Author Topic: Fat Sam Allardyce on Twitter (@TheBig_Sam tweets only!) (Read 396775 times)

Rotation · « **on:** April 16, 2010, 01:33:33 am »

http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam

A sample....

Was holding off telling Mr Ferguson about the weekend in the Lake District I've booked for us, but might tell him now. Stop him getting cross.

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #1 on:** April 16, 2010, 01:35:54 am »

"Gonna take advantage of the sun and pace up & down my garden, wearing only a pair of linen trousers. Let the neighbours know what I'm about."

Elzar · « **Reply #2 on:** April 16, 2010, 01:49:13 am »

# Was walking back from bingo when some cabbie shouted out: "Heading home for the election debate, Big Sam?" about 5 hours ago via web
# I yelled back: "Yep - if 'election debate' is another term for having a wank on a bean bag while listening to 'Dark Side of the Moon'". about 5 hours ago via web

Hahahaha!

alett · « **Reply #3 on:** April 16, 2010, 01:57:07 am »

gomez · « **Reply #4 on:** April 16, 2010, 03:04:21 am »

My new Uggs just arrived from Littlewoods. Instant fabulous footwear & no payment required until October 2011? Big Sam is ahead of the pack.
4:42 AM Apr 12th via web

tubby · « **Reply #5 on:** April 16, 2010, 03:04:46 am »

Ha. This is the only thing about Twitter that's made me want to sign up.

Rotation · « **Reply #6 on:** April 16, 2010, 04:34:14 am »

My mate Fusty Steve says I don't have the guts to shove a Cornetto up my arse. We'll see about that.

Red Cez · « **Reply #7 on:** April 16, 2010, 04:49:50 am »

Signing up just to follow this.

rafathegaffa83 · « **Reply #8 on:** April 16, 2010, 05:03:29 am »

Quote

Been offered the part of Rum Tum Tugger in a local production of 'Cats'.

Quote

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name," Mick Jagger once sang. No need to guess mine. It's Big Sam.

Some cracking stuff there. Still don't think it can beat the David Peace style Fat Sam narrative blog that was floating around last year.

royhendo · « **Reply #9 on:** April 16, 2010, 08:18:53 am »

That is quality.

Ultimate Bromance · « **Reply #10 on:** April 16, 2010, 08:43:33 am »

Tempted to sign up to twitter just for this

Terry_Tibbs · « **Reply #11 on:** April 16, 2010, 09:12:46 am »

And today's first offering:

"Big Sam begins Friday like only he knows how - draped over the bonnet of my car - topless - singing "I Need You Tonight" by INXS. Smashing."

Something Else · « **Reply #12 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:37:41 am »

thats cracking that

redgriffin73 · « **Reply #13 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:39:21 am »

Quote from: Terry_Tibbs on April 16, 2010, 09:12:46 am

And today's first offering:

"Big Sam begins Friday like only he knows how - draped over the bonnet of my car - topless - singing "I Need You Tonight" by INXS. Smashing."

lfc_fan2005 · « **Reply #14 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:44:51 am »

Quote from: @askjaeveland

Ferguson og Allardyce er visst kompisar og på Grand National i lag. Stort då dei saman skulle ta Rafa i fjor. Anbefalar å følga @TheBig_Sam.

Quote from: @TheBig_Sam

@askjaeveland Do I look Chinese, pal?

Something Else · « **Reply #15 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:48:35 am »

love these types, the cheryl kerl one is excellent too

Una cerveza, por favor · « **Reply #16 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:57:00 am »

Big Sam is a mountaineer. A mountaineer of life - wearing the hiking boots of experience and using the trekking pole of understanding.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #17 on:** April 16, 2010, 10:58:48 am »

Corkboy · « **Reply #18 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:08:21 am »

Quote from: Rotation on April 16, 2010, 04:34:14 am

My mate Fusty Steve says I don't have the guts to shove a Cornetto up my arse. We'll see about that.

Have some of that, Steve. Whether it's mind games, technological prowess or inserting ice creams into my anus - Big Sam can't be beat.

Ray K · « **Reply #19 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:09:42 am »

The Mike Ashley one is quality too.

http://twitter.com/mikeashleynufc

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #20 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:16:03 am »

I've laughed out loud 5 times whilst reading this short thread, and almost choked on a yoghurt while doing so.

Something Else · « **Reply #21 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:21:34 am »

Good Friday? Eight bowls of Ricicles, a pint of Strawberry Crusha and a relaxing wank in front of 'Loose Women'. Cracking Friday, more like.
3:41 AM Apr 2nd via web

Spoo · « **Reply #22 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:35:08 am »

"Just had a Shepherd's Pie sandwhich while the missus gave us a pedicure. Honestly, I often think I'll be punished for living so lavishly."

redtel · « **Reply #23 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:38:29 am »

That is funny.

Please keep em coming. Need a good laugh today.

This wouldn't work with any other than Sam.

My dog Fergie

Corkboy · « **Reply #24 on:** April 16, 2010, 11:38:51 am »

# Working on Sunday's welcome party for Sir Alex. Trying to make it much more intimate this year. I just want him to know how I feel. 2:47 AM Apr 9th via web

# Got a few bottles of Black Tower in the chiller and trying to learn Extreme's "More Than Words" on the guitar. 2:53 AM Apr 9th via web

james791 · « **Reply #25 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:17:33 pm »

Sometimes on a bus journey I like to get a nice big erection going & gently squeeze it between my thighs. I call it an "Erotic Accordion".

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #26 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:19:09 pm »

Quote from: corkboy on April 16, 2010, 11:38:51 am

# Got a few bottles of Black Tower in the chiller and trying to learn Extreme's "More Than Words" on the guitar. 2:53 AM Apr 9th via web

I'm going to fucking cry

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #27 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:21:22 pm »

2:56 AM Apr 15th via web Just took a slash there, and felt the most excruciating pain in my cock. Really panicked me. Was worried that bastard Chlamydia was back.
Had the phone in my hand ready to call an ambulance - when I noticed a Milkybar Button lodged under my foreskin. Such a relief.

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #28 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:23:09 pm »

Dressed like a judge for my walk today. Shouted "overruled!" to any ugly lass I saw and "how do you plead??" to all the foreigners

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #29 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:25:27 pm »

Saw a lovely lass in the park. Told her she was as pretty as a Monet. And that I'd like to suck her shit into a point. Mardy cow walked off.

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #30 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:26:45 pm »

I've not laughed this much in ages.

Cock-socket

redgriffin73 · « **Reply #31 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:27:11 pm »

Not gonna bother with training today. Sent in a copy of Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" instead. If that doesn't motivate them, nowt will.

Trying to base today's training around the lyrics of "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's difficult.

Crying with laughter at some of these.

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #32 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:28:56 pm »

Out fucking standing

Walked into the garden and saw the missus lying in the paddling pool with my Dirt Devil car vacuum down her knickers.
Tried to say she was cleaning up crisp crumbs, but where are the empty packets? If she was eating crisps, why are there no empty packets?

james791 · « **Reply #33 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:29:25 pm »

Too funny. I'm at work and everyone must think i'm having a fit trying to stifle the laughter.

Veinticinco de Mayo · « **Reply #34 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:33:01 pm »

# Sir Alex just sent me a text. "Remember last year??" it said. I'm going red just thinking about it. 7:23 AM Apr 9th via web

# We broke into the Pottery Studio Of Westhoughton, pissed off our tits, and tried to re-enact that scene from 'Ghost'. 7:24 AM Apr 9th via web

# That man just brings out the child in Big Sam. 7:25 AM Apr 9th via web

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #35 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:38:00 pm »

Quote from: Veinticinco de Mayo on April 16, 2010, 12:33:01 pm

# Mr Ferguson just sent me a text. "Remember last year??" it said. I'm going red just thinking about it. 7:23 AM Apr 9th via web

# We broke into the Pottery Studio Of Westhoughton, pissed off our tits, and tried to re-enact that scene from 'Ghost'. 7:24 AM Apr 9th via web

# That man just brings out the child in Big Sam. 7:25 AM Apr 9th via web

james791 · « **Reply #36 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:38:25 pm »

Multipack of Wotsits? Check. Three bottles of Tia Maria? Check. Six hours of Babestation recorded on my Sky box? Check. Hello, Friday night!

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #37 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:39:30 pm »

6:52 AM Apr 7th via web Dioufy in trouble with the cops again. I've warned him if he doesn't settle down then I'll just cancel the adoption proceedings
Big Sam won't have no tearaway as a son. If he's in this country he can behave properly. Otherwise, he can piss off back to India.

Dr Cornwallis · « **Reply #38 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:41:08 pm »

Came in to the house to find the wife taking a piss in a child's potty. I pretended I was okay with it, but I'm not sure I am.

The Jackal · « **Reply #39 on:** April 16, 2010, 12:41:45 pm »

haha - this is pure comedy gold..

Author Topic: Fat Sam Allardyce on Twitter (@TheBig_Sam tweets only!) (Read 396775 times)

royhendo