Author Topic: Father Ted (Read 137297 times)

RigBon1892 · « **Reply #80 on:** August 22, 2007, 02:46:32 pm »

OOOHHH you've done it now Tony, youre going on my list of enemies. There! You're in for it now Tony. ONLY JOKING!! Here's what I really wrote!!

"I really like Tony!"

Jin · « **Reply #81 on:** August 22, 2007, 04:11:07 pm »

FECK OFF CUP!

Bob Loblaw · « **Reply #82 on:** August 22, 2007, 04:35:32 pm »

Quote from: jeffiner1892 on August 22, 2007, 02:46:32 pm

OOOHHH you've done it now Tony, youre going on my list of enemies. There! You're in for it now Tony. ONLY JOKING!! Here's what I really wrote!!

"I really like Tony!"

One of my favourite episodes that one.

"Ted has a lovely voice, very like Celine Dion"

Garstonite · « **Reply #83 on:** August 22, 2007, 04:39:40 pm »

"I'll have the chicken curry, pilau rice and a can of fanta."

"I don't think you know where you are. You're in a police station."

"Ah. OK. In that case, I'll just have the satay chicken."

Buck Pete · « **Reply #84 on:** August 22, 2007, 05:25:19 pm »

They get Jack sober for the first time in years

"DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT FECKIN' ISLAND"

Garstonite · « **Reply #85 on:** August 22, 2007, 05:30:52 pm »

Quote from: Buck Pete on August 22, 2007, 05:25:19 pm

They get Jack sober for the first time in years

"DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT FECKIN' ISLAND"

"You, you, you there!"

"Yes, Father?"

"What the hell is this?"

"Er, that's a spoon, Father."

Phil M · « **Reply #86 on:** August 22, 2007, 06:15:17 pm »

[Ted answers the phone.]

Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.

Ted: Oh feck!

Bishop Brennan: What?

Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.

[Ted hangs up.]

Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "feck" to Bishop Brennan!

Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!

Ted: It might be all right though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.

[Phone rings, Ted picks it up.]

Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.

Garstonite · « **Reply #87 on:** August 22, 2007, 06:29:10 pm »

Quote from: Phil M on August 22, 2007, 06:15:17 pm

[Ted answers the phone.]

Bishop Brennan: Crilly, It's me.

Ted: Oh feck!

Bishop Brennan: What?

Ted: [in French accent] Who ees thees? Zere is no Creely 'ere.

[Ted hangs up.]

Father Ted: God almighty! I just said "feck" to Bishop Brennan!

Father Dougal: Oho! He won't like that!

Ted: It might be all right though. I disguised my voice so he'd think he dialled the wrong number.

[Phone rings, Ted picks it up.]

Ted: Ah, Bishop Brennan. I think you must have got the wrong number when you called there.

AndyP · « **Reply #88 on:** August 22, 2007, 06:51:30 pm »

Mrs Doyle: (whilst Ted is trying to eat a sausage) Oh it's a filthy, dirty business, sex. Can you imagine, Father. Your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself. I want you to get a good clear picture.

Phil M · « **Reply #89 on:** September 14, 2007, 11:41:47 pm »

'A Song For Europe' on C4 now!

MichaelA · « **Reply #90 on:** September 15, 2007, 11:08:46 am »

Quote from: bradigor on August 21, 2007, 12:01:21 am

These a small, but those......... are far away :away

Fabulous, only surpassed by the scene in the bedroom where Dougal & Ted are getting ready for bed. Ted is ranting about something as he turns the light off, continues moaning for a bit, then turns the light back on to continue complaining. Meanwhile Dougal gets out of bed and starts stretching as if he has just woken up for morning. A priceless moment amongst many; terrible shame he died so young; terrible shame that Ardal ended up doing My Hero and various other piss poor sitcom guff.

Hank Scorpio · « **Reply #91 on:** September 15, 2007, 11:14:49 am »

Anybody remember the Speed one with the milk float and Dougal (and evil milkman)?

Comical genius.

Djibriliant · « **Reply #92 on:** September 15, 2007, 10:54:47 pm »

Quote from: Hank Scorpio on September 15, 2007, 11:14:49 am

Anybody remember the Speed one with the milk float and Dougal (and evil milkman)?

Comical genius.

Fantastic

Mustard: You Wouldn't be suggesting the use of artificial contreception would you now father??

Ted: Yes I, No I...Just FECK OFF!!

Party Phil · « **Reply #93 on:** September 16, 2007, 12:03:22 am »

Quote from: Hank Scorpio on September 15, 2007, 11:14:49 am

Anybody remember the Speed one with the milk float and Dougal (and evil milkman)?

Comical genius.

Pat was just asking if he could put his enormous tool in my box.

RigBon1892 · « **Reply #94 on:** September 16, 2007, 12:05:59 am »

Quote from: Party Phil on September 16, 2007, 12:03:22 am

Pat was just asking if he could put his enormous tool in my box.

see when I was 13 i would never have gotten that...its so much funnier now i understand all the jokes

kitano · « **Reply #95 on:** September 16, 2007, 02:43:27 am »

ARGHHHHHH

WHAT IS IT DOUGAL? WHAT?

"I just remembered Ted, aliens is on after the news"

Best moment in father ted history.

Trotterwatch · « **Reply #96 on:** September 16, 2007, 02:49:31 am »

"Ted! You're not going to believe this, Clint Eastwood has been arrested for a crime he didn't....ah no, wait, it's a film"

Djibriliant · « **Reply #97 on:** September 16, 2007, 12:22:05 pm »

Quote from: kitano on September 16, 2007, 02:43:27 am

ARGHHHHHH

WHAT IS IT DOUGAL? WHAT?

"I just remembered Ted, aliens is on after the news"

Best moment in father ted history.

Bishops love Sci-Fi!!

Dougal, we are not watching Aliens

adopted_scouser · « **Reply #98 on:** September 16, 2007, 02:22:28 pm »

"Ah come on now Ted, they were only nuns"

I also love the one when Ted has a bone on, and he's trying to hide it. And he stands up, then sits back down again

Buck Pete · « **Reply #99 on:** September 16, 2007, 06:47:37 pm »

Whatever you do Dougal don't mention mention Bishop Brennen's illegitimate Son. Remember DON'T mention his son!!

Bishop Brennen enters the room

Brennan: "Hello Father McGuire"

deathly long silence........

Dougal "How's the son?"

Learpholl · « **Reply #100 on:** September 16, 2007, 07:03:26 pm »

"I'm Henry Sellars!!!!!!!!!!! And I MADE the BBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sack me!? Sack me!? Sanctamonious bastards!!!"

Party Phil · « **Reply #101 on:** September 16, 2007, 07:22:48 pm »

Now Tom, I know I asked you to 'take care' of the rabbits, but I see now that you meant that in an Al Pacino kind of way, wheras I was thinking in more of a Julie Andrews kind of way.

Djibriliant · « **Reply #102 on:** September 16, 2007, 08:51:31 pm »

Quote from: Party Phil on September 16, 2007, 07:22:48 pm

Now Tom, I know I asked you to 'take care' of the rabbits, but I see now that you meant that in an Al Pacino kind of way, wheras I was thinking in more of a Julie Andrews kind of way.

They wont feel a thing father, you can have a go yourself if you want

fudge · « **Reply #103 on:** September 17, 2007, 12:31:48 pm »

Quote from: Learpholl on September 16, 2007, 07:03:26 pm

"I'm Henry Sellars!!!!!!!!!!! And I MADE the BBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sack me!? Sack me!? Sanctamonious bastards!!!"

Trotterwatch · « **Reply #104 on:** September 17, 2007, 03:58:02 pm »

"Eoin McLove has a happy face"

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #105 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:28:56 pm »

Quote from: Jim Price on August 20, 2007, 01:46:56 pm

That episode last night on More4 where everyone thinks he's a racist is brilliant. The bit where he's stood by the window with the bit of black tape in front of him waving his arms around, no matter how many times I see that it still cracks me up.

I hear you're a racist now father

Garstonite · « **Reply #106 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:38:03 pm »

Quote from: Crosby Nick on September 17, 2007, 04:28:56 pm

I hear you're a racist now father

"Good for you Father! Good for you! They come over here takin' our jobs and our women, acting like they own the fecking place!"

Best 30 second cameo ever?

Phil M · « **Reply #107 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:47:27 pm »

Dougalisms:
"I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them
out there..."

"It's like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of... old women."

"God, Ted. D'you remember that feller who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him? "

"As if by magic, I can create a big crowd of invisible ducks."

"You're right Ted. I used to be happy enough with me old bike - I used to get a big buzz out of just
going down to the shops on it, you know? But after a while... it just wasn't enough. I started going
for bigger and bigger thrills... But I could give it up! Any time I wanted!"

classycarra · « **Reply #108 on:** September 17, 2007, 05:54:03 pm »

some madman's put up a cross...!

RigBon1892 · « **Reply #109 on:** September 18, 2007, 12:43:05 am »

Quote from: classycarra on September 17, 2007, 05:54:03 pm

some madman's put up a cross...!

Funny, i was walking to uni one morning and there was a priest in front of me carrying a cross and that was all i could think of, then it transpired he was doing stations of the cross and all i could think of was Life of Brian "Crucifixion?" yes "Good"

Quote from: Buck Pete on September 16, 2007, 06:47:37 pm

Whatever you do Dougal don't mention mention Bishop Brennen's illegitimate Son. Remember DON'T mention his son!!

Bishop Brennen enters the room

Brennan: "Hello Father McGuire"

deathly long silence........

Dougal "How's the son?"

The son of God!! How's everything in the world of religion?

The Christmas special episode has a great bit where Jack sits on one of the priests
Ted: Dougal, quick play the music that makes Father Jack stand up!

Dougal puts on a record and La Marseillaise blares out

And also "its Irelands biggest lingerie department..."

Dave Mc · « **Reply #110 on:** September 19, 2007, 07:33:39 am »

Ted: Ah, Sister Assumpta!
Sister Assumpta: Hello Father!
Ted: Dougal, Dougal, do you remember Sister Assumpta?
Dougal: ...Er, no.
Ted: She was here last year. And then we stayed with her in the convent, back in Kildare. Do you remember it? Ah, you do! And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper. You must remember all that? And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah, you must remember it, Dougal!
*Dougal shakes his head*
Sister Assumpta: And weren't you accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you!... And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?
Ted: Do you remember? You can't remember any of that? The helicopter!? When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers?
*Dougal shakes his head again*
Ted: You don't remember? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Dougal: Ah, Sister Assumpta!

---

And my fave:

"Cowboys, Ted!" *Smash* "They're all a bunch of feckin' cowboys!"

Buck Pete · « **Reply #111 on:** September 19, 2007, 10:42:55 am »

Quote from: Hank Scorpio on September 15, 2007, 11:14:49 am

Anybody remember the Speed one with the milk float and Dougal (and evil milkman)?

Comical genius.

Arrrghh....I've forgot me feckin trousers!!

Pat mustard was a great character.

andrew1978 · « **Reply #112 on:** September 19, 2007, 10:50:07 am »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X138u5BR5KM

-HH- · « **Reply #113 on:** September 19, 2007, 03:36:20 pm »

Quote from: andrew1978 on September 19, 2007, 10:50:07 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X138u5BR5KM

Not bad, but I think I laughed more at the lines from Father Ted than the way it was put together.

'We were just talking about that Kurt Cobain. He was American. Imagine shooting yourself in the head with a shotgun? How did he manage to survive that?'

Garstonite · « **Reply #114 on:** October 25, 2007, 03:02:34 am »

"Who do you prefer - Oasis or Blur?"
"Blur."
"Urgh!"
"Oasis! I mean Oasis!"

Buck Pete · « **Reply #115 on:** October 25, 2007, 10:13:54 am »

As part if my birthday present this week, my missus got me the 'Father Ted- The complete scripts' paperback.

A must have for all Ted Fans. Only £6.50 on Amazon too.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Father-Ted-Complete-Scripts/dp/0752272357/ref=pd_bbs_15/202-3373833-0195017?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193303472&sr=8-15

♠Dirty Harry♠ · « **Reply #116 on:** October 25, 2007, 10:28:19 am »

Love when father Jack walks into a pub and a guy from the AA spots him about to down a drink and trys to intervene

'No father I can't let you' (Pours drink down the pub sink)

Cut scene to an ambulance with lights and sirens blazing

adopted_scouser · « **Reply #117 on:** October 25, 2007, 10:37:00 pm »

The episode with all the women invading the house for a slice of Eoin Mclove. Mrs Doyle walks in, and Ted says "It's alright, she's one of us."

nidgemo · « **Reply #118 on:** October 25, 2007, 11:55:10 pm »

Dougal: Ted can I stay up tomorrow night to watch the scary film?

Ted: oh no no no no the last time you watched a scary film you had to sleep in my bed, I wouldn't mind it wasn't even that scary a film.

Dougal: ah come on now ted, a volkswagon with a mind of its own, driving all over the place and going mad, if that's not scary i don't know what is.

nidgemo · « **Reply #119 on:** October 25, 2007, 11:56:02 pm »

Dougal: God, I've heard about those cults Ted. People dressing up in black and saying Our Lord's going to come back and save us all.

Ted: No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.

Dougal: Oh right.