My missus watches all of these - Corrie, Eastenders, Emmerdale Farm. Luckily she's never watched Hollyoaks so I don't have that particular bag of fucking wank inflicted on me every fucking day.
Every single one of them, without exception, is dog toss of the very, very highest order.
There isn't one believeable character, storyline or location in any of them. This one's supposed to be set in the East End of London and yet everyone speaks English. How fucking realistic is that?
You've got a fat cabby who never leaves the square but somehow earns enough money for a 87 bedroom house (how else does everyone who ever arrives in the square manage to spend a few nights staying at either his house or with the fat old bird with the terrible earings who the ugly ginger thing and the annoying kids live with?).
The local 'hardman' is short, fat and bald. Why is everyone so scared of him? I can honestly say I've beaten bigger and harder than him to get into the queue for fight, yet everyone on the square is terrified of him. Are they just scared of his massive purple face exploding over the carpet? I've know harder girls. Christ, I've even met a couple of RAF lads who would hold their own against him.
His victim (the little weasly fucker with the milfy wife and jailbait daughter. Ian Beale?) seems to get threatened/battered by him every few months. Last night he let him smash his house up looking for something. Why the fuck has he never, in all the years it's been going on, just fucking knifed the prick? What a fucking puff. I'd smash his wife and daughter though. Then show him the photos while I trashed his house, just because I can.
"Ooooh what a shock that Stacey did it!". Really? Not one person who watches this shite on a regular basis suspected the mentally ill rape victim? Although to be fair, I'd bang it until her entire pelvic region burst into flames from the friction. Especially since she's a mentalist, what judge in the land is going to believe her over me even if she could persuade the CPS to press charges?
It's good see Eastenders doing their bit for equal opportunities by letting the ginge have a crack on her though. My missus is very upset that he's dead. I tried to explain that he wasn't really dead, because nothing that doesn't have a soul can die, but she didn't really understand.
I've seen better acting from the kids on Playschool. I've seen better acting from the puppets on Playschool, in fact.
