Author Topic: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths  (Read 1552 times)

Offline Elli

  • kelly without the k, and the y replaced with an i
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 11,417
Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« on: February 6, 2004, 12:52:32 AM »
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits
55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8 ) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to
have a fire in your back garden.

i don't know what happened  to number 9 ???

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy
ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to
call your teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill
you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
 got your hand or head stuck in something.
 
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has
had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
« Last Edit: February 6, 2004, 12:54:07 AM by Elli »

Offline Ian-TN

  • The slightly shop spoiled Jon Hall
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 8,825
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #1 on: February 6, 2004, 12:56:55 AM »
BOOO, theres only 34. I want the 35th the title promised me.

3 an 20 though are the best!
To an interpreter, regarding excited Italian journalists:
'Just tell them I completely disagree with everything they say.'

Offline AdamS

  • Hey I'm Not Camp! But I am a tart...
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 16,718
    • BollockyBoo
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #2 on: February 6, 2004, 01:03:37 AM »
I haven't got number 9

But how can something be "new and improved"?

Surely it's one or the other ???
« Last Edit: February 6, 2004, 01:06:15 AM by Monkey »
If A is a success in life, than A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.

Offline Bruno

  • Anny Roader
  • ****
  • Posts: 401
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #3 on: February 6, 2004, 01:03:58 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D

Quote
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.

Shit im there  :butt
   
There are places I remember....

Offline Murf

  • RAWK Wino
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 15,302
  • Sir Bob Paisley 10 years gone but not forgotten
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #4 on: February 6, 2004, 01:05:04 AM »
BOOO, theres only 34. I want the 35th the title promised me.

3 an 20 though are the best!


Are True :-X
never forget the 96....... justice   www.contrast.org/hillsborough

NO GAME ON APRIL THE 15th please write to

Rick Parry
Chief Executive
Liverpool Football Club
Anfield Road
Liverpool
L4 0TH

Offline Ian-TN

  • The slightly shop spoiled Jon Hall
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 8,825
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #5 on: February 6, 2004, 01:05:48 AM »
Aye, the best cos they are true

Anyone seen his new advert yet for John Smiths??
« Last Edit: February 6, 2004, 01:07:37 AM by Ian-TN »
To an interpreter, regarding excited Italian journalists:
'Just tell them I completely disagree with everything they say.'

Offline Murf

  • RAWK Wino
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 15,302
  • Sir Bob Paisley 10 years gone but not forgotten
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #6 on: February 6, 2004, 01:20:53 AM »
Aye, the best cos they are true

Anyone seen his new advert yet for John Smiths??



Still havnt seen it
never forget the 96....... justice   www.contrast.org/hillsborough

NO GAME ON APRIL THE 15th please write to

Rick Parry
Chief Executive
Liverpool Football Club
Anfield Road
Liverpool
L4 0TH

Offline Barney_Rubble

  • #
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 31,841
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #7 on: February 6, 2004, 03:07:07 AM »

 Have it !!

  ;D ;D ;D
87:13

Offline AdamL

  • Queenie's testicles, as seen in the Echo
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 5,182
  • Forever in our shadow
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #8 on: February 6, 2004, 09:02:29 AM »
number 10 makes you wonder... u always make cup-a-soup in a cup. why? weird!
Momo Is Boss

Offline Tarpaulin

  • Polish Ambassador to Liverpool
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 10,682
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #9 on: February 6, 2004, 01:24:58 PM »
 ;D

Offline Jimmy10Men

  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,399
  • California......Here we come!
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #10 on: February 6, 2004, 02:06:54 PM »
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.

 :wave

Offline MichaelA

  • MasterBaker, honey-trapper and 'concerned neighbour'. Beyond The Pale. Vermin on the ridiculous. Would love to leave Ashley Cole gasping for air. Dupe Snoop Extraordinaire. RAWK MARTYR #1. The proud owner of a new lower case a. Mickey Two Sheds.
  • RAWK Staff.
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 29,247
  • At the Academy
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #11 on: February 6, 2004, 02:21:49 PM »

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.


And the day two dogs shagged on the school field right the way through double maths.

Offline 5FTH

  • <--
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,073
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #12 on: February 6, 2004, 02:57:05 PM »
Its also true that if you are standing still and someone accidentally bumps into you, you always say 'sorry' to them.

you never see anyone walking down the road just come to a complete stop, turn around and start walking back the way they came.

when filling up with petrol, you alway put EXACTLY 10, 15, 20's etc worth in. You never stop at say 17.43.

everyone feels uncomfortable walking into someone elses bathroom barefooted.

When asked in a restaurant by a waiter if everything is ok, you always reply 'Fine thanks', even if the stale, undercooked christknowswhat has started crawling off your plate.

when jumping in a taxi you always ask the cabbie 'busy night?'

Theres always a moment of unease when in a lift with a stranger the doors dont open immediately after stopping at the floor.

noone reads the free local paper.

noone knows anybody who has been surveyed for Family Fortunes.

you are considerably disturbed after shaking hands with someone with sweaty palms.


Offline AdamS

  • Hey I'm Not Camp! But I am a tart...
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 16,718
    • BollockyBoo
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #13 on: February 6, 2004, 04:31:30 PM »

when jumping in a taxi you always ask the cabbie 'busy night?'

That's on his Bolton gig dvd

The questions you have to ask cabbies
1) Been busy tonight?
2) What time are you on 'til?

I blushed when he said that, cos that's how true it is! I bet cabbies have seen a reduction of late, cos I try everything not to ask those questions now!
If A is a success in life, than A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.

Offline Barney_Rubble

  • #
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 31,841
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #14 on: February 6, 2004, 04:38:51 PM »

 Like with Anglers. You always ask "caught owt"?

 :)

87:13

Offline Millsee

  • RAWK Supporter
  • Believer
  • ******
  • Posts: 9,183
Re: Peter Kay's 35 Universal Truths
« Reply #15 on: February 6, 2004, 07:17:22 PM »
when jumping in a taxi you always ask the cabbie 'busy night?'

 :wave


Theres always a moment of unease when in a lift with a stranger the doors dont open immediately after stopping at the floor.


and no-one talks in a lift. Everyone just stares at the numbers.