You've been through so much in that 3mths mate it'll feel like a whirlwind where everything else stood still.
I still can't decide which is the easiest to deal with, a sudden loss or one you've prepared for for months.
I lost my parents fairly recently in both situations. Dad first unexpectedly, he went to A&E not feeling great one Monday morning, was transferred to another hospital by ambulance the same day, was put on life support on the Thursday which we were advised to turn off on the Saturday.
I can still see him on the trolley before they said he was being taken to ICU and that was it. I never saw him conscious again. Never got to say goodbye whilst he was aware of me.
My mum had dementia and had been in a home for nearly a year, so it was just a matter of when but I did get to say goodbye and I do believe she knew it was me the last time I visited.
Remember with fondness not sadness all those little things that made her special and give yourself time to grieve.
Oh my goodness, so sorry to hear about your dad, what an awful experience
Whilst mum's deterioration was fast, it was nothing as sudden as that
Because I live overseas and had to return to Bali, I knew when I said goodbye to mum in early January, that there was a chance I may not see her again, if the chemo wasn;t successful. No way did I envisage that she would pass away a week later... I foresaw perhaps a struggle with the illness for a few months and then maybe i'd have to get on a plane pronto in March/April or whatever... in a way I'm glad that she didn't suffer months of chemo if it wasn't going to be ultimlately successful anyway... but because I HAD to leave, I said goodbye to mum when she was still relatively cognitive and happy... I hugged her hoping it would not be the last time but knowing deep down it might be... it gives me a certain closure in a way. We spent 5 or 6 hours together the day I left... laughing and smiling... mum wasn't all there but she was certainly herself. Then i hugged her, said goodbye, and left to the airport. I never saw her again obviously. But the last day I spent with mum was a nice one
It doesn't soften the pain of her going from healthy to gone in 3 months though, but it does provide a smidgen of solace at least...
Whereas with my sister who died in June last year, she was diagnosed with secondary cancer in June 2019 and given 18-24 months... so we knew we had a limited time... she made it to almost 3 years.... so everything after the second year was a bonus. SHe lived as full a life as she could for those last 3 years and we were forever grateful for the extra time she had, even though being robbed of my younger sister before her 42nd birthday still hurts so much.
Fuck cancer.
