Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 671638 times)

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1840 on: September 14, 2018, 04:53:52 pm »
Knock knock

Who’s there?

Philip

Philip who?

Fill her up with petrol.


How bad is that. That’s from a joke book someone shared on twitter...
It could very well be the most crappy joke on here.  Not funny one little bit.

Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1841 on: September 14, 2018, 09:16:51 pm »
Why does Piglet smell?





Because he plays with Pooh.
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1842 on: September 14, 2018, 09:17:27 pm »
Have you ever smelled moth balls?
...
Yes.
...
How did you manage to get his little legs open?
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1843 on: September 14, 2018, 09:34:33 pm »
I'm truly disgusted by people who poach rare animals.

They taste much better grilled.
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline Fitzy.

  • I before E, except in Dalglish. Thumbs down for thumbs up! Premature ejaculator in the post-match whopper circle jerk. Might be the Rupert Pupkin to Neil Atkinson's Jerry Langford. Wants to know who did this, but may never find out.
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1844 on: September 16, 2018, 11:05:53 am »
A bear walks into a bar and says:

'Ill have a lemonade...



...and a beer'

Barman: 'Ok, but why the ellipses'






Offline Sir Capon of Debaser

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1845 on: September 17, 2018, 12:48:16 am »
Knock knock

Offline Fitzy.

  • I before E, except in Dalglish. Thumbs down for thumbs up! Premature ejaculator in the post-match whopper circle jerk. Might be the Rupert Pupkin to Neil Atkinson's Jerry Langford. Wants to know who did this, but may never find out.
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1846 on: September 17, 2018, 07:10:41 am »

Offline Sir Capon of Debaser

  • #SAUSAGES Pheasant plucking, midget chucking, jazz sax blowing, wannabe mod who'd like to be Danny Dyer's Bitch but too scared to ask in public for a name change, the pussy.....would gladly do one for mouth. Adores cats! RAWK Factor Winner 1897.
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1847 on: September 17, 2018, 12:37:51 pm »

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1848 on: September 17, 2018, 01:08:11 pm »
 
No one,ye sad lonely bastard.Youve got no mates.







 ;D

:lmao
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1849 on: September 17, 2018, 01:36:52 pm »
Walked right into that one  ;D


Offline Fitzy.

  • I before E, except in Dalglish. Thumbs down for thumbs up! Premature ejaculator in the post-match whopper circle jerk. Might be the Rupert Pupkin to Neil Atkinson's Jerry Langford. Wants to know who did this, but may never find out.
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1850 on: September 17, 2018, 03:02:58 pm »
No one,ye sad lonely bastard.Youve got no mates.







 ;D


*sniff*

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1851 on: September 17, 2018, 03:39:22 pm »
No one,ye sad lonely bastard.Youve got no mates.







 ;D
:lmao
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1852 on: September 17, 2018, 05:03:41 pm »
A young boy called Kev, about 14 years old was walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, ''I want to have sex with one of the women inside.
I have the money and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said, 'No'.
The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber -THAT'S the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home,my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
Happens to be very fond of cute little boys.
She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.
On the way, he'll give her one in the car and , he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the bloke I’m after because
''HE'S THE BASTARD THAT RAN OVER MY FROG!!..
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Online Peabee

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1853 on: September 17, 2018, 09:17:21 pm »
No one,ye sad lonely bastard.Youve got no mates.







 ;D

It could be his mistress...
We aren't walking through the storm now - we are the storm.

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1854 on: September 17, 2018, 09:18:30 pm »
It could very well be the most crappy joke on here.  Not funny one little bit.

I know. Horrible. There were others too that made no sense.
We aren't walking through the storm now - we are the storm.

Offline Fitzy.

  • I before E, except in Dalglish. Thumbs down for thumbs up! Premature ejaculator in the post-match whopper circle jerk. Might be the Rupert Pupkin to Neil Atkinson's Jerry Langford. Wants to know who did this, but may never find out.
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1855 on: September 21, 2018, 03:16:20 pm »
"Benjamin Button"

"Benjamin Who"

"Benjamin"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock"

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1856 on: September 21, 2018, 03:19:05 pm »
"Benjamin Button"

"Benjamin Who"

"Benjamin"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock"

Haha :D

Offline conman

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1857 on: September 21, 2018, 03:44:06 pm »
I  was mentioning that my wife uses the Polish car wash station opposite Aintree racecourse. There's about 20 people working there; it's like a conveyor belt system  :)
You got to be joking!

Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1858 on: September 22, 2018, 10:45:33 am »
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman!"

Offline Gerry Attrick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1859 on: September 22, 2018, 10:46:31 am »
"Benjamin Button"

"Benjamin Who"

"Benjamin"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock"

Excellent ;D

Offline McrRed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1860 on: September 22, 2018, 11:14:09 am »
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman!"
[emoji4]

Offline Redwhiteandnotblue

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1861 on: September 23, 2018, 02:37:02 pm »

Offline Sir Capon of Debaser

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1862 on: September 26, 2018, 11:10:50 pm »
Went to the gym this morning and there's a new machine!

I used it for half an hour and felt sick.

Its good though, it does everything from Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers to Crisps.

Offline slaphead

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1863 on: September 27, 2018, 02:52:23 pm »
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint have crashed in the middle of the ocean. The crew have been marooned

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1864 on: September 27, 2018, 07:06:01 pm »
A dad's having a shower when his young son opens the shower door.

The dad suddenly clasps his hands around his privates as not to shock the innocent child.

The child says 'Daddy, what have you got in your hands?'

The dad quickly thinks and says 'Oh, that's just a hedgehog son'

The child says 'my goodness daddy, hasn't that hedgehog got a big pair of balls!'.


(Yes, I had to clean that up a bit  ::) )




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Offline BlackandWhitePaul

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1865 on: September 29, 2018, 12:01:17 am »
Thanks for explaining the meaning of "many" . . . . . it means a lot     :)

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1866 on: September 29, 2018, 12:43:08 am »
Thanks for explaining the meaning of "many" . . . . . it means a lot     :)

And you complain about other people’s jokes!
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?

Offline Lotus Eater

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1867 on: September 29, 2018, 04:55:39 am »
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint have crashed in the middle of the ocean. The crew have been marooned
Not purpled?
11 September 1999 - Slater Street. 2 beers, a packet of crisps and a truncheon please.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1868 on: October 1, 2018, 11:35:49 am »
My girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me "are you a character from Alice in Wonderland"?..and it is getting really annoying.
A friend aske me "Are you mad at her"?
I replied "Don't you fucking start too"!!

Boom.

A man is walking to his car late one night..

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she's alright and she responds

"I'm a lady of the night, are you interested?"

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up and knocks on the window.

"Excuse me sir what exactly are you doing?"

The man answers "I'm having sex with my wife"

The cop replies with "I apologize, I didn't know."

The man responds with "Me neither until you shined that fucking torch"

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline Groundskeeper Willie

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1869 on: October 1, 2018, 04:15:19 pm »
In honour of 24/7 I have come up with my own joke, and in true Jim style it is shite, but here it is:

What car is most like paper?

A Ford.

Alternatively:

What car do you always have enough money for?

A Ford.
« Last Edit: October 1, 2018, 04:26:43 pm by Groundskeeper Willie »
Love Ren & Stimpy

Offline Nobby Reserve

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1870 on: October 1, 2018, 04:18:11 pm »
Not purpled?

Being 'Purpled' has a totally different meaning.


A Tory, a worker and an immigrant are sat round a table. There's a plate of 10 biscuits in the middle. The Tory takes 9 then turns to the worker and says "that immigrant is trying to steal your biscuit"

Offline Brissyred

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1871 on: October 2, 2018, 08:54:19 am »
Why did the scarecrow get a nobel prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the chicken farmer get into the Guinness book of records?

Because he had a massive cock.

Offline Medellin

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1872 on: October 2, 2018, 03:41:10 pm »
A man with a winking problem applies for a job in a large advertising company.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you."



"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"



"Really? Great! Show me!"



So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.



"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"



"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"



"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"



"Oh, that," he sighed.



"Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Support the team,Trust & Believe.

Offline sinnermichael

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1873 on: October 3, 2018, 12:55:52 pm »
My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. It was at that point I was asked to leave the Library.

Offline Ziltoid

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1874 on: October 3, 2018, 02:12:02 pm »
My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. It was at that point I was asked to leave the Library.

At last a smutty 2 liner that i can relate to

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1875 on: October 3, 2018, 10:11:29 pm »
My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. It was at that point I was asked to leave the Library.

 :wellin
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline Tesco tearaway

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1876 on: October 4, 2018, 06:14:04 pm »
^^^  :lmao :lmao :lmao
Ffs! Trust me to get the next page  :D
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.

Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1877 on: October 4, 2018, 06:51:52 pm »
A blonde was driving down the highway. In the distance, she saw a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road. Being curious, the blonde decided to pull over.

The brunette was jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!"

So, seeing how this looked like fun, the blonde got behind her, and started doing jumping jacks, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" This goes on for about an hour, then the brunette got tired, so she sat down.

But the blonde decided to continue because she was having the best time of her life doing jumping jacks in the middle of the highway shouting "twenty one". Along came a truck and SPLAT! There goes the blonde.

The brunette made a mark on her notepad, got back up and went back into the road and started doing jumping jacks again, shouting, "Twenty two! Twenty two!"

“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
― Christine Szymanski

Offline Red Beret

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1878 on: October 4, 2018, 07:33:00 pm »
I don't always visit Lobster Pot.  But when I do. I sit.

Popcorn's Art

Offline Red Beret

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1879 on: October 5, 2018, 06:08:05 pm »
I don't always visit Lobster Pot.  But when I do. I sit.

Popcorn's Art