I had a bit of a weird situation a couple of years ago where I got some very bad news about a friend of mine - I don't want to go into too many details as it's not my story to tell, and I don't know if it would be triggering to explain it really, but basically they're now in prison and I'm unlikely to see them again, and I guess once you're in prison (the sentencing has not yet taken place) you aren't quite the same person anyway. It took me quite a while, given the circumstances, to realise that I was struggling with it because I was experiencing grief, even though the person wasn't dead. I had the initial shock, and then a period of adjustment, and then suddenly I'd find myself getting angry or upset and not really understanding why - I got contacted by the police about it a few months afterwards, asking me a couple of questions about something they found, and learned something that I didn't know, and it really threw me for a loop - I was off work sick because all the guilt and sadness hit me again, and I didn't know how to explain it to people because it was such a weird set of circumstances. Other people who knew them refuse to talk about it entirely, or feel sort of cheated because they feel they didn't really actually know the person if the person could do that, if you know what I mean? I had a bunch of stuff going on personally around the same time and feel like I'm still untangling it all sometimes.
Anyway, not sure what I'm trying to say but I get what you mean about feeling these weird bouts of anger and tears that don;t feel like they make sense. I was meant to be doing my sister's wedding photos the week after, and I ended up phoning my mum just to explain what had happened if she was wondering why I was a bit quiet, and ended up getting really upset and then embarrassed I was getting upset because realistically what good does that do? But you'd be surprised how understanding people can be, and also who. I've lost a parent too and grief comes in fits and starts - you think when you're younger that you'll spend a month sobbing, when really there's numbness, dealing with the admin surrounding a death, dropping old medications off to the chemist and wondering why this feels so mundane, hoping nobody does *that smile* at you when you return to work.....and then six months later you're on a bus and catch the smell of someone else's perfume, or you're in the supermarket and they play a particular song on the in-store radio and you start crying like it's just happened.