Martin Skrtel is the leading cause of death in Eastern European centre forwards.
Martin Skrtel could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Killing Martin Skrtel doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Martin Skrtel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Martin Skrtel once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
When Martin Skrtel was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Martin Skrtel can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Martin Skrtel heard their music.
Simon Says should be renamed to Martin Skrtel Says because if Martin Skrtel says something then you better fucking do it.
Superman wears Martin Skrtel pajamas.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Martin Skrtel, you're fucking dead."
Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Martin Skrtel. He passed. It was too violent.
If Martin Skrtel was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
You can lead a horse to water. Martin Skrtel can make him drink.
All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Martin Skrtel.
Martin Skrtel was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
Martin Skrtel has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
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Okay a blatant rip off of the Jack Bauer jokes but meh.
Can anyone else think of some good ones?