Topic: Struggling with depression

[Red Beret]

I will just say that ditching your "bad habits" is only the first step.  The really hard part is finding new, "good habits" to get into, so that when you're feeling bored or stressed you don't look to your old ways for relief.

[Haemoglobin]

^ Absolutely. I think the trick is always having it in mind that a return to the old instant gratification crutches is merely adding to your backlog of shite, and it's gona send you a nasty letter in the post one day when it all has to get dealt with.

Being able to internally recognise to what extent something is mugging you off is a handy thing - do you need to cut down because you've been overdoing it, or do you need to cut it out altogether? Do you think you can moderate yourself, and so is it worth the risk to try? What does doing the thing give you anyway in your life?

Sometimes denying yourself the odd nice treat when you're on some intense mission to get better can make it a far harder task than it need be. We as physical organisms respond to rewards, it's how we're wired, which is why addictions are such powerful things for those most susceptible to them. Sometimes the "all or nothing" approach sets you up for failure, and it's much better to develop self-discipline, and then exercise it in how you reward yourself for your progress.

The good habits which replace the bad should be enjoyable too! Chances are, you'll find more about them to enjoy the more you realise how good they are for you.

[Peabee]

I quit smoking cannabis and tobacco nearly 6 weeks ago, because my anxiety manifested itself as panic disorder and it was becoming difficult to live.
External factors keep knocking me down and I'm finding it nearly impossible to muster up the energy to get myself out of this 'vicious circle' of a situation.

I am glad and proud that I am no longer an 'addict' living in a bubble but sobriety hasn't made me any happier. I am such a narcissistic prick that I don't think I'll ever be happy because I can't reach heights that I once could, so I don't bother trying. I need to get out of this mindset, maybe it IS a case of taking it one step at a time and taking it slow but I'm nearly 24 and I have managed to convince myself that I wont achieve anything regardless of how hard I try.

If anyone's in the same boat or can offer any advice it'd be appreciated In the meantime I'll tide myself over with the odd positive social interaction, food and football.

Ditching the addiction doesn't mean "job done". Many people actually become depressed afterwards because they think everything should now be fixed. The issues as to why you turned to drugs will probably still be there though.   I've found taking up a new "good" habit, as Red Beret puts it, in running has helped me.   It's teaching me to accept delayed gratification because I can't go out running every minute of the day, nor can I enter a race every day.   I'm slowly trying to build that attitude into my day to day life.   I'm also attending counselling to deal with and talk through the issues around my old addictive behaviours.

[Rysoph76]

Have to admit, I find the day to day of life hard most of the time. It feels like life is something to be endured, to get through, rather than to enjoy. Something you just graft at, for no real reason. I can't really remember the last time I felt genuinely happy to be honest, other than fleeting moments, like a good win, or a gig, or whatever. Feel pretty lonely and sad most of the time.  Lost.

I do spend a lot of my time feeling exactly like you mate. Up until about 30 I was always a laid back, happy go lucky, take life as it comes kind of bloke always laughing and with a really long fuse so never got angry unless really really provoked.

Used to wake up and breathe in life, live it to the full with a smile on my face and a spring in my step.

Made a massive mistake at 30 and got someone pregnant. She was mad and I was terrified that I would not get to see my baby (she threatened this plenty of times). Crazily, I then married this woman and had another kid with her.

I am now divorced from her (2 years in August) and we have been separated for about 5 years but I spent 2 of those sleeping on the floor in the living room so the kids still had me around.

Now I have 2 lovely kids who are 7 and 8 who stay with me alternate nights, I have a great girlfriend who loves me and I love and I will marry, I have just been promoted in my job so i'm doing ok and we have a nice flat with all the stuff we would want. I don't have millions of friends but 6 or 7 good ones and I get on well with most people I meet/at work etc.

All sounds great but the problem is (and which I could never actually verbalise to someone as they would tell me to pull myself together and then tell me all the stuff I have going for me) is that somewhere down the line during the stressful situation of a very unhappy marriage and a very stressful divorce, something broke inside me and I just cannot get rid of the feeling that life is just an effort.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mope around, I don't take days off work, I laugh and joke with the kids and my gf and, apart from really shitty situations, I give the impression of everything being fine but the truth of it is that largely, I just can't be arsed any more, everything is draining and I feel like if it was out there to do then (largely) i've done it and there is nothing else to do that interests me.

I would never take my life (although it has crossed my mind) because I grew up with my dad living miles away from me so barely saw him and I would never make my kids feel that (particularly my son as i'm his hero) but it's just a constant nagging feeling of emptiness.

The only time that really lifts is a great win like Dortmund or a bet that comes in at the last minute but, other than that, mostly I find that days are just ticked off. Not depressed as such, more just disinterested and wondering what the point is.

Anyway, that's my story. All the best to those of you in the same situation (or those of you that are obviously in a much worse situation)

40 next month and there is no desire from my part to do anything to celebrate even though I dont care about being old, Im just not arsed

[...]

I will just say that ditching your "bad habits" is only the first step.  The really hard part is finding new, "good habits" to get into, so that when you're feeling bored or stressed you don't look to your old ways for relief.

I have taken up in an interest in cooking, and as funny as it sounds I am actually eating more now that I'm not smoking. This is good as I'm underweight and I've been trying to put weight on since I can remember. Now the problem is I'm constantly beating myself up because I'm too anxious to go to the gym, I NEED to go but I keep making excuses, I'm working on it though and hope I find a solution sooner rather than later. I actually signed up in October before I started getting severe anxiety so I've been to the gym twice and it has cost me about Ł200.

r.e. the addiction I haven't WANTED to smoke since I quit, it's a great feeling but I find myself lying in bed doing nothing most of the time so I do need to replace it with something.

[Rysoph76]

I have taken up in an interest in cooking, and as funny as it sounds I am actually eating more now that I'm not smoking. This is good as I'm underweight and I've been trying to put weight on since I can remember. Now the problem is I'm constantly beating myself up because I'm too anxious to go to the gym, I NEED to go but I keep making excuses, I'm working on it though and hope I find a solution sooner rather than later. I actually signed up in October before I started getting severe anxiety so I've been to the gym twice and it has cost me about Ł200.

r.e. the addiction I haven't WANTED to smoke since I quit, it's a great feeling but I find myself lying in bed doing nothing most of the time so I do need to replace it with something.

Just a quick thought on what you have said re the gym. I really struggle for time and going the gym is just something that I haven't had time to do since i've had kids.

It's amazing how much exercise you can do indoors without needing the time/expense of going the gym.

I have a set of dumbbells, a bar and that is it but there's a few exercises you can do with them plus sit ups, push ups etc and all of those things will help you get your mind in order. The endorphins released when lifting weights always makes me feel a bit better.

Just a thought but it's a good halfway house before you get yourself to the gym.

[...]

Just a quick thought on what you have said re the gym. I really struggle for time and going the gym is just something that I haven't had time to do since i've had kids.

It's amazing how much exercise you can do indoors without needing the time/expense of going the gym.

I have a set of dumbbells, a bar and that is it but there's a few exercises you can do with them plus sit ups, push ups etc and all of those things will help you get your mind in order. The endorphins released when lifting weights always makes me feel a bit better.

Just a thought but it's a good halfway house before you get yourself to the gym.

Well, when I signed up for the gym in October I was living somewhere where there wasn't any room for weights and a bench. (Even if there was, I wouldn't be allowed to use them)

The worst thing about the gym is the other people there, I just don't like other people being around me, probably because I'm embarrassed and would rather work out in private as I haven't a clue what I'm doing. I've pondered going with friends and getting a personal trainer but that anxiety will still be there.

I've gotten in touch with a friend who is a personal trainer and have asked him about buying weights to use at home. I think I'll feel a lot more comfortable if I put some weight on before starting in the gym. I have all the time in the world too, and I just spend it by beating myself up over things. I am feeling more positive today as I know I am eating better and I am making progress, however small. I lost a bit of weight when I stopped smoking 6 weeks ago (I had the flu) and I have never looked so ill in my life, but I have put the weight back on since so I must be doing something right.

It's not just 'wanting to put on weight', it's a whole host of other problems too, like the fact I haven't pursued any relations with the opposite sex since I was 17 because I'm embarrassed at myself. Like I said, I know what I need to do, it's just sometimes too difficult to find the energy or motivation to do it, especially with depression 'n all.

[Rysoph76]

No I can understand that mate, no problem. Throughout my life, I have always been happier when I have felt that I look good on the outside so try and do what you can. With weights, it's amazing how quickly you can start to see results with a relatively small amount of time per day involved.

A standard half way decent set of weights you can get for 50 quid from Argos so it's worth a look.

All the best

[Mumm-Ra]

Quick tip on buying weights, a couple of kettlebells take up no room at all and you can give yourself a very good workout with them. Loads of free videos on youtube.

[damomad]

I've been without a gym the past month or so but have been getting a good workout with just a kettlebell, a skipping rope and some bodyweight exercises (dips/push ups/sit ups/squats/burpees etc) out the back of my house.

It's easier in a gym because seeing other people motivates me more. But don't let anyone tell you that you have to spend 100's on a membership to some flash gym to feel good and strong.

[Red Beret]

Ever have one of those days were you utterly hate everything about yourself, feel completely crushed, and are living a life without meaning or purpose? 

Ever feel like your "life" is more of a life sentence, where you are trapped in a prison the size of your own body, or even your own mind? 

Do you feel left by the wayside, no matter how much you care and try to support those around you?

Do you absolutely despise and reject the feelings of paranoia and jealousy that reach up to choke your heart and mind, yet still feel utterly consumed by them as you watch other people move on with their lives and you feel left behind?

Do you hate the war you have to fight with yourself as you rattle the bars of the cage and the worst thing anybody could ever say to you is, "just do it!" ?

Those moments - those LONG moments - where you life is completely pointless and worthless, without any sense of definition?

Where you feel that no matter how hard you try your life just.... never changes?  That you are just treading water? 

Do you hate the past for robbing you of your confidence and self belief?  More than that - it robbed you of the chance to do things you want to do now?  You can still try but the utter void of 25+ lost years means you simply have too much ground to make up? 

That no matter how young at heart you might feel, and no matter how often you tell yourself that "age is just a number", you know deep in your core that their really ARE some things that are for the young?

This is me.  Today.  This is my broken world.  Where a single misplaced comment can put me on my arse for days, or even weeks.  Something so fragile I am utterly paranoid about opening up and expressing myself for the pure unadulterated fear of where it might leave me. 

Too afraid to reach out, and people too afraid to get close for fear of breaking me.  Dealt with kid gloves where good people work hard to try and give me a sense of worth and usefulness.  But you feel indulged, even patronised, by an environment that doesn't feel... real.  It feels artificial, constructed with the sole purpose of trying to ensure I don't fall apart.  Because of the fear I wont be able to handle "reality".

This is the world I live in every day.  Where I find myself begrudging because of what I feel what was taken from me when I was too messed up, inexperienced and naive to realise what was happening.  And where I am now too much of a coward and too easily discouraged or lazy or set in my ways to do anything about it.

Don't be like me.

Stand up.  Be counted.  Fight back.  Dig your heels in.  Stick up for yourself.  Because this shit matters more than you may realise right now. 

Don't let what happened to me happen to you.  You will regret it forever.  Fix it now whilst you still have time, no matter how scary it may seem.

<3

[VfB_Max79]

Today itěs been the most difficult day since my mum went to Heaven last November.... it's mother day here and felt so desperate all day..... even worse than at Christmas or Easter, at least those 2 days had a strong religious meaning for me, while today it's just everybody talking about this mother day.... could barely cope....

[spen71]

Does anyone get loads of aches and pains when the black dog comes to visit ?

[10 years on]

Ever have one of those days were you utterly hate everything about yourself, feel completely crushed, and are living a life without meaning or purpose? 

Ever feel like your "life" is more of a life sentence, where you are trapped in a prison the size of your own body, or even your own mind? 

Do you feel left by the wayside, no matter how much you care and try to support those around you?

Do you absolutely despise and reject the feelings of paranoia and jealousy that reach up to choke your heart and mind, yet still feel utterly consumed by them as you watch other people move on with their lives and you feel left behind?

Do you hate the war you have to fight with yourself as you rattle the bars of the cage and the worst thing anybody could ever say to you is, "just do it!" ?

Those moments - those LONG moments - where you life is completely pointless and worthless, without any sense of definition?

Where you feel that no matter how hard you try your life just.... never changes?  That you are just treading water? 

Do you hate the past for robbing you of your confidence and self belief?  More than that - it robbed you of the chance to do things you want to do now?  You can still try but the utter void of 25+ lost years means you simply have too much ground to make up? 

That no matter how young at heart you might feel, and no matter how often you tell yourself that "age is just a number", you know deep in your core that their really ARE some things that are for the young?

This is me.  Today.  This is my broken world.  Where a single misplaced comment can put me on my arse for days, or even weeks.  Something so fragile I am utterly paranoid about opening up and expressing myself for the pure unadulterated fear of where it might leave me. 

Too afraid to reach out, and people too afraid to get close for fear of breaking me.  Dealt with kid gloves where good people work hard to try and give me a sense of worth and usefulness.  But you feel indulged, even patronised, by an environment that doesn't feel... real.  It feels artificial, constructed with the sole purpose of trying to ensure I don't fall apart.  Because of the fear I wont be able to handle "reality".

This is the world I live in every day.  Where I find myself begrudging because of what I feel what was taken from me when I was too messed up, inexperienced and naive to realise what was happening.  And where I am now too much of a coward and too easily discouraged or lazy or set in my ways to do anything about it.

Don't be like me.

Stand up.  Be counted.  Fight back.  Dig your heels in.  Stick up for yourself.  Because this shit matters more than you may realise right now. 

Don't let what happened to me happen to you.  You will regret it forever.  Fix it now whilst you still have time, no matter how scary it may seem.

<3

You still have time aswell I feel you though I really do.

[kesey]

Get on this.

Iam completely on my arse right now so I tell the CSA the score. Ive never missed a payment for the daughter I dont see anymore . Give me a month or so and I will get back on it and pay the arrears to for the daughter that I dont see anymore. They said theyd come up with a new sum for me to pay for the daughter that I dont see anymore. They did. Theyve increased  it by a 100% . Then I get a letter yesterday saying PAY NOW because you are breaking the law ( the mother is by denying me access ) .

I have a limited time to pay and Ive been threatened with a fine , court and possible imprisonment.

HAHAAHAAAA . Fuck off you dykes !!!!!

This has twatted my mood big time.

I have a dick. Iam being persacuted . End off .

[Peabee]

Has anyone ever been on Citalopram?  Does it work?

[evie]

Today I recieved my diploma. I can now start hunting for a job as a florist 

It was sad to say goodbye to all the amazing people I've met. Not a dry eye in the house 

[CraigDS]

Today I recieved my diploma. I can now start hunting for a job as a florist 

It was sad to say goodbye to all the amazing people I've met. Not a dry eye in the house

Hay fever?

Congrats and good luck btw 

[evie]

Hay fever?

Congrats and good luck btw 

Thank you!

[gamble]

Has anyone ever been on Citalopram?  Does it work?

I have been on Citalopram, it can definitely help the chemical imbalance side of depression in my experience so hopefully give it a try. It stopped me being so agitated and calmed my brain down from being in overdrive. Does take time though to start to have an impact (like a few months) depending on dosage if they start you on something low.

The side effects are you will feel hungrier and crave junk food, loss of libido, a bit of total disinterest in things too so you must try look forward and have a plan/program otherwise you can become really nihilist as it seems to control your emotions and drive. If anyone has anymore questions you can ask me about my experience of it. I do realise not every diagnosis is the same so hope it works for you

[Peabee]

I have been on Citalopram, it can definitely help the chemical imbalance side of depression in my experience so hopefully give it a try. It stopped me being so agitated and calmed my brain down from being in overdrive. Does take time though to start to have an impact (like a few months) depending on dosage if they start you on something low.

The side effects are you will feel hungrier and crave junk food, loss of libido, a bit of total disinterest in things too so you must try look forward and have a plan/program otherwise you can become really nihilist as it seems to control your emotions and drive. If anyone has anymore questions you can ask me about my experience of it. I do realise not every diagnosis is the same so hope it works for you

Thanks.  I started 10 days ago and have been feeling a bit spaced and disinterested in running. 

[gamble]

Ye it kind of numbs you down but some people need that. Try to drive yourself to do the things you need to do daily. Don't get upset if you can't, early days yet

[AndyMuller]

I don't know if this is classed as depression as such but has anyone ever became utterly fed up and bored with life the way I have recently? I'm just seriously bored with it at the minute, I've got a job, girlfriend and house together and I just wake up every morning dreading another slog of a day.

Maybe it's because people I know have died recently or whatever but fuck me I am boredd shitless with life.

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[CHOPPER]

I don't know if this is classed as depression as such but has anyone ever became utterly fed up and bored with life the way I have recently? I'm just seriously bored with it at the minute, I've got a job, girlfriend and house together and I just wake up every morning dreading another slog of a day.

Maybe it's because people I know have died recently or whatever but fuck me I am boredd shitless with life.

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Someone take the blade away from this fella!



Seriously though mate, thats life. It gets better, but it does have its up and downs. At 26 your taking on the long haul stuff of a mortgage and with that, a possible long term haul with your girlfriend. Perhaps the magnitude of that long-term bit, is subconsciously dragging you down a bit. Try something new, get a hobby, doing something 'different'. Variety is the spice of life, keep at it. Break the normality of the day to day. Don't think more nights in town is the answer, its the mid-week day stuff that will add to your life, not town every weekend.

Feel free to totally sack all that off, or try a little bit of it. I've been there mate and I wish I'd tried more different things then, instead of now trying to catch up with it.

[Peabee]

Ye it kind of numbs you down but some people need that. Try to drive yourself to do the things you need to do daily. Don't get upset if you can't, early days yet

Cheers.  I took a few extra days off, but getting back into my running now.  I've been reminding myself why I took up running and that it can only help.   

[Peabee]

I don't know if this is classed as depression as such but has anyone ever became utterly fed up and bored with life the way I have recently? I'm just seriously bored with it at the minute, I've got a job, girlfriend and house together and I just wake up every morning dreading another slog of a day.

Maybe it's because people I know have died recently or whatever but fuck me I am boredd shitless with life.

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How's your mood apart from the boredom? 

[Fiasco]

Does anyone else ever feeling like just packing a few essentials and fucking off somewhere?

[AndyMuller]

How's your mood apart from the boredom?

A lot more snappy than usual.

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[AndyMuller]

Someone take the blade away from this fella! [emoji14]



Seriously though mate, thats life. It gets better, but it does have its up and downs. At 26 your taking on the long haul stuff of a mortgage and with that, a possible long term haul with your girlfriend. Perhaps the magnitude of that long-term bit, is subconsciously dragging you down a bit. Try something new, get a hobby, doing something 'different'. Variety is the spice of life, keep at it. Break the normality of the day to day. Don't think more nights in town is the answer, its the mid-week day stuff that will add to your life, not town every weekend.

Feel free to totally sack all that off, or try a little bit of it. I've been there mate and I wish I'd tried more different things then, instead of now trying to catch up with it.

Nice one mate I see what your saying Bruno and I appreciate it!

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[Sorted!!]

Has anyone ever been on Citalopram?  Does it work?

It's like the anti-depressant of choice for most GP's when they start you off on medication. It's a low dosage and I just pop one a day, have been for the last 8 months or so.

It has generally worked but I still get episodes when I'm down like hell and I question if it works. I was referred to a mental health nurse but swerved the sessions after a while because I didn't enjoy the interrogation by the Gestapo while I was with her.

The thing about Citalopram, I have found that it has some side effects for me when I was taking it and similarly, when I stopped taking it for a while.

Good luck mate. Remember to speak to someone like your best mate or missus. Don't suffer alone.

[El Lobo]

Has anyone ever been on Citalopram?  Does it work?

Eurgh

I was on it for about three days and it absolutely knocked my sideways, lost about half a stone cos I was just shitting and pissing and not eating and made me feel terrible so came straight off them and been much better since. Guess your body gets used to medication, but I wasnt fucked letting my body get used to that.

[Peabee]

Eurgh

I was on it for about three days and it absolutely knocked my sideways, lost about half a stone cos I was just shitting and pissing and not eating and made me feel terrible so came straight off them and been much better since. Guess your body gets used to medication, but I wasnt fucked letting my body get used to that.

Yeah, those side-effects aren't nice, but they cleared up after a few days; I just took half a tablet for a few days to get my body used to it, then started back on the full dose.    I was considering stopping too, I was so spaced, sick and sleepy.

It's like the anti-depressant of choice for most GP's when they start you off on medication. It's a low dosage and I just pop one a day, have been for the last 8 months or so.

It has generally worked but I still get episodes when I'm down like hell and I question if it works. I was referred to a mental health nurse but swerved the sessions after a while because I didn't enjoy the interrogation by the Gestapo while I was with her.

The thing about Citalopram, I have found that it has some side effects for me when I was taking it and similarly, when I stopped taking it for a while.

Good luck mate. Remember to speak to someone like your best mate or missus. Don't suffer alone.

Thanks mate.  I suppose the key is not to expect it to fix everything.  I've been on them two weeks and they seem to be starting to help as I'm nowhere near as down as I was two weeks ago.  I had some nasty side effects in the first 10 days, which seem to have settled down too.  I felt worse for the first week or so, but I'm glad I stuck with it.  I've always tried to keep away from pills to treat my depression; I'm job hunting though and there was no way I could have dealt with the process, but today someone called me about a potential job.  Fingers crossed.  I'll think about coming off them once I've got a job etc sorted.

[Kop 81]

Citalopram is a very good SSRI.  Some doctors insist it's the weakest out of all the SSRIs but the easiest to start with the least side effects.

I have taken them all.  Citalopram, Fluoxetine (Prozac), Mirtazapine...you name it.  Anti-D's get a bad rep but they are life savers for a lot of people.  I have no problem with them but I can't stress enough how important it is to stick with them.  It takes approx 6-8 weeks to reach a threpeutic level and even then they still aren't in full flow - this takes about 3-6 months depending on the individual.

Today I was prescribed  Prozac again as I was taken off Citalopram a while back because in high doses it can effect your heart rythums

http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/07July/Pages/antidepressant-citalopram-qt-heart-rhythm-safety-warning.aspx

20mg of Citalopram wasn't enough for me but is for most people and don't stress about the heart thing, it's in extreme rare cases it can effect your organ and this is only at high doses (30mg and upwards.)  Take it in the morning too.  Some docs will insist you take it at night which is ridiculous as SSRIs are stimulating, not downers.

[Fiasco]

It's the middle of summer. The Euros is on. I've recently found out that I'm going to be an uncle for the first time. I have several social events in the next few weeks that I should be looking forward to. I'm young, I have no commitments really, I don't need or want much in the way of material things.

But I couldn't be less happy. Granted, I don't have the life of Riley, but comparatively I do. I just can't find happiness. I haven't been able to for a while. I'm going through a bad period in my personal life with a break-up (although I hope that can be resolved) and I am in the process of getting proper help for my issues besides that. I've had therapies, there is more to come and a medication review is upcoming. Despite it all I just feel... empty. Lost, I am a shell. I feel nothing 90 percent of the time and then when I do feel something it's nothing but sadness.


My life is just drifting away. I feel like my body has died and my mind is just a bit behind.

[...]

It's the middle of summer. The Euros is on. I've recently found out that I'm going to be an uncle for the first time. I have several social events in the next few weeks that I should be looking forward to. I'm young, I have no commitments really, I don't need or want much in the way of material things.

But I couldn't be less happy. Granted, I don't have the life of Riley, but comparatively I do. I just can't find happiness. I haven't been able to for a while. I'm going through a bad period in my personal life with a break-up (although I hope that can be resolved) and I am in the process of getting proper help for my issues besides that. I've had therapies, there is more to come and a medication review is upcoming. Despite it all I just feel... empty. Lost, I am a shell. I feel nothing 90 percent of the time and then when I do feel something it's nothing but sadness.


My life is just drifting away. I feel like my body has died and my mind is just a bit behind.

Keep at it. You must feel some form of hope because you're still here x

[Fiasco]

Keep at it. You must feel some form of hope because you're still here x

I do have some hope mate but it seems to be fading by the days. It's the feeling of nothingness that is the worst. I can't feel joy, I really can't. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around like a miserable c*nt hating everything. I just feel nothing. If someone walked in and gave me a cheque for a million pound I would feel absolutely nothing.

It's been a gradual decline over the years, looking back I can see that. I do hope things will improve but often I don't care if they don't, that's the mindset. I hate it, and when I open up I can express it, but often I don't have anyone to open up to (I can with family, but I already feel like too much of a burden on them).


Tomorrow is a new day. Let's see what it brings.

[...]

It's a sorta cry for help, I've realised that my anxiety is the same. It's difficult to 'fight' but as you said, you're already taking action and getting help - progress is key, a great thing. Feel free to open up on here because lots of us have gone through similar things, sometimes you shouldn't expect family and friends to understand, how can they? Even if they empathise they can't sympathise. It's important that you speak with people who understand and can offer productive advice. PM me if you want.

[gamble]

This is going to sound corny but guys remember we are on a journey, where you are now isn't your destination. If you are on meds/therapy, give it time and try implement what you learn to improve your life.

I was also taught the importance of loving yourself, again cheesy but honestly it is the secret to contentment/happiness. I was told it in therapy but didn't really acknowledge it, but then a few months later was taught that if you don't love yourself you can never expect to be happy in a relationship, never be happy with the good things in your life. Don't worry about anybody else's standards or what they think makes people happy - you are the one who has to live in your own skin. You don't owe anyone else a thing.

[terrible suits]

Going to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, doctors, have been/am on a whole host of antidepressants, anti-anxiety, etc. medications...
It all doesn't do much good when those things can't make the problems go away.

[PeterJM]

All this shit about our countries future is really starting to get to me.The scaremongering really does play on the mind and make me worry that we're going to be living in a third world lawless country with nothing but hate and despair.