Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny

[sinnermichael]

Me: Does Viagra work?

Pharmacist: Yes.

Me: Can you get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: Yes if you take two.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Varks are easy to fight, but I'd think twice before tackling an Aardvark

[John C]

Earlier, one of the other Mods said he was doing a jigsaw with his kids. Boss. I love stuff like that, puzzles, crosswords etc.

But dot-to-dot, that's where I draw the line.

[John C]

Someone asked me if I'm watching the Russian Dolls TV series.

I said no, they're all full of them selves.

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I just got a job at the guillotine factory

I'll beheading there tomorrow

[24/7]

With all these price increases I was going to publish a 'How to Recycle Tea Bags' leaflet.
Sadly, Tetleys have issued a restraining order against me.

[afc tukrish]

With all these price increases I was going to publish a 'How to Recycle Tea Bags' leaflet.
Sadly, Tetleys have issued a restraining order against me.

How did that happun?

[24/7]

How did that happun?

Been brewing a while that one.........

[SamLad]

Leaf it alone fgs.

[24/7]

Leaf it alone fgs.

Steeped in bitterness, you, laaaa.....

[jambutty]

It's high tea time this nonsense stopped.  Been going on for far oolong.

[Elmo!]

It's high tea time this nonsense stopped.  Been going on for far oolong.

I just knew you were going to chaim in.

[24/7]

Encouraging you lot with bad punnery is like herding kettle.

[jambutty]

Mine was only 2/3rds of a pun.










P . U.

[Redwhiteandnotblue]

My wife has just discovered that I've replaced our bed with a trampoline. She's hit the ceiling!

[Elmo!]

My wife has just discovered that I've replaced our bed with a trampoline. She's hit the ceiling!

Don't worry, I'm sure your relationship will bounce back.

[farawayred]

Don't worry, I'm sure your relationship will bounce back.

It's normal for that to go up and down.

[24/7]

My wife has just discovered that I've replaced our bed with a trampoline. She's hit the ceiling!

Well, it is Spring after all......

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Went to sleep last night with my phone under my pillow.

I woke up this morning and it had gone, but there was a £1 coin there.


Bloody bluetooth fairy.

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Saw some Everton Fans trying to commit suicide so tried to talk them down
Decided to let them just jump in the end as they were near the bottom anyway

[farawayred]

We’re they feeling blue, Capone?

[24/7]

We’re they feeling blue, Capone?

They were, yis, but now feeling bitter, ya...

[redbyrdz]

When he was getting jailed for 2.5 years, Boris Becker asked the judge how many months that was.  "30, love".

[capt k]

doctor told me im addicted to Brake fluid,,
"Fuck off" i said,"i can stop anytime"

[Tesco tearaway]

True story...

[JohnnoWhite]

Remember a story one of my Scouse mates told me a while ago. (You'll all probably know it but here goes anyway)

Liverpool Docks back in the 50's. Big Tony on security at the Dock gates charged with stopping any hoisting leaving the dock.

Little Jimmy rolls up to the gate pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw.

Big Tony says "Awright Jimmy lad - what yer got under the straw then?"

"Nuttin" says little Jimmy.

"Aye - de all say that lad. Let's have a squint then."

So he rummages through the straw and finds - nuttin'.

This goes on for weeks and months - and still nuttin'.

Anyroad, the two fellas eventually are retired and one day they meet up in a dockside boozer.

Big Tony says " Alright Jimmy lad? Yer keeping well mate?"

Little Jimmy says "Aye not bad Tony mate" and they have a couple more pints.

Big Tony says " So come on lad. Now yer can tell us what you were at back in the day. Stopped yer many a time and always nuttin'. So what WAS you hoisting?"

"Wheelbarrows" says Little Jimmy.

[Crosby Nick]

[SamLad]

Remember a story one of my Scouse mates told me a while ago. (You'll all probably know it but here goes anyway)

Liverpool Docks back in the 50's. Big Tony on security at the Dock gates charged with stopping any hoisting leaving the dock.

Little Jimmy rolls up to the gate pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw.

Big Tony says "Awright Jimmy lad - what yer got under the straw then?"

"Nuttin" says little Jimmy.

"Aye - de all say that lad. Let's have a squint then."

So he rummages through the straw and finds - nuttin'.

This goes on for weeks and months - and still nuttin'.

Anyroad, the two fellas eventually are retired and one day they meet up in a dockside boozer.

Big Tony says " Alright Jimmy lad? Yer keeping well mate?"

Little Jimmy says "Aye not bad Tony mate" and they have a couple more pints.

Big Tony says " So come on lad. Now yer can tell us what you were at back in the day. Stopped yer many a time and always nuttin'. So what WAS you hoisting?"

"Wheelbarrows" says Little Jimmy.

I first heard that when I was 8.  I'm 71. 

[capt k]

Doc reckons im addicted to Brake fluid
He's wrong, i can stop whenever i want

[24/7]

Doc reckons im addicted to Brake fluid
He's wrong, i can stop whenever i want

I wish people would stop....... posting this same joke. It's very discappointing...

[capt k]

I wish people would stop....... posting this same joke. It's very discappointing...

fuck it.. ddint realise it was already posted.need a better Caliper of joke tellers

[24/7]

fuck it.. ddint realise it was already posted.need a better Caliper of joke tellers

You just wanted to pad out the thread really...

[Elmo!]

The run of good original jokes has come screeching to a halt.

[blert596]

The run of good original jokes has come screeching to a halt.

Them's the brakes.

[liversaint]

Them's the brakes.

That’s wheely poor..

[24/7]

That’s wheely poor..

It's a bs post.

[BarryCrocker]

Turin Brakes jokes isn't very funny.

[JohnnoWhite]

 

I first heard that when I was 8.  I'm 71. 

I'm 76 

[Sudden Death Draft Loser]

I've got an ant invasion  in my kitchen

fortunatly they haven't unplugged the jukebox

[stewil007]

I'm 76 

I first heard that joke from Only Fools and Horses, Grandad tells it and it Attache Cases instead of wheelbarrows