Single-handedly influencing the title race in a way Master Webb himself would be proud of.
You can just imagine that SYP prick's first meeting with the refs:
"My fellow Mancs you're wasting your time trying to be subtle; just cheat openly; no one gives a fuck and even some of the Scouse shite will support you, calling their own fellows tin foil hatters.
Lee, I don't wanna see you drawing any more lines if not doing so will help Utd. Paul, love the baldy homage and the way you influence games in lots of small ways that add up, but you need to keep focus: the aim is to help Sralex's team. Always remember that. There's no point shooting your load helping the likes of Spurs just cos it messes with the Scouse; keep focussed on helping the Only Team That Matters.
Ant, you can forget about all that Altrincham stuff now. Everyone knows you come from an OT seasie family and yet they still don't care that you're allowed to influence things as you will. So you can reclaim your seat in the Stretford End and celebrate like Mike Dean on acid whenever Rashie scores. No one will do anything.
Always remember, A Strong Manchester United Is Essential For The Premier league Brand. And it's our job to help them stay strong. Christ you think the likes of Shaw, Maguire and Anthony can do that alone? Without our support? Ok. Let's go.
Mike lad, a quiet word if I may. It's been noticed just how shite you've become all of a sudden. I know I said cheat openly but at least make a pretence at competence. Yes I know Cootie looks like a fucking gimp, I don't like working with him either, but that Van Dijk thing was too big a risk. It was blatent and it didn't help Utd. So cut that out and stay focussed!"
