Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny (Read 674848 times)

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #5960 on:** April 9, 2021, 12:53:14 pm »

Quote from: Just Elmo? on April 9, 2021, 12:18:30 pm

None of you 'jokers' are fit to tie my shoe laces.

Now now; let's not start any spatz.

Sangria · « **Reply #5961 on:** April 9, 2021, 02:08:22 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on April 8, 2021, 04:33:02 pm

BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E.

NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth?
BUZZ: Nope

*5 minutes silence*

BUZZ: OK, yep.

Can someone explain this.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #5962 on:** April 9, 2021, 02:35:27 pm »

Quote from: Sangria on April 9, 2021, 02:08:22 pm

Can someone explain this.

You're on the moon playing eye spy.
What else can you see that begins with the letter E?

Sangria · « **Reply #5963 on:** April 9, 2021, 02:39:42 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on April 9, 2021, 02:35:27 pm

You're on the moon playing eye spy.
What else can you see that begins with the letter E?

I thought it may have been derived from the moon landing transcript or something.

afc tukrish · « **Reply #5964 on:** April 9, 2021, 03:32:00 pm »

Quote from: Sangria on April 9, 2021, 02:39:42 pm

I thought it may have been derived from the moon landing transcript or something.

Extraordinarily extraplanetary...

Redwhiteandnotblue · « **Reply #5965 on:** April 10, 2021, 09:41:32 am »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on April 9, 2021, 02:35:27 pm

You're on the moon playing eye spy.
What else can you see that begins with the letter E?

Well, starting with the moons of Jupiter you've got 10 other options alone:

Europa
Ersa
Elara
Euporie
Eupheme
Euanthe
Erinome
Eukelade
Eurydome
Eirene

Saturn's moons include:
Epimethus
Enceladus and
Erriapus

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #5966 on:** April 10, 2021, 10:53:43 am »

Quote from: Redwhiteandnotblue on April 10, 2021, 09:41:32 am

Well, starting with the moons of Jupiter you've got 10 other options alone:

Europa
Ersa
Elara
Euporie
Eupheme
Euanthe
Erinome
Eukelade
Eurydome
Eirene

Saturn's moons include:
Epimethus
Enceladus and
Erriapus

Not if the Earth was in the way you couldn't

liverbloke · « **Reply #5967 on:** April 10, 2021, 11:38:28 am »

^ extra terrestrial?

...you never know...

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #5968 on:** April 10, 2021, 11:40:41 am »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 10, 2021, 11:38:28 am

^ extra terrestrial?

...you never know...

What's Gail Platt got to do with this?

liverbloke · « **Reply #5969 on:** April 10, 2021, 05:34:56 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on April 10, 2021, 11:40:41 am

What's Gail Platt got to do with this?

no, i'm on about E T -

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #5970 on:** April 10, 2021, 05:46:38 pm »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 10, 2021, 05:34:56 pm

no, i'm on about E T -

Ah, I get you now!

Sangria · « **Reply #5971 on:** April 10, 2021, 08:55:15 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on April 10, 2021, 11:40:41 am

What's Gail Platt got to do with this?

I remember that line in The Guardian TV weekly describing her as "a sarcastic pigeon". Most wonderfully vivid description ever.

liverbloke · « **Reply #5972 on:** April 12, 2021, 01:01:42 pm »

i'm in the middle of writing a piece about gentle breezes

it's only a light draft at the moment

24/7 · « **Reply #5973 on:** April 12, 2021, 03:05:19 pm »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 12, 2021, 01:01:42 pm

i'm in the middle of writing a piece about gentle breezes

it's only a light draft at the moment

Delivered with gusto!

liverbloke · « **Reply #5974 on:** April 12, 2021, 07:09:27 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on April 12, 2021, 03:05:19 pm

Delivered with gusto!

'wind' your neck in you

hang on - that doesn't work

afc tukrish · « **Reply #5975 on:** April 12, 2021, 07:44:41 pm »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 12, 2021, 07:09:27 pm

'wind' your neck in you

hang on - that doesn't work

a flatulent styling...

24/7 · « **Reply #5976 on:** April 12, 2021, 07:53:27 pm »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 12, 2021, 01:01:42 pm

i'm in the middle of writing a piece about gentle breezes

it's only a light draft at the moment

Co-authored by your friend, Gale Beaufort?

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #5977 on:** April 13, 2021, 01:11:53 pm »

If you try closing your eyes and touching a kiwi fruit with one hand and your testicle with the other. It feels almost the same - oh, and it gets you banned in your local Tesco...

liverbloke · « **Reply #5978 on:** April 13, 2021, 06:20:05 pm »

i didn't get to see the world's largest pool table today

the cues were massive

bradders1011 · « **Reply #5979 on:** April 14, 2021, 08:20:32 pm »

Just received a call, think it's a scam, telling me I've won either £100 or tickets to an Elvis tribute night.

It said "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show."

Red Beret · « **Reply #5980 on:** April 15, 2021, 10:39:09 pm »

My neighbor's turned up, banging angrily on my door today. Cheeky bugger accused me of stealing washing off his line.

He was so aggressive I almost shat his pants.

Elmo! · « **Reply #5981 on:** April 17, 2021, 11:51:36 am »

What do you call an insect with shite chat?

Colin the Patterkiller.

liverbloke · « **Reply #5982 on:** April 17, 2021, 12:33:53 pm »

Quote from: Just Elmo? on April 17, 2021, 11:51:36 am

What do you call an insect with shite chat?

Colin the Patterkiller.

liverbloke · « **Reply #5983 on:** April 18, 2021, 03:50:10 pm »

aw my auntie lost her leg just before christmas so i bought her a prosthetic leg

it wasn't much - just a stocking filler

Statto Red · « **Reply #5984 on:** April 18, 2021, 08:03:12 pm »

What do Prince Philip & Manchester City have in common?

They both had a lifeless performance on BBC yesterday.

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #5985 on:** April 19, 2021, 07:39:42 pm »

CHOPPER · « **Reply #5986 on:** April 19, 2021, 07:43:28 pm »

Tit

Serious times these, Liverpool are going to play with ELO

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #5987 on:** April 19, 2021, 07:44:00 pm »

Quote from: CHOPPER on April 19, 2021, 07:43:28 pm

Tit

Serious times these, Liverpool are going to play with ELO

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #5988 on:** April 19, 2021, 07:47:58 pm »

afc tukrish · « **Reply #5989 on:** April 19, 2021, 11:20:16 pm »

Quote from: Capon Debaser on April 19, 2021, 07:39:42 pm

Stop the thread...

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #5990 on:** April 20, 2021, 01:34:57 am »

Red_Mist · « **Reply #5991 on:** April 21, 2021, 10:54:47 am »

My pet bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better....but he's not out of the woods yet.

liverbloke · « **Reply #5992 on:** April 21, 2021, 01:24:30 pm »

Quote from: Red_Mist on April 21, 2021, 10:54:47 am

My pet bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better....but he's not out of the woods yet.

oh groan that joke's grizzly - but reminds me of this...

how far can a bear walk into the woods?

...only half-way as then he's walking out of the woods

Redwhiteandnotblue · « **Reply #5993 on:** April 21, 2021, 06:33:39 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on April 10, 2021, 10:53:43 am

Not if the Earth was in the way you couldn't

Then he'd be able to see Europe, the Equator and potentially any country beginning with E (depending on the Earth's rotation). 😉

24/7 · « **Reply #5994 on:** April 21, 2021, 06:56:57 pm »

Quote from: liverbloke on April 21, 2021, 01:24:30 pm

oh groan that joke's grizzly - but reminds me of this...

how far can a bear walk into the woods?

...only half-way as then he's walking out of the woods

You risk polar....ising opinion here with shit like that...