as an option, my only worry is when I apply for other jobs it will be a bad mark on my CV as only been in the job since October this year!

[Red Beret]

I had to take two months off work from the tax office at the beginning of 03/04 due to stress.  Had to drop down a grade and take a big pay cut also.  Didn't stop me successfully moving jobs in October that year.  Admittedly I ultimately left employment and went on the sick but that didn't happen till December 2010.

You have to try and reframe things in your brain.  Ultimately you can just say the job wasn't for you, or that it didn't meet your expectations or match your skillset. 

It's not a black mark on your CV because at the end of the day YOU get to write your CV, so you can spin it whichever way you like! 

[Rysoph76]

Cheers mate appreciate the reply 

Definitely not dismissing leaving my job as an option, my only worry is when I apply for other jobs it will be a bad mark on my CV as only been in the job since October this year!

Hi mate, sorry to hear that you are struggling. One thing that is worth bearing in mind is that your references do not have to come from your most recent job so if you were to leave any time soon, you would have the option to not include this job on your CV and say you took a break from work in October. I have always gone on the basis that if I hated a job, it is better to go quickly and dismiss it from your CV than stay 6 months and have to include it. Thankfully, i've never had to do it but it is an option.

My other half is a HR Manager and she said that if you left the job in October and took a break, went travelling etc, it would only raise a flag with her if the reason for leaving the previous job looked suspicious. Also got to remember your social media too if you do that as they check all that when you go for a job so you'd have to wipe any reference to your current employer.

Not encouraging you to leave just saying there are options. I used to work in recruitment and people are always fiddling their CVS!!

[Agger]

I just feel I need to write down my feelings, don't really expect any answers or anything.

Last autumn, I was very depressed. I'd just started my final semester at uni but was feeling absolute shit. Every other night I used to pray to god (whom I don't believe in) that I would die in my sleep. My yearning for death, which I had in some mild doses for the last maybe 2-3 years, was getting deeper and deeper, almost out of control. But I always knew I'd never commit suicide. I feel it's important to stress that I was never close to commit suicide.
I started taking sertralin which worked OK (stopped taking them in the summer), but I guess the biggest difference that happened was the fact that I started dating a girl I'd had a crush on for a pretty long time. We were together for four months and even though it was great I realized that we weren't cut out to be together, we're way too different people. So we broke up which was a huge blow for me. But we're still friends and talk pretty often and that's all fine.

Now I'm starting to feel the same as last autumn. I recently moved to a new city, where I have very few friends (but still some, including my very best one) and the only person I can go out and party with has gone home for the weekend. So here I am alone on a friday night. I feel extremely lonely and hopeless and I don't see how things will get better. I get anxiety like crazy and the only way I can really deal with it is thinking about death, yearning for death. I find it soothing that eventually this will all be over. And then I get stressed because I don't wanna waste my 20's, never mind my whole life, thinking like this.
I make up fake plans on how I'm gonna stage my own death in the future if it comes to that. I get calm thinking that no matter how bad life gets, I can always end my own life. But I'm pretty sure I'd never had the guts to do it, and the pain I would leave on those left behind is another factor that probably would stop me (hence the "fake death plans").

So at this moment in time, I basically just feel hopeless, dejected and lonely as fuck. But this could change, tomorrow I might feel a bit more hopeful again, but then five minutes later everything will seem meaningless. Not really sure what to do. But again, I'm not suicidal.

[damomad]

I just feel I need to write down my feelings, don't really expect any answers or anything.

Last autumn, I was very depressed. I'd just started my final semester at uni but was feeling absolute shit. Every other night I used to pray to god (whom I don't believe in) that I would die in my sleep. My yearning for death, which I had in some mild doses for the last maybe 2-3 years, was getting deeper and deeper, almost out of control. But I always knew I'd never commit suicide. I feel it's important to stress that I was never close to commit suicide.
I started taking sertralin which worked OK (stopped taking them in the summer), but I guess the biggest difference that happened was the fact that I started dating a girl I'd had a crush on for a pretty long time. We were together for four months and even though it was great I realized that we weren't cut out to be together, we're way too different people. So we broke up which was a huge blow for me. But we're still friends and talk pretty often and that's all fine.

Now I'm starting to feel the same as last autumn. I recently moved to a new city, where I have very few friends (but still some, including my very best one) and the only person I can go out and party with has gone home for the weekend. So here I am alone on a friday night. I feel extremely lonely and hopeless and I don't see how things will get better. I get anxiety like crazy and the only way I can really deal with it is thinking about death, yearning for death. I find it soothing that eventually this will all be over. And then I get stressed because I don't wanna waste my 20's, never mind my whole life, thinking like this.
I make up fake plans on how I'm gonna stage my own death in the future if it comes to that. I get calm thinking that no matter how bad life gets, I can always end my own life. But I'm pretty sure I'd never had the guts to do it, and the pain I would leave on those left behind is another factor that probably would stop me (hence the "fake death plans").

So at this moment in time, I basically just feel hopeless, dejected and lonely as fuck. But this could change, tomorrow I might feel a bit more hopeful again, but then five minutes later everything will seem meaningless. Not really sure what to do. But again, I'm not suicidal.

It might be best for you to see a GP if you are having those thoughts, it's not natural to have them regularly. It sounds like you had a tough breakup, maybe you were emotionally unstable and expected too much too soon which has lead to a bigger fall. As for the new city, it's hard, really hard. You have to force yourself out there even when you least feel like it. When I was alone at weekends, I went to church every Sunday for a while, had a board games club on a Friday which I found on Meetup. Or games of 5 a side for expats. Found people my own age, going through the same issues which helped. You are truly lucky to have one good friend but you can't rely on them forever, you have to make your own way. What interests you?

I'm having some trouble myself. I'm back living at home with the parents after 4 years years abroad. I'm at breaking point. They are fostering my niece and as they get older, it's getting harder for them. The child is a delight but an absolute handful for them. I've made my decision to move out just after Xmas. I love being around to help out, but I can't take the noise any longer and feel myself going backwards in terms of personal development. I can't remember the last time I had a date, and all my old friends have moved on/are doing the same old shit. I won't move too far away so I'll be around at weekends when I can. When I was in a foreign country, I complained about having no family, now that I'm home, it's too much!

[fowlermagic]

Got a few messages last night while sleeping from a buddy in the States who is feeling suicidal I think as had ups n downs the past few years. She did not want to speak to me and after a couple of texts on FB logged off. I sent her a tel # for a crisis text line and also messaged another friend who knows her and works in child psychology (she has a better grip on depression issues than I do). Just asked her to reach out to this mate as a friendly face around this depressing time is a big plus. I cant message her now as logged off FB ....any other suggestions would be great lads. Thanks.

[End Product]

Wish everyone on here the best,  as it can be a difficult time of year.

[ToneLa]

Had a shit year,

My brother in law is in a coma and the Echo today has published a candid photo of the young lady who hit him out shopping. Front page. She never apologised to our family, but it does no good to obsess, so it's not a nice thing to see plastered all over the papers.

Not wanting opinions on the story (seen more than enough to both destroy and restore my faith in the public) but it seems utterly pointless journalism and a crap start to Xmas eve for us.  have rang the Echo asking the score but no answer, emailed but no reply. I don't wanna think about it, but when your life is on the news you go a bit spare. Even The s*n tried taking photos of our side. If I see one of them lot their camera is getting launched into the Mersey. There's no escape from it. Back on the dole as well. I'm not even looking on Facebook, some people think they're funny and some think freedom of speech means be a meff. The people around us are sound and my mates are just distant enough from it to give me a proper perspective.

Just getting it off my chest. I'm alright.

Hold your loved ones close.

[kesey]

Stay strong people.

Iam currently building up the courage to go and leave my darling daughters present on her mothers door step.

Stay strong !!!!

[ToneLa]

What's the present? Good or bad? Dogshit in a shoebox or a Care Bear?

[kesey]

What's the present? Good or bad? Dogshit in a shoebox or a Care Bear?

Beautiful clothes I bought in Bordeaux recently.

Right here I go .... the longest walk of my life us about to begin.

[John C]

Good luck Kesey.

[IrishSu]

Heart felt wishes to everyone who uses/reads this thread. Christmas can be a horrible time for some. Stay strong. Try keep things in perspective. My thoughts are with you all over the coming days.