Anti depressants don't make you happy mate. I am not sure what they are supposed to do. This time last year I was on 120mg of duloxetine and I still felt like topping myself half the time. I realised I didn't know what the real me was anymore - what was depression and what was simply side effects of the pills.
But going "cold turkey" on them wont help you - nor will taking them intermittently. I tried Venlafaxine last year and managed three weeks before I decided I didn't want them. I foolishly made the mistake of going cold turkey on them. After three days it was like a bad case of flu - pale, sweaty, the shakes and throwing up. I went back to taking half a pill for a week, then a quarter pill for the week after that. Asides from that three week stint on the Venlafaxine, I've been without tabs now for almost a year now.
Also, my pills gave me very bad alcohol cravings. Nowadays I'm fine. I can go seven to ten days without a drink, then might have a day where there's a couple of drinks, gap of a few days, then two or three cans followed by another two the following night. I admit I still have days where I say to myself, "God, I need a drink". Sometimes I will, sometimes I wont - but at least I feel in control of matters now.
The point I'm trying to make is that, in my opinion, pills are only ever a short term option - two years max. Yet I've heard of people being on them for 15-20 years.
If you want to get "better", ie healed, you gotta get proper help, and that means therapy. You have to avoid the likes of pills and alcohol becoming a crutch that you use to blot out the worst of the feelings. Keeping the pain at barely or just tolerable levels resolves nothing and will only hold you back as you try to move on with your life.
At the end of the day it's not about being "happy". It's about being able to accept and move on. That means you have to start with letting go.
