Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[gjr1]

I’ve pushed my liver as far as its possible.

Not had a drink since Easter. Been in hospital 3 times since Easter with various liver issues.

Im out now for how long I don’t know. I do know one thing. One more drink and I’m dead

[Billy The Kid]

Nice one for going years without a drink. I'm sure there's been plenty of temptation along the way.

Thanks Peabee. You know, people say that to me all the time. There seems to be a perception around sobriety where alcoholics are always battling temptation. Or that we're always "in recovery". In my experience, that turned out to not be the case at all. Obviously, in the early days, when I first started trying to get a handle on it, it felt like I was being tempted everywhere I turned. It also used to drive me mad when I'd sit in meetings listening to people talk about how they're 2 and 3 and 4 and 5+ years sober. I used to think "what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just quit like they did?". I actually grew to hate the rooms for a while as I'd often leave feeling like some sort of intellectual degenerate fuck-up (more on that in a sec)

Thankfully I eventually found a sponsor who explained that AA (and recovery in general) is not about sitting in meetings exchanging war stories. He went to great lengths to explain that it's a program of recovery that requires steps to be "worked", and that if I wanted to be free of it then I'd better get going pronto. It was at that point I started "working" the program. When I did, I recovered. Not got into recovery". I recovered. Something which the literature promises will happen if you don't cut any corners, which I didn't

These days, thankfully, I don't feel any temptation anymore. Much like a war vet, I have no desire to get back in the trenches. My brain associates that with trauma now. You know I've often remarked in here that it wasn't willpower that was the difference between me and Carl. Nor am I any smarter than he was, or better equipped to deal with life than he was. In essence, me and him are/were pretty much 2 of a kind. The only reason I overcame the temptation (and ultimately survived) is I "worked" the program of recovery, which led me to being recovered

That's kind of why my relationship with AA is a love/hate one. The Program saved me, where as the fellowship almost killed me. There have been times since when I've seen faces from my first AA group and I've felt like walking up to them and asking "how come none of you c*nts explained to me that I needed to prioritise step work? Why the fuck did you all sit back and watch me walk in all beat up week after week? Why didn't any of you explain how this program actually works instead of telling me your boring fucking sob stories?"

And so, it's not that AA "doesn't work". It's just that the fellowship side of it has gradually morphed into a therapy room for cry arses, when its actual purpose (as intended during the formation of AA) was/is to serve as a forum for newcomers to ask questions and get advice about the program ( i.e. the "work" ). Long winded reply I know, but the word temptation is one that seriously used to drive me around the bend, when the unfortunate truth is it need not have done had someone just explained recovery to me from the get go. You know? 

 

[Peabee]

yeah, I see your point. But the first time I stopped using opiates, I did face "temptation", every time I was stressed or low etc, I'd think about using again, or when I bumped an old associate who still used. Then I relapsed. The second time I stopped using, since then I've not felt any desire to use. So, from your points, maybe the first time I wasn't recovered, but now I am.

[damomad]

A family member of mine hit us with a shocker yesterday, going into rehab for a month. Couldn't believe the prices of the private facilities they are willing to pay, talking 5 figures for 1 month but I'm hoping it works wonders.

This person has absolutely everything going for them, amazing career, house car etc. Brilliant social life and everyone loves them. Behind all this they were in a personal hell.

Had a good open talk with them last night and it was amazing how many similarities we have, stuff I talked about here a couple of pages back, word for word it was the same. That feeling of wanting to throw it all away after just a few drinks. 

[spen71]

A family member of mine hit us with a shocker yesterday, going into rehab for a month. Couldn't believe the prices of the private facilities they are willing to pay, talking 5 figures for 1 month but I'm hoping it works wonders.

This person has absolutely everything going for them, amazing career, house car etc. Brilliant social life and everyone loves them. Behind all this they were in a personal hell.

Had a good open talk with them last night and it was amazing how many similarities we have, stuff I talked about here a couple of pages back, word for word it was the same. That feeling of wanting to throw it all away after just a few drinks. 

Alcoholism has no boundaries.    I’ve sat next to professional footballers,  millionaires,  doctors, barristers all the way down the “social scale” to murders and the homeless

[Son of Spion]

... That feeling of wanting to throw it all away after just a few drinks.

I wish your family member well.

Your last line resonated with me. I never classed myself as alcoholic, but I used to heavily depend on drink in order to get out the house and be in any way social.

I'd get hammered though, and a good few times I'd say things to people in order to sabotage and destroy myself. Things it was very difficult to come back from. That feeling of actively wanting to self destruct and throw everything away was strong.

Very scary when I look back on it now.

[Johnny Foreigner]

Good evening folks. I was in a love/hate relationship with drinks for 20-30 years.. it was livable but not sustainable; but after monumental fuck-ups; things had to change. 8 months now without a drink.. sure miss the good moments, but very happy to get rid of the dark times. big help to read the posts of billythekid in the process. thanks buddy

[Terry de Niro]

Good evening folks. I was in a love/hate relationship with drinks for 20-30 years.. it was livable but not sustainable; but after monumental fuck-ups; things had to change. 8 months now without a drink.. sure miss the good moments, but very happy to get rid of the dark times. big help to read the posts of billythekid in the process. thanks buddy

Good lad.

[reddebs]

Good evening folks. I was in a love/hate relationship with drinks for 20-30 years.. it was livable but not sustainable; but after monumental fuck-ups; things had to change. 8 months now without a drink.. sure miss the good moments, but very happy to get rid of the dark times. big help to read the posts of billythekid in the process. thanks buddy

Great stuff mate 👍

[Son of Spion]

Well done, Johnny. Great progress. 😎👍

[Johnny Foreigner]

Thanks all and I should have mentioned you as well SoS. You are a very kind and knowledgeable person. Looking back - actually speaking to someone (professionally) was a great help. Has always been a cynic myself for some stupid reason, but it really was an eye opener and help. Secondly - when you fuck up/hit rock bottom and think this is pretty much it, open up - come clean - ask for help - people are in general pretty decent and kind. Most of us have our demons or issues to deal with.

[Son of Spion]

Thanks all and I should have mentioned you as well SoS. You are a very kind and knowledgeable person. Looking back - actually speaking to someone (professionally) was a great help. Has always been a cynic myself for some stupid reason, but it really was an eye opener and help. Secondly - when you fuck up/hit rock bottom and think this is pretty much it, open up - come clean - ask for help - people are in general pretty decent and kind. Most of us have our demons or issues to deal with.

It's good to see you doing well. It's also good to hear that talking helped you. Take care of yourself. 😊👍

I definitely agree with your thoughts on seeking help.

[spen71]

How’s everyone going?   Five months sober now.    Can’t wait to Christmas and New Year is out of the way.    Will be my first sober one without my parents since my bad relapse. 3 1/2 years ago

[damomad]

How’s everyone going?   Five months sober now.    Can’t wait to Christmas and New Year is out of the way.    Will be my first sober one without my parents since my bad relapse. 3 1/2 years ago

I’m on 5 months aswell Spen. Longest I’ve ever done since about the age of 14. Don’t have to go very far back in this thread to see the advice I got from others which has made all the difference. Amazingly I haven’t made a single embarrassing fuck up in the last 5 months. Go figure.

Been cracking me up thinking of getting through the next month but taking it one day at a time. Have told a few mates I’d normally meet up with as tradition I’ll do dinner instead. Seem to be pretty supportive so far.

Been finding myself getting very emotional recently, like I’m trying to process things without my normal ways of dealing with them. Still feel really proud of getting this far though. So should you Spen mate.

[AndyInVA]

I’m on 5 months aswell Spen. Longest I’ve ever done since about the age of 14. Don’t have to go very far back in this thread to see the advice I got from others which has made all the difference. Amazingly I haven’t made a single embarrassing fuck up in the last 5 months. Go figure.

haha I remember that when I quit years ago for three years. For three years I never had to apologize for my behaviour the night before. It was great.

[ToneLa]

I'm at the 6 months mark

I just wanna give a shout out to the 0% beers market

I go out less, but I do still see people. I had this worry I would become more socially cut off, but I'm in a point where I can drink with me mates, or the lass, and I'm just enjoying a 0%

Found there was a difference between what I used to assume of that kind of drink - "wouldn't it make me crave a real one?" Total bollocks, the reality is always different

Feels like it's just MY BRAND. The lass is a gin drinker. I'm a no-low.
 I like Lucky Saint, in London they have that advertised all over the tube. They even have their own pub!

My life is a lot healthier. I don't think I miss being drunk or even tipsy. It's the element of control... trusting yourself. I'm better at things.

The surface elements are interesting. If I'm in a bar with somone I'm close to, and I've got a glass in my hand. Sometimes it's water. Sometimes it's orange juice. Sometimes it's a 0%.

Was an interesting psychological activity to me. What's more important, the alcohol % of what's in my hand, or everything else, the tangible feeling of being out, with someone, enjoying yourself?

Dry January's all well and good. I'm gonna do a dry 2024.

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

I gave up alcohol a good few years ago, more than I can remember.

I didn't have an addiction problem, I just got bored of a boring drug and the hangovers were getting massively disproportionate to the amount drunk.

Now the only problem I have is going out with people who drink alcohol. Unless there's a band I can get into, it's boring as fuck. Drunk people don't half talk some inane nonsense and keep repeating the same shite over and over again.

It's also quite eye opening to see just how much people spend on such a dull drug.

[Roughie Scouse]

24 days without a drop and I dont feel any better for it. People kept telling me I would sleep better, feel more energised, fresher etc. Quite the opposite, I feel knackered.

[reddebs]

It's a weird one alcohol isn't it.

I grew up with a pretty continental view of it where even as kids we had a glass of wine with our special meals like birthdays or Christmas, diluted obviously.  As teenagers we had no need to attempt to get served in pubs as it wasn't a big deal and if we wanted a drink we could have one at home and I never drank loads as I never got that nice silly tipsy stage, I go from totally sober to throwing up or unconscious.

I gave it up completely when I realised my ex was an alcoholic who became violent after drinking and I needed to keep my wits about me to stay alive.

I still get really nervous around overly loud drinkers, probably a form of PTSD and until I started work at the pub last summer I hadn't been out amongst drinkers for over 30yrs.

I'll have the occasional glass of wine at home or if we've got friends or family staying it'll be gin and tonic or Bacardi and coke. 

My sister's also an alcoholic though she doesn't accept she is and I can never see her giving it up either but it'll kill her sooner or later.

[reddebs]

24 days without a drop and I dont feel any better for it. People kept telling me I would sleep better, feel more energised, fresher etc. Quite the opposite, I feel knackered.

You'll get there mate, it takes a long time to wean your body and mind off it's effects and influences.

Keep it up you're doing amazing 👍

[mattD]

24 days without a drop and I dont feel any better for it. People kept telling me I would sleep better, feel more energised, fresher etc. Quite the opposite, I feel knackered.

I worked with people in recovery and the initial phase is rough, it's just your body healing. But you will start to feel the benefits over time. Doing really well and hang in there.

[spen71]

24 days without a drop and I dont feel any better for it. People kept telling me I would sleep better, feel more energised, fresher etc. Quite the opposite, I feel knackered.

It will be post acute withdrawal syndrome.    Brain and body need to heal

[spen71]

Getting close to 7 months sober for me again.     The first three are always the hardest, with PAWS being the biggest culprit for me.    Much prefer the sober life.

[CheshireDave]

Getting close to 7 months sober for me again.     The first three are always the hardest, with PAWS being the biggest culprit for me.    Much prefer the sober life.

Well done, mate. Brilliant achievement that.

[rob1966]

I'm at the 6 months mark

I just wanna give a shout out to the 0% beers market

I go out less, but I do still see people. I had this worry I would become more socially cut off, but I'm in a point where I can drink with me mates, or the lass, and I'm just enjoying a 0%

Found there was a difference between what I used to assume of that kind of drink - "wouldn't it make me crave a real one?" Total bollocks, the reality is always different

Feels like it's just MY BRAND. The lass is a gin drinker. I'm a no-low.
 I like Lucky Saint, in London they have that advertised all over the tube. They even have their own pub!

My life is a lot healthier. I don't think I miss being drunk or even tipsy. It's the element of control... trusting yourself. I'm better at things.

The surface elements are interesting. If I'm in a bar with somone I'm close to, and I've got a glass in my hand. Sometimes it's water. Sometimes it's orange juice. Sometimes it's a 0%.

Was an interesting psychological activity to me. What's more important, the alcohol % of what's in my hand, or everything else, the tangible feeling of being out, with someone, enjoying yourself?

Dry January's all well and good. I'm gonna do a dry 2024.

Well in ToneLa

On the highlighted point, a couple of weeks ago we were at mates, I'm trying to lose weight (failing) so I got 0% Guinness as its a lot less calories. I still enjoyed the night as much as if I'd been drinking, its deffo the company with me.

I get horrible hangovers, wastes a Sunday and to be honest, I grew out of getting shit faced when I was 24, I drank enough between the ages of 21 and 22 to last a lifetime, easily 2,500, maybe 3,000 pints. I still enjoy having a drink, but I'd happily have 0% all night, as I know I'll still enjoy myself. I look at people my age who go out sill to get pissed and I just think they're pathetic, she's got a mate who makes a show of herself and just fucking annoys people when she's pissed, surprised no-one has twatted her yet.

[Peabee]

It will be post acute withdrawal syndrome.    Brain and body need to heal

Yep. I suffered for about a year with that coming off opioids. You may experience depression, anxiety, etc, too. Get some help with that if you can. My PAWS was crippling, but I'd been on them daily for about 10 years though, so it was rough. Worth it in the end though.