Author Topic: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!  (Read 2945684 times)

Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39960 on: June 17, 2015, 07:58:53 PM »
Steradent (not sure about the spelling - before anyone starts, like).
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline The Gulleysucker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39961 on: June 17, 2015, 08:12:08 PM »
H2SO4

Johnny was a little boy but Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4


But the answer is... Pepsodent , or in the variant we used to sing, wet cement
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Offline The Flying Pig

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39962 on: June 17, 2015, 11:15:59 PM »
Thanks for the good wishes, Maggie and Geoff, I'm one of the old school so I'll battle on and get through. I've never had to borrow in my life until now.
Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns
"Come in", She said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I might be in!

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39963 on: June 18, 2015, 05:02:28 AM »
H2SO4
Two chemists walk into a pub. Barman asks what they want. First chemist says, smugly, "I'll have H2O please." Second says, "I'll have H2O too please!" Second chemist dies.
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39964 on: June 18, 2015, 05:11:38 AM »
Looking for a reaction?
A dead animal is a dead animal. And a piece of meat is a piece of meat.

Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39965 on: June 18, 2015, 07:45:22 AM »
Two chemists walk into a pub. Barman asks what they want. First chemist says, smugly, "I'll have H2O please." Second says, "I'll have H2O too please!" Second chemist dies.
He was just having a 'blonde' moment.
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline Pheeny

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39966 on: June 18, 2015, 08:51:20 AM »
Can we stop trying to be clever and get back to having fun... ;)

Offline jambutty

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39967 on: June 18, 2015, 10:54:38 AM »
A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”

― Ronald Wright, A Short History of Progress

Offline pooley

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39968 on: June 18, 2015, 11:10:33 AM »
Is  it just me? or has anyone else encountered the tea-spoon in the bottom of the washing up bowl phenomenon?
I wish I could still climb up the drain-pipe that used to be at the back of the toilet that was outside the kop.

Offline Maggie May

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39969 on: June 18, 2015, 01:42:30 PM »
Is  it just me? or has anyone else encountered the tea-spoon in the bottom of the washing up bowl phenomenon? 

Oddly enough - since you ask - no.  But I haven't got a fuckin clue about all this chemistry shite anyway.  Well take this Einstean fella.  Over rated  in my opinion.  I mean.  Compare him with King Kenny.  Kenny's bangin 'em in and running round, arms spread, with a smile that would light up Anfield and Einey's droning on about the theory of relativity, which most people don't know what the fuck relativity is in the first place, and care less about a theory one way or the other.  Well there's no contest is there?   
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 01:52:45 PM by Maggie May »
Rather a day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep.

I can only be nice to one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
I tried being reasonable.  I didn't like it.  Old enough to know better.  Young enough not to give a fuck.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39970 on: June 18, 2015, 02:05:55 PM »
Einstein was a physicist, not a chemist, who proposed his theories of relativity between 1907 and 1915.

Kenny signed for LFC in 1977.

How old ARE you excactly, Mags? ;D
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39971 on: June 18, 2015, 02:55:03 PM »
It is impolite to ask a lady her age.

A dead animal is a dead animal. And a piece of meat is a piece of meat.

Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39972 on: June 18, 2015, 03:22:08 PM »
It is impolite to ask a lady her age.


'Time is relative man', as Einstein would have said if he was a hippy. But the comparison with Kenny definitely stands. I mean he definitely brought a new dimension to LFC, that much is patently obvious.
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39973 on: June 18, 2015, 03:33:58 PM »
It is impolite to ask a lady her age.
Indeed. But I was asking Maggie. ohshit..........
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39974 on: June 18, 2015, 03:41:42 PM »
'Time is relative man', as Einstein would have said if he was a hippy. But the comparison with Kenny definitely stands. I mean he definitely brought a new dimension to LFC, that much is patently obvious.

What about some Hawkwind or Marillion

He's got a tattoo on his wrist that says "I hate blackie blackie blackie blacks, and I fucking love handballing it into the opponent's goal and away from my own goal, and biting people, and kicking young kids in the bollocks when they ask for autographs. And diving. I fucking love that."

Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39975 on: June 18, 2015, 04:03:24 PM »
Indeed. But I was asking Maggie. ohshit..........

:lmao
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Offline Maggie May

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39976 on: June 18, 2015, 05:20:18 PM »
Indeed. But I was asking Maggie. ohshit..........

Cheeky young fucker.  Its just as well I totally adore and dote upon you and you are gorgeous with it, otherwise I'd rip your bollix off and wear them for a bangle.  :wave

PS.  Mwah.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 05:28:08 PM by Maggie May »
Rather a day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep.

I can only be nice to one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
I tried being reasonable.  I didn't like it.  Old enough to know better.  Young enough not to give a fuck.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39977 on: June 18, 2015, 05:31:08 PM »
 :lickin :-*
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline Maggie May

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39978 on: June 18, 2015, 05:52:40 PM »
Einstein was a physicist, not a chemist, who proposed his theories of relativity between 1907 and 1915.

 Oh.  Right.  Not saying anything against the fella mind you. Probably a nice enough bloke in his own tinpot way.  But you say "theories".  I thought there was just one.  Could he not make his mind up?
« Last Edit: June 18, 2015, 05:54:48 PM by Maggie May »
Rather a day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep.

I can only be nice to one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
I tried being reasonable.  I didn't like it.  Old enough to know better.  Young enough not to give a fuck.

Offline Pheeny

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39979 on: June 18, 2015, 06:59:16 PM »
 ;D

Offline Mutton Geoff

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39980 on: June 18, 2015, 11:55:35 PM »
Am I the only one who once fancied the Oxo girl?
The National Pensioners Convention (NPC) is the principal organisation representing pensioners in the United Kingdom. It is made up of around 1,000 bodies representing 1.5 million members, organised into federal regional units.
The NPC was founded by former Transport and General Workers' Union trade union leader, Jack Jones in 1979

Offline Maggie May

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Rather a day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep.

I can only be nice to one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
I tried being reasonable.  I didn't like it.  Old enough to know better.  Young enough not to give a fuck.

Offline kesey

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39982 on: June 19, 2015, 02:37:47 PM »
Over a thousand pages .Wooo.
He who sees himself in all beings and all beings in himself loses all fear.

- The Upanishads.

He who expects freedom of speech should allow others to speak .  Me - Now.

He who sees twats really is a twat themselves - Me - Now .

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39983 on: June 19, 2015, 05:10:12 PM »
Everything on here is true.
Even the outright lies!
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39984 on: June 21, 2015, 08:59:41 AM »
Well it's Sunday morning so it's only proper that we have some proper religious music - brings tears to me eyes every time this one, and I don't even believe a single word of the bible or any other holy text for that matter. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld4c6_7WFyQ
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline kopite.keith

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39985 on: June 21, 2015, 08:29:12 PM »
Aretha Franklin, Doc, just can't go wrong with the great lady.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2015, 08:33:25 PM by kopite.keith »
When in Rome...

Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39986 on: June 21, 2015, 08:43:19 PM »
Didn't make it to Costello on Friday. Just aswell really, the March on Saturday near done me in. And I know it's not the right thing to say, but... I had a scream there. Horrible that it's got to be done, but can't be letting them rob our laughter aswell as everything else.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39987 on: June 21, 2015, 08:44:43 PM »
PS... has anyone seen Cowtown Red?
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39988 on: June 22, 2015, 02:12:20 AM »
Just seen this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugDv0jZ9GZE

Bumped into him yesterday. Quiet lad, dead calm, then I seen him again later when the march had got going, running round like a man possessed.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39989 on: June 22, 2015, 11:27:07 AM »
It occurs to me (after seeing Fats on that youtube video above, for some reason)  that at some future date, there will be an update on the 'Four Yorkshireman' sketch but it will probably cause more tears of sadness than tears of laughter. It will probably go something like this.........

1st Old Man:   When I were a lad, our dad worked a 42 and a half our week, every week mind, manufacturing cars that were sold all over t' world, and every summer we were off t' Marbella for two weeks in t' sun.

2nd Old Man:    Two weeks! My dad got four weeks annual leave, fully paid, and he got a Christmas hamper every year off t' boss.

3rd Old Man:    Christmas hamper, Ha! My mam and dad both had Christmas bonuses and at t' works Christmas do me dad got so drunk he fell over and broke leg. But ambulance were there within twenty minutes an' he were off to hospital fer free treatment and physiotherapy, while getting full sick pay an' 'elp wi' rent for t' council house.

4th Old Man:   Twenty minutes waiting for ambulance! Eight minutes I had to wait when I had crash on me way to pick kids up from school gymnasium.

1st Old Man:    Gym-bloody-nasium! Our school had massive sportsfield wi' athletics track, football and rugby pitch and school bus t' ferry t' kids about. Kids used t' play footy ev'ry spare moment they had, an ev'ry Saturday they'd go to watch local team at t' stadium.

2nd Old Man:   Aye team manager lived stone's throw from t' ground and younguns from t' first team lived in flat above t' shops. Well banks wouldn't lend money unless you could afford t' pay it back, so everyone lived within means an' no one were in debt.

3rd Old Man:   Banks! We didn't need banks. We got cash in th' 'and ev'ry Thursday, didn't 'ave bank charges, or fatcats living off the poor.

4th Old Man:   Right! My mam and dad both had full time (thirty-six hour a week) jobs with five weeks full paid annual leave, which paid enough money to put real food on t' table, and a couple of holidays abroad. The NHS gave full treatment free of charge to everyone with free prescriptions, and th'ambulances turned up on time ev'ry time. Ev'ry time you set foot outside o' door o' yer three bedroomed council house (wi' spare room) you saw Bobby on t' beat. Uncle Albert (him wi' one leg since t' war) had employment rights and expectations like ev'ryone else and got special 'elp wi' mobility  and such like. Kids all went to a good school with manageable class sizes and when they left school they all got real jobs manufacturing British goods that were exported all around t' world. Politicians took decisions that were f't' benefit of all not just them 'as voted for 'em, and public utilities was owned by us and used as employment sink so no-one had t' go wi'out work.

1st Old Man:    Aye but you try telling that t' younguns nowadays...........
 
 
« Last Edit: June 23, 2015, 08:08:53 PM by Dr. Beaker »
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39990 on: June 22, 2015, 11:30:52 AM »
Oh my that's brilliant! Original? You could build on it too......
"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." - Rabindranath Tagore.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39991 on: June 22, 2015, 01:15:55 PM »
It occurs to me (after seeing Fats on that youtube video above, for some reason)  that at some future date, their will be an update on the 'Four Yorkshireman' sketch but it will probably cause more tears of sadness than tears of laughter. It will probably go something like this.........
:wellin

Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39992 on: June 22, 2015, 02:29:57 PM »
Doc, I always love your posts, but you've out done yourself with that, mate. Fantastic stuff. Shame I never had four of you aul bastards here right now, I'd film it and smash it round the net.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline jambutty

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39993 on: June 22, 2015, 04:39:52 PM »
Well it's Sunday morning so it's only proper that we have some proper religious music - brings tears to me eyes every time this one, and I don't even believe a single word of the bible or any other holy text for that matter. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld4c6_7WFyQ
In light of the abominable events in Charlestown.  This 1965 recording was dedicated to murdered activists:

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/5wijlg4zM6g" target="_blank" class="new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/5wijlg4zM6g</a>
“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”

― Ronald Wright, A Short History of Progress

Offline Maggie May

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39994 on: June 22, 2015, 07:10:15 PM »
Had tragic news today.  My personal Gurkha (who I sponsored through a scheme organised by the Welfare People) has been killed.  The second earthquake took the front of his house off and he did not survive.  This happened in May. Recause he lived in such a remote area it was not able to report this until now.  Because my dirdebs were ongoing they were transferred to another Brave Man to whom we all owe a debt of honour, and whom I am proud to sponsor

So you all better watch your fuckin arses if you cross me, 'cos I'll set my new personal Gurkha on ya.  And you would definately not like that.  Rest in peace Bravest of the Brave.  Ayo Gurkhali !!!
« Last Edit: June 22, 2015, 07:15:52 PM by Maggie May »
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Offline Dr. Beaker

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39995 on: June 22, 2015, 08:07:53 PM »
Had tragic news today.  My personal Gurkha (who I sponsored through a scheme organised by the Welfare People) has been killed.  The second earthquake took the front of his house off and he did not survive.  This happened in May. Recause he lived in such a remote area it was not able to report this until now.  Because my dirdebs were ongoing they were transferred to another Brave Man to whom we all owe a debt of honour, and whom I am proud to sponsor

So you all better watch your fuckin arses if you cross me, 'cos I'll set my new personal Gurkha on ya.  And you would definately not like that.  Rest in peace Bravest of the Brave.  Ayo Gurkhali !!!
Sorry to hear that Mags. I'm sure you feel a very real sense of loss there.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2015, 08:00:16 AM by Dr. Beaker »
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39996 on: June 22, 2015, 08:14:50 PM »
Sorry to hear that Mags.

I've lots of respect for the Gurkha's having served with them in Belize.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39997 on: June 22, 2015, 08:15:33 PM »
Thanks Doc it's posts like that which make this thread what it is.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39998 on: June 22, 2015, 08:31:35 PM »
Sometimes I can come in here and enjoy the posts and the memories but today I'm compelled to add something because two posts just can't go without honourable mention.
Mags, I'm sorry to hear about the Ghurka, but still think it's an amazing thing you are doing, really admire you (even more so now) for that.
Doc, you're a fucken genius mate and that little piece is as good as any satirical sketch I've ever read, it's truly brilliant. Lucky to enjoy the company of you lot I am.
When in Rome...

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #39999 on: June 22, 2015, 08:59:01 PM »
Just want to add to what all the others have said.
That post from Doc is absolutely brilliant.
Should be put out to a wider audience on this site.

Doc I salute you sir.
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