Author Topic: Alan Partridge - including Alpha Papa (Read 557635 times)

Matt S · « **Reply #240 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:43:45 am »

can I shake your hand again?

no youve had enough of that

Matt S · « **Reply #241 on:** April 22, 2006, 12:46:43 am »

mr t osser? that doesnt even work

AP: mr b oddie? this is bill oddie!
Receptionist: well we thought it said body.
AP: whats rude about a body?
Other receptionist: Tits?

crownpaints · « **Reply #242 on:** April 23, 2006, 04:14:24 am »

Oooh, in off the red.

Fat Tony · « **Reply #243 on:** April 23, 2006, 02:45:04 pm »

"Are you wearing Lynx?"

"Well smelt!"

"Voodoo!"

"Java!"

Matt S · « **Reply #244 on:** April 23, 2006, 02:47:28 pm »

DOOONT SING SUZAN IT SOOOUNDS BAAAD!

Party Phil · « **Reply #245 on:** April 23, 2006, 09:26:01 pm »

"The Norfolk Broads offer the true peace and tranquillity of the English countryside. A million miles from the urban decay of the Manchester Ship Canal, and the pot-smoking, whore-ridden waterways of Amsterdam. Indeed, disused cotton-mills and legalised hardcore pornography are a million miles away from your thoughts as you negotiate the Norfolk Broads. In fact, the very fact that hardcore pornography is not on the agenda -"
- Enter large cow from above

Moley · « **Reply #246 on:** April 24, 2006, 07:01:39 pm »

Quote from: Party Phil on April 23, 2006, 09:26:01 pm

"The Norfolk Broads offer the true peace and tranquillity of the English countryside. A million miles from the urban decay of the Manchester Ship Canal, and the pot-smoking, whore-ridden waterways of Amsterdam. Indeed, disused cotton-mills and legalised hardcore pornography are a million miles away from your thoughts as you negotiate the Norfolk Broads. In fact, the very fact that hardcore pornography is not on the agenda -"
- Enter large cow from above

Try pedestrianising this

crownpaints · « **Reply #247 on:** April 24, 2006, 11:29:11 pm »

It's moored in Miami.

Yes. For treason and murder.

BlahBlah · « **Reply #248 on:** April 26, 2006, 08:38:21 am »

Dont draw a cock...

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #249 on:** April 26, 2006, 09:11:23 am »

In Series 1 when he's being shown round a house...

You know what this room says to me? Aqua... which is French for water!

You could imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. Do you mind if I try it out?

It flushed first time! I love this house!

Big Jan · « **Reply #250 on:** April 27, 2006, 01:06:06 pm »

Series 2 Alan attempts the builders accent....

Builder : Am frum manchestor alun....

Alan : M62!

Party Phil · « **Reply #251 on:** April 27, 2006, 03:35:13 pm »

Quote from: Big Jan on April 27, 2006, 01:06:06 pm

Series 2 Alan attempts the builders accent....

Builder : Am frum manchestor alun....

Alan : M62!

Cotton and guns.

Dam · « **Reply #252 on:** April 27, 2006, 04:16:39 pm »

Oooh you are a cheeky monkey. Abbadabado! No, right..what swedish..

RedZen · « **Reply #253 on:** April 27, 2006, 04:27:00 pm »

Yes! It's an extender!

crownpaints · « **Reply #254 on:** April 28, 2006, 11:03:27 am »

Quote from: Party Phil on April 27, 2006, 03:35:13 pm

Cotton and guns.

You'd make a good James Bond. But somehow I don't think the world is ready for View T'Kill... Eeeeee Octeeepussy!

Doctor NOWT.

pistol · « **Reply #255 on:** April 28, 2006, 11:36:19 am »

"Are you going back to your wife?"

"Carol? No, God no. She's living with that fitness instructor. He provides all her sexual....er.....intercourse."

Big Jan · « **Reply #256 on:** April 28, 2006, 01:54:40 pm »

Quote from: crownpaints on April 28, 2006, 11:03:27 am

You'd make a good James Bond. But somehow I don't think the world is ready for View T'Kill... Eeeeee Octeeepussy!

Doctor NOWT.

Have you buried dead corpse undet 't pateeoh

champs2005 · « **Reply #257 on:** May 19, 2006, 05:52:23 pm »

Quote from: crownpaints on April 5, 2006, 05:16:40 pm

How much is a monkey?

£500.

Er, how much is a mouse?

There's no such amount. A pony's £150.

I'll give you £200, that's a pony and a bag of hooves.

I've been laughing at this thread for the last hour, but that one gave me the loudest laugh!

Can't believe no-one's mentioned this one though! COOK PASS BABTRIDGE

http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~palindrome/Alan/imalan/cockpiss.jpg

Scouser_Phil · « **Reply #258 on:** May 19, 2006, 05:54:37 pm »

Ahhhhh Haaaaa am a big Alan Fan.

Great topic

Scouser_Phil · « **Reply #259 on:** May 19, 2006, 05:59:05 pm »

Lynn, I was at a friend?s house the other night. I was trying to make a phonecall, I thought there was something wrong with the phone. I?d been hitting ?9?, Lynn! I felt like a? ruddy idiot! I just left, I couldn?t stay there after that.

I wish I?d been a bit more spontaneous, you know. Sometimes I feel like just going out and, I don?t know, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying ?look at me, I?m a giant witch!?

jaygraham · « **Reply #260 on:** May 20, 2006, 03:30:13 pm »

Quote from: Crosby Nick on April 26, 2006, 09:11:23 am

In Series 1 when he's being shown round a house...

You know what this room says to me? Aqua... which is French for water!

You could imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. Do you mind if I try it out?

It flushed first time! I love this house!

HAHAHAHA Hilarious stuff. The guy thinks he just wants to flush it but Alan actually wants to use the bog to have a shit.

crownpaints · « **Reply #261 on:** May 20, 2006, 03:37:35 pm »

It’s on at the market for three hundred and twenty-five thousand.

Erm, will you take three hundred and twenty... four?

Party Phil · « **Reply #262 on:** May 20, 2006, 03:55:11 pm »

A school for the deaf.. does that mean there will be noise or there won't be noise?

Fat Tony · « **Reply #263 on:** May 20, 2006, 04:08:26 pm »

You could swing a tiger in here. Wouldn't want to though. Unless it had been stunned. Even though it's going to weigh the best part of a ton.

Scouser_Phil · « **Reply #264 on:** May 20, 2006, 04:31:58 pm »

JURRASIC PAAAAARK!!!

crownpaints · « **Reply #265 on:** May 21, 2006, 02:46:01 am »

You seen wot I done in the toilet?

I re-tiled it.

The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society · « **Reply #266 on:** June 6, 2006, 11:02:31 pm »

on uktvgold now, the farmer one

fudge · « **Reply #267 on:** June 6, 2006, 11:03:13 pm »

who invented the skip ?

Bobby bloody moore..

crownpaints · « **Reply #268 on:** July 7, 2006, 01:51:44 am »

Shitty Zombies!

Buck Pete · « **Reply #269 on:** July 7, 2006, 10:22:23 am »

Alan Boasting to his old school Friend.

'Ive got a girlfriend and she's only 33'

'CASHBACK!!!'

nidgemo · « **Reply #270 on:** July 7, 2006, 10:33:01 am »

Well, what IS watersports?

Technically Lynne, your life isn't worth insuring.

themule · « **Reply #271 on:** July 7, 2006, 12:50:25 pm »

Ooooooh it's a good paper....

I was gonna give some awards out, but that just aint gonna happen

Filler. · « **Reply #272 on:** July 7, 2006, 02:13:18 pm »

CRASH! ... BANG!... WHOLLOP!

Buck Pete · « **Reply #273 on:** July 7, 2006, 02:56:13 pm »

Quote from: Filler. on July 7, 2006, 02:13:18 pm

CRASH! ... BANG!... WHOLLOP!

By the way guys if you are gay, please remember...

Rubber up!!

liverpoolpaddy's son · « **Reply #274 on:** July 7, 2006, 03:26:30 pm »

brilliant loved this show

Guz-kop · « **Reply #275 on:** July 7, 2006, 03:27:06 pm »

Sonia: I love you Alan
Alan: Thanks a lot!

crownpaints · « **Reply #276 on:** July 7, 2006, 05:41:33 pm »

THAT was the best full English breakfast I've had since Gary WIlmot's wedding. I'd have that three times a day if I could, but I'd be dead.

gerrardspetal · « **Reply #277 on:** July 7, 2006, 05:52:13 pm »

owensy76 · « **Reply #278 on:** July 8, 2006, 08:46:35 pm »

when he see's his old school headmaster

... " look lets cut out the fancy words, it went tits up" !!

Father Ted · « **Reply #279 on:** July 9, 2006, 12:18:18 am »

When he's talking to guy from the Waterways video.

"what wrong with your voice?"
"oh, it's a voice box, me vocal cords were crushed in a car accident"
"You sound like a Bond villian. Dr No.. vocal cords"