Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny (Read 674270 times)

Phil M · « **Reply #2240 on:** January 18, 2019, 08:30:03 am »

What's a binary number's favourite song?

Spoiler

'We can be Zeroes'

[close]

stewil007 · « **Reply #2241 on:** January 18, 2019, 10:39:44 am »

Quote from: Phil M on January 18, 2019, 08:30:03 am

What's a binary number's favourite song?

Spoiler
'We can be Zeroes'
[close]

Shouldn't that be

Spoiler

'One can be Zeroes'

[close]

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2242 on:** January 18, 2019, 10:55:07 am »

What is driving Brexit?

The Duke of Edinburgh.

24/7 · « **Reply #2243 on:** January 18, 2019, 11:27:52 am »

Hahahaha best one in a while, that....

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2244 on:** January 19, 2019, 03:52:27 pm »

Someone keeps sending me flowers with all the heads cut off.

I think I’m being stalked.

24/7 · « **Reply #2245 on:** January 19, 2019, 03:56:15 pm »

Awww bless you, petal.

soxfan · « **Reply #2246 on:** January 19, 2019, 05:23:00 pm »

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #2247 on:** January 19, 2019, 09:11:47 pm »

A 7 yr old and a 4 yr old are in their bedroom.
The 7 yr old looks at his brother and says, "I think it's time we start swearing"
The younger brother nods in agreement.
"When we go downstairs, I'll be the first to swear and then you swear"
The two brothers go downstairs and the mother asks what they want for breakfast.
Their Mother asks them what they want for breakfast.
"I'll have a bowl of coco pops, bitch!" Says the 7 year old.
The mother smacks the kid so hard that he flies out of his chair.
The mother asks the 4 yr old what he wants.
Stunned, the 4 yr old says, "I don't know, but it won't be fucking coco pops!"

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2248 on:** January 20, 2019, 04:09:48 pm »

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one.

He’s never gonna give you “Up”.

Fitzy. · « **Reply #2249 on:** January 21, 2019, 08:21:10 am »

A thief broke into my house last night...he started searching for money.

So I got out of bed and searched with him.

Groundskeeper Willie · « **Reply #2250 on:** January 21, 2019, 09:39:26 am »

I always feel very calm when I watch Xanax Neuchâtel play football.

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2251 on:** January 21, 2019, 09:46:07 am »

Quote from: Groundskeeper Willie on January 21, 2019, 09:39:26 am

I always feel very calm when I watch Xanax Neuchâtel play football.

I see what you did there...

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2252 on:** January 21, 2019, 09:46:51 am »

Quote from: 24/7 on January 19, 2019, 03:56:15 pm

Awww bless you, petal.

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2253 on:** January 21, 2019, 08:27:05 pm »

Q: What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

A: Towels.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2254 on:** January 21, 2019, 10:02:20 pm »

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery.

To be fair they were right, we had six matching balls.

Groundskeeper Willie · « **Reply #2255 on:** January 21, 2019, 10:13:37 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on January 21, 2019, 10:02:20 pm

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery.

To be fair they were right, we had six matching balls.

YES!

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2256 on:** January 22, 2019, 07:28:27 am »

Quote from: sinnermichael on January 21, 2019, 10:02:20 pm

SNIP

Close thread!!

24/7 · « **Reply #2257 on:** January 22, 2019, 07:48:25 am »

Quote from: Mediocre Baron Bennekov on January 22, 2019, 07:28:27 am

Close thread!!

More like close shave..

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2258 on:** January 22, 2019, 08:09:17 am »

Quote from: 24/7 on January 22, 2019, 07:48:25 am

More like close shave..

Bollocks...

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #2259 on:** January 22, 2019, 09:16:38 am »

Quote from: Mediocre Baron Bennekov on January 20, 2019, 04:09:48 pm

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one.

He’s never gonna give you “Up”.

Are you trying to be funny?

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2260 on:** January 22, 2019, 09:23:23 am »

Quote from: Black & White Paul on January 22, 2019, 09:16:38 am

Are you trying to be funny?

Who? Me?

only6times · « **Reply #2261 on:** January 22, 2019, 10:12:45 am »

Quote from: Mediocre Baron Bennekov on January 21, 2019, 08:27:05 pm

Q: What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

A: Towels.

24/7 · « **Reply #2262 on:** January 22, 2019, 11:26:32 am »

I love my electric blanket. I'm never going back to an acoustic one.

Groundskeeper Willie · « **Reply #2263 on:** January 22, 2019, 02:49:23 pm »

Quote from: 24/7 on January 22, 2019, 11:26:32 am

I love my electric blanket. I'm never going back to an acoustic one.

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #2264 on:** January 22, 2019, 03:38:02 pm »

I think I saw Michael J Fox in the gardening centre yesterday. He had his back to the fuchsia.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #2265 on:** January 22, 2019, 03:53:13 pm »

Quote from: Brian Blessed on January 22, 2019, 03:38:02 pm

I think I saw Michael J Fox in the gardening centre yesterday. He had his back to the fuchsia.

Yesssssss!

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2266 on:** January 22, 2019, 04:23:08 pm »

I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

Riquende · « **Reply #2267 on:** January 22, 2019, 06:41:33 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on January 21, 2019, 10:02:20 pm

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery.

To be fair they were right, we had six matching balls.

24/7 · « **Reply #2268 on:** January 22, 2019, 08:26:45 pm »

Had mushrooms on toast this morning. Breakfast of champignons

Ziltoid · « **Reply #2269 on:** January 22, 2019, 09:38:19 pm »

Quote from: Brian Blessed on January 22, 2019, 03:38:02 pm

I think I saw Michael J Fox in the gardening centre yesterday. He had his back to the fuchsia.

Brilliant, and stolen it

Keita Success · « **Reply #2270 on:** January 22, 2019, 10:19:42 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on January 19, 2019, 09:11:47 pm

A 7 yr old and a 4 yr old are in their bedroom.
The 7 yr old looks at his brother and says, "I think it's time we start swearing"
The younger brother nods in agreement.
"When we go downstairs, I'll be the first to swear and then you swear"
The two brothers go downstairs and the mother asks what they want for breakfast.
Their Mother asks them what they want for breakfast.
"I'll have a bowl of coco pops, bitch!" Says the 7 year old.
The mother smacks the kid so hard that he flies out of his chair.
The mother asks the 4 yr old what he wants.
Stunned, the 4 yr old says, "I don't know, but it won't be fucking coco pops!"

That got me

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2271 on:** January 23, 2019, 07:52:03 am »

Quote from: Brian Blessed on January 22, 2019, 03:38:02 pm

I think I saw Michael J Fox in the gardening centre yesterday. He had his back to the fuchsia.

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2272 on:** January 23, 2019, 07:06:48 pm »

Two rules for success:

1. Don’t telling everything you know.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2273 on:** January 23, 2019, 07:28:27 pm »

Chris Brown announced he's trans-gendered today.

He figured if he can't beat them, he may as well join them.

bradders1011 · « **Reply #2274 on:** January 26, 2019, 06:21:45 pm »

Running marathons. That must be sole destroying.

blert596 · « **Reply #2275 on:** January 27, 2019, 10:22:23 pm »

A huge thank you to my next door neighbour for lending me a large sheet of plastic covering.

Ta Pauline!

John C · « **Reply #2276 on:** January 27, 2019, 10:35:51 pm »

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #2277 on:** January 27, 2019, 11:22:57 pm »

My wife says I only have two faults.
1... I don't listen to what she says; and some other shite she was blathering on about.

24/7 · « **Reply #2278 on:** January 28, 2019, 12:21:39 pm »

Friends are hosting a joint Chinese New year and Burns night party. I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm

Ziltoid · « **Reply #2279 on:** January 28, 2019, 02:24:55 pm »

Quote from: Tesco tearaway on January 27, 2019, 11:22:57 pm

My wife says I only have two faults.
1... I don't listen to what she says; and some other shite she was blathering on about.

Nice